Changing people vs Fixing people.

[SophiaGrace]

lim lim this is what you should've said after you suggested s he go back on her meds and she accused you of wanting to change her:

"I love you as you are, i just want you to be happy."

She wanted you to say that I think (d)

 

[annik]

I had an ex girlfriend with bipolar disorder once who didn't really like to take her medication because she didn't like how it changed her from who she really was.... But then complained about how she was upset all the time (at 2 or 3 am after waking me up with random crying) about how she wanted to change.

Being all bleary eye'd and half asleep I'd go "uh... could go back to the psychologist, councilor, therapist, or back on the pills to see if they can help?" at which point she'd whine and yell saying "Stop trying to change me! This is who I am!!" after a brief pause of just looking at her to see if she had realized what she just said, I'd go "okay... uh... don't do any of that then?" To which she would reply with more wailing to the tune of "But I want to change! Why wont you support me???"

At this point I'd be imagining taking a pillow and smothering her face with it. It was a very nice thought.

Sleeping on the couch isn't so bad really, it's like camping!

Yeah I can fully appreciate that dating someone like that or anyone with problems is hard. I know I can be a bit of a nightmare. I also think people shouldn't have to put up with it if they can't or won't deal with it. In my view though as long as you go into it with your eyes open you should know a little of what you're going to have to cope with. Its quite a balancing act I know. For me while I don't want to get seen as a set of problems I also don't really want to make someone miserable either!

 

[Limlim]

It was more the constant complaining about how she wanted to change and then not going through the steps to do it that annoyed me. If you want to change fine, if you don't, don't. The middle of the road **** really annoyed the crap outta me.

Eventually she started hitting herself in fits of rage and the neighbors called the cops. You can guess how much they believed her when she said she did it to herself. I pulled the plug on that one and got out before it got any worse. I could see myself ending up as a convicted abusive rapist while I was at work or something. :s

 

[IgnoredOne]

Change is natural and is affected by one's environment and peers, including lovers.

Limlim> Holy crap. I've had a similar situation once. God almighty, such insanity must be contagious.

 

[annik]

Change is natural and is affected by one's environment and peers, including lovers.

Change isn't natural when its forced upon you...

 

[IgnoredOne]

Change isn't natural when its forced upon you...

Directed change is, indeed, much more iffier. It causes a reaction, of course, which might not be the one intended, such as resistance and rejection of the intended change, as I'm sure you're familiar.

 

[annik]

Change isn't natural when its forced upon you...

Directed change is, indeed, much more iffier. It causes a reaction, of course, which might not be the one intended, such as resistance and rejection of the intended change, as I'm sure you're familiar.

Yes I completely agree with you. I also do agree that people develop through life and can be influenced in a positive way by other people. That I think is of course a good thing while the forced change can in many ways be harmful.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I think helping someone develop certain better habits is fine. Small things though, like hanging up your coat. Those are small things not life ending. It is big things that upset people.

Also keep in mine that there is a lot of gray around change and fix. You could see yourself as fixing me and subsequently changing me. You are forcing your opinion on me because you want me to change.

I guess it comes down to. How would you feel if someone was forcing change on you and gave no reason or compromise in that subject?

 

[IgnoredOne]

I guess it comes down to. How would you feel if someone was forcing change on you and gave no reason or compromise in that subject?

He/she better have more firepower.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I guess it comes down to. How would you feel if someone was forcing change on you and gave no reason or compromise in that subject?

He/she better have more firepower.

All i'll have to do is ***** slapp you a couple of times and you
whine like a little fucken ***** that you are

 

[IgnoredOne]

I guess it comes down to. How would you feel if someone was forcing change on you and gave no reason or compromise in that subject?

He/she better have more firepower.

All i'll have to do is ***** slapp you a couple of times and you
whine like a little fucken ***** that you are

Please, try it.

PS: Have a good break from the forum. I hope you use it to improve your very limited emotional control capabilities.

 

[silver birch leaves]

You can't fix who people are. They are who they are, and they'll always be that way. But if they want to change some of their habits, that can be a good thing. Asking your boyfriend to hang up his coat and to be more tidy in your place should be fine, as long as he's fine with it. If he wasn't, then maybe you two wouldn't have been right for each other. It's good to hear he didn't mind the change.
The problems come from when you try to change the person, and who they are. It's really impossible, at least, for someone to change another. Whether a person can change for their own reasons, I still do not know.

Yeah I agree with you. For me its a question of whether your working with each other or against each other.

I agree with SkuzzieMuff as well.

I'd say that, because change, itself, is 'against' something, ultimately, a person exerting change and another being changed are against each other

 

[VideoVidiVisum]

I guess it comes down to. How would you feel if someone was forcing change on you and gave no reason or compromise in that subject?

He/she better have more firepower.

All i'll have to do is ***** slapp you a couple of times and you
whine like a little fucken ***** that you are

Please, try it.

PS: Have a good break from the forum. I hope you use it to improve your very limited emotional control capabilities.

ily IO

 

[Okiedokes]

I think it really depends on what the issue is, but I think trying to change someone is not something that would work unless
they really wanted to do it themselves.

 

[annik]

I think it really depends on what the issue is, but I think trying to change someone is not something that would work unless
they really wanted to do it themselves.

Yes I'd agree with you there.

 

[VideoVidiVisum]

Change comes from within, NOT from without. =]

 

[Sprint]

Why would anyone want to change another when there is so much about themselves that they can work on to change?

*shrugs*