Can't seem to relate to anyone.

[tony30]

Three in a row, surely I must have set some sort of record - well I created this thread so why not?. Although I'd best not keep this up lest I risk turning it into a weird sort of journal, lol.

My...let's call it crisis, had reached a nadir, it's one of the reasons I've been desperately scouring the internet for the last fortnight or so to try and see if I could find advice on how to be a bit more normal and..yes, I admit maybe a little tea and sympathy.

However, my eyes have been opened to people out there who would love to have my problems, okay I'm not especially happy with my life, but after hearing tales of indescribable woe and incredible bravery from cancer patients and the like, I now feel royally humbled.
What I'm thinking now is maybe I just take all the wrong things too seriously.
Perhaps I'll never really conform to parameters that define normality
and possess those magical ' communication skills' I so richly desire. Perhaps I don't need them though. It has struck me that the best way I can communicate that I am a worthy addition to the human race is by getting on with my life and just accepting the hand that I've been given and learning how to smile. Part of me knew this all along but I've been so anxious about everything lately that I just haven't had the rationality to accept it.

You probably all think I'm bonkers for reeling this stuff off in here and I wouldn't blame you if you did - even I think I'm strange guy lol. It has been very helpful though in allowing me clear my thoughts, and I hope these sort of posts are in no way misusing the forum.

 

[tony30]

Visiting this site has been an odd experience and moderately upsetting. I really hoped I would be able to 'click' with a few people in hear but that just hasn't happened, I feel more isolated than I did to start with, lol. It's not a complaint - no one can choose who they do or don't find appealing - it just goes to show how versatile loneliness can be. It's strange, I've read through quite a few of the posts here and although many of you are plagued by feelings of detachment which I can relate to, I still feel...as if most of you have something I'm missing, perhaps it could just be charisma. I know that I'm not a sociopath or a psychopath because I can't abide any sort of suffering in humans or animals- I fear for others as much, if not more, than I do for myself.
As much as I have to accept it, the cold truth is that being an outsider breaks my heart routinely and gives rise to humiliating pangs of desperation.

No matter, as stated in the last entry there are folk out there who have far greater crosses to bear and there is more than enough duty to keep me occupied for the remainder of my life which I will perform gladly - but if there is a God up there, why does he want me to do it with such a heavy heart?
Don't really suppose that's for me to know.

That's all folks, gonna keep my profile up in case I have legitimate counsel to add but my period of self lamenting is over now, I can't really talk about this stuff in the real world - I just wanted someone to know how I felt, even if they didn't necessarily understand ( you can suspend that collective sigh of relief 'till after I'm gone, lol).

Best wishes.

Tony.

 

[tony30]

Something light-hearted, to counter-balance some of the more sobering content I've introduced to this site.

Enjoy.

 

[jales]

lol told ya already but just so thers know...the youtube bit was funny

 

[tony30]

Thanks Jales, hope your doin well, I've had a dreadful chest infection that will not budge - 35 a day will do that to you.

Take it easy.

 

[jales]

what is - 35 a day??
sorry to hear about your chest infection and i hope it clears up soon!

 

[lonelygirl]

Gawd do you mean 35 cigs a day? Argh! Tony!!! No, no, no!

 

[tony30]

No, I meant tins of beer, lol.

Sadly Lonelygirl, your first guess was quite correct. It's an obcene habit and if I can't find a way to quit, like as not, I'll be dead before I'm 55.

 

[lonelygirl]

Tony!!!!!!!!!!!!

35 **** a day equals a poor,sick Tony! :-(

Boooooooo. Sticks tongue at you.

Well, it could be worse--tins of beer and your mind would most likely be totally gone by now. Or 35 pills a day...

Tony, what is going on? I will PM you. Hopefully I'm not one of those people on this site that you find 'unappealing.'

 

[LostSoul]

It may be a classical symptom of loneliness but I have also much, to my shame, cruelly rejected the few people that have shown an interest.

I used to do that all the time. I still do it, sometimes. I think I have a 'stick it to them before they can do it to me' mentality too. You're one of the few other lonely people I've ever heard who has said they reject people too. I thought it was only me who sabotaged themselves.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hmm. This thread seems to be resurrecting itself. I guess it's very hard for intelligent people, like you, Tony, to allow other people into your world. It does hurt them, by the way...

 

[tony30]

It may be a classical symptom of loneliness but I have also much, to my shame, cruelly rejected the few people that have shown an interest.

I used to do that all the time. I still do it, sometimes. I think I have a 'stick it to them before they can do it to me' mentality too. You're one of the few other lonely people I've ever heard who has said they reject people too. I thought it was only me who sabotaged themselves.

It's a very difficult mode of operation to reverse once the pattern has set in. Paranoia and the conviction that somehow I am inferior to those who court my friendship have done me absolutely no favours over the years. When I look back on all the people I have snubbed, I now think that even if my suspicions were correct about 90% of them it would have been worth the hassle just to discover the 10% who were genuinely interested in me.

Is there a point beyond which the rot sets in too far for one to change this attitude? I don't know, but what I do know for sure is that if I can't transcend this crippling mindset, decades of boredom and loneliness lie ahead. Surely any risk is worth taking to avoid melting away and being forgotten by everyone. IMO.

I sincerely hope that you can find a way to restore your faith in mankind Lost Soul. If you want to talk to me in a little more detail feel free to PM me or leave any further comments you may have in this thread. I don't have any amazing curative advice, but I do have an inkling as to how this problem can seriously hamper your quality of life so am in a position to compare notes.

Tony.

 

[Kingsley]

Hey Tony,

Having read this thread it seems that you suffer a similar affliction to me, though I am a few years younger than you. The idiosyncrasy we both suffer with is an unrelenting power for rationalisation. This “reject them before they reject me” position is born out of a tendency to, as you say, place yourself beneath others and therefore to reject them before they meet with disappointment. I am guessing you are someone driven by a powerful need to be impartial, and moral. I am also guessing that by now you have realised that practical needs and selflessness do not make good bed fellows.

Personal transformation is the hardest thing in life, because it essentially involves deconstructing some part of ourselves in order to rebuild, which almost always involves the unknown and fear. We are, like you say, creatures of habit and once we are set in our ways, the pathway to change can seem insurmountable.

Firstly, given that you do not seem particularly happy with your life can I suggest a change of scenery? Why would you want to do that? Well because a fixed environment tends to feed the same old habits. You may find that relocating to a big city would create a lot more opportunities to meet people. In addition, your current climate could be harbouring some little realised negative influences on you. I mention the later because I had friends back in my home town that I was still hanging around with years after I should have told them **** off.

As for changing yourself, that is up too you, although cognitive behaviour therapy might be able to help. Either way you are not alone, and if you find that you cannot relate to certain people then quite frankly “**** em”, find someone else. Anyway, bit of a rant but perhaps there is something useful in there. Take care.

 

[tony30]

Hey Tony,

Having read this thread it seems that you suffer a similar affliction to me, though I am a few years younger than you. The idiosyncrasy we both suffer with is an unrelenting power for rationalisation. This “reject them before they reject me” position is born out of a tendency to, as you say, place yourself beneath others and therefore to reject them before they meet with disappointment. I am guessing you are someone driven by a powerful need to be impartial, and moral. I am also guessing that by now you have realised that practical needs and selflessness do not make good bed fellows.

Personal transformation is the hardest thing in life, because it essentially involves deconstructing some part of ourselves in order to rebuild, which almost always involves the unknown and fear. We are, like you say, creatures of habit and once we are set in our ways, the pathway to change can seem insurmountable.

Firstly, given that you do not seem particularly happy with your life can I suggest a change of scenery? Why would you want to do that? Well because a fixed environment tends to feed the same old habits. You may find that relocating to a big city would create a lot more opportunities to meet people. In addition, your current climate could be harbouring some little realised negative influences on you. I mention the later because I had friends back in my home town that I was still hanging around with years after I should have told them **** off.

As for changing yourself, that is up too you, although cognitive behaviour therapy might be able to help. Either way you are not alone, and if you find that you cannot relate to certain people then quite frankly “**** em”, find someone else. Anyway, bit of a rant but perhaps there is something useful in there. Take care.

I haven't really been around much because in all honesty, there isn't much I've had to add to any of the current threads, so had actually overlooked this reply until now.

Thank you Kingsley for taking the time to impart your experiences and resultant knowledge on this subject. Recently I have come to the conclusion that it is safer and ultimately more rewarding to expend thought on the realities with which I am directly confronted. Pondering any intangible for too long especially if it is of a negative formula will just lead to madness. There are far too many mundane problems in life that demand time and attention as it is without being distracted by the phantoms of a distorted ego.

I agree with just about everything you've said and whilst I'm not any closer to achieving that elusive state of happiness, I'm starting to get a handle on the things I'm doing wrong.

Incidentally there's something about the erudite and savvy wisdom in your post that has the ring of familiarity.

This is my very last post here because for me this site has given me as much as I feel it can, which is in fact far more than I could have imagined.

I wish I had one last resounding an all encompassing dictum that would in some way be of assistance to everyone who comes here but alas it is beyond me. So instead, I will just say to anyone reading take care of yourself to the very best of your ability.

Tony.

 

[lonelygirl]

Tony,

The more I know you, the more I like you. The world is actually a better place by having you here. I hope you will live a long and happy and healthy life.

I wish you only the best, happiness, much love, success, eventually having a romance and a family, and blessings upon you.

LG.