Arsenic Queen said:
VanillaCreme said:
I just read all of this thread, instead of just skimming, and it makes me sad. Because, women do NOT have it easier. I was never guaranteed nor promised a relationship. Neither gender has it easier over the other, however, people with attitudes that aren't filled with horseshit do tend to have it a tittle bit easier.
Well put there Vanilla. Very true. I appreciate that you speak for us. Even just us women on this "A Lonely Life" forum, reading this, we all landed here, it's for a reason. If it was so easy and fun out there, why would we sit here and post like this?
Antihero said:
I agree. It is just hard for a decent human being to find another decent human to take part in their lives.
Very true here too. It's a lot about luck and trying and failing, and not giving up. And about having something to offer to others - sometimes this is the most difficult part.
But it's possible to meet others and create bonds. Just on this forum I already had a few times the proof that it's possible. I found what seems like true friendships. People tied by a mutual admiration, respect and interest towards each other; and valuing their friendships enough to really try and talk the rough edges out as they appear.
I met genuine people who truly want to share something with me and I made them my friends. Could "more" come out of it somewhere, somehow? The potential could be there. Why worry about that? Why rush it? It's like inspiration, pleasure and desire, it has to come by itself, by doing things that stimulate the relationship positively and bring it to... what you want it to be.
Hard to be zen like that when you're worked up with desire and frustration; when you have a lot to offer but no one to offer it to; when you feel like a voice crying out in the wilderness; but if you're not zen it'll just never come. You cannot force romance like you cannot force ideas to come! You'll kill it out of over-wanting it and out of not trusting life enough.
Of course it never seems possible until opportunities DO show up. And sometimes they don't show up until you are truly open to new people, and/or until you act in positive ways to create new opportunities with them.
firebird85 said:
^that is what I was saying. Women should practice what they preach
I'll tell you something Firebird85. With this attitude, even if a woman here wanted to sleep with you (and at some point at least one of them did!), you kill it. You make them think you hate them, blame them, demonize them even before knowing them and they won't come close to you.
No one likes to get thrown rocks like that. Your "imperfection", whatever it is, isn't the reason why you're single. I know "quite an imperfect" man who's a freaking genius, an awesome rocker, his name is Martin Deschamps. He was born with congenital deformities of all four limbs; he is missing both his left arm and right leg, and has only two fingers on his right hand. He is also just out-of-this-world awesome. Look him up. Many "normal" rockers out there are totally crashed by his immense talent. I don't know if he's single. But he's worshipped and loved by a lot of people.
Most people here have very different "imperfections", some bigger than others. But we're ALL lonely enough to hit this forum to talk about it, and most of us, single. Whatever you got doesn't make you a finished guy, it's your frustration and anger that keeps the others away from you! Open your heart a little more.
I am simply not accepted by other humans in real life. Not accepted *by* the opposite sex. I mean, just look at me. I haven't had a social life since I was 15. I've never had a girlfriend, been on a date, as an offshoot of that I never even had friends that were girls. That's what I live with every day.
You can tell guys like me til the cows come home that we need to have confidence, self esteem, "financial stability", and all the rest of the materialism but the simple fact is..........if people, other people on this planet, aren't going to accept you in the first place, well, you are basically fighting a losing battle. I don't allow myself to be blinded by this illusion other people have. The illusion that everything comes out of thin air. This is nonsense.
Confidence? well, in order to be confident in the first place you need to have a source for said confidence. If the entire female gender doesn't like you, this fake confidence you have is worthless: women have deemed you unattractive, an invisible stamp on your forhead.
It's the same thing with PUA and all their propaganda. They aren't telling men the whole nine yards. They promote the same illusion that goes with confidence. PUA tells men that they can walk up to women and make the woman attracted. Magically. It's total nonsense. Once again, you can learn all the PUA skills and tricks you want, they won't stop rejection. PUA promises you the world, but delivers absolutely nothing. Attraction doesn't come out of thin air. I really don't want to hear anymore about confidence and PUA, it's really all just mind games and propaganda.
It is not fun to have to live this life. To live a life where the opposite sex, doesn't acknowledge you, doesn't find you attractive, doesn't talk to you, get involved with you, but really just ignores you, and completely rejects you on a subconcious level. It really does feel like true forced loneliness to me. Women on dating sites won't even send me a message saying hello.
Someone is in the wrong here, I know it's not me. I know I'm a decent human being. It's other people who aren't. It's scary how "elders" think I'm a saint and the few times I was in a decent work environment I was considered one of the nicest, calmest, most responsible souls ever.
But when it comes to this world of the opposite sex, and dating, and relationships, I'm a total 0. People say I am good looking, but they don't know the dark secret. Sometimes I think I'm cursed by the universe, or I'm really nothing special. In other words I'm not really a special person at all, just a little speck in the universe.
A woman's problem isn't that she can't find anyone period, her problem is not finding the so called "right" one.
Men, on the other hand, well, look at me, I can't find anyone period. I can't find girls to be friends with in real life and hang out with other people and do stuff with. That's another part of the teenage life I missed out on. I mean you look at just how much emotional energy not being able to attract the opposite sex or not being able to interact with the opposite sex takes out of your life. Imagine spending just 20% of your day or half the day agonizing over the fact that you don't have somebody. That you are never going to find somebody. Like you are forced out, and nothing will ever change. Just like I wrote before...."I feel the same. For years I have looked for some kind of reset button. I don't know what the solution is, I truly believe there is none. I believe some people like me, our souls will just never be happy. Never be satisfied or content. The way we want things to be, the things we believe in, will never be reality. They will never happen. You are on the other side of the wall, you will never win. You will never live a normal life. You will never see, or think about things like others. You are, an outcast, an outsider, the loser in a room full of winners. The most painful part, is when it's out of your control, period, forever, and always. That is THE most hardest part. It could take until your last dying breath to come to terms with your life, and your circumstances being out of your control. It is one of the most hardest, soul-wrenching things next to having a family member murdered, die in front of you, or a dead-at-birth twin.
I frown upon people who say that everything bad and unfortunate that happens to a person, and everything that life presents to a person, is their choice, their doing, their fault. What they are really saying is that the world is a perfect place, everything is fine, and if you have an issue with something, it's you. This is a totally crackpot ideology that has been forcefully programmed into people. Sorry guys, the world is far from perfect, life is far from perfect, what I am trying to point out here is the just-world fallacy."
There is an underlying issue somewhere on the line, and it really hurts me.
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