Coping with bitterness

[ardour]

If you look nice women are more likely to make a favourable character assessment, people are generally friendlier and more interested in knowing you. Life is easier.

Iceman put his photo up some time ago, he’s not a bad looking fellow, but clearly he thinks he is and might have been called ugly a few times, so there’s nothing we can do to convince him otherwise.

 

[LonelySutton]

Well, one problem is that we have no labor union, so the employer holds a lot more cards than they otherwise would.

I don't have one either. I don't think they have a right to your image or likeness as a condition of employment. (excepting like security concerns) Professional players for sports don't do what the NFL tells them with their image. Not sure, maybe google it.

I feel certain she would have made us unless there was some legal reason. Finally, just take a horrible photo. They will find a reason not to use it.

 

[Iceman1978]

If you look nice women are more likely to make favourable character assessment, people are generally friendlier and more interested in knowing you. Life is easier.

Iceman put his photo up some time ago, he’s not a bad looking fellow, but clearly he thinks he is and might have been called ugly a few times, so there’s nothing we can do to convince him otherwise.

About a year ago I used a photo that was not my own, was called out for it, and I apologized in the diary forum. That's probably the photo you're remembering.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What is the point in being bitter towards something or someone? Honest question.

 

[Iceman1978]

What is the point in being bitter towards something or someone? Honest question.

There really is no point. But it hurts just the same.

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Well, one problem is that we have no labor union, so the employer holds a lot more cards than they otherwise would.

I don't have one either. I don't think they have a right to your image or likeness as a condition of employment. (excepting like security concerns) Professional players for sports don't do what the NFL tells them with their image. Not sure, maybe google it.

I feel certain she would have made us unless there was some legal reason. Finally, just take a horrible photo. They will find a reason not to use it.

Well, it's one of those situations where they may not be able to force you to, if push comes to shove and you tell them "no" and they have to honor it. But at the same time, they could look at me as not being a team player and it could have repercussions in other ways. That's what would worry me about trying to force the issue.

 

[Emiline]

If you look nice women are more likely to make favourable character assessment, people are generally friendlier and more interested in knowing you. Life is easier.

Iceman put his photo up some time ago, he’s not a bad looking fellow, but clearly he thinks he is and might have been called ugly a few times, so there’s nothing we can do to convince him otherwise.

This says that if you look nice, women are more likely to make favourable character assessments and people are generally friendlier, etc BUT who's to say whether someone looks nice or not? We all know it's subjective. I'm a heterosexual female, and when I look at some of the characters that other women like, it makes me realise how different we all are eg Happy Days TV Show - every girl liked the hideous Henry Winkler Fonz guy. I thought he was revolting. He looked to me like an arrogant fat greasy old man, but to other girls he was sexy.Yikes. However, they all laughed at me, cos I was attracted to Don Most, who was Ralph on the show. Apparently he was supposed to be the guy who got nowhere with girls, but he would've been my first choice. I like ginger hair and freckles sometimes. Anyway sorry for obscure dodgy tv reference, but I think it's a good example.
Also, since I'm an extremely bitter person and with good reason, I'd like to get this off my chest - Here are a list of 'men' that women worldwide rave about, and whom I think are REPULSIVE : Bradley Cooper; Mathew McConaghey; David Beckham; Justin Timberlake; Brad Pitt; George Clooney; Ryan Gosling; actually shouldn't have started this, list is endless. But you get the point! Re: bitterness - I think it's a logical reaction to prolonged ****** luck and circumstances, that eventually force you to just give up altogether. I think that there's no shame in bitterness, we're only bloody human, and actually I'm finding some of my only comfort these days in bitterness. Hate my life, thanks to all of you for your presence here. Sorry for rant.

 

[ardour]

, I'd like to get this off my chest - Here are a list of 'men' that women worldwide rave about, and whom I think are REPULSIVE : Bradley Cooper; Mathew McConaghey; David Beckham; Justin Timberlake; Brad Pitt; George Clooney; Ryan Gosling; actually shouldn't have started this, list is endless. But you get the point! Re: bitterness - I think it's a logical reaction to prolonged ****** luck and circumstances, that eventually force you to just give up altogether. I think that there's no shame in bitterness, we're only bloody human, and actually I'm finding some of my only comfort these days in bitterness. Hate my life, thanks to all of you for your presence here. Sorry for rant.

So the fact that you don’t find them attractive makes them repulsive. Perhaps you’re trying to describe how different your preferences are to the (supposed) norm. Putting it that way, however, is an example of how callous women can be when it comes to categorizing men, and since it's socially acceptable to call a guy "repulsive", "gross" etc., no-one cares. As you can probably tell I'm a bit sensitive to this, having been on the receiving end of those comments.

 

[ladyforsaken]

If you look nice women are more likely to make favourable character assessment, people are generally friendlier and more interested in knowing you. Life is easier.

Iceman put his photo up some time ago, he’s not a bad looking fellow, but clearly he thinks he is and might have been called ugly a few times, so there’s nothing we can do to convince him otherwise.

About a year ago I used a photo that was not my own, was called out for it, and I apologized in the diary forum. That's probably the photo you're remembering.

Iceman, I still remember your original photo, and the other one that wasn't of you. I still think you are good looking.

 

[TheRealCallie]

The original picture that was posted, was it right after iceman joined the forum? I believe I remember that photo and he's not bad looking. I wasn't here last year, so I don't know about any other images.

The thing is, when you feel so down on yourself, you will continue to concentrate on the negative side of how you feel and everyone who tells you differently will just be a liar in your eyes. That will not change until you accept the fact that not everyone is going to see you the way you see you.

, I'd like to get this off my chest - Here are a list of 'men' that women worldwide rave about, and whom I think are REPULSIVE : Bradley Cooper; Mathew McConaghey; David Beckham; Justin Timberlake; Brad Pitt; George Clooney; Ryan Gosling; actually shouldn't have started this, list is endless. But you get the point! Re: bitterness - I think it's a logical reaction to prolonged ****** luck and circumstances, that eventually force you to just give up altogether. I think that there's no shame in bitterness, we're only bloody human, and actually I'm finding some of my only comfort these days in bitterness. Hate my life, thanks to all of you for your presence here. Sorry for rant.

So the fact that you don’t find them attractive makes them repulsive. Perhaps you’re trying describe how different your preferences are to the (supposed) norm. Putting it that way, however, is an example of how callous women can be when it comes to categorizing men, and since it's socially acceptable to call a guy "repulsive", "gross" etc., no-one cares. As you can probably tell I'm a bit sensitive to this, having been on the receiving end of those comments.

It's not acceptable to call a person repulsive, regardless of their gender. It's rude and insulting, whether you know the person or not.

To Emiline...Disliking someone because they are attractive and successful doesn't hurt anyone but yourself. You are the one that is jealous and bitter and taking it out on other people, which only hurts you more because that jealousy and bitterness is being broadcast to the world, whether you realize it or not.

 

[Emiline]

I want to apologise, since I've obviously offended people. I didn't set out to do so, I've obviously just made a real mess of the point I was trying to make. I don't dislike anyone BECAUSE they're attractive or successful, that wouldn't make sense to me. A male person I know was/still is distressed, angry and bitter since , according to his view of things, women only like certain kinds of men - I've tried to point out to him that not all of us females like these men thrust at us by the media, and that some of us are open-minded, and willing to talk to any guy, even if he doesn't fit into (what we're told) are society's norms. I guess when I wrote the last message I had that in mind, that I'd been trying to reassure him. Also, I'm very depressed, but that's clearly no excuse to upset and anger people, even if inadvertently. Isn't it amazing how you can put yourself across so badly, when in fact, you're not a bad person? Don't worry, I won't be doing it again. Also, to be clear, I'm not jealous of people who are successful, I didn't say that, someone else has attributed that (wrongly) to me. Anyway success, like attractiveness, is subjective. I AM jealous of people who are healthy, however, since I am not. I guess I struggle with being in pain, but of course that's no-one here's fault. So I sincerely apologise again for clumsily trying(hoping) to make someone else feel better. Em.

---

Additional - re. my apology. I don't know what's happened to the first part of my message, so with that missing everything sounds even worse, out of context. I can't believe I got this wrong, but some of these responses are confusing. Did I really try to reassure someone here, and end up being attacked by them? It's like a bad joke, this! All I hear from the guys in our lupus therapy/social group is "Oh no, why do women always like B.Pitt, R.Gosling etc? Why don't they give the rest of us a chance?" Have I really, honestly failed to get across that some of us are not like that? I used to be good at English and writing, God, obviously I'm completely hopeless now. I can't believe I've stopped being able to function, I didn't know it was this bad, I can only re-iterate that you've got me wrong. I was only trying to say to the guy not to be down, 'cos there are women who won't judge him for how he looks. Thats why I tried to emphasise that all these types we're told to like, aren't necessarily likeable. Anyway, I give up, my hands hurt, sorry again, I meant no harm. I think culturally people have different ways of speaking, and maybe that's a factor here. Perhaps you've read it as something evil, when it's just a generalism. God bless America. Em.

 

[jjam]

I know it's difficult, but SOMEHOW you have to find a way to not only accept yourself but be happy with who you are.

I was always embarrassed when kids would ask, "are you cross-eyed?" They weren't mean to me, but it was one of those red-face making questions, you know? There is a flip side to that that helped me cope from a very early age, and that's recognition of the fact that people still found me physically attractive. Always getting compliments from adults, always something (whether blatant or subtle) with girls that let me know. That still goes on. Not only that, but my first girlfriend was super attractive. We kissed regularly and she was with me despite knowing (and even once teasing me) about my strabismus. You may not have such experiences to help you cope with whatever you THINK are your shortcomings physically, but **** the experiences. Let your own philosophies/ideas, and what you think about people (in positive ways) have a positive impact on what you think of yourself. Let that be the beacon if you don't have some past of receiving superficial praise to fall back on.

 

[greenapple271]

I feel hideous as well and have felt like this for many years. I hate society's obsession with appearance. Even if it isn't aimed at me directly it still makes me feel bad. This obsession is constantly pumped into people's minds. It makes themselves and others miserable but still they won't change their attitudes. People who think they are ugly are still horrible about other people's appearances. I feel like it's a no win society as even good looking people have others finding fault with them. In fact I think the more someone is praised for their looks the more people try to find fault. I think that is why some models and celebrities end up messed up and have eating disorders etc.
When someone ignores me I automatically assume it's because I'm ugly and they don't want to be seen speaking to the ugly person. I feel horrible and isolated. I've given up trying to be accepted now. I am bitter about the fact I'm rarely asked out. I put it down to ugliness and anxiety/depression. It doesn't matter how good I try to be I'm not accepted. I might be unacceptable to them but they are unacceptable to me. I do get bitter. I tend to go to and fro between sadness and bitterness. I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

Gosh.. you sound like I used to sound.. I have gone this loads of times but i finally realized it is not what i look on the outside, it is what i look on the inside that matters.. My mum told me that a person who is got a beautiful heart, is the most prettiest/ handsome angelic person you can find on the this surface of earth.. Guess.. i changed alot after that.. I know am not perfect but you know what? The day you realize that imperfection itself is a perfection, that is the day you change for a better cause.. ♥ *hugs for all who think they are not good-looking* <-- this hug is coz you really do look good.. :*

 

[greenapple271]

Thank you, ladyforsaken for the message you sent me.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Thank you, ladyforsaken for the message you sent me.

 

[Lacrecia]

In my own situation, I deal with hurt and bitterness almost daily with regards to the way I look. There are times when looking in the mirror is almost enough to make me want to cry, and all I can think to myself is "what did I do to deserve this"

It's hard to deal with self-esteem issues, especially when it comes to physical appearance. You're prolly not around anymore, but I hope you try to adopt a new attitude toward yourself when you see your reflection in a mirror. One shouldn't concentrate only on what one doesn't like; train yourself to see what's also good in you.

 

[Niantiel]

The older I get, the harder my skin gets....

Only way I can think of to really put it. Heh.

I'm lonely, but also misanthropic, and don't typically trust someone easily, that's something that usually takes time to develop.

 

[lonesomebadger]

Yeah, I have had a lot of bitterness. I've honestly tried to put it behind me. Anytime the thoughts came into my head i would try to stop it and think of something else. Sometimes it works. Little by little I've gotten better.

 

[constant stranger]

I have a lot of bitterness every day for my father who's been dead for 14 years. The day before my 8th birthday he slapped me in the face when I answered a question wrong. For the next 40 years I managed my mother's mood/swing, borderline bi-polar disorder......which he did not know how to handle and refused to learn how. Boy, did he get his revenge on me.....but to give credit where it's due, he did do his duty and signed a lot of checks and he DID tolerate me. But every time he looked at me it was so obvious I rubbed him the wrong way; he truly did not like me.

Well I did my duty too, I took his contempt without complaint but did not believe I was the "deficient", "sneaky, secretive", "stinker just like ones at the office" he said I was. The last words he said to me as he lay dying of cancer were "You're not good enough to shine Skip's shoes".....my oldest brother. My last words to him were, "In a few days you're going to be gone and I'm not going to miss you." Isn't that nice?

It all could have been so different. He could have managed Mom's manic-depression somehow; or he could have accepted my family role without resenting me. He could have been there when Mom was out on a ledge, instead of me being the one who saw that.....I was 5 at the time. What a ****** up family. And now I'm still managing the 91 year old Mom. And I bitterly curse my father every day. I can still hear his voice calling me "stupe!" every day, the *******.

 

[shawn81]

I feel the same way alot of the time. I've found the worse thing to do is say to yourself "what did I do to deserve this" Cuz your blaming yourself.