Been a minute.

[Naizo]

Well life is, life.

Sometimes I feel so energetic and excited about everything, and others I just can't stand to breath, like I'm being constricted, smothered.

My anti anxiety medication works wonders, or atleast I've gotten over what ailed me in the past because I no longer seek out the closest inanimate object to beat with my fists, unless I'm in a very low emotional state. And that's rare.

Thinking of my ex very rarely, if I can help it. She's better off left to her own life and none of me needs to think of that, at all. So I don't.

I've felt more masculine, more outgoing. But even so, I find myself going after a woman and ending up getting a soft decline. I'd prefer a harsh one, because the softer it is, the more pity there is behind it. But I'm a sadist in this way. I prefer the honesty. Most times.

I can't really explain but I can describe what it feels like to be awake at 5 AM, hormones flaring up, unable to do anything but stare at the wall. Some gals don't appreciate it when men admit to watching ****, but honestly, if you're not the gal I'm coming home to get to **** around with at night, I don't care what your opinion of my watching ****o is. I'd rather get a little sweaty with Handrea than hate every woman I walk by just because I can't have what want, feeling sick at my stomach because "Wow she's ******* beautiful, why am I alone?"

I don't understand why my brain does that. I see someone so ******* beautiful and I get this hatred in my heart for not being able to turn and kiss someone else, hold someone else, just feel the touch of a human being.

I'm not a sick *******, I'm a kind and gentle soul. But I'm also not a non-binary. I'm a man, and I really miss ***, haha. Nothing quite like it. I'll happily admit it. Cause I used to be "good" at it, and then I think I lost my way. Getting dumped, feeling absolutely useless. Two years and counting, every day it builds up a little bit more. And I still can't comprehend people who would cheat on one another, though. I get the complaining now though. I'm always thinking of myself myself, and these people who whine about not getting laid in two weeks sort've make me laugh. Two weeks turns into two years really fast when giving a girl flowers makes your stomach turn loops.

I have my moral compass, I refuse to go out with my friends blind date, simply to get laid. She's not my type, and I have no intention of leading her on to fulfil my own needs. But that being said, I lose the right to ever complain about being told no. Which is fine. But it still makes me a little sad, to go through the effort of working up the courage all for it to sort've fizzle out at the end. Life feels... utterly meaningless. And not in a suicidal way, but in a "So? It's just another ******* day, another night alone. Why am I sad? It doesn't matter." And I think that may be why it's so sad. Because with someone, or not, one day it will all go away when I close my eyes. Nothing I've done will matter. Because I have no intention to change the world. Only to live my life as best as I can. And that alone is difficult enough.

I would work 40+ hours at work, but that's when I could go home to my girlfriend.
Without someone there to hold me up and help me, keep me going, be my best friend, I work about 20, maybe. And that's pushing it.

Team-work is in all things. And going solo sucks. Not everyone is the same. So not everyone needs someone. Being a Leo, I definitely do. Not that I super believe in star signs and such. But, I do like attention.

I'm afraid I'll never have a best friend in the sense that I had someone I would've died for, time and time again, ever again. I'm not sure that's a bad thing.

http://prnt.sc/c6lw5a - I think I look okay, today atleast.

 

[soresoul]

That's a long minute.

 

[Restless soul]

What stuck out was " my anti-anxiety works wonders"
Does it now? How long have you been on it? and what is it? Any side effects?

 

[Naizo]

Just a upset stomach every once in awhile. Not comfortable with the rest, sorry. Lol
Thank y'all for reading my venting though.

 

[Mick Travis]

Your face feels familiar, like someone I've played D&D with.

I've always loved looking up and catching a girl looking at me. However, I try not to look at girls. I feel like I get this "What are you looking at?" vibe. Women... Friendly women got me over whatever woman I was last with. My ex's must have been of the "What are you looking at?" type.

 

[Restless soul]

Mick, what you have to do is try and create something.

 

[Mick Travis]

I've just been composing some New Age music.

 

[BadGuy]

Handrea lol

 

[Paraiyar]

Perhaps easier said than done but if you let getting dumped two years ago affect you then aren't you letting the person who dumped you have power over your life? If that is the case then I think at some point and time you will look back and regret that.

I do know how you feel though. Today at work I felt defeated but now after my swimming lesson I feel great.

 

[Naizo]

Hell. I don't know how honest I should be about this, seeing as I shared a picture of my face and all, but on my way home last night I was pulled over and arrested. Shortly after finally asking out a woman I'd been wanting to ask out for -years- and she seemed into it. First thing I did when I got home from that piss smelling jail cell is tell her what happened and tell her how much I hoped I could impress her because life only moves forwards and you don't get two chances to do anything right. And I'll be god DAMNED if my story ends with a piss stain and not with a beautiful god damn woman in my arms and a family at my side.