Being forever single

[user 164061]

Sounds a lot like me. My health has deteriorated so much over the years that I can barely stand for more than a couple minutes, and I too feel no one could ever be attracted to me. Plus I suffer badly with anxiety, and just meeting anyone new at all is a struggle so I too have come to accept that I will die alone. It sucks because I seem to have a personality that when I do meet people I only seem to attract women, but I never attract women in a romantic sense so it's like I'm being taunted. It's as if I'm stuck in a Sims game and the person playing is like "hey here's an attractive lady for you to meet... and no she isn't going to like you".

I'm sure some will want to be the happy positive types that want to say things like "well golly gee you never know" or "anything can happen", but I'm at a point in my life where I feel that if it was meant to happen it would have by now. For those of you that want to be on the positive side, the only way you can convince me otherwise is if you can actually prove me wrong and find someone that would be attracted to me... which I guarantee you won't. Hell I could go into that networking section right now and make a post and I promise that no one would reply or show interest, even if I could go back several years and be the more positive me no one would be interested.

I know what you are talking about 100%. You either start speaking to someone and you think they like you, but upon further enquiry it's not the case and they just see you as a friend in the end. It's a bit hard to take being strung along, especially when you truly think that person in questions wants a romantic relationship and they just don't. When i was younger i got angry about it, but as you get older you see that person clearly was not right for you in the end.

It's like looking in a mirror regarding what you've said because i heard the same thing for years and years, granted it was online people but being told "you never know" or "just wait" and to be honest it makes it worse really. As our confidence/optimism is already shot to pieces at this particular point. I've not got the answers but i know how painful this well and truly is. The health part is the killer along with anxiety, as it's just a powder keg of uncertainty and as you get rejected more it really feeds into that.

 

[Unsigned]

Nikola Tesla was a bachelour his whole life...

I'd rather have a pretty girl with which to share my life than invent "cool things" like Tesla did.
But that's just me.
Tesla is the MGTOW Patron Saint.
But I just don't see the attraction of living like that.
If anything, if I was able to do stuff like Tesla and was still alone like I am now, I think I'd be even more miserable, if that is possible.

 

[Finished]

I'd rather have a pretty girl with which to share my life than invent "cool things" like Tesla did.
But that's just me.
Tesla is the MGTOW Patron Saint.
But I just don't see the attraction of living like that.
If anything, if I was able to do stuff like Tesla and was still alone like I am now, I think I'd be even more miserable, if that is possible.

If I was as capable as Tesla was I would create a dooms day bomb not make life better for everybody else.

The Alpha-Omega bomb from Beneath the Planet of the Apes that finally destroyed Earth.

 

[Unsigned]

If I was as capable as Tesla was I would create a dooms day bomb not make life better for everybody else.

The Alpha-Omega bomb from Beneath the Planet of the Apes the finally destroyed Earth.

I pledge allegiance...to the bomb!!!

 

[user 189843]

I know what you are talking about 100%. You either start speaking to someone and you think they like you, but upon further enquiry it's not the case and they just see you as a friend in the end. It's a bit hard to take being strung along, especially when you truly think that person in questions wants a romantic relationship and they just don't. When i was younger i got angry about it, but as you get older you see that person clearly was not right for you in the end.

It's like looking in a mirror regarding what you've said because i heard the same thing for years and years, granted it was online people but being told "you never know" or "just wait" and to be honest it makes it worse really. As our confidence/optimism is already shot to pieces at this particular point. I've not got the answers but i know how painful this well and truly is. The health part is the killer along with anxiety, as it's just a powder keg of uncertainty and as you get rejected more it really feeds into that.

This isn't my first account here on this site, and in my past one I had a couple of people I met here that took advantage of my desire to meet someone, and they just pulled me along making be believe there was something. It's happened elsewhere too, they take advantage of my kindness and weakness to keep me around and keep pulling on the strings of my heart. Like you I used to get angry with it, but now I just don't care and it's not only made me avoid meeting people but I find it hard talking to what friends I do have especially since most are female. In a way I almost want to turn into a cold and heartless jerk just to keep people away, but that's just not who I am plus I'd bet a large amount of money (if I had any anyway) that no females would want to get to know me now.

It really does make it worse, which is why I don't really like talking about this stuff publicly anymore because it's typically people that have never been in that position saying those things. It's really easy for someone that has never been in that position to be positive about it, because they don't know what it's like or understand how difficult it is. It's like with the health aspect, I get tired of talking about that because so many people seem to think that the answer is always drugs (whether prescription or not) or therapy or other expensive things that some of us simply can't do or afford, and in my case just don't work anyway. Everything does feed into it as well. Back when I first made an account here about 6 years ago things were bad, but not horrible, now because of all the rejection and anxiety I can barely function. What was once just a simple situational depression for me has turned into my mind and body just not wanting to work anymore, and it's because everything fed into that.

 

[user 164061]

It really is terrible when people do that, just leading you on when they don't actually care about you at all in a romantic way and even online it seems they don't even want to tell you. Being told fairly early on prevents a lot of pain/heartbreak but i honestly think the rejection and stringing us along damages our emotions which isn't good. Feeling things is good, but when you've been hurt constantly or used you are bound to change emotionally due to it happening so much. The things you describe happened to me on countless apps/websites online and they could tell i was interested, then they'd drop the bomb of "i have a boyfriend. You are a great friend" so it's mega tedious.

It's actually very hard to find people like us, because it seems a lot of people in the world do not want to hear bad things can happen like heartbreak, being used etc and they'll dish out moronic advice while being annoyed you feel bad for valid reasons. I've lived this for a very long time regarding rejection and my god it really makes my depression unbearable along with other things in my life so it's not fun at all. Drugs/therapy won't fix that kind of thing, they might help with depression but if you keep on being kicked while down what's the point of trying the pills/therapy? You'll just go back to square one, but i do therapy for other issues in my life and just to vent about love/romance just to get it out of my system really. It's a never ending cycle of pain, sadness, heartbreak and agony as you think you've found someone and it's just the same old story. I joined here in 2019 while loving someone i met in 2019, but when she went back to her home country it all blew up again so i was bedridden every day for weeks just sleeping and getting up just to eat. All the pain is draining on our whole body, it actually causes a lot of fatigue i've noticed.

 

[user 189843]

It really is terrible when people do that, just leading you on when they don't actually care about you at all in a romantic way and even online it seems they don't even want to tell you. Being told fairly early on prevents a lot of pain/heartbreak but i honestly think the rejection and stringing us along damages our emotions which isn't good. Feeling things is good, but when you've been hurt constantly or used you are bound to change emotionally due to it happening so much. The things you describe happened to me on countless apps/websites online and they could tell i was interested, then they'd drop the bomb of "i have a boyfriend. You are a great friend" so it's mega tedious.

It's actually very hard to find people like us, because it seems a lot of people in the world do not want to hear bad things can happen like heartbreak, being used etc and they'll dish out moronic advice while being annoyed you feel bad for valid reasons. I've lived this for a very long time regarding rejection and my god it really makes my depression unbearable along with other things in my life so it's not fun at all. Drugs/therapy won't fix that kind of thing, they might help with depression but if you keep on being kicked while down what's the point of trying the pills/therapy? You'll just go back to square one, but i do therapy for other issues in my life and just to vent about love/romance just to get it out of my system really. It's a never ending cycle of pain, sadness, heartbreak and agony as you think you've found someone and it's just the same old story. I joined here in 2019 while loving someone i met in 2019, but when she went back to her home country it all blew up again so i was bedridden every day for weeks just sleeping and getting up just to eat. All the pain is draining on our whole body, it actually causes a lot of fatigue i've noticed.

That feeling of knowing there's nothing there after feeling like there is, that's just awful. If you're like me you start to think "hey this could be the one", and yeah something goes wrong. One I've run into a couple times is "oh I'm not looking for a relationship", which would be fine if like you said they mentioned that early on. Unfortunately some people just don't care who they hurt, or even take into consideration the damage they might cause. With some people, as long as they fill their selfishness and greed that's all that matters.

I guess some people want to insist that life is all sunshine and rainbows, even if there is bad weather all around them. I don't like saying my age, but I'll be 40 in June and this has been a 20+ year thing for me. It's beaten me down so much that I can barely do the few things I once loved doing. Trying to rely on the medications and therapy definitely does not work when things just keep happening. I like to think of it as a ladder, the ladder representing those solutions people like to suggest, yet whenever things keep happening the rungs just keep disappearing so you can't continue the climb. Even if the rungs are replaced and you can climb again, as long as those rungs get removed it becomes an endless cycle. Your story brought me to tears, because I know it would have the same results on me.

To me there's no feeling worse than loving someone, and knowing there can never be anything regardless of the reason. I'm deeply in love with a girl I've known for 6 years though I knew from the start there could never be anything, but even then the pain is like no other and lately it's unbearable. I don't even think if someone else came along I could love them, because my heart lies elsewhere even if it's in vain.

 

[user 164061]

That feeling of knowing there's nothing there after feeling like there is, that's just awful. If you're like me you start to think "hey this could be the one", and yeah something goes wrong. One I've run into a couple times is "oh I'm not looking for a relationship", which would be fine if like you said they mentioned that early on. Unfortunately some people just don't care who they hurt, or even take into consideration the damage they might cause. With some people, as long as they fill their selfishness and greed that's all that matters.

I guess some people want to insist that life is all sunshine and rainbows, even if there is bad weather all around them. I don't like saying my age, but I'll be 40 in June and this has been a 20+ year thing for me. It's beaten me down so much that I can barely do the few things I once loved doing. Trying to rely on the medications and therapy definitely does not work when things just keep happening. I like to think of it as a ladder, the ladder representing those solutions people like to suggest, yet whenever things keep happening the rungs just keep disappearing so you can't continue the climb. Even if the rungs are replaced and you can climb again, as long as those rungs get removed it becomes an endless cycle. Your story brought me to tears, because I know it would have the same results on me.

To me there's no feeling worse than loving someone, and knowing there can never be anything regardless of the reason. I'm deeply in love with a girl I've known for 6 years though I knew from the start there could never be anything, but even then the pain is like no other and lately it's unbearable. I don't even think if someone else came along I could love them, because my heart lies elsewhere even if it's in vain.

That is a really long time to endure such rejection/loneliness all the time and i am sorry to hear that. They are the sort of people who get all of the luck and more, while we struggle massively to find any form of love, romance or affection from them. I think they truly believe you'll be ok with the rejection and will find someone in the blink of an eye, but it's just not that easy whatsoever.

The sunshine/rainbows mentality annoys me to be honest as it's just a weird way to think, especially with how the world is now and people are a lot more selfish in how they feel. Regarding things you enjoy that actually happened to me twice in 2016 i think it was and then 2019 because i loved 2 different people in those times very much but they just did not feel the same. I think the first time was actually worse because she kept mentioning this guy from my country and in the end she got with him instead. It was online of course, but it doesn't stop the pain when you get that close to someone and when we stopped talking as much they ended it. But i doubt very much she would have liked me anyway had he not come along, but hindsight is a wonderful thing really. I just didn't want to leave my bed or do any hobbies at all after being crushed like that. All i wanted to do was sleep, eat a small amount then go straight back to bed again.

You are like me then, once i love one person i can't just stop thinking about them/throw them away and find someone else at the drop of a hat. My mind doesn't work like that at all.

 

[user 189843]

That is a really long time to endure such rejection/loneliness all the time and i am sorry to hear that. They are the sort of people who get all of the luck and more, while we struggle massively to find any form of love, romance or affection from them. I think they truly believe you'll be ok with the rejection and will find someone in the blink of an eye, but it's just not that easy whatsoever.

The sunshine/rainbows mentality annoys me to be honest as it's just a weird way to think, especially with how the world is now and people are a lot more selfish in how they feel. Regarding things you enjoy that actually happened to me twice in 2016 i think it was and then 2019 because i loved 2 different people in those times very much but they just did not feel the same. I think the first time was actually worse because she kept mentioning this guy from my country and in the end she got with him instead. It was online of course, but it doesn't stop the pain when you get that close to someone and when we stopped talking as much they ended it. But i doubt very much she would have liked me anyway had he not come along, but hindsight is a wonderful thing really. I just didn't want to leave my bed or do any hobbies at all after being crushed like that. All i wanted to do was sleep, eat a small amount then go straight back to bed again.

You are like me then, once i love one person i can't just stop thinking about them/throw them away and find someone else at the drop of a hat. My mind doesn't work like that at all.

I guess we just aren't among the lucky ones eh? Hopefully some day it will happen for us, I mean I guess I can't be completely negative lol, but yeah like you said not easy at all and probably unlikely.

I can't stand that either. So many people trying to push positive vibes when all they want is for themselves. They might as well be yelling "hey sunshine and rainbows.... at least for me screw everyone else". That sounds eerily similar to what happened to me, so man I really feel you on that. The girl I mentioned knowing for 6 years has been with like 3 or more guys, even got married, so it was obvious she doesn't like me. When it comes to how much it hurts? Not leaving bed? Check. Not doing hobbies? Check. Just want to sleep? Check. So yeah, all things I can relate to. I'm starting to wonder if you're like a long long twin or something.

It sucks in a way too, because it makes it hard to move on. I do hope that we can both find someone someday that will love us back, and allow us to let go of those that we know will never feel the same about us.

 

[user 164061]

Recently my luck changed for the better and i am glad it did. Was actually set in being alone for the rest of my **** life, but what you expect is realism and not negativity at all. That's the subtle difference between negativity/realism, we know what's realistic and these people who don't suffer the way we do just jump onto the negativity bandwagon.

That is funny lol but the truth sadly about many people. Shoving the "positive vibe" down our throats while they just go on living without any issue or hinderance at all. Don't know what to say about the lady who got married, because i can't even say "maybe she liked you too and just couldn't wait" as i've had the same nonsense myself and if they loved me or had feelings they'd say something. Especially since they know how i am as a person (keeping things to myself). I think we are twins lol because we've lived through the same problems/issues with feelings/romance 100%, it's a very sad state of affairs when you cannot enjoy anything in life due to the things that plague us. I wish you good luck, i know my words don't mean anything or won't change anything but i know that pain super well. Once it starts, it never ends and i don't think our bodies are used to the emotional turmoil love brings.

 

[user 189843]

Oh stop being negative... sorry.... couldn't help myself lol. You're right, because while some think life is so perfect and happy for all it's not going to be. When it isn't that doesn't necessarily make it negative, that's just the harshness that reality can be at times. I mean hey life can really suck sometimes.

The ones I really find funny are those that like to say things like "just be happy"... I just want to be like okay give me something to be happy about and I'm there! Nah I don't think she ever liked me. I mean from the moment I met her she was with someone and apparently going back and forth between people, so I've just accepted she never liked me. Oh god you keep things to yourself too? Now that's just another reason to believe we're twins lol. And hey thanks a lot. I know what you say won't change anything, and I know the cliche is kind of lame, but in this case I think it really is the thought that counts so I appreciate the kind words. I wish you luck as well, and that one day we can both look back on this and laugh at how wrong we were.

 

[Unsigned]

The ones I really find funny are those that like to say things like "just be happy"...

My sister is like that.
I haven't had any contact with her or her kids in 5.5 years...

 

[user 189843]

My sister is like that.
I haven't had any contact with her or her kids in 5.5 years...

Reminds me of how I've been with family, I haven't seen or heard from most of them in years. It's mostly because of my struggles though, because I just stopped caring about most things at one point.

 

[Unsigned]

Reminds me of how I've been with family, I haven't seen or heard from most of them in years. It's mostly because of my struggles though, because I just stopped caring about most things at one point.

I stopped having any contact with her the day after my mother's funeral.
When she finally admitted to me that I was cut out of the will, and she knew about it for 4 years.
And this is a woman who had remarried a man 20 years older than her who has a 9 figure net worth. Yes...9 figures.
She didn't need the money.
She simply did it because she could (my mother's financial advisor, power of attorney, and will executor).
Evil reptile.

 

[user 189843]

I stopped having any contact with her the day after my mother's funeral.
When she finally admitted to me that I was cut out of the will, and she knew about it for 4 years.
And this is a woman who had remarried a man 20 years older than her who has a 9 figure net worth. Yes...9 figures.
She didn't need the money.
She simply did it because she could (my mother's financial advisor, power of attorney, and will executor).
Evil reptile.

That kinda reminds me of my aunt when my grandmother died. She basically wanted everything, and my dad basically got nothing. Apparently she even wanted my grandmother's wedding ring just so she could sell it. Man some people can be... well... a word that most wouldn't want to read nowadays so I guess reptile is a nice substitute lol.

 

[Kar]

I read a study that said the percentage of people who never get married or have kids is surprisingly high. I don't remember exactly but it was maybe 25%. There are also some people who stay single their whole life and are very content with that, but suddenly fall in love and marry once they are 80 or something. I personally think there are some people who desperately want to get married, and others who just can't imagine ever being romantically involved.

 

[abbynormal]

i hope the OP can entertain the fact that there are people in relationships that wished they weren't in. unhappiness lives in both camps and a minority have found their true "soul mate," with the majority making do with what they rated.

 

[charlotte craig]

I was married for 27 years until 5 years ago. When I left her I didn't spend 5 minutes missing her. There was just nothing there to miss. Now thats pretty **** sad. Wasted 30 years of my life and now I'll spend the last years alone and sad.. I miss having someone terribly but I dont miss my ex at all.

Being forever single is great in many ways - got a lot of advantages. But being with the right person instead, someone who allows you to be you, and does not try to dictate to you or change you is far better - emotionally and in practical ways. My mentor, predicted I would meet a guy and described him and want to stop being single. I find it very hard to believe and trust this as I had been single for a very long time. Eventually I forgot all about it until out of the blue this right guy comes along - I hired him as a builder to do work for me on some of my properties - we became friends and it grew from there. We are still together nine years later. The guys I had met before him were either gold diggers, spongers, users, losers, totally unsuitable because of their baggage and problems or had nothing much in common with me. I would have been lonelier with them than on my own and they would have drained me financially. Or I would have had to slum it and make do with a far lesser lifestyle to match them and theirs.

 

[Unsigned]

i hope the OP can entertain the fact that there are people in relationships that wished they weren't in. unhappiness lives in both camps and a minority have found their true "soul mate," with the majority making do with what they rated.

Very true.
The "grass is always greener" thing.
But it's tough to see the other side when you have only ever been on one side.
I tell guys I wish I could have had a girlfriend/wife, but then divorced guys chime in on how their lives were destroyed by unfair divorce settlements, alimony and child support.
So yeah, I agree that being single is not the worst thing in the world.
I have my freedom and get to keep my money.
I cannot imagine what it must be like to have to give up your house and then send monthly payments to a woman with whom you share only mutual hatred. That's hell on earth.

 

[Closetdweller]

Has anyone else realised that meeting someone and finding that special person to form a life with, for whatever reason is applicable to your situation, is probably just not going to happen for you? Like, sometimes it just doesn't happen for some people and I'm starting to realise that I'm probably going to be one of those people

Sadly, I hate to be deeply existential but romance is not a guarantee in life. I've learned it the hard way, i've seen records of people who spent entire lives without such a luxury.