Are you spending Xmas alone?

[Solitary man]

This year I shall be spending Xmas alone, as I have done for the past 15 years. All my immediately family are dead, and what extended family I have in England don't want to know me. I'm a chronic loner and social recluse. Truth be told, I'm also a bit of a misanthrope. I don't like most people. I live with a cat who is my only family and friend, and spend all my days without human company. I lost the ability to go out and socialise and make friends many years ago and live a solitary life beside the mountains.

I can go for long periods by myself without feeling lonely, but have found that Xmas time is when loneliness can really creep in on you. Like me, do you live alone? If so, how do you deal with Xmas time? How do you get through it?

 

[Serena]

Hey there Solitary Man,

I can relate to how you live, although I still have family around I can talk to. I have no friends or associates though, so I tend to spend my time alone every day and I don't want to talk to anyone or interact with them. It isn't too bad for me, but I know what you mean when you say christmas time is dragging you down emotionally.

To get through christmas days, I would recommend not seeing christmas as something too special. It might sound weird, but if you treat it like any ordinary day it really doesn't bother much. I know there are tons of decorations and lights outside (and maybe inside), but for me, christmas is just another holiday where I don't have to work and I enjoy my free time as much as I can.

My advice would be: Stay busy and don't let yourself get bored - the key to any kind of inner emptiness (although it may not be the best solution).

I don't know if this helps, but focus on what makes you happy and christmas will be nice for you as well

 

[Midnight Sky]

I will for the second year in a row, but I always work christmas anyway, so it not so bad.

 

[Solitary man]

Hey there Solitary Man,

I can relate to how you live, although I still have family around I can talk to. I have no friends or associates though, so I tend to spend my time alone every day and I don't want to talk to anyone or interact with them. It isn't too bad for me, but I know what you mean when you say christmas time is dragging you down emotionally.

To get through christmas days, I would recommend not seeing christmas as something too special. It might sound weird, but if you treat it like any ordinary day it really doesn't bother much. I know there are tons of decorations and lights outside (and maybe inside), but for me, christmas is just another holiday where I don't have to work and I enjoy my free time as much as I can.

My advice would be: Stay busy and don't let yourself get bored - the key to any kind of inner emptiness (although it may not be the best solution).

I don't know if this helps, but focus on what makes you happy and christmas will be nice for you as well

Nice post, Serena, and thanks for that.

 

[Cavey]

I have spent the last several years largely alone and living a hermit-like existence. For me, it's New Year's Eve that brings me right down. I'd look at my life and realise I was no further forward than the year before and I'd literally want the world to open up and swallow me whole.

This year, I'm finally making an effort. I've been going out more, working on being more positive and trying to 'earn' happiness. I'll probably spend most of the Christmas period on my own, but at least this year I will not be looking back with regret.

I hope you find some sort of peace and contentment this Christmas too.

 

[zero]

Yes, I`ll be spending Christmas alone. Well, there`ll be me and my cat. But without my daughter.
I don`t know how I get through it. I don`t give it much thought in advance. Every time it is different. I just find a coping mechanism that works.
I can`t give you an advice. Music, this forum, reading, sleeping, listening to something, watching something, inspirational maybe, these usually work for me. (Oh, and there is another thing that works, but that`s personal).
Anyway, Serena has given you some useful tips. Hope you`ll get through it well.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello Solitary man, I will be alone on Christmas Day as well because, as with you, my immediate family passed on many years ago. My extended family is just a scattering of distant (geographically and emotionally) cousins. It is a hard time of year to have no family, as the stress is all on family and loved ones at this time of yearas you will be only too aware of. I do see a friend on Christmas Eve who also has no family, and have often thought that if I didn't have her, I would see noone, so I am grateful for her friendship.
You asked about getting through Christmas alone. To get through Christmas I buy some books which I really want to read and some DVD's which I really want to see. This deosn't take saway the sense of deep isolation but it does occupy my mind to an extent. And you could get yourself some nice treats to eat as well, which you wouldn't normally have at other times of the year.
I have sometimes thought of trying to treat Christmas Day as a 'normal' day and to ignore the season, but found that this made me feel worse, as it is like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. It is easier for me to accept that it is Christmas and that I am alone and feeling pretty lonely, and then to hope that next year it will be different.
You said you have a little cat. You could buy him/her a present and have a special meal such a salmon which you could both share. I used to do this when I had a cat.

 

[Peaches]

honestly I always hated Christmas with all my heart, then one year I was lucky enough not to be with my family and now I love it! And manage to skip 5 Christmases, 2 times I was ill and at home, but I had planned going out on the 26 so I just took a lot of cough syrup and slept through the days, twice I was with a group of volunteers at an old people's home, and once with a Meetup of "orphans" like me abroad with no family. The volunteering was really cool.
I agree with Tiina, it is difficult trying to ignore it, better to celebrate it in one's own way. If you *can* ignore it, so much the better.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Most of my family is estranged from me, so I'll be spending it with a few family members and some friends. Probably will take in dinner and a movie.

After my Grandma's death, and the fit that most of my biological family threw over the will, I'm not welcome in their house. So the traditional family gathering is no longer valid.

 

[Dissenter]

This year I shall be spending Xmas alone, as I have done for the past 15 years. All my immediately family are dead, and what extended family I have in England don't want to know me. I'm a chronic loner and social recluse. Truth be told, I'm also a bit of a misanthrope. I don't like most people. I live with a cat who is my only family and friend, and spend all my days without human company. I lost the ability to go out and socialise and make friends many years ago and live a solitary life beside the mountains.

I can go for long periods by myself without feeling lonely, but have found that Xmas time is when loneliness can really creep in on you. Like me, do you live alone? If so, how do you deal with Xmas time? How do you get through it?

I understand what you are going through because I am also lonely at Christmas. My loneliness is all the more acute however because I am married. My wife continually falls out with me about the most trivial and absurd things and then does not speak to me for days and sometimes for weeks at a time. I have spent 17 of the last 22 years of married life without any intimacy from her on any level. Much of that the time I have been sleeping alone and being ostracised by her at least 50% of the time or being verbally abused by her.

We have very little in common, I am intellectual and studious spending my time reading and blogging whereas she is a relentless junk TV addict. I feel that I am effectively already dead in that I can see no end to this situation because I am now 66 and don't have the finances or the courage to start again.

Christmas is a bad time for me because she destroys all of the deep spiritual meaning of the Incarnation with her trashy commercial trappings and constant junk TV.

 

[Solitary man]

This year I shall be spending Xmas alone, as I have done for the past 15 years. All my immediately family are dead, and what extended family I have in England don't want to know me. I'm a chronic loner and social recluse. Truth be told, I'm also a bit of a misanthrope. I don't like most people. I live with a cat who is my only family and friend, and spend all my days without human company. I lost the ability to go out and socialise and make friends many years ago and live a solitary life beside the mountains.

I can go for long periods by myself without feeling lonely, but have found that Xmas time is when loneliness can really creep in on you. Like me, do you live alone? If so, how do you deal with Xmas time? How do you get through it?

I understand what you are going through because I am also lonely at Christmas. My loneliness is all the more acute however because I am married. My wife continually falls out with me about the most trivial and absurd things and then does not speak to me for days and sometimes for weeks at a time. I have spent 17 of the last 22 years of married life without any intimacy from her on any level. Much of that the time I have been sleeping alone and being ostracised by her at least 50% of the time or being verbally abused by her.

We have very little in common, I am intellectual and studious spending my time reading and blogging whereas she is a relentless junk TV addict. I feel that I am effectively already dead in that I can see no end to this situation because I am now 66 and don't have the finances or the courage to start again.

Christmas is a bad time for me because she destroys all of the deep spiritual meaning of the Incarnation with her trashy commercial trappings and constant junk TV.

Sorry to hear about your less than idyllic marital life, Dissenter. Doesn't sound like an ideal domestic situation at all. I'm not a marriage counsellor, but perhaps if you'd realised that you'd paired with a woman who was not compatible in terms of personality type many years ago and pulled the plug back then, you would't have had to endure what sounds like many years of a very unhappy marriage?

I've made very poor and erroneous choices in terms of relationships; one girl in particular was an absolute nightmare, but I realised my mistake and got out real fast. Terminating the relationship was painful at first, but in retrospect, I know that I made the right decision.

 

[Gutted]

Christmas is one of those times of the year where being solo can hurt. Even with friends and family, it can still be a sad time. This year, as with last year, I will be alone I think. My Mum will do whatever with her Boyfriend and my Brother will do whatever with his Girlfriend. My friends may not be doing anything. But for some reason, they wont want to come out and make an event of it. Last year, to make Christmas something to celebrate, I treated myself to some tech. Made things worth celebrating. This year I MIGHT do the same. There may be nobody around to care for you. But you can still care for yourself. If you can afford it, treat yourself to something you really want. Keep busy. Clean the house. Work. Do something to make the time memorable for the better.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Good suggestions, Gutted.

 

[SofiasMami]

I'm not sure what I'll be doing this Christmas and I feel sad about it. My immediate family is spread out over the 4 corners of the globe and I'm not interested in traveling over the holidays.

I'm not with my daughter's dad but he has brothers and my daughter has two half-sisters in town. But they're just not into Christmas traditions and family togetherness and all that. My ex and I have been trying to get them to make plans for Nochebuena and Christmas day but they're just not interested.
I have some friends with their own families and thought of asking if we can come over. But I feel kind of awkward doing that
I wish more businesses were open that day and tbere would be more options for us Christmas orphans.
Or maybe I should put an ad on Craigslist and just have an Open House for anyone with no place to go that day

-Teresa

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I'm not sure what I'm doing this Christmas; I do know that I feel quite lonely around the holiday's a lot. And I'll probably spend time with the family that lives in my house. My step father usually watches a lot of TV and my brother will more than likely be playing video games in his room. Not sure what I'll be doing, I hope we end up doing something on Christmas. Every time Christmas comes up I always suffer from the blue's and get deeply depressed. Hope it changes this year for me.

 

[Solitary man]

I'm not sure what I'll be doing this Christmas and I feel sad about it. My immediate family is spread out over the 4 corners of the globe and I'm not interested in traveling over the holidays.

I'm not with my daughter's dad but he has brothers and my daughter has two half-sisters in town. But they're just not into Christmas traditions and family togetherness and all that. My ex and I have been trying to get them to make plans for Nochebuena and Christmas day but they're just not interested.
I have some friends with their own families and thought of asking if we can come over. But I feel kind of awkward doing that
I wish more businesses were open that day and tbere would be more options for us Christmas orphans.
Or maybe I should put an ad on Craigslist and just have an Open House for anyone with no place to go that day

-Teresa

That's a great idea, Teresa. An open house for Xmas day might prove to be many people's best Christmas ever.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I have got a bit of spare cash so I am going out Christmas eve and treating myself. It's something to look forward to. I can't rely on other people, they just don't care much !

 

[Rosebolt]

Unfortunately not.

 

[pandas123]

I actually didn't end up being alone during Christmas this year, I was with a couple family relatives. But I wouldn't have minded spending it alone either. My family has never been a big holiday celebrating kind of family, so im a bit used to it, i see nothing wrong with it. And hey, at least you have a cat, i want a cat.

 

[Hawx79]

Yeah all alone, I might as well be dead.