Contacted an ex online after 13 years, need advice

[joecaf]

I looked up an ex on Facebook after 13 years of breakup back in mid November and sent an email. She contacted me within 90 minutes and we real timed emailed back and forth for about 30 minutes catching up etc.

By the end of November, we had emailed 2 more times, but not in real time. At the end of November, I emailed if she would like to talk on the phone instead and she emailed back to give her my phone number.

A few days later, beginning of December, on a Saturday morning, she emailed me to see if I was going to be around for the weekend and what would be a good time to call. I emailed back on Sunday morning to call me any time early Sunday evening.

I didn't hear back, so 11 days later, I emailed saying just checking in didn't hear from you. She emailed me 3 days later apologizing stating that her uncle and nephew had Covid and she was also busy with XMAS stuff and asked how I was doing. I emailed back I was home if she wanted to call me and then never heard from her again.

What happened? I was hoping to be friends or just talk. Why email me then never follow up. Now I feel like a fool and an idiot.

Even though the last email from me was on December 18th, I can't get her out of my mind. I was almost thinking of messaging her stating my intention was to be friends, ( I never mentioned this when I originally reached out), but I feel at this point, too much time has passed.

I am all by myself, no friends, no family, don't know what to do. I am very shy and introverted. This is weighing so heavy on me.



I am all by myself, no friends, no family and feel

Would appreciate any feedback.

Thanks

 

[Sunless Sky]

Well, it looks like she doesn't want to talk. If she did, she would have messaged.

That being said, give her one more message asking for a call. Do that and you can at least come out of this knowing you did all you could. Worse case scenario, she doesn't respond. At least then you'd know.

Best of luck buddy.

 

[U-122]

ex gf or wife? I would never contact either and if they contacted me first i would never reply. Don't make a clown of yourself. The ex-ship sails only one way for me without possibility of return. Without friends and family you do what everyone else does. Nothing. I do nothing.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Are you so sure there were no complications with her family that had COVID? Did you ask about them in the email when you said you were available? There could be any number of reasons, including that she is really busy or there were deaths in her family or she just forgot.

If you can't get it out of your mind, email her one more time like Sunless suggested. If she doesn't respond or it goes nowhere, I'd say you have your answer.

 

[ewomack]

Yes, I agree, you don't know why she didn't respond, but if you try multiple times with no response, move on.

I usually message people a few times. If they don't respond, I try once more. If still no response, then I wait a while and try again. If still none, then I'm done.

People have different relationships with their ex's, but I've never made an effort to contact any of mine. Still, I understand what deep loneliness can feel like when you would like to talk to anybody, even your worst enemy.

I hope it works out!

 

[Yeti1980]

The funny thing with contact with an ex is that it can re awaken stuff that is now inappropriate. The fact that you started bouncing messages like crazy like the old days is a sign that the old window opened for a time. It can feel like a real muddle being in touch with an ex, especially if you have a new partner etc. In the end, without meaning any insult to the person concerned, you find you can't talk to them because things are too deep and you have to just get on with the life you have.

It's no insult to anyone involved, it can just be too awkward to be in touch with an ex.

Oh, and there's also the question of telling the current partner and getting a negative reaction from them, they might understandably be worried about an ex reappearing.

Just a few thoughts, whatever the truth don't take it too hard, it's just often not possible to be friends with an ex.