Anything specific that turns you on or off in a potential partner?

[insecure]

It's strange, isn't this supposed to be a forum for lonely people, or people who feel depressed?
Yet, the way people react in several forum topics makes me feel they dislike this kind of people.
It's confusing me.

 

[Claudia1794]

Sorry but like is anyone, aside from like predators, attracted to people who hate themselves? Like is that really a unique turn off? Your thought isn't like poor guy I wonder what he's going through? It's like nah, nope, wouldn't **** him.

If someone looks troubled and I notice them then yes I would wonder what is causing it.

 

[Claudia1794]

It's strange, isn't this supposed to be a forum for lonely people, or people who feel depressed?
Yet, the way people react in several forum topics makes me feel they dislike this kind of people.
It's confusing me.

Well it says loneliness depression and relationship. If your comment was targeted to me then I am more than happy to explain why I came on here.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Actually, it just says LONELY. People are lonely for many reasons and not all lonely people are depressed. And this is the relationship section of the forum, which yes, could very well be depressing or whatever, but it can also be good and frustrating. Reading what people think are turn offs (for themselves) could help you potentially see what you may be doing wrong.

 

[insecure]

Actually, it just says LONELY. People are lonely for many reasons and not all lonely people are depressed. And this is the relationship section of the forum, which yes, could very well be depressing or whatever, but it can also be good and frustrating. Reading what people think are turn offs (for themselves) could help you potentially see what you may be doing wrong.

No, it doesn't.
It literally says : "A Lonely life. Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum".
If people were really that successful in life, they would not be alone for long.
I thought that this forum would not have the same judging, rejecting tone I often see in society, but it seems that even lonely people will look down on others and think they are the better ones.
Note that I didn't come here for dating purposes.
I just thought that apart from my psychologist, it would be a safe way to talk to some other people that feel lonely, now I'm starting to think of leaving again.

Reading what people think are turn offs (for themselves) could help you potentially see what you may be doing wrong.

I know, that is one of the reasons I started this topic.
But still, it makes me feel less welcome to read some of these reactions, not just in this topic, but also in others.
Some people seem to think they're better than the rest, yet they're on a forum about loneliness, depression & relationship.
I always try to be non-judgmental, because I know how badly it can affect people, I am sure part of my insecurity is down to how I was treated in the past (the bullying I suffered as a child, for instance).

 

[Claudia1794]

I have been alone for over 10 years, by choice. I have a child, just starting school at the time. I did not want to put him in another situation that could end badly because I have issues that can be taxing on relationships. No I am not depressed, no I am not lonely, yes I am alone. I have a hard time communicating with people because I am told I am toxic and abrasive and mean. Which I guess I can be but it isn't all I am.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No, it doesn't.
It literally says : "A Lonely life. Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum".
If people were really that successful in life, they would not be alone for long.
I thought that this forum would not have the same judging, rejecting tone I often see in society, but it seems that even lonely people will look down on others and think they are the better ones.
Note that I didn't come here for dating purposes.
I just thought that apart from my psychologist, it would be a safe way to talk to some other people that feel lonely, now I'm starting to think of leaving again.

Yes, and notice they are separated by commas? That means they are separate. People could have one, two or all three. Anyone can join the forum, it's not solely to be used by people who are depressed.
I've been "alone" aside from my two children for a long time. My reasons for joining this forum initially are different than they are now, but I am not depressed now. I choose to be alone because working on myself and getting myself stable is more important to me than finding some guy who may or may not make my life better.

As for the judging, isn't that exactly what you are doing right now? Telling everyone who should and should not be here? Do you think you have more right than other people to be here? It's not for you to decide who is allowed to be here. Unless you break the rules, you are allowed to be here, regardless of WHY you chose to come here.

But, I will say this. I've been here a long time and you're right about one thing. Lonely people DO look down on others. Some make it a competition. Some go after people they don't think should be here. The type of people you think should only be allowed here are often angry and blame other people and other things for their problems. They judge the **** out of people.
Long story short, society breeds judgement. And sometimes, just because you THINK someone is judging you, doesn't mean they actually are. Sometimes they are, sure, but not always, so remember that you shouldn't think for anyone but yourself, because that's the only person's mind you can read.

You CAN safely talk here, but if you think you are only going to hear things you want to hear, that's not going to happen. There will always be someone that disagrees with what you say. That's true anywhere and it's not going to change. Utopia is not a thing and likely never will be.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I have a hard time communicating with people because I am told I am toxic and abrasive and mean. Which I guess I can be but it isn't all I am.

Meh, you just haven't found the right people yet. The people who will love you for your "toxic, abrasive and mean" ways.

 

[insecure]

Yes, and notice they are separated by commas? That means they are separate. People could have one, two or all three. Anyone can join the forum, it's not solely to be used by people who are depressed.

Sure, but you said it said ONLY lonely, obviously it doesn't.

As for the judging, isn't that exactly what you are doing right now? Telling everyone who should and should not be here? Do you think you have more right than other people to be here? It's not for you to decide who is allowed to be here. Unless you break the rules, you are allowed to be here, regardless of WHY you chose to come here.

I'm not excluding anyone, I'm just surprised that people that are lonely, and are on a forum about loneliness, depression and relationships, would then look down on those that are depressed.
I would think there would be more understanding on this forum than in the rest of society, which is eager to exclude people.

You CAN safely talk here, but if you think you are only going to hear things you want to hear, that's not going to happen. There will always be someone that disagrees with what you say. That's true anywhere and it's not going to change. Utopia is not a thing and likely never will be.

I don't expect everyone to agree with me, of course not.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sure, but you said it said ONLY lonely, obviously it doesn't.

Yes, the website is only called A LONELY LIFE. Hence the title of the forum and the URL. The part you mentioned is a side note.

I'm not excluding anyone, I'm just surprised that people that are lonely, and are on a forum about loneliness, depression and relationships, would then look down on those that are depressed.
I would think there would be more understanding on this forum than in the rest of society, which is eager to exclude people.

Lonely depressed people are some of the meanest, angry, judgemental people I have met. This forum is no different than the rest of society because it is filled with society. Everyone reacts differently to depression. My way was anger. Anything that would make me angry, I would grab. It was easier. I've noticed it's not much different for a lot of other people. So if you thought it would be butterflies and rainbows on a forum filled with random strangers all over the world, dealing with depression, anxiety and anger, you will be mistaken.

 

[insecure]

Looking back at the relationship I felt was the best (a long time ago) and of the worst, I guess apart from the physical attraction (some of it has to be there) :

turn-ons : gives me lots of positive attention, gets beyond skindeep standard phrases, can hold a real conversation
turn-offs : shows a lack of empathy, looks down on my hobbies, feigns interests, wants me to be the stereotypical male.

 

[insecure]

Yes, the website is only called A LONELY LIFE. Hence the title of the forum and the URL. The part you mentioned is a side note.

It's not a side note, a title can't be too long, the subtitle gives a more clear definition of what it really stands for.

This forum is no different than the rest of society because it is filled with society.

That 's sad, because if anyone should know what it feels to be rejected, it should be that subsection of society.
It means they are also part of the problem.

I've had some good private conversations with a couple of people here.

 

[PastorJay]

If you meet someone, is there anything in particular that attracts you in this person, or on the other hand turns you off?

I like a smile and laughter. I do not deal with those who are not truthful and honest

 

[user 188685]

I like a smile and laughter. I do not deal with those who are not truthful and honest

The same for me

 

[insecure]

The same for me

So do I, yet, a smile and laughter is no guarantee for truthfulness. Some people smile at you, but they're deceitful, waiting for an opportunity to take advantage of you, or bring you down.

 

[Finished]

Turn On: Likes to he held and caressed.
Turn Off: Does it with other guys.

 

[ardour]

It's strange, isn't this supposed to be a forum for lonely people, or people who feel depressed?
Yet, the way people react in several forum topics makes me feel they dislike this kind of people.
It's confusing me.

? I don't get the impression of lonely people looking down on others like them. I think it's probably more a case of someone who can't handle disagreement.

 

[insecure]

? I don't get the impression of lonely people looking down on others like them. I think it's probably more a case of someone who can't handle disagreement.

I'm used to different opinions, it's the way that I have seen some people here react to others that caught my eye.

 

[insecure]

How is buying some steak or chicken from the supermarket better? Someone who does this regularly is contributing to more animal suffering than someone who hunts occasionally, even for "sadistic" reasons. Wild animals aren't bred for that purpose or kept in awful circumstances.

Trophy hunting is different, because the person who hunts animals as a trophy does this just to feel good about himself/herself, not because they are hungry, or other people are hungry.
Also, they often hunt endangered species like elephants.

 

[Finished]

Trophy hunting is different, because the person who hunts animals as a trophy does this just to feel good about himself/herself, not because they are hungry, or other people are hungry.
Also, they often hunt endangered species like elephants.

Also, people go hunting for the fun of it while saying they are going to eat the meat. But, from what I've seen they usually pay a lot of money for a butcher to cut it up. Then they stick it in their freezer and forget about it. Then a year or two later they toss it into the garbage. Sure, they might eat a steak of two of it. But, most goes into the trash.