Clingy man after a first date

[zaney]

hahaha sounds like a good tactic nerdygirl~
Anyway about the pot thing as someone previously mentioned many cannabis users don't consider it to be a drug. The US media/government seems to give it such a hard time so it is common for a lot of Americans to see it as a stigma. If you come to NZ or Aus where a significant percentage of the population smoke it or have smoked it, many people would not even regard it as a drug. Even the law enforcement here is chill, I've been caught with an oz of weed by the police and been let off free of charge (although they confiscated all of my dak D

 

[Public_Enemy]

By the sounds of it, there were more red flags than a country's procession and he was more clingy than a thousand shrink wrapped sandwiches. You don't need such nonsense in your life and you should count yourself very lucky that his true colours showed before you were in another country staring at the rainbow together while on picnic with no one else around.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I can sort of see him lying about his age. I am a few months shy of 30, and if I wanted to go out with someone who didn't want a 30 year old man, I probably would lie.

That being said, the clingy part at the end sends up red flags. You only had one date - you were hardly committed to each other!

 

[labelsorlove3]

Hello, I'm new but I need some advice about a date. Here is the situation: I put up an online profile and got a message from a man who sounded nice but not exactly ''my type''. I responded anyway and we had a phone conversation and a date. It was nice enough but I wasn't bowled over.

Now, one thing I didn't like is that he ''improved'' his profile info, adding a few inches to his real height, using two different real names in person and removing 5 years to his age as well as being contradictory on another question. When I asked him about two of these, he kind of brushed it off as unimportant (not so to me).

At the end of the date, he said he wanted to see me again and hopefully, that we would hang out over time, over a long period of time. He invited me to his place for a next date and said we should be at ease with each other within 2 weeks (which I assumed meant he wanted to be sexual quickly rather than not or very much involved with each other within 14 days). He also suggested that he could eventually come to see my parents.

The next day (yesterday), he sent me an email saying he could not stop thinking about me, that he was starting to fall in love, he called me a sweet name and suggested cuddling soon.

I was and am freaked out. I was almost ready to go on another date, to know him more but, because of this and because of the ''little lies'' on his profile, I don't want to see him again. It's too involved, too soon and I don't share his feelings. I want to tell him we're not on the same page and that I'm not going to meet him again. But I get the feeling that I have to choose my words carefully, otherwise, he might possibly be insistant, email me long love letters, or something like that. I am feeling urgent about him going away and am afraid he will stick around.

What do you think I should write him?

I had an issue with a guy that worked in a different department at a previous place of employment. I have a rule that I do not date people that I work with but when I got a new job I figured it wouldn't hurt. I'm 25 now but at the time I had just turned 24 and he told me he was 32 with a son. It didn't bother me that much I figured if hes a good guy why would age or a child matter so I gave it a whirl. We went on multiple dates and he didn't seem creepy and I actually really enjoyed myself being around. My first red flag came when I got a e-mail from one of our old coworkers planning his "one year before 40" birthday party. When I asked him how old he was he said 32 and I said well your coworkers seem to think you are almost 39. He then told me that he told me he was 32 because he knew if I knew he was 39 I would not give him a chance. He then went on to tell me how shallow I was and how much he cared about me and saw a future and that his age is only his business no one else needs to know it.

I've been in similar situations with people exaggerating themselves but this guy is a Grade A creep. He still to this day tries to contact me although I have blocked his number and user names online. Its always a red flag when a guy is lieing from the beginning (girls as well of course) so I would try to tell him nicely you just aren't interested and if it gets worse start blocking his number and user names. Hopefully he doesn't know too much personal information about you.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Wow, I never knew that age mattered so much to women.

Personally, and this is my own belief...anything over 21 is fair game for me, as a 29 year old. Any younger than that, and I find the girls too immature.

I guess I should never lie about my age. It'll come back to bite me in the rear!

 

[Public_Enemy]

I would never lie about my age and if a woman didn't want to converse with me due to that then it would be her loss. A lie for any reason is still a lie and still a bad way to start anything that should be based on trust.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, honesty is always the most important thing. I agree with that.

I would never lie about my age, anyway. Was just a bit surprised that it mattered so much.

I've often said that love has no age, but love has limits.

 

[labelsorlove3]

I would never lie about my age and if a woman didn't want to converse with me due to that then it would be her loss. A lie for any reason is still a lie and still a bad way to start anything that should be based on trust.

Yeah I think that the fact that he actually lied was the hardest part to swallow. I mean of course I have my ideal age in a person but he was really sweet and I believe in giving everyone a chance so I really don't think I would have turned him down. Its just not a good thing to base any type of relationship off of lies and if someone is willing to lie from the beginning it doesn't shed much hope to the future of a relationship.

 

[Aube]

I would never lie about my age and if a woman didn't want to converse with me due to that then it would be her loss. A lie for any reason is still a lie and still a bad way to start anything that should be based on trust.

Exactly. It's not so much that age is important (not for me anyway, up to a certain point) but it's about the lie. And like someone else said, over 5 years difference, that's a lot. Add to that a few more inconsistencies and I don't feel like trusting the person.

In retrospect, with his message saying he was cool with it and just contact me if you change your mind, I think he was used to the whole process of playing a bit of violin to a woman and not getting her into bed. I think he was just a player. I don't regret my decision at all (stopping contact with him).

---

Hello, I'm new but I need some advice about a date. Here is the situation: I put up an online profile and got a message from a man who sounded nice but not exactly ''my type''. I responded anyway and we had a phone conversation and a date. It was nice enough but I wasn't bowled over.

Now, one thing I didn't like is that he ''improved'' his profile info, adding a few inches to his real height, using two different real names in person and removing 5 years to his age as well as being contradictory on another question. When I asked him about two of these, he kind of brushed it off as unimportant (not so to me).

At the end of the date, he said he wanted to see me again and hopefully, that we would hang out over time, over a long period of time. He invited me to his place for a next date and said we should be at ease with each other within 2 weeks (which I assumed meant he wanted to be sexual quickly rather than not or very much involved with each other within 14 days). He also suggested that he could eventually come to see my parents.

The next day (yesterday), he sent me an email saying he could not stop thinking about me, that he was starting to fall in love, he called me a sweet name and suggested cuddling soon.

I was and am freaked out. I was almost ready to go on another date, to know him more but, because of this and because of the ''little lies'' on his profile, I don't want to see him again. It's too involved, too soon and I don't share his feelings. I want to tell him we're not on the same page and that I'm not going to meet him again. But I get the feeling that I have to choose my words carefully, otherwise, he might possibly be insistant, email me long love letters, or something like that. I am feeling urgent about him going away and am afraid he will stick around.

What do you think I should write him?

I had an issue with a guy that worked in a different department at a previous place of employment. I have a rule that I do not date people that I work with but when I got a new job I figured it wouldn't hurt. I'm 25 now but at the time I had just turned 24 and he told me he was 32 with a son. It didn't bother me that much I figured if hes a good guy why would age or a child matter so I gave it a whirl. We went on multiple dates and he didn't seem creepy and I actually really enjoyed myself being around. My first red flag came when I got a e-mail from one of our old coworkers planning his "one year before 40" birthday party. When I asked him how old he was he said 32 and I said well your coworkers seem to think you are almost 39. He then told me that he told me he was 32 because he knew if I knew he was 39 I would not give him a chance. He then went on to tell me how shallow I was and how much he cared about me and saw a future and that his age is only his business no one else needs to know it.

I've been in similar situations with people exaggerating themselves but this guy is a Grade A creep. He still to this day tries to contact me although I have blocked his number and user names online. Its always a red flag when a guy is lieing from the beginning (girls as well of course) so I would try to tell him nicely you just aren't interested and if it gets worse start blocking his number and user names. Hopefully he doesn't know too much personal information about you.

To tell you that you're shallow after you call him on his lie, that is really something! What other lie would it be after that? You did right in cutting contact with him.

 

[nerdygirl]

Age is somewhat important to me. I think it can be hard to have a serious relationship with somebody who is at an entirely different point in life. I think this lessons as we age. For example, it would be harder on a couple with a 20 year old and a 30 year old than it would be for a couple with a 50 year old and 60 year old.

Either way, the most important part here is definitely the lie.

 

[VictoryNotVengeance]

Just tell him how you feel. Some guys are like that and think that a relationship can happen within two weeks.

Be that you said you weren't that interested in the first place, you should have let him know from the get go. I guess I'm the kind of guy that would appreciate more if a girl was straightforward so no one wastes anyone else's time. But in the same regard, he is probably going to assume the worst and start calling you names or whatnot because you don't feel the same way and he might feel like you're leading him on.

As for his questions about pot. If you don't like the fact he smokes weed, then don't see him anymore? I smoke weed every so often and I don't consider myself a pothead. A pothead is someone who smokes every day of their life or feels they need weed to function. Did you ask him about it?

I'm half asleep but trying to help anyway.

Also @Nerdygirl - I LOVE VNV NATION!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

nerdygirl, would this also apply to sexual and romantic experience?

Aside from a few dates, I have no romantic or sexual experience. I also am 29, a year shy of 30. Next October, I will be the 30 year old virgin.

Does this mean I should seek out women who are in the same position as me (aka other virgins?) Where do I meet virgin girls that are my age? Most women my age have been married at least once, or have kids.