Broken

[PurpleStar]

I feel so utterly broken right now.

My husband recently had an affair, and i believed we were trying to get past it. It wasn't so much what he did that hurt, but the lying and mind games that accompanied it as they nearly destroyed me. 

He was adamant there is no future for them, but still wanted the friendship which i allowed. He was more distant at home, increasingly these past couple of weeks, and today announced he basically wants us to separate so he can find himself and sort his head out, then maybe we can start meeting and try to rebuild something, even just a friendship (which I'm not sure i could do as it would hurt too much). This later evolved into what sounded more like a friends with benefits type thing with no rules or expectations.

I feel so broken and frightened and ill right now and don't know what to think. I have no self confidence as it is, and currently no trust in anyone, and now i feel completely unloved and unwanted too. 

I'm sorry, i don't really know what I'm expecting from this, but i just needed someone to talk to and i don't really have anyone.

 

[michael2]

He sounds like a predator. Surely he senses your lack of confidence, and is taking advantage of it. You deserve much better then that.

 

[kamya]

Sorry to hear about this PurpleStar. Do you have any children together? If not then I'd say you're lucky. If he is offering your a situation that you don't want then it looks like its time to move on. You'll be alright again some day. Keep your head up.

 

[PurpleStar]

He sounds like a predator.  Surely he senses your lack of confidence, and is taking advantage of it.  You deserve much better then that.

Oh he knows. He thinks he has always been this way, but has been trying very hard to fit social norms etc and ultimately he can't as its not who he is and it is destroying him trying to be that person. He's just sorry that I've been caught in the cross fire as he didn't want to hurt me. I do question why it took him nearly 14 years or marriage and almost 18 years together to work that out though

---

Sorry to hear about this PurpleStar. Do you have any children together? If not then I'd say you're lucky. If he is offering your a situation that you don't want then it looks like its time to move on. You'll be alright again some day. Keep your head up.

We have a twelve year old daughter together, so ultimately i will still always have to have contact with him in some way. I know you are.right in what i should do, but it just hurts so much to even contemplate it.

---

I haven't slept all night (not helped by am accident on the ice yesterday, so i am in pain anyway), but i just cannot switch my brain off. I've been playing it all over and over

 

[Unix]

I feel so utterly broken right now.

My husband recently had an affair, and i believed we were trying to get past it. It wasn't so much what he did that hurt, but the lying and mind games that accompanied it as they nearly destroyed me. 

He was adamant there is no future for them, but still wanted the friendship which i allowed. He was more distant at home, increasingly these past couple of weeks, and today announced he basically wants us to separate so he can find himself and sort his head out, then maybe we can start meeting and try to rebuild something, even just a friendship (which I'm not sure i could do as it would hurt too much). This later evolved into what sounded more like a friends with benefits type thing with no rules or expectations.

I feel so broken and frightened and ill right now and don't know what to think. I have no self confidence as it is, and currently no trust in anyone, and now i feel completely unloved and unwanted too. 

I'm sorry, i don't really know what I'm expecting from this, but i just needed someone to talk to and i don't really have anyone.

I love you purplestar :

However I can't give you an advice, but I guess that you aren't looking for someone that gives you the solution to the problem, you just need someone that makes you feel not alone. 


So, use this forum to talk with us, listen some good music that cheers you up (Elo-mr Blue sky) and try to find someone to talk with on a daily basis, here and irl

 

[PurpleStar]

I feel so utterly broken right now.

My husband recently had an affair, and i believed we were trying to get past it. It wasn't so much what he did that hurt, but the lying and mind games that accompanied it as they nearly destroyed me. 

He was adamant there is no future for them, but still wanted the friendship which i allowed. He was more distant at home, increasingly these past couple of weeks, and today announced he basically wants us to separate so he can find himself and sort his head out, then maybe we can start meeting and try to rebuild something, even just a friendship (which I'm not sure i could do as it would hurt too much). This later evolved into what sounded more like a friends with benefits type thing with no rules or expectations.

I feel so broken and frightened and ill right now and don't know what to think. I have no self confidence as it is, and currently no trust in anyone, and now i feel completely unloved and unwanted too. 

I'm sorry, i don't really know what I'm expecting from this, but i just needed someone to talk to and i don't really have anyone.

I love you purplestar :

However I can't give you an advice, but I guess that you aren't looking for someone that gives you the solution to the problem, you just need someone that makes you feel not alone. 


So, use this forum to talk with us, listen some good music that cheers you up (Elo-mr Blue sky) and try to find someone to talk with on a daily basis, here and irl

Thank you Unix. You are so very right, and i am grateful to have found this forum to be able to chat with people.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I've been in a similar situation. In a few years (provided you work at it and don't let yourself stay down), you will look back and wonder why you wanted to be with him after he did that. You are better off without him. Things between my ex and I are a lot better now that we are no longer together than it was for the last 7 years we were together. You'll be okay, just keep moving forward.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

Purple, I am on the other side of the planet, and even if I were not, I can't help directly.

But I'm going to go out on a limb here, Dump the cheating *******, Just do it, It will be painful. It will be horrible. And you will suffer.

But do it. Becuse it will set you free, and if you do not, chances are he will do this again. And there will be more excuses.


Also, the fact you are married but on a loneliness forum speaks volumes to me. You know? Cut your losses and move on.

 

[user 139760]

Dump the cheating *******,  Just do it,  It will be painful.  It will be horrible.  And you will suffer.

But do it.  Becuse it will set you free, and if you do not, chances are he will do this again.  And there will be more excuses.

'nuff said.
You know what to do, girl. It's hard, it's not fun, but it's the best thing. For you and your daughter.

 

[TheLoadedDog]

Concur.