Are love and sex separate?

[Felix]

Its interesting to see how universal and desperate, in a way, companionship and acceptance are.

But also, disapprove.

What would be interesting for me is reading at least one reply that explains why love has to be included in sex for that person. You can repeat over and over how you feel about it but it's not very interesting...

So if you or anyone cared to explain... I'm a curious person

 

[perfanoff]

Its interesting to see how universal and desperate, in a way, companionship and acceptance are.

But also, disapprove.

What would be interesting for me is reading at least one reply that explains why love has to be included in sex for that person. You can repeat over and over how you feel about it but it's not very interesting...

So if you or anyone cared to explain... I'm a curious person

Sure.

Casual sex feels fake for myself - it brings intimacy that evaporates shortly after. It is the highest form of physical interaction and it just feels natural for me to associate with a strong psychological connection. Cheating destroys relationships and breaks hearts. Sex under the influence may be harmful psychologically and physically (there's a thread that touches on this).

Sex addiction causes millions of people to degrade.

On the pragmatic side, casual and semi-casual sex leads to single mothers that have children with psychological complexes, abusive and unhealthy relationships (that having a child together may force), sexually transmitted diseases and so on.

And most of all, casual sex is a major waste of time that serves no purpose in life except for boosting happiness and self-esteem, suppressing the need for real relationships.

I am sure you could have thought about at least few of these points.

 

[Trent]

because

sex is the physical expression of intimacy

love is the emotional expression of intimacy

they are one in the same

it doesn't mean that you can't **** someone without loving them

but i guarantee, that if you KEEP ******* that person, you will fall for them or AT LEAST feel "love" at some point

it's amazing how many people just don't get it with anything nowadays

sex is good, but to be honest, by my age...it ain't THAT good

not to the point where i would sabotage a relationship or risk getting a disease or hurt someone i care about for JUST SEX

maybe when i was a teenager

now i know what really matters

people matter, relationships matter, SPIRIT matters

but with great privilege, comes great responsibility

when i love, i love deeply and fiercely

when it is betrayed, ignored, or cast aside, i don't ignore that

 

[Parabolani]

yes they can be two seperate things.

 

[Felix]

Its interesting to see how universal and desperate, in a way, companionship and acceptance are.

But also, disapprove.

What would be interesting for me is reading at least one reply that explains why love has to be included in sex for that person. You can repeat over and over how you feel about it but it's not very interesting...

So if you or anyone cared to explain... I'm a curious person

Sure.

Casual sex feels fake for myself - it brings intimacy that evaporates shortly after. It is the highest form of physical interaction and it just feels natural for me to associate with a strong psychological connection. Cheating destroys relationships and breaks hearts. Sex under the influence may be harmful psychologically and physically (there's a thread that touches on this).

Sex addiction causes millions of people to degrade.

On the pragmatic side, casual and semi-casual sex leads to single mothers that have children with psychological complexes, abusive and unhealthy relationships (that having a child together may force), sexually transmitted diseases and so on.

And most of all, casual sex is a major waste of time that serves no purpose in life except for boosting happiness and self-esteem, suppressing the need for real relationships.

I am sure you could have thought about at least few of these points.

Thanks for your reply

I guess each person does what "feels natural". That's perfectly fine... but I don't see why you connect it with sex addiction and cheating or diseases. Sex w/o love doesn't mean any of those things. Any of those problems can also be present with love involved... Actually, cheating implies that there is love...

I enjoy ephemeral sex... if it's great, the memory will stay with you forever. You can always look back. It's something priceless, something that can't be taken away from you...

 

[Astral_Punisher]

You mean like Sheldon and Amy in The Big Bang Theory?

lol... They have sex, don't they?

 

[perfanoff]

You mean like Sheldon and Amy in The Big Bang Theory?

lol... They have sex, don't they?

I'm pretty sure it'll be at least a couple of seasons before they do it

 

[floffyschneeman]

What would be interesting for me is reading at least one reply that explains why love has to be included in sex for that person. You can repeat over and over how you feel about it but it's not very interesting...

So if you or anyone cared to explain... I'm a curious person

Sex is a biological need, yes. Love is an emotional need. It nourishes our spirit or our being a person. As for me, to have sex with someone I don't love will eventually make me feel little about myself because I would feel like I am a slave to my own bodily needs, superficial needs. That will eventually trample any emotional stability I'd have that in turn will cause me find it harder to love or to trust love. what is natural for me is to want to have sex with the person I love, to express all my feelings I have for him in every way possible, including sexual intimacy. But it wouldn't be natural for me to just want sex purely with anyone I can trust is clean or won't hurt me physically. If I'd do it with some I don't love, I think it wouldn't be because sex is a biological need, but that it'd be one of the things that makes me feel wanted...and that I find sad.

I guess there are people who can have sex without love, like there are people who can be with someone without love, like there are people who can toy with someone without any real interest in a real relationship with that person.

It doesn't need to be interesting.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think they are. A person could have sex with someone but not be emotionally attached. Or you could have a loving relationship with someone and have sex. Personally, I couldn't just have sex with someone, at least not without loving them in some sense. It wouldn't feel right to me.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

For me they're one and the same I think, I can't seperate them.

At least, I couldn't just have sex "for pleasure" and remain unattached to someone on an emotional level. If I was ever intimate with anyone it'd be because I felt profoundly close to them as a person.

"Most" people seem able in this day and age to just go around having base sexual gratification with no emotional attachment though, from what I've observed. At least, that's what pretty much all the girls on my university course do.

I think it's sad. In my own opinion, if you're humping 5 guys/girls a week your sexual affections really mean next to nothing. It becomes something you're just doing so casually that it's practically the same as watching TV.

For that reason I wait, because while I don't really understand the concept of love yet, I at least want to feel deep affection for anyone I share a bed with.

 

[Trent]

For me they're one and the same I think, I can't seperate them.

At least, I couldn't just have sex "for pleasure" and remain unattached to someone on an emotional level. If I was ever intimate with anyone it'd be because I felt profoundly close to them as a person.

"Most" people seem able in this day and age to just go around having base sexual gratification with no emotional attachment though, from what I've observed. At least, that's what pretty much all the girls on my university course do.

I think it's sad. In my own opinion, if you're humping 5 guys/girls a week your sexual affections really mean next to nothing. It becomes something you're just doing so casually that it's practically the same as watching TV.

For that reason I wait, because while I don't really understand the concept of love yet, I at least want to feel deep affection for anyone I share a bed with.

and therein lies the problem.

once you give that part of yourself indiscriminately to everyone who comes along,

you have nothing "special" or sacred to share with a single individual.

bummer.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Love and sex can be separate. There are plenty of "special" things you can share with a lover that do not revolve around your penis or her ******. Experiences, stories, jokes, hobbies, collections, and memories are all sacred things to the people who share them. And, sure, you can make sex sacred if you want to...but you don't have to.

It's because sex is held so "sacred" that it's also vilified. If no one cared about sex outside of its singular purpose, reproduction, we wouldn't have much of the problems we have today with people fearing sex and sexuality.

For me, personally, I don't hold sex as anything more special than the wonder of physics and biology at work. Plus, it feels great. But when I love someone, sex is the least thing I'd want to base our relationship upon. A "love" dependent upon who you will ****, who you want to ****, who you have ******, how many people you've ******, and when you had your first **** cannot be called love at all, in my opinion.

 

[perfanoff]

Yes, and love is anything more special than the wonders of physics and biology (technically neurology) at work?

I disagree with you, Rabbit. If you can tell me that you love somebody and you don't care an inch about whether they have a sexual relationship with someone else. Well, you'd be lying or broken.

We're not talking about loving your same sex friends or your family here.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I disagree with you, Rabbit. If you can tell me that you love somebody and you don't care an inch about whether they have a sexual relationship with someone else. Well, you'd be lying or broken.

We're not talking about loving your same sex friends or your family here.

I completely agree with Rabbit. I, in fact, love a lot of people - who aren't family - that I'd never have sex with, and I have nothing to do with their sex life. Not only are sex and love different, but being in love with someone is different than loving them.

Now that being said, I can't honestly say that if I were in love with someone that I wouldn't care who they were with sexually.

 

[perfanoff]

So we can agree to disagree.

Every single girl I've loved, I've wanted to have sex with.

But it's okay if you feel differently about it. I am not there to deny something that is a fact.