Bullying on the Forum

[SophiaGrace]

Not everyone will agree with me. God knows I've participated in this.

I've been thinking though, It seems to me that when someone appears on the boards that all the "old" members dislike or at least, a great majority. That they all gang up on said-person and leave posts that bash them. Even some of the moderators on this forum seem to do it. Not all of them do it. Some though.

A really good example of this would be The-One. Was he arrogant? Yes. Was he obnoxious? Yes. Does that justify one of the members making a comic about it? no. I think that crosses a line.

I just did a presentation on bullying and one of the things I found out is that people bully to boost their social status among their peers or because they can get away with it. I believe this happens here on ALL as well when it would just be much more prudent to report a post or privately PM a moderator with your concerns rather than mock the person in the thread they've just created. When it would be more prudent for a moderator to warn the person and be done with it, rather than haggle it out with them in posts.

It's a tricky subject and one that should be present in the minds of members & moderators here.

I do not care if i am disagreed with. It needed to be said.

 

[dead]

sophia, i agree...
bullying is not something that should happen on a forum like ALL, which is made FOR people that feel marginalized and somewhat outcast as it is.

however, everyone is human and... well.. sometimes things get out of hand :/
everyone here has different ideas on how to deal with things, some more socially accepted than others - and strife inevitably ensues.

so... i understand both sides of most standoffs, (even if i do not necessarily AGREE with any), and i know that 99.9 of the people here MEAN well. some are just very protective of their opinions, some are very hurt, and some lack the social understanding to express their thoughts in ways that don't evoke red lights from other members.

we all could do better with these things.

so... i agree, it should be said.

as to the comic... personally - i agree, it is probably not the best way to deal with the situation. it's not the way i would choose.
since i do know that the person that is responsible for the comic did not mean to offend though... i did not say anything about it so far. maybe i should have.

and... as you say, most of us here, at least to some degree participated in this, whether with the very recent CAS/SocratesX flames, or any others... i just don't want to see any more fingers pointed and more flames started. let's just pick things up from here and see how things go.

 

[Carcass Raid]

Yeah idk what happened but a site like this should be without any sorts of hate. I know I came here for a solitude of sorts (mostly found empty hope but whatev) and that sort of thing would make me further secluded.

 

[mintymint]

I'm not familiar with The-One's situation as it predates my time here on the forum, but I don't see why there's a need to PM a moderator in most of these cases. If you post on a public forum, expect to get public responses. If you post with the intent to incite conflict and lash out with your negativity, don't be surprised if people don't stand idly by. If you post with the intent to spread hate and put others down, expect to be met with ample resistance from members. And if you go on a wanton posting spree for your own indulgence and self satisfaction, you are already making a mockery out of yourself. Don't be shocked when others simply point it out to you. Frankly some of these people have demonstrated little or no ability for constructive communication, yet they continue to stir up trouble. Do they expect the other members to coddle them like children just because they act like children? It's clearly just a destructive pattern of behavior for them, and until they straighten themselves out, they should expect to reap what they sow. I know some people here have serious issues, but respect and civility should come first.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I did not say to sit back and let Original Posters say whatever they wish, rather to handle it in a different manner.

 

[Orthochromatic]

It is the nature of the beast. Every forum I have checked out has an established base that will turn on someone that is being a tool. It was like this even back in the days of BBSs that ran in peoples basements with 300 baud modems with acoustic couplers.

Not confronting someone when they act like an idiot and just sending a PM to a mod seems to be the politically correct thing to do though.

 

[kelbo]

I think it is because everywhere you go you will get cliqués...people who group together and who usually share the same views/attitudes. Then if someone comes on and raises an opposing view, or who is a bit out spoken, or who isn't like the rest of the people - then all hell breaks loose, because the cliqué-y people will take the piss out of them, joking together to make it seem like acceptable behaviour. I've seen it happen quite a few times on this forum. But it happens everywhere. People are people.

 

[dead]

It is the nature of the beast. Every forum I have checked out has an established base that will turn on someone that is being a tool. It was like this even back in the days of BBSs that ran in peoples basements with 300 baud modems with acoustic couplers.

Not confronting someone when they act like an idiot and just sending a PM to a mod seems to be the politically correct thing to do though.

ahhh bbs.... ^_^

 

[evanescencefan91]

It is good that you made this post Sophia

even lonely people and victims of bullying can slip up, and end up doing or saying something mean sometimes they don't relaize how mean their statement was until after they've said it

Also very important if some says something mean in a post or something try to remain calm, anger over a bullying incident usually escalates things, you can ignore it, or just say

"hey that mean please do not say such things"

Sometimes people are joking or being sarcastic, but the receiver felt offended


and if it continues then it would be recommended that you notify a moderator.

 

[Mike Moose]

right on..people come here for help and to have some sort of connection..not to made to feel worse and having mind games be played on them..
so says the newbie

 

[Coverage]

Good post Sophia, and I can see where you are coming from.


I guess I stand alittle bit in the middle on this issue. This is a public forum and if you knowingly post stupid offensive remarks, then I think you should be flamed to a certain extent. If you post hateful or just plain stupid posts then the core group of forum members will come down on you hard just like on any other message forum.

I do think some situations might be better controlled though. I think once the point has been made that a certain topic/remark is not acceptable then mods might could step in and end it. If its a thread then lock it, or if its a post then clear it and make sure everyone gets back on topic.

I wouldn't say anyone here is "bullying" other members, but I think having a slightly "friendlier" atmosphere towards the misguided could be put into place.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Not everyone will agree with me. God knows I've participated in this.

Even some of the moderators on this forum seem to do it. Not all of them do it. Some though.

There are only three active mods here, as you well know. Some means more than one, which means two out of three of us.
People need to know that their actions are unacceptable. I've found that the mods need not say much at all in most cases because other members generally make it known that they don't care for the person's behavior. And what about the victims of these people you are talking about? Wouldnt that make THEM the bullies who actually originated the conflict?

 

[SophiaGrace]

Yes i did mean two. and I started this thread, not to discredit any of the mods, but I think what I said should be considered as input rather than a statement made with the intent to dismantle authority.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Yes i did mean two. and I started this thread, not to discredit any of the mods, but I think what I said should be considered as input rather than a statement made with the intent to dismantle authority.

This is a relatively peaceful place until a few people take it upon themselves to to be malicious to others or make threads that insult others. And calling two thirds of the mods, "bullies" is certainly an attempt to "discredit" them. Luckily, I know that the notion that the two to whom you refer are bullies, is absurd.

 

[SophiaGrace]

*shrug* never said anyone had to agree with me

 

[EveWasFramed]

*shrug* never said anyone had to agree with me

Well, I suppose that's likely a good thing, since it appears that not everyone does.

 

[SophiaGrace]

*shrug* never said anyone had to agree with me

Well, I suppose that's likely a good thing, since it appears that not everyone does.

Well, even if i DID say everyone had to agree with me, it wouldnt happen.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Indeed.

 

[Badjedidude]

I'm not familiar with The-One's situation as it predates my time here on the forum, but I don't see why there's a need to PM a moderator in most of these cases. If you post on a public forum, expect to get public responses. If you post with the intent to incite conflict and lash out with your negativity, don't be surprised if people don't stand idly by. If you post with the intent to spread hate and put others down, expect to be met with ample resistance from members. And if you go on a wanton posting spree for your own indulgence and self satisfaction, you are already making a mockery out of yourself. Don't be shocked when others simply point it out to you. Frankly some of these people have demonstrated little or no ability for constructive communication, yet they continue to stir up trouble. Do they expect the other members to coddle them like children just because they act like children? It's clearly just a destructive pattern of behavior for them, and until they straighten themselves out, they should expect to reap what they sow. I know some people here have serious issues, but respect and civility should come first.

The main reason that I was against The_One was because he WAS intensely arrogant, entirely negative, perpetuated serious generalizations against race/sex/others....and proceeded to give advice to other members that was not only highly questionable, but entirely destructive in nature.

So yes, I spoke my piece against him...but note: I was at all times making sure to let him know that I sincerely hoped he found some help for himself. As far as my more harsh words to him...minty is right.

If someone comes and posts trash on a public forum, then they should expect to recieve public criticism and analyzation of what they're saying. That's the rule I live by. If I ever start spouting a bunch of ****, feel free to call me on it. 'Nuff said.

 

[AndrewM]

I'm relatively new, but I've always found the moderators to be very even-handed and respectful. Otherwise I agree with SophiaGrace that at least we should all try to be conscious of the possibility of engaging in bullying or mobbing behaviour. I'm certainly not immune to acting this way. I suppose it's a kind or primordial response that members of a group engage in when that group is perceived to be threatened in some way by an outsider. The great thing about ALL is that it tries to be a place for people who don't belong anywhere else. But a lot of us here don't fit in because we lack the social skills or temperament which allow us to easily relate to other people. So there has to be greater tolerance for people who rub others than wrong way. In a lot of cases, the only way people who are isolated improve is not by being shunned but being engaged and ultimately accepted. There are of course limits to how much can be tolerated, but that's why there are moderators. (I honestly can't ever see the value in ridiculing others though, if that is in fact what happened in the case SophiaGrace refers to.)