Can People Love Each Other Equally?

[Case]

One thing I have noticed about all the women I have had relationships with in the past (not a high number, I assure you,) is that there is a pattern of mismatched love.

In every case one person's feelings are intense and the other person's feelings are muted. One person treats the relationship as everything they every needed or wanted out of life, and the other is like, "Meh. I can take it or leave it."

I have never been in a relationship where both myself and my lady-friend loved each other equally. One of us was always either feeling more intensity, more commitment, more passion, (perhaps more jealousy,) or more dedication than the other. And, I have been on both sides of the equation. I have either been the intense one, or I have been the "Meh" one.

What I have been wondering is whether or not this is always the case in every relationship. 

So, I have a question: Have you ever been in a relationship where both of you loved each other equally?

My hypothesis (based on an admittedly limited number of women) is that men and women (or any gender pairing) cannot possibly love each other at the same rate of intensity. Someone is always lagging behind. Someone always fell in love FIRST. So, I wonder what happens to bring both people together for the long-term? 

Is this a problematic hypothesis? Do I have it all wrong? Do we all have someone out there who we can love with 100 percent of our being and get 100 percent of their being back in return? 

TL DR - I believe that no couple can love each other on the same level. One person is always more intense, more passionate, more whatever than the other. Do you agree or disagree, and why?

 

[Serenia]

In my own experience, I haven't experienced equal love, it has always been me who has loved more.

Although I can think of two relationships where I do believe they love equally. So I think it can happen, but it is very rare.

 

[user 139760]

unquantifiable can't be quantified, since exact definitions vary wildly from one individual to the next. So in a nutshell...no.
Like ever. For as long as Humanity exists.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

It's important to ensure you are talking about real "love" in this discussion. Much of what passes for "love" in Western societies is hormones, intrigue, excitement, anticipation, infatuation, discovery, sexual attraction, etc. When you dig deeper and listen to a variety of enlightened voices have to say about love, you will find a common theme that "real love" is more a choice and a commitment rather than a feeling. Large amounts of the sheeple will never understand this as society has conditioned them to believe that butterflies-in-the-stomach (aka: I want to **** you) means Love.

 

[ardour]

No - because, sadly the majority of women are attracted to masculinity, and the less invested you are, the more masculine you appear. Conversely the more attached you become the less masculine appeal you have. Quite depressing really.

 

[Case]

No - because, sadly the majority of women are attracted to masculinity, and the less invested you are, the more masculine you appear. Conversely the  more attached you become the less masculine appeal you have. Quite depressing really.

Hmm. This does not describe my own life experiences about women at all. I guess I have attracted a different kind of woman entirely.

 

[mari1969]

I think I did in some relationship but then when I see how they end I don’t know

 

[TheRealCallie]

No one can love equally because we are each too different. Different feelings, different ideals, different morals/beliefs, etc etc.

But, on the other hand. Just because you can't have the exact same love, doesn't necessarily mean one loves the other more or less. The love is just different.

 

[Sci-Fi]

No - because, sadly the majority of women are attracted to masculinity, and the less invested you are, the more masculine you appear. Conversely the more attached you become the less masculine appeal you have. Quite depressing really.

Stop with this ********, you won't be warned again.

 

[Xpendable]

Maybe if we loved each other for the same reasons, but no.

 

[DarkSelene]

No - because, sadly the majority of women are attracted to masculinity, and the less invested you are, the more masculine you appear. Conversely the more attached you become the less masculine appeal you have. Quite depressing really.

Stop with this ********, you won't be warned again.

A "warning" for an opinion?

 

[Tranquil]

As long as you love someone with an investment of wanting love in return, there will always be a mismatch.

What you expect is exactly what you are searching for, but from the wrong direction.
If you got what you expect, you get what you give. In other words, you experience the love you already giving.

It is not about being loved to feel loved. You are already love. It is about loving, and experience the joy and fulfillment of loving.
It is only when we love, from the heart, do we actually feel fulfilled, or even overflowing.

Forget about being loved from someone else. Just love them.
If they express love in return, don't love them for it, but love the love that loves you. At that moment love is mutual, but not needed.
This is sometimes referred to as unconditional love. And it is not a myth, but a turn around of perspective.

It does not matter if the other person does not express matched lovingness. You still love their love, no matter how small it is.
This sort of loving is true, and it awakens what is true in yourself and the other person. Relaing in the relationship becomes more inviting, because it is always done in a calm, soft, allowing, accepting, loving way.

 

[Tealeaf]

I've thought about this before. I think on some level, it's bound to be unequal -- people will be more or less emotionally available, distracted, authentic, intimacy-seeking, appreciative, scared to be alone, or something else. People's lives just play out a little differently on the inside, even while they're together. The focus and desire won't always be 100%, or 75%/75%.

I'd be worried if I was seeing someone who could "take it or leave it", though. That sounds like the wrong person for the relationship entirely.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

I'd be worried if I was seeing someone who could "take it or leave it", though. That sounds like the wrong person for the relationship entirely.

This goes for anyone. If YOU'RE serious about someone and they say "They can take it or leave it", they don't share the same feelings. Or if you yourself feel that same way about someone, you probably shouldn't even be talking to them.

Friendship or otherwise, if you're this indifferent about someone, you don't care about them. That's my sentiment, anyway.

 

[ardour]

True that's it's unlikely to be equal all the time. The problem lies where it's a consistent pattern. Relationships require work and if you're the one putting most of the effort with someone who might very well end it at any moment there's going to be resentment.

 

[MildlyInteresting]

I don't think men and women experience love the same. I have heard a lot of women say that they never knew love until they had children, and I don't think they were kidding. I don't blame women for looking out for #1 and their kids, it makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint, but I don't think they love in a illogical passionate way like men can, it's more like a calculation of what you provide for them and how if you improve their social status and their perceived quality of life. "Why do you like your man?" Then they give you a list of all the good stuff he has going for him and all the stuff he does for her; men have a more difficult time answering that question about their partner, they just say "because I do." It's like having a favorite rock, you can't explain why you like it, you just do.

That's my hot take anyways.