are some people too broken to have a significant other?

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I am beginning to believe that I am simply too broken to get into a relationship.

I don't see anybody finding me attractive enough to date, first of all. And second, I don't see myself being a good boyfriend. I think I would be terrible in bed, too.

Does anybody else feel this way?

 

[painter's radio]

I don't think so. Some people are indeed very broken but it doesn't mean they wont find love. I would bet money on it being quite an unhealthy relationship though. Although, thinking about it, broken people can help each other become fixed. Only problem with that is if one gets fixed before the other does, then leaves the one still broken, probably breaking them even more.
Broken people can also drag each other down. A broken and a normal person can and can' work - every outcome is possible! Just bear in mind, these things we call "problems" or "issues" are called that for a reason. They affect us bigtime. Perhaps I am not really answering what you are asking, though.

Point 1: Heh, there are millions of people doing the horizontal shuffle right now as I type this... people who are probably uglier than you. Do you mean physical features or character?

What do you think being a good boyfriend is?

Why would you be terrible in bed? Lack of experience, or lack of care?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I mean I'm an out of shape nerd with terrible social skills lol

 

[Aihpames]

You're not as alone as you might initially imagine, then There's plenty of us haha.

No-one is too broken to find someone special to them... No-one.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I guess I just need to be more optimistic.

 

[ladyforsaken]

No-one is too broken to find someone special to them... No-one.

I like this.

Personally, I think, no matter what your situation is, there'd be someone out there suited for you. It may or may not be a good idea to hook up, if both of you are messed up... but that's besides the point.

 

[Tiina63]

I often think that I am too broken to have a relationship. But then, as others have pointed out here, there are plenty of messed up people in relationships. Often magazines and books and websites about relationships say that we need to be happy alone, confident and independent, sure of ourselves and able to cope with everything etc before we meet someone. I don't know anyone who is like this all the time in real life, so I stopped paying much attention to such views.
Obviously there are diffferent types of brokeness. Some types I would be unable to handle-eg I couldn't cope with being with someone in heavy debt or with a drug user. But I could cope with many other issues and would prefer to be with someone who is open about his insecurities.

 

[duff]

I am beginning to believe that I am simply too broken to get into a relationship.

I don't see anybody finding me attractive enough to date, first of all. And second, I don't see myself being a good boyfriend. I think I would be terrible in bed, too.

Does anybody else feel this way?

people who don't know me well probably think I haven't got much money. I live at home with my Dad, I ride a bike, I don't have expensive tastes. Fact is I have thousands in savings in bank doing nothing.

Not like I get much of a chance but I think I would be 'good in bed'

I think the majority of women I know like me. I'm not blind enough to see that. I know most of these are customers at work. I was off for a couple of weeks and when I went back this week, I had loads of women smiling at me and talking like they were very pleased to see me. I am popular with women but there is a massive difference between 'liking' someone and 'loving' someone. I don't see any evidence that anybody 'loves' me or is interested in dating me. None at all !

 

[Tinderleaf]

No-one is too broken to find someone special to them... No-one.

I like this.

Personally, I think, no matter what your situation is, there'd be someone out there suited for you.

Couldn't have said it better myself. No one's perfect and as there are proven individuals out there who are able to forgive certain flaws of their partner and stay within a healthy relationship, I don't believe in being too broken to find that special someone.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

I've certainly been too broke to have a significant other, in the past.

 

[perfanoff]

I am beginning to believe that I am simply too broken to get into a relationship.

I don't see anybody finding me attractive enough to date, first of all. And second, I don't see myself being a good boyfriend. I think I would be terrible in bed, too.

Does anybody else feel this way?

people who don't know me well probably think I haven't got much money. I live at home with my Dad, I ride a bike, I don't have expensive tastes. Fact is I have thousands in savings in bank doing nothing.

Not like I get much of a chance but I think I would be 'good in bed'

I think the majority of women I know like me. I'm not blind enough to see that. I know most of these are customers at work. I was off for a couple of weeks and when I went back this week, I had loads of women smiling at me and talking like they were very pleased to see me. I am popular with women but there is a massive difference between 'liking' someone and 'loving' someone. I don't see any evidence that anybody 'loves' me or is interested in dating me. None at all !

Why don't you show off a little bit, buy a car, buy/rent your own place etc..?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Fair enough advice. If I had thousands in savings, I would do something with it.

But living at home is not the end of the world.

 

[Aihpames]

Indeed. It's more and more common nowadays, so it's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

The problem with me is that a woman would see my living situation, with my mom, my sister, and five kids, and run far, far away...

 

[duff]

I am beginning to believe that I am simply too broken to get into a relationship.

I don't see anybody finding me attractive enough to date, first of all. And second, I don't see myself being a good boyfriend. I think I would be terrible in bed, too.

Does anybody else feel this way?

people who don't know me well probably think I haven't got much money. I live at home with my Dad, I ride a bike, I don't have expensive tastes. Fact is I have thousands in savings in bank doing nothing.

Not like I get much of a chance but I think I would be 'good in bed'

I think the majority of women I know like me. I'm not blind enough to see that. I know most of these are customers at work. I was off for a couple of weeks and when I went back this week, I had loads of women smiling at me and talking like they were very pleased to see me. I am popular with women but there is a massive difference between 'liking' someone and 'loving' someone. I don't see any evidence that anybody 'loves' me or is interested in dating me. None at all !

Why don't you show off a little bit, buy a car, buy/rent your own place etc..?

I have no interest in learning to drive or cars in general.

I live with my Dad because he would be a bit lonely without me and he is recovering from some cancer treatment.

All the women at work knows I have 'thousands' in bank. It's a running joke !

 

[EveWasFramed]

I mean I'm an out of shape nerd with terrible social skills lol

Give us a pic. We can give you some advice/pointers. For starters, cut your hair, get your body in shape, and get contacts (I seem to recall you said that you don't like your glasses, or maybe that girls wouldnt).

Also, once you find a woman, treat her like she MATTERS to you. Treat her like she's a gift you've been handed, that you treasure and want to take care of. TALK to her...let her know that what's important to her, is also important to you (BECAUSE it's important to her). Tell her she's lovely. Have respect for she thinks and feels, even if you don't always agree or understand WHY she thinks/feels the way she does. Offer her encouragement in all areas of her life. Tell her what YOU need (in a nice way) - don't expect her to automatically know. It might be obvious to you, but it might not be obvious to HER. As far as sexy times, just pay close attention to what does it for her. Learn to watch and listen. ASK her what she likes!
When she's moody, ask if you can do anything. If she says no, give her some space. Do nice things for her - spend your TIME on her.

What you will gain from treating your lady this way can't even be quantified with words. Once you find a woman who who can appreciate that kind of treatment from a guy, she will take care of you, just as you take care of her (relationship-wise).

 

[ajdass1]

There are plenty of women in the same situation Muse. The living at home with the family thing is really common right now, it's something that can be looked past by anyone sensible.

I think the only way you can be too broken is if you're the sort of person who hurts your partner (in whatever way).

 

[EveWasFramed]

There are plenty of women in the same situation Muse. The living at home with the family thing is really common right now, it's something that can be looked past by anyone sensible.

^^ Agreed. Esp. since you're a student.

 

[Dissident]

...cut your hair...

Other than this, a sensible post.

 

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Also, once you find a woman, treat her like she MATTERS to you. Treat her like she's a gift you've been handed, that you treasure and want to take care of. TALK to her...let her know that what's important to her, is also important to you (BECAUSE it's important to her). Tell her she's lovely. Have respect for she thinks and feels, even if you don't always agree or understand WHY she thinks/feels the way she does. Offer her encouragement in all areas of her life. Tell her what YOU need (in a nice way) - don't expect her to automatically know. It might be obvious to you, but it might not be obvious to HER. As far as sexy times, just pay close attention to what does it for her. Learn to watch and listen. ASK her what she likes!
When she's moody, ask if you can do anything. If she says no, give her some space. Do nice things for her - spend your TIME on her.

What you will gain from treating your lady this way can't even be quantified with words. Once you find a woman who who can appreciate that kind of treatment from a guy, she will take care of you, just as you take care of her (relationship-wise).

Maybe this is what you want Eve. Yes, a lot of girls like being treated special (I've been told) but I don't think a lot of girls would like being smothered like that.


As far as the original question is concerned, it seems like the answer depends on different perspectives. I read through the entire thread (every response) and some are optimistic while others have lost hope.

I'm one of the latter and yes, a person can be too broken to be in a relationship (just as I'm writing this, my sister is singing Justin Bieber's "As long as you love me" to herself ).

I am too broken to be in a relationship. While I often fantasize about being in love with a beautiful girl, who'll love me for who I am and who I will love till the end of the world, I know it's impossible.

For starters, I'm hideous looking (no, I won't post a pic). I used to be an amazing human but I'm so broken down that I hate people and wish bad upon them so that's out of the question too.

Now, even if you manage to ignore all of that, I have no social skills, not even so much as to look at a girl for a brief 1.276s. If I looked, I cannot go up and talk to that girl. I am full of insecurities and I feel like I have nothing to bring to the table and can't offer anything that any other guy can.

Lastly, I have so many diseases.

Need more?