Michelle Lee said:
I too am thinking of getting back together with my ex husband, the weird thing is its been twenty years!!!! We were young, We were married Nov 4th of 1987 while I was still in high school. I worked on the base and had met many guys but this one stood out. I loved his smile, his affectionate way, I just loved him. Well our daughter was born July 8,1988 so I got pregnant somewhere close to when we got married and she was a little early. Things were ok until I found out I was pregnant, and I was very sick....I did nothing but sleep for four months. I moved home to my parents because I could not take care of myself much less a baby. My husband and I had fights, mostly involving insecurity *********. I had to move home, I had to think about someone else besides myself and whether this guy was going to buck up to being a dad or just let me lie there sick and wait for us both to die. I had no phone, no car...no friends...I just slept...I was to young to know I could have just went to the base hospital since he was military. We seperated when I was about four months pregnany and it was so hard...but I had to make sure this baby had a chance and not have the life I had. I could not trust him so my parents won and I got the divorce. I moved on, married..had another baby girl...married almost 20 years now. Yeah I know.....
I lost myself along time ago, I lived for my girls...I was a mother I never had. My husband wasnt the dad I wanted for my girls but he was there and thats more than what I had. When my girls were old enough to take care of themselves more I felt this terrible pain start....needless to say they were becoming sufficient and I had to find me again. My marriage wasnt abusive or horrible, but there is nothing there....what was there was my need to provide a stable enviroment for my girls.....I know it sounds horrible and at the time I didnt realize it....I do now. When you live in home with someone who would rather watch sports or go race cars than talk to you it makes for a sad existence. So for the last six years or so I have been battling severe depression and anxiety. So I go to the local mental hospital...three times...yes three. The weird thing is while I was there I was me for a time....I could almost catch me...and then I come home and it starts all over again. I try hard to handle things and then its back to the self medicating. After my last trip to the hospital I vowed that I would not let myself sink and would pray daily.....I did...I prayed and even fasted ....two months of trying and I am about to just give up and I find his name on FB.....my heart sank and it all came out...all the feelings I have had and never been allowed to feel. So were talking now and of couse things have changed and he says he has always loved me....but I am sensing his desperation because of other losses in his life. I want to be with him, but Im so scared...I have to move on from this relationship I am in now before I completely lose it. I just dont know if I may need time by myself before jumping into another relationship...where there is so much baggage already. Any advice??????
Well, I was just minding my own bussiness. There's was a very beautiful looking blonde.
She had guys hitting up on her all time. I thought she was way out of my league. She could of had any guys she wanted.
So, when she asked me out I had to pinch myself a couple of times.
I totally fell in love with her. Everything about her. I didn't have
a dime in my name. All I had was my 6 string. I couldn't imagine
why a beautiful woman like her would want anything to do with me.
I used to be the military too.
Military life totally sucked *** sometimes...I remember one time
we had an excersize...freaken 1 hour before 5 PM on a Friday.
I wasn't allow to call my wife to let her know what was going on
becuase of war games ********. So I would come home late...
then the real war for me broke lose. My wife was totally pissed off at me.
And I had to show up to freaken work, rain show or shine.
I couldn't understand why she went into a deep depression after
our marriage. She was so happy when we were going out.
I was just told that women gose through emotional roller costers when they're pregnant.
I hated seeing my wife in pains...I walked a couple of miles in snow at night sometimes
just to go get her a chef salad or whatever she wanted.
well..the damn resturant didn't have the dressing she wanted.
We were fighting over freaken salad dressing FFS...
She was pregenant.
To top it off her parents hated me. I knew my wife loves me.
But sometimes we would get into disagreements. Sending her home
to her parents for marrital advice was like a death wish for our marriage.
Disagreements about salad dressing turned into sometype blown out of porportion
argument to give her parents an excuse to break us apart.
I called her mom almost every freaken day and got totally stalled and stone wall.
Her mother would call my Cammanding Officer and I get more freaken BS from him too.
I love you very much. I hated everyone and everything for
standing in the way of our love. We were never given a fair chance.
Everytime I turn around people were ripping you away from me.
Losing you took everything away from me. I wasn't allow to love you.
I love you very much and I nevered stopped loving you.
That's how I fell and that's my truth.
I know who you are. You 're a beautiful loving bubbly happy go luckie person.
I saw that spark in your eyes. I used to watch you
walk around with a smile on your face without a worry in the world.
You had so much light and love in you. Your heart use to sing.
I knew what I wanted. That's why I married you.
