Big day for me on Monday

[putter65]

Putter, even if I thought she were genuine - which in all honesty, I don't believe is - it just sounds like she would turn into a real gold digger. And surely you think you deserve better than that. Regardless of her giving you attention, it's only given to get money off you.

trust me her story was very believable. Very detailed. I am not stupid.

---

A girl who really did love you acts in a way that is immediately recognizable: she wants to spend time with you, she wants to do things with you, she /likes/ you and very rarely will it involve you directly giving her money.

This. If a girl's just outright asking you for money, she is probably:

A: Not at all independant
B: Shameless, I mean most people have some sense of reluctance in asking for cash from friends or even partners
And/or C: Trying to milk you for material possessions of some kind.

None of those things bode well. I'd never give money to a girl after a direct request unless we were in a serious relationship and she needed it for a genuine reason (she was sick or in financial trouble through no fault of her own).

A couple, IMO, should support one another, it should never be one party giving everything for nothing in return. That's just leeching, not a relationship.

This russian thing is a definate one off. I can't see it happening again. I detest dating agencies etc. I don't really want a relationship now. Just can't be bothered with it. Too much hassle.

Don't give up on relationships before you've actually properly had one Putter! I think the core problem is that longing for a girl in your life is pretty much screwing up your ability to attain just that. It's a trap I'm victim to myself.

If you want female company too much that turns into desperation and that's a total turn-off to the girl you want and a complete turn-on to women you really don't want to be involved with.

My advice would be to relax, don't get thinking about relationships or any of that stuff unless there's an obvious reason to do so. Just become friendly with women you like.

Then, if they start showing you actual affection (as opposed to random letters asking for money or bitchy afternoon coffees!) you'll be free to return that and actually have a healthy relationship

I really hope you find the right woman soon, you deserve it.

She didn't directly ask for money, it was more sutable than that. We started writing to each other and it was typical getting to know you stuff. I enjoyed the fact she wrote me a letter every day. I am used to people forgetting about me. She was a teacher in a small place 800 miles from moscow. She sent a few photo's. Nothing rude or professional looking in them. She was a normal looking woman in her 40's.

Loads of details in her letters, eg her pc broke down and she started having to use her friends. She often went to see her father who lived somewhere else, so I didn't get a letter that day. She was ill once so I didn't get an email for 3 days from her. (no pc you see, she was in bed for 2 days, couldn't get to her friends computer)

I could go on and on, very detailed stuff, nothing vague.

Regards her 'falling in love with me' - I have heard similar stories. A lonely woman gets attention from a man from another country. Falls for him. I do have a way with words. My letters got more and more romantic. It was crazy but not that crazy. It's happened to others why not me.

Regarding her not having the money for the trip. How do I know what the standard of living in rural Russia is ? Probably nothing like what I am used to.

Anyway she wanted to visit me during her holidays, teachers get 10 weeks off during summer. But she didn't have the money for the trip. So she asked for help with it. It was about a months pay for me. I have loads of money in bank so after alot of thought I sent it.

The proof of funds for Tourist visa's is true. What she is saying is true. I didn't know about it. She probably didn't. I have told her to go home. I have asked for my flight money back. I have told her to continue to write to me. I have said I will visit her later in the year or next year.

So if she doesn't write to me anymore then I know that she was a scammer. I can move on with my life.

If she still writes, sends me my money back and continues to write then maybe she was for real. Maybe I can visit her next year.

This came out of the blue. I am not desperate for a woman. It was the first time I have joined a dating site. Shame nobody was interested but her. I cancelled after 2 months. I have no plans joining another one. Just can't be bothered anymore with women. I'm taking a rest from it.

 

[IgnoredOne]

trust me her story was very believable. Very detailed. I am not stupid.

Yet you fell for a scam, so clearly you made a mistake somewhere.

Whenever someone asks for money directly, red flags should be going off everywhere. Even if someone wants to come over, she should be equally amenable to you just offering to buy the ticket for her - I mean, it makes sense, right?

My girlfriend was from another country, though not a very far one, and the logistic pretty much when I got a ticket to her, and a two tickets for us back together. At no point whatsoever did she ask for money directly, which would have made me suspicious if she did.

 

[putter65]

trust me her story was very believable. Very detailed. I am not stupid.

Yet you fell for a scam, so clearly you made a mistake somewhere.

Whenever someone asks for money directly, red flags should be going off everywhere. Even if someone wants to come over, she should be equally amenable to you just offering to buy the ticket for her - I mean, it makes sense, right?

My girlfriend was from another country, though not a very far one, and the logistic pretty much when I got a ticket to her, and a two tickets for us back together. At no point whatsoever did she ask for money directly, which would have made me suspicious if she did.

well yes if it turns out she was a scam then i made mistakes. I saw red flags all over the place but nothing concrete. I did loads of research in russian scams, searched databases, couldn't find anything about her. I was always about 50/50. When she said she was flying in I was 95/5 she was real. Now I am about 10/90 she is a scammer.

We will know soon enough. It was a one off. I won't be writing to any other russian women or joining dating sites. It won't happen again. I will save my money back in a few months and put it down to a bad experience.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I've just had someone on facebook suggest to me going on a singles night. Why put myself thru that ? I wanted a girl in my life when I was 16. I'm 44 now. So that's 28 years of not been good enough. 28 long years of failure and rejection. Why is it suddenly going to change ? It's not. People don't understand some people are just not very attractive. Looks, body language, personality etc. The whole package is not good enough to attract anybody.

Sorry but this is such bull. I don't want to bag on any of my friend but some fall into this category. A friend of mine posted a picture of her and her guy, neither are "lookers" but they are very happy with each other. It was nice to see that this whole "I'm not attractive so no one wants me" crap is just that, crap. It is something that people come up with as an excuse or defence mechanism when it is brought up. It is just so untrue, stop believing that.

I completely 1000% agree with you, Sci. Jeremy and I are not lookers at all, but that won't stop us from being happy with each other and being fun around each other. I honestly think it's a defense thing too. "Oh, I'm ugly. No one will ever want me." Really? Did you talk to everyone on this Earth? 7 billion people, and no one said one positive thing about you? Sorry, but it is a bunch of bull crap. People resort to that when they want to give up or already have. Or out of just plain laziness. Because no, things won't just fall into your lap. Building relationships take effort.

Oh, and of course you didn't find anything about her. That's why they're called scams...

 

[putter65]

I've just had someone on facebook suggest to me going on a singles night. Why put myself thru that ? I wanted a girl in my life when I was 16. I'm 44 now. So that's 28 years of not been good enough. 28 long years of failure and rejection. Why is it suddenly going to change ? It's not. People don't understand some people are just not very attractive. Looks, body language, personality etc. The whole package is not good enough to attract anybody.

Sorry but this is such bull. I don't want to bag on any of my friend but some fall into this category. A friend of mine posted a picture of her and her guy, neither are "lookers" but they are very happy with each other. It was nice to see that this whole "I'm not attractive so no one wants me" crap is just that, crap. It is something that people come up with as an excuse or defence mechanism when it is brought up. It is just so untrue, stop believing that.

I completely 1000% agree with you, Sci. Jeremy and I are not lookers at all, but that won't stop us from being happy with each other and being fun around each other. I honestly think it's a defense thing too. "Oh, I'm ugly. No one will ever want me." Really? Did you talk to everyone on this Earth? 7 billion people, and no one said one positive thing about you? Sorry, but it is a bunch of bull crap. People resort to that when they want to give up or already have. Or out of just plain laziness. Because no, things won't just fall into your lap. Building relationships take effort.

Oh, and of course you didn't find anything about her. That's why they're called scams...

funny you should mention everybody on earth. My thinking was well english women don't like me, maybe russian women will. I fancied a change. Maybe they look for different things in men ? Different values ?

I knew alot about her. name, address, where she lived, what she did. It's not 100% it's a scam yet.

One reason I wanted this to happen so much was so I could put a big two fingers up at all the doubters and people who had nothing good to say about it. People who automatically said 'oh it's a scam' - probably because it involved a woman liking me.

When I find out for definate I will come on here and say. Hopefully she will continue to write and send me some of my money back. Miracles happen. If it does I will tell alot of people to f**k off. (not people on here btw)

 

[VanillaCreme]

But you don't know if she's really real? Come on, Putter... You can do whatever you fancy, but do you need to have a certain amount of red flags in order to know? You want to prove what to doubters? They don't care either way what really happens. It's not them.

 

[putter65]

But you don't know if she's really real? Come on, Putter... You can do whatever you fancy, but do you need to have a certain amount of red flags in order to know? You want to prove what to doubters? They don't care either way what really happens. It's not them.

Hi - I will come back in a few days and tell you all.

Obviously if I don't hear from her, then she was a scammer.

The doubters were mostly from work.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi Putter, I know how it feels when everyone says 'oh, this won't work' or 'it's a scam' or 'I knew s/he didn't really care about you.' It makes you feel so mad, because you want it to work both for your own sake and also to turn round to all of those who doubted and tell them they are wrong. I've had it happen to me too-the situations were different but the 'know betters' were out in force long before any real warning signs appeared.
I think that in your case it isn't that they are thinking it wouldnt work because of any deficiency in you, but rather that there is an almost automatic prejudice to anything involving people from Russia and other poorer countries. They are assumed to be scammers from the start. However, in this case, this lady does seem to be dishonest, so please be really careful.

 

[putter65]

Hi Putter, I know how it feels when everyone says 'oh, this won't work' or 'it's a scam' or 'I knew s/he didn't really care about you.' It makes you feel so mad, because you want it to work both for your own sake and also to turn round to all of those who doubted and tell them they are wrong. I've had it happen to me too-the situations were different but the 'know betters' were out in force long before any real warning signs appeared.
I think that in your case it isn't that they are thinking it wouldnt work because of any deficiency in you, but rather that there is an almost automatic prejudice to anything involving people from Russia and other poorer countries. They are assumed to be scammers from the start. However, in this case, this lady does seem to be dishonest, so please be really careful.

no emails today so I can think we can say she was a scammer. Once I made it clear I wouldn't send anymore money, she doesn't want to know.

To be truthfull, I sent the first £400 online using Western Union by mistake. I was messing about entering stuff and I expected the bank details bit to come up but it didn't so I sent it by accident. So I thought I might as well send the other £400.

The money doesn't hurt, I have it to lose. I can replace it in 3 months.

It's all around the shop. There are some smug *******s at work saying 'they knew all along' - behind my back of course.

I will learn my lesson - no more online dating, no more russians ! no crazy rumanians ! No more sending emails / texts to women who don't care - can't be bothered anymore.

---

Hi Putter, I know how it feels when everyone says 'oh, this won't work' or 'it's a scam' or 'I knew s/he didn't really care about you.' It makes you feel so mad, because you want it to work both for your own sake and also to turn round to all of those who doubted and tell them they are wrong. I've had it happen to me too-the situations were different but the 'know betters' were out in force long before any real warning signs appeared.
I think that in your case it isn't that they are thinking it wouldnt work because of any deficiency in you, but rather that there is an almost automatic prejudice to anything involving people from Russia and other poorer countries. They are assumed to be scammers from the start. However, in this case, this lady does seem to be dishonest, so please be really careful.

Most of the people at work are women and they have known me for roughly 10 years.

Their attitude is - if a woman is interested in me then she must be up to something. Either using me, cheating on me or something. They are all women and although most of them probably like me, they don't see me as a man who dates or attracts women. I am the joke, the loser in love, the guy who talks about liking a woman while another guy gets the date.

I'm not making this up. That's why I wanted this to be real. Just to show them.

Anyway this lady customer who I like called me by my name and asked me how I was so at least that cheered me up.

And also I don't think I will have any problems when I'm 60, I attract very old ladies easily

 

[Rayri]

Instead of wishing why she would do that, you should be glad and feel special ! And yes, i also do hope it's not a scam. Anyway, good luck ! =.3

 

[VanillaCreme]

You wanted it to be real to prove to people who don't really care what happens to you romantically. Instead of wanting it to be real so you could have something real, regardless of what anyone thought. I can't completely dismiss online relationships, as mine started out that way, and fortunately for the both of us, we each turned out to be real people. I'm sorry though, that you did not find someone who cared about you this time around. No one's to say it could never happen though, online or otherwise.

 

[IgnoredOne]

You should be very wary of doing something just to 'prove' it to someone else, especially people who really shouldn't matter.

 

[Minus]

... I saw red flags all over the place but nothing concrete....

no emails today so I can think we can say she was a scammer. Once I made it clear I wouldn't send anymore money, she doesn't want to know.

putter, I am sorry things went the way that they did. You were aware before the time of the money transfer that it could be a scam but decided to follow through farther. That is understandable. I have seen that happen a lot. From spending too much time watching a scammer work, I came to realize that they don't always have to have a person totally convinced. Often a reasonable possibility is enough.

Not to get too off topic here but as an example there was a person running a medical scam. He claimed to have a terminal illness and was getting money from people to help pay for his continuing medical treatments. While there were glaring holes in his story which he covered up with lie upon lie, people he approached for money even after being warned that it looked like he was running a scam, would still give him money. Basically they felt that they would rather be safe than sorry. They would rather risk being taken than to find out that they had turned down a terminal person. They felt it was worth the risk even with all the warnings. It did prove to be a scam and he lived quite well off of it.

I am sorry things turned out that way for you.

 

[Tiina63]

Their attitude is - if a woman is interested in me then she must be up to something. Either using me, cheating on me or something. They are all women and although most of them probably like me, they don't see me as a man who dates or attracts women. I am the joke, the loser in love, the guy who talks about liking a woman while another guy gets the date.

I'm not making this up. That's why I wanted this to be real. Just to show them.

Maybe you should keep it to yourself if you are in touch with another woman in future so that noone can tease you about it if it goes wrong again. I sometimes keep it to myself if I am writing to someone, going on a date, so that noone can say 'I knew it wouldn't work' afterwards. Then, if it does work out, you can tell them then.

And also I don't think I will have any problems when I'm 60, I attract very old ladies easily
[/quote]

Roll on your 60th birthday

 

[putter65]

You wanted it to be real to prove to people who don't really care what happens to you romantically. Instead of wanting it to be real so you could have something real, regardless of what anyone thought. I can't completely dismiss online relationships, as mine started out that way, and fortunately for the both of us, we each turned out to be real people. I'm sorry though, that you did not find someone who cared about you this time around. No one's to say it could never happen though, online or otherwise.

I'll give online dating a miss, never liked it.

That russian, it was just something different and she said things that no woman as ever said to me. Of course I didn't believe her but it was always on mind - what if she is genuine ? I had to find out. And of course finding out cost money.

---

You should be very wary of doing something just to 'prove' it to someone else, especially people who really shouldn't matter.

it wasn't totally about other people. That was just an extra.

I wanted a friend, a lover. English women arent interested so I tried something else.

---

... I saw red flags all over the place but nothing concrete....

no emails today so I can think we can say she was a scammer. Once I made it clear I wouldn't send anymore money, she doesn't want to know.

putter, I am sorry things went the way that they did. You were aware before the time of the money transfer that it could be a scam but decided to follow through farther. That is understandable. I have seen that happen a lot. From spending too much time watching a scammer work, I came to realize that they don't always have to have a person totally convinced. Often a reasonable possibility is enough.

Not to get too off topic here but as an example there was a person running a medical scam. He claimed to have a terminal illness and was getting money from people to help pay for his continuing medical treatments. While there were glaring holes in his story which he covered up with lie upon lie, people he approached for money even after being warned that it looked like he was running a scam, would still give him money. Basically they felt that they would rather be safe than sorry. They would rather risk being taken than to find out that they had turned down a terminal person. They felt it was worth the risk even with all the warnings. It did prove to be a scam and he lived quite well off of it.

I am sorry things turned out that way for you.

thank you.

She was obviously very skilled at what she did. I never caught her out. I spent hours on russian scams sites looking thru photo's and searching for her name. Never found one shread of evidence she wasn't telling the truth.

She rang me up at 6.30pm my time. So it was 11.30pm her time and she had to use an internet cafe. So that was suspicious, would a woman be out at that time ? As always it wasn't conclusive.

---

Their attitude is - if a woman is interested in me then she must be up to something. Either using me, cheating on me or something. They are all women and although most of them probably like me, they don't see me as a man who dates or attracts women. I am the joke, the loser in love, the guy who talks about liking a woman while another guy gets the date.

I'm not making this up. That's why I wanted this to be real. Just to show them.

Maybe you should keep it to yourself if you are in touch with another woman in future so that noone can tease you about it if it goes wrong again. I sometimes keep it to myself if I am writing to someone, going on a date, so that noone can say 'I knew it wouldn't work' afterwards. Then, if it does work out, you can tell them then.

And also I don't think I will have any problems when I'm 60, I attract very old ladies easily

Roll on your 60th birthday
[/quote]

ha ha !

I don't want to wish my life away !