being a evil person

[tob]

because of the way i have behaved myself in the past i am what most people would call a stalker. i even have a restraining order, court cases going on and have been in contact with the police multiple times. i never have been violent towards her or threatened her, but i did do horrible things.
i changed now. i was very unbalanced at that time but have had therapy.
i still suffer from deppresions and am very very lonely. besides, i still think about this girl all the time, wich was the porblem it began with.

how can i ever expect someone to love me and have a relationship with me if i am a stalker? most people would find me evil if they knew about these things. i don't know what to do. i can not change the past, but i am still stuck in everything i caused because of my behaviour. i guess i deserve it because of what i did.

i know that everytime i have tried to make things right i just made things worse.

 

[Vortex]

how can i ever expect someone to love me and have a relationship with me if i am a stalker?

Don't be one.

Let go of the past. Don't let it put chains on you. It's your decision to be whatever you wish to be in the present.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Isn't that a little simplistic, Vortex?

Let's be practical, tob: Are you actually a registered sex offender? If not, then are you compelled to tell everyone your history the very first time you lay eyes upon them? I take it that the answer to both question is: no.

And so, the world as a whole need never embrace you as a former stalker. Perhaps you do not feel entitled to privacy, as you have so violated another's. But you have paid your debt to society and reformed yourself as well. Now, only people whom you choose to confide in need to understand you.

tob, you should be ashamed of yourself! And plainly, you already are, appropriately and even constructively. Therefore, as a responsible individual, can you rephrase your questions, less rhetorically, and more open to any real and helpful answer?

 

[Vortex]

Yes, indeed it is which was my intention.

Isn't that a little simplistic, Vortex?

 

[AaronAgassi]

What help is that, then?

 

[Vortex]

What help is overcomplicating items?

What help is that, then?

 

[AaronAgassi]

Too complex for what purpose?

 

[Bluey]

how can i ever expect someone to love me and have a relationship with me if i am a stalker?

Don't be one.

Let go of the past. Don't let it put chains on you. It's your decision to be whatever you wish to be in the present.

I just had to say that, that is soo true. You can be anything you want to be. You just have to chose to be what you want and then do it.

 

[tob]

No. I am not a registered sex offender. I have never physically harmed her, or threathened to harm her. It was not about something sexual. I am also still kinda young, early twenties. I guess I wouldn't have to tell someone about my past, but still it is something I did. If I would fall in love again and like someone at some point I would like to tell because I believe in honesty and think it's importent to be open about big issues in your live. This is still a very big part of my life, it's really hard just to let it go and look into the future. I feel like I can never be a good person again, even if I would just do good from now on.

It makes me feel like I should be alone because nobody should be with a bad person. I know what I should do is forgive mysels, but it feels so wrong to do that when I know the person I hurt the most obviously would never forigve me and she shouldn't. I feel like I don't have the right to feel better about myself then I do now.
Deep down I know I did these things not because of the intent to harm her, but because I was very confused. Generally I am a pretty calm and friendly person, but if the people who think I am nice knew what I can be like they wouldn't think I am nice at all.
Maybe my real question is: Do you think it is possible to be a good person again, even after doing really bad things?

 

[AaronAgassi]

The point, then, remains finding understanding one relationship at a time, not confessing and gaining absolution from the world as a whole. The problem of forgiving yourself remains a psychotherapeutic issue. But theoretically, you can behave as well as you imagine in future. So would that be enough to qualify you as a better person?

Alas, making amends to the one you stalked, is probably not practical at this juncture.

 

[Vortex]

Too simplistic for what purpose?

Too complex for what purpose?

 

[AaronAgassi]

To whatever howsoever complecates goals easier said than done.

 

[SadRabbit]

Tob, it is possible for one to become a good person again if he has the real intention to reform. Learn from your past mistakes. Maybe like what you said, you were young at that time. Make sure this never happens again. Never never let emotions take the better control of you. The only thing you can do now is let go of the past. Yes, its easier to say than to do it, but letting go of the past is the first step to reforming yourself. However, lets not forget the past totally. Let it be a lesson to you, a form of experiece, cause that is what the past is, a form of experience to make us a better person to cope with our future. Tob, let it be know that love can be expressed in many ways. You need not necessary have to go to great lengths to stalk the person. Try to treat love gently and it will be gentle back to you. Love is to care for the other party. Maybe, you can take small steps like being friends first with the other party. Also seeing the other party enjoying your friendship and also being happy is also a form of satisfaction of love. So, tob ya, if you really would like to change, let go of the past. There is no point on harping on it, it will only make you miserable. Just take it as one of your enriching life lessons, and after this incident, you have changed to become a better man. =)

 

[AaronAgassi]

And, indeed, no sooner said...

 

[Vortex]

To whatever howsoever simplifies goals more difficult said than done.

To whatever howsoever complecates goals easier said than done.

 

[AaronAgassi]

When simplification has taken priority over whatever process, question or goal ever to be simplified, and hence becomes self defeating, this is rightly called: Oversimplification. And when oversimplification goes unquestioned as a matter of course, this may best be descried as: blithe oversimplification.

 

[Vortex]

When complication has taken priority over whatever process, question, or goal ever to be complicated, and hence becomes self-defeating; this is correctly called "over-complication", and when overcomplication goes unquestioned as a matter of course; this may best be described as chaos.

When simplification has taken priority over whatever process, question or goal ever to be simplified, and hence becomes self defeating, this is rightly called: Oversimplification. And when oversimplification goes unquestioned as a matter of course, this may best be descried as: blithe oversimplification.

 

[AaronAgassi]

how can i ever expect someone to love me and have a relationship with me if i am a stalker?

Don't be one.

Let go of the past. Don't let it put chains on you. It's your decision to be whatever you wish to be in the present.

Exactly what help was that beyond a pep talk?

Real help is a more complecated problem.

As a rule, pep talks don't help. Often, if at all, they only afirm the speaker and not the hearer.

 

[Vortex]

Exactly what assistance was this beyond telling someone they phrased their question incorrectly?

Real assistance is a less complex issue.

As a rule, denegrating someone's form of inquiry doesn't assist but to only affirm the advisor and negate the person asking for assistance.

Isn't that a little simplistic, Vortex?

Let's be practical, tob: Are you actually a registered sex offender? If not, then are you compelled to tell everyone your history the very first time you lay eyes upon them? I take it that the answer to both question is: no.

And so, the world as a whole need never embrace you as a former stalker. Perhaps you do not feel entitled to privacy, as you have so violated another's. But you have paid your debt to society and reformed yourself as well. Now, only people whom you choose to confide in need to understand you.

tob, you should be ashamed of yourself! And plainly, you already are, appropriately and even constructively. Therefore, as a responsible individual, can you rephrase your questions, less rhetorically, and more open to any real and helpful answer?

how can i ever expect someone to love me and have a relationship with me if i am a stalker?

Don't be one.

Let go of the past. Don't let it put chains on you. It's your decision to be whatever you wish to be in the present.

Exactly what help was that beyond a pep talk?

Real help is a more complecated problem.

As a rule, pep talks don't help. Often, if at all, they only afirm the speaker and not the hearer.

 

[lonelygirl]

Just because you stalked in the past doesn't mean that is who you always HAVE to be. People change! People grow! People evolve! People Transform! SO please go easier on yourself and try to be the best person you can be!