Dating: saying the wrong time at the wrong time

[maybetrollingmaybenot]

^ Fakes man, fakes everywhere. That chinese-hot-twitter girl that I mentioned keeps bullshiting, I mean: I used google translate to show her the differences between trad. chinese and simplified one - she changed the topic. Then I recorded and said something in chinese "try harder, i don't understand!" - last attempt from me: "how do you say what is the name of your cat in mandarin?" - she replied by saying that her name is Dudu (in english!) - how many attempts to dodge that you don't speak Mandarin? Like wtf.

On a side note: Kazakhstan has plenty of russians, maybe 30% or so and I think they all speak russian but the kazakhs look Asian.

 

[insecure]

^ Fakes man, fakes everywhere. That chinese-hot-twitter girl that I mentioned keeps bullshiting, I mean: I used google translate to show her the differences between trad. chinese and simplified one - she changed the topic. Then I recorded and said something in chinese "try harder, i don't understand!" - last attempt from me: "how do you say what is the name of your cat in mandarin?" - she replied by saying that her name is Dudu (in english!) - how many attempts to dodge that you don't speak Mandarin? Like wtf.

On a side note: Kazakhstan has plenty of russians, maybe 30% or so and I think they all speak russian but the kazakhs look Asian.

I don't speak Chinese, but I have the same experience with other languages.
Simple mistakes they make which make me doubt that those languages are their mother tongue.

"Parlez-moi un peu de tu", should be "Parlez-moi un peu de toi", but then afterwards saying she's from Kazachstan is of course the ideal excuse.
But the fact that supposedly I crossed such a 'woman' 4 times already, and yet she's thousands of miles away shows that they have found a way to hack the system to make it believe they are close.
I wonder if this is with the cooperation of those apps, and if they are passing by at "close" distance of everyone on the app, wherever they live.

 

[Diogenes]

I think I am some kind of champion in saying the wrong things on dating sites, or afterwards.
I sometimes get it that a new contact messages me, then we talk a lot, we may have a long voice call.
But then I can feel that somehow they start to lose interest, and it never gets to a real face-to-face date, sometimes even if initially it was said we were going to do this.
It must be that I say something wrong that makes them lose interest in me.
Or maybe I exude too much insecurity?
Or I talk too much, so women get bored?

Am I the only one who has this issue?

You might be unaware of some possible explanations.

Many women join dating sites and interact with men with no genuine interest in connecting in real life. All they want is validation, attention.

A person recently dumped may turn to the internet for reassurance, but fear getting burned again.

The ratio of men to women on a typical dating site is about ten to one. Women are usually not looking for reasons to choose you, they are looking for flaws to justify filtering you out, as quickly as possible.

It's a common tendency of humans to want what is scarce, what they can't have. Are you making yourself too "available"?

It's common for people to be skeptical. If a person sounds too good to be true, maybe they are. Everyone is single for a reason, sometimes a negative reason.

Maybe you have a co worker or friend who is attractive, but not at all a prospect. Try this. "Susan, you're the type of girl I would like to meet and date. Can you tell me the best way for a guy like me to succeed with a girl like you?"

Sadly, the difficulty with this approach is that women are seldom honest or forthcoming, even with themselves. They will describe the man they want, then date and sleep with a man completely different.

In my opinion, women tend to be huge cowards, under a smokescreen of "being nice". Rather than take responsibility for their actions and choices, they will be silent.
Unfortunately, this means you'll find it nearly impossible to get anyone to ever tell you what you did wrong, if anything.

You might find books by Deborah Tannen on communication, and Warren Farrel, on gender, useful and interesting.

 

[Diogenes]

I think this is one of those things that is ok to do when you first start talking to someone. I myself am a painfully shy person, so it in turn has always made me feel more comfortable with talking/opening up if the other person takes the lead in talking - in the beginning.

I mean have you ever had a conversation where both of you are shy? it's painfully awkward.

In real life, yes. In fiction, I find the love of Chani and Brick charming. Movie Anchorman 2

 

[maybetrollingmaybenot]

Just to add an important thing: The place and the approach seem to matter A LOT. How do I know it? Well let's just say this summer out of desperation I made 2 fake profiles just to see if the issue is with my pictures and the results were the same: total disaster. And this was again instagram, i know it's not a dating site but on dating sites it's somehow worse given the hordes of fakes which is why I don't want to try them anyway.

 

[insecure]

It seems that suddenly several real profiles took an interest in me, and not just some of those fake bots.
If everything goes well I should be dating an attractive Brazilian woman (40, me 53) tomorrow evening.
I could also date a woman from Kenya (40), and some other profiles I matched with are another African woman (29), a Latina girl (46) and a girl from 19 years old (did she make a mistake while swiping or would she really want to meet someone this old?).
Strange, before I only got an interest from either older women who I did not find attractive, or from bots that lead me to gmail, where they would say they are from Kazachstan, living in Russia, but willing to travel with fake composite pictures and videos.
I also did have some black women interested in me, but I found it a bit difficult, either because they had very little vocabulary in English or they were not to be trusted (playing games with me), or some other reason.

Could it be the new profile picture I posted?
It was taken with my new smartphone (Google Pixel Pro 7), and this one makes excellent, sharp photos.
Or is it simply the time of year when many people make a resolution to look for a new partner?
I also wonder why mostly Latina and African women seem to like me, is there something about me that attracts them, but that mostly does not interest the Belgian women, except for the elderly, less attractive ones?
I know that if I get a compliment is invariably about my blue eyes.
Anyway, it is good to feel that some attractive women do take an interest in me.
Hope this date tomorrow goes well, she seems really nice.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

^ Fakes man, fakes everywhere. That chinese-hot-twitter girl that I mentioned keeps bullshiting, I mean: I used google translate to show her the differences between trad. chinese and simplified one - she changed the topic. Then I recorded and said something in chinese "try harder, i don't understand!" - last attempt from me: "how do you say what is the name of your cat in mandarin?" - she replied by saying that her name is Dudu (in english!) - how many attempts to dodge that you don't speak Mandarin? Like wtf.

On a side note: Kazakhstan has plenty of russians, maybe 30% or so and I think they all speak russian but the kazakhs look Asian.

This made me laugh soooooooo much its so bad how much I laughed at this!!! She was probably thinking... omg... he's on to me lmaoo I'm crying. I dont like speaking foreign languages to white men in particular, I feel embarrassed... but I would if he wanted me to ... sometimes... it's a request lmao... for... reasons... pervs.. any who..

It seems that suddenly several real profiles took an interest in me, and not just some of those fake bots.
If everything goes well I should be dating an attractive Brazilian woman (40, me 53) tomorrow evening.
I could also date a woman from Kenya (40), and some other profiles I matched with are another African woman (29), a Latina girl (46) and a girl from 19 years old (did she make a mistake while swiping or would she really want to meet someone this old?).
Strange, before I only got an interest from either older women who I did not find attractive, or from bots that lead me to gmail, where they would say they are from Kazachstan, living in Russia, but willing to travel with fake composite pictures and videos.
I also did have some black women interested in me, but I found it a bit difficult, either because they had very little vocabulary in English or they were not to be trusted (playing games with me), or some other reason.

Could it be the new profile picture I posted?
It was taken with my new smartphone (Google Pixel Pro 7), and this one makes excellent, sharp photos.
Or is it simply the time of year when many people make a resolution to look for a new partner?
I also wonder why mostly Latina and African women seem to like me, is there something about me that attracts them, but that mostly does not interest the Belgian women, except for the elderly, less attractive ones?
I know that if I get a compliment is invariably about my blue eyes.
Anyway, it is good to feel that some attractive women do take an interest in me.
Hope this date tomorrow goes well, she seems really nice.

Good luck on your dates!!! You'll be amazed what blue eyes can do to a woman lmao Oh oh and don't forget the wine!

 

[insecure]

This made me laugh soooooooo much its so bad how much I laughed at this!!! She was probably thinking... omg... he's on to me lmaoo I'm crying. I dont like speaking foreign languages to white men in particular, I feel embarrassed... but I would if he wanted me to ... sometimes... it's a request lmao... for... reasons... pervs.. any who..


Good luck on your dates!!! You'll be amazed what blue eyes can do to a woman lmao Oh oh and don't forget the wine!

I will start with one date.
I feel like being faithful even though I haven't met her yet.
This African woman insisted I see her first, but I can't, because I don't have time right now, I need to prepare things for the trip I'm taking this week to Gran Canaria.
I told her about the Brazilian woman, and she said I should meet her anyway even if things would turn interesting with the Brazilian one.
I told her I will see how it goes, but if things get serious with the Brazilian woman, I'll tell the other ones I am taken.
It's not my intention to cheat on a woman.
It looks though, that as soon as they think you might be taken, they get more interested.
Like, someone else digs him, so he must be good...
It's a bit like one of these restaurants with a terrace, and you look, and no one's seated there.
So you take the risk, sit down with a couple of people, and then other people see you and think it must be interesting, and before you know it the place is half full.

Could it be that not only would I get a new job but also a girlfriend again, after 8 years of loneliness?
Wouldn't that be marvellous?

 

[maybetrollingmaybenot]

This made me laugh soooooooo much its so bad how much I laughed at this!!! She was probably thinking... omg... he's on to me lmaoo I'm crying. I dont like speaking foreign languages to white men in particular, I feel embarrassed... but I would if he wanted me to ... sometimes... it's a request lmao... for... reasons... pervs.. any who..


Good luck on your dates!!! You'll be amazed what blue eyes can do to a woman lmao Oh oh and don't forget the wine!

I forgot about this one because like I said it was a scammer but if you really want a weirdo that I had to block: there's this young Japanese girl who despite me being very polite and talking about anything other than *** started sending me pics of animated gay p0rn and **** pics asking all the time if mine is as big as "his" and it wasn't 1 time...she was like the Japanese in this video:

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I will start with one date.
I feel like being faithful even though I haven't met her yet.
This African woman insisted I see her first, but I can't, because I don't have time right now, I need to prepare things for the trip I'm taking this week to Gran Canaria.
I told her about the Brazilian woman, and she said I should meet her anyway even if things would turn interesting with the Brazilian one.
I told her I will see how it goes, but if things get serious with the Brazilian woman, I'll tell the other ones I am taken.
It's not my intention to cheat on a woman.
It looks though, that as soon as they think you might be taken, they get more interested.
Like, someone else digs him, so he must be good...
It's a bit like one of these restaurants with a terrace, and you look, and no one's seated there.
So you take the risk, sit down with a couple of people, and then other people see you and think it must be interesting, and before you know it the place is half full.

Could it be that not only would I get a new job but also a girlfriend again, after 8 years of loneliness?
Wouldn't that be marvellous?

Yeah, my advice is... don't be a play boy lolz take it slow, and don't be too quick to trust these crazy women lol no matter how big their ****s are... most importantly have fun and I wish you luckkk Would be bloody marvellous in my opinion !

As for this....

It looks though, that as soon as they think you might be taken, they get more interested.
Like, someone else digs him, so he must be good...
It's a bit like one of these restaurants with a terrace, and you look, and no one's seated there.
So you take the risk, sit down with a couple of people, and then other people see you and think it must be interesting, and before you know it the place is half full.

Sometimes it's not that deep insecure, sometimes it's just you was trying to play a little hard to get and now have to up the anti as some other woman is on the scene. Not everything is a deep mind game or something to focus on, try not to overthink... just go with the flow, no point trying to figure women out... most of us don't even understand ourselves lol.

 

[insecure]

Yeah, my advice is... don't be a play boy lolz take it slow, and don't be too quick to trust these crazy women lol no matter how big their ****s are... most importantly have fun and I wish you luckkk Would be bloody marvellous in my opinion !

As for this....


Sometimes it's not that deep insecure, sometimes it's just you was trying to play a little hard to get and now have to up the anti as some other woman is on the scene. Not everything is a deep mind game or something to focus on, try not to overthink... just go with the flow, no point trying to figure women out... most of us don't even understand ourselves lol.

I'm not a playboy, the woman I will (hopefully) meet tonight is looking for a serious relationship.
I tend to look at the face of a woman a lot as well, not just their ****s.
But I know it can be hard to focus on other stuff sometimes.

I didn't consider my theory very deep.
I mean, it is also the same like when a baby does not show interest for the food its mum tries to give it, and then she eats some of it herself, the baby can get upset and want it.
Or a bigger child, who has a toy he never plays with and mom says she will sell it because he never uses it, the child will suddenly take interest in the child and try to convince mom that he really still plays with it.
So, it's baby logic lol, nothing deep there.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm not a playboy, the woman I will (hopefully) meet tonight is looking for a serious relationship.
I tend to look at the face of a woman a lot as well, not just their ****s.
But I know it can be hard to focus on other stuff sometimes.

I didn't consider my theory very deep.
I mean, it is also the same like when a baby does not show interest for the food its mum tries to give it, and then she eats some of it herself, the baby can get upset and want it.
Or a bigger child, who has a toy he never plays with and mom says she will sell it because he never uses it, the child will suddenly take interest in the child and try to convince mom that he really still plays with it.
So, it's baby logic lol, nothing deep there.

It was a joke insecure

 

[insecure]

Well, guess what.
I did have my date yesterday.
She looked exactly like her profile picture.
A 40 year old beautiful Brazilian woman who lives here in Belgium.
She suggested a table in the cocktail bar she knew and had suggested.
She didn't mind me sitting next to her.
While talking her hands often got close to my body, and even briefly touched it.
I paid her some compliments on her beauty (she really is very pretty), and we spoke Portuguese the whole time.
She then went to the toilet, I paid for the cocktails.
Then we left, and on the street we even French kissed several times.
We were going to have something to eat, but it was a bit late, so we had to drive to find something open.
We then had some lasagne.
After that she asked if she needed to pay for the lasagne.
That is where things went wrong.
I said Yes, and that hurt her feelings.
She said she wasn't used to paying when she went out with a man.
She did pay her part of the food, but then wanted to be taken home immediately, and I could feel that everything had changed.
There was no kiss goodbye, and she said she would think about whether we still would continue.
When I came home, I noticed she had cancelled the match on the bumble app.
I still talked to her a bit on whatsapp, but I think she will not want to see me again.

So I just wonder, am I a cheap ******* by not wanting to pay everything?
The way I see things is:

There used to be a time when women stayed home to take care of the household and the children. The husband would go out to work and because of this situation the women would not have any income and be totally dependent on the husband they are married to.
So in that situation for me it is logical that women would not pay anything when having a date or within a relationship.

Nowadays however, with women having jobs and earning their own money, I don't think it is normal that men simply pay everything to their partner.
Of course, I know that some wages are higher than other, so I don't expect them to pay half of everything, but to me it does not seem fair that in a relationship that the man should pay for everything, while the woman keeps her wage to herself.

I don't know, maybe that makes me a cheap ******* to some.
But how do I know that a woman really wants me for me, and not the money, the car or whatever I have that she would want?

So long story short, I had a great date until I said the wrong thing, and I will probably never see her again.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Well, guess what.
I did have my date yesterday.
She looked exactly like her profile picture.
A 40 year old beautiful Brazilian woman who lives here in Belgium.
She suggested a table in the cocktail bar she knew and had suggested.
She didn't mind me sitting next to her.
While talking her hands often got close to my body, and even briefly touched it.
I paid her some compliments on her beauty (she really is very pretty), and we spoke Portuguese the whole time.
She then went to the toilet, I paid for the cocktails.
Then we left, and on the street we even French kissed several times.
We were going to have something to eat, but it was a bit late, so we had to drive to find something open.
We then had some lasagne.
After that she asked if she needed to pay for the lasagne.
That is where things went wrong.
I said Yes, and that hurt her feelings.
She said she wasn't used to paying when she went out with a man.
She did pay her part of the food, but then wanted to be taken home immediately, and I could feel that everything had changed.
There was no kiss goodbye, and she said she would think about whether we still would continue.
When I came home, I noticed she had cancelled the match on the bumble app.
I still talked to her a bit on whatsapp, but I think she will not want to see me again.

So I just wonder, am I a cheap ******* by not wanting to pay everything?
The way I see things is:

There used to be a time when women stayed home to take care of the household and the children. The husband would go out to work and because of this situation the women would not have any income and be totally dependent on the husband they are married to.
So in that situation for me it is logical that women would not pay anything when having a date or within a relationship.

Nowadays however, with women having jobs and earning their own money, I don't think it is normal that men simply pay everything to their partner.
Of course, I know that some wages are higher than other, so I don't expect them to pay half of everything, but to me it does not seem fair that in a relationship that the man should pay for everything, while the woman keeps her wage to herself.

I don't know, maybe that makes me a cheap ******* to some.
But how do I know that a woman really wants me for me, and not the money, the car or whatever I have that she would want?

So long story short, I had a great date until I said the wrong thing, and I will probably never see her again.

Congrats on the date! Hopefully the next one will end better I dont think not paying makes you a cheap *******, I think working class people should pay 50/50.... Theres levels to the dating game and everyone thinks they are on top, if I was working class, 40+ and still dating I'd consider paying 50/50, if I am honest. I do think, potentially, for something as cheap as a lasagne you could of paid, as a nice gesture but I dont know your financial situation. Happy searching Side note... do you typically kiss on the first date? Seems so fast to me but... lol I am young...ish..

 

[insecure]

It's not the financial situation, it really isn't, I mean prices are high these days, but it's not like I couldn't pay this.
I just have this low self confidence.
I always think it must be impossible that someone likes me for me, so I look for other motives.
Also the experience with the fake marriage, where she would let me buy stuff, and she would always be very touchy and giving the impression that there would be a reward afterwards, but then when she got her stuff, she got back to her cold self, and there was nothing.

I feel sad though.
I still spoke via voice recordings on whatsapp and she explained that she expects the person who invites to pay.
When we set a date for the date, she suggested having cocktails or wine.
I chose cocktails.
Then later on I realised that it was about an hour's drive from my place, and I might get hungry, so I asked if we would also have something to eat.
So maybe without it she wouldn't have gone to that café.

Do I always kiss on the first date?
Surprisingly this has happened many times (though it was like 15 years since I had the previous date).
Maybe this also has to do with the fact of my insecurity.
Remember that I always had doubts about my sexuality.
Once I kissed too quickly on a date, immediately upon meeting her, and then I didn't know how to behave afterwards.

But I find that latina women are very physical, if they like you.
While talking her hands will almost or briefly touch you.
And they are quick to kiss too, at least the ones I have met.
I mean, it's not like I forced her in any way, and it wasn't just one kiss.
So if she would have had second thoughts on this, she could have easily said that we (or I) were (was) going too fast.
I really felt that we were like in a relationship already or very close to being in one.
Strangely enough I felt quite calm about it, though it always feels a bit frightening to me to commit myself.

So now it makes me feel bad, I should have simply paid, but sometimes I can be very stubbornly sticking to my principles, I am sure I have missed opportunities before because of this.

Anyway, she did show me her Bumble app.
Even with the smallest selection of age interval, the app said 200+ likes...
So that's how it is for a gorgeous woman to be on there.
In comparison, at the most I got like maybe 4 likes.
So that is why both men and women get frustrated on those apps and sites.
Beautiful women are overwhelmed with likes, and the men who send them don't understand why they get so few likes.

Anyway, I guess this is progress for me, even though now I feel sad.
I miss her already.
Hope she has a good life, wish her the best.
I could have another date today with a woman from Kenya (it seems like it is almost always 'exotic' women who feel attracted to me, and when it's girls from here, they are mostly too old for me).
The woman I met yesterday is the prettiest one though.
I just don't feel it would be good, I feel like I must 'mourn' my loss first.
Besides, tomorrow I'm going on a trip to Gran Canaria, so I should worry about all of that.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It's not the financial situation, it really isn't, I mean prices are high these days, but it's not like I couldn't pay this.
I just have this low self confidence.
I always think it must be impossible that someone likes me for me, so I look for other motives.
Also the experience with the fake marriage, where she would let me buy stuff, and she would always be very touchy and giving the impression that there would be a reward afterwards, but then when she got her stuff, she got back to her cold self, and there was nothing.

I feel sad though.
I still spoke via voice recordings on whatsapp and she explained that she expects the person who invites to pay.
When we set a date for the date, she suggested having cocktails or wine.
I chose cocktails.
Then later on I realised that it was about an hour's drive from my place, and I might get hungry, so I asked if we would also have something to eat.
So maybe without it she wouldn't have gone to that café.

Do I always kiss on the first date?
Surprisingly this has happened many times (though it was like 15 years since I had the previous date).
Maybe this also has to do with the fact of my insecurity.
Remember that I always had doubts about my sexuality.
Once I kissed too quickly on a date, immediately upon meeting her, and then I didn't know how to behave afterwards.

But I find that latina women are very physical, if they like you.
While talking her hands will almost or briefly touch you.
And they are quick to kiss too, at least the ones I have met.
I mean, it's not like I forced her in any way, and it wasn't just one kiss.
So if she would have had second thoughts on this, she could have easily said that we (or I) were (was) going too fast.
I really felt that we were like in a relationship already or very close to being in one.
Strangely enough I felt quite calm about it, though it always feels a bit frightening to me to commit myself.

So now it makes me feel bad, I should have simply paid, but sometimes I can be very stubbornly sticking to my principles, I am sure I have missed opportunities before because of this.

Anyway, she did show me her Bumble app.
Even with the smallest selection of age interval, the app said 200+ likes...
So that's how it is for a gorgeous woman to be on there.
In comparison, at the most I got like maybe 4 likes.
So that is why both men and women get frustrated on those apps and sites.
Beautiful women are overwhelmed with likes, and the men who send them don't understand why they get so few likes.

Anyway, I guess this is progress for me, even though now I feel sad.
I miss her already.
Hope she has a good life, wish her the best.
I could have another date today with a woman from Kenya (it seems like it is almost always 'exotic' women who feel attracted to me, and when it's girls from here, they are mostly too old for me).
The woman I met yesterday is the prettiest one though.
I just don't feel it would be good, I feel like I must 'mourn' my loss first.
Besides, tomorrow I'm going on a trip to Gran Canaria, so I should worry about all of that.

Awh dont worry insecure!!! Sometimes it is all the wrong timing!
I deffo think maybe you overthink a little so don't let the fear of being used rule ya.
You are not wrong though, I mean my friend used to call dates "free meals" lol So some women are like that.
I deffo make men jump through hoops for similar reasons, most of the time men seem happy enough to skip to my loo lmao.

As for the kissing... I wasn't trying to make it seem like you forced her lol I was just asking if thats something you typically do. I am very funny about touch so I found that interesting

Yeah... idk, as someone thats considered an "exotic girl" sometimes I chat with a "plain?" guy... and he's like no women like me and I look at him like.... what?!?!?! but I say.. "oh, really?" cant flatter a man too much lol but I often think, if his women don't like him, why on earth is he like everything I like ? lmao

 

[insecure]

Awh dont worry insecure!!! Sometimes it is all the wrong timing!
I deffo think maybe you overthink a little so don't let the fear of being used rule ya.
You are not wrong though, I mean my friend used to call dates "free meals" lol So some women are like that.
I deffo make men jump through hoops for similar reasons, most of the time men seem happy enough to skip to my loo lmao.

As for the kissing... I wasn't trying to make it seem like you forced her lol I was just asking if thats something you typically do. I am very funny about touch so I found that interesting

Yeah... idk, as someone thats considered an "exotic girl" sometimes I chat with a "plain?" guy... and he's like no women like me and I look at him like.... what?!?!?! but I say.. "oh, really?" cant flatter a man too much lol but I often think, if his women don't like him, why on earth is he like everything I like ? lmao

I know that some women really do it like that.
Like 20 years ago or so I was also on a dating websites (there were no apps at the time), and once I met a woman from that site, she wanted to have a diner.
She said openly that she dated every week on Saturday and Sunday, and she never payed the bill.
So yes, some of them have other motives than to find a man.

You are a bit exotic too, I guess (not trying to flirt now, just being honest).
It is strange how these things work.
I am sure some Belgian girls do like me, but they are not so quick to show it, so I mistake those signals for lack of interest.
Also, I don't know why, but it feels more easy to me with those latinas.
I guess ultimate progress for me would be to meet someone under 'normal' circumstances, meaning, not via a dating website.

 

[maybetrollingmaybenot]

btw, stay safe there's even a name for the "Hong-Kong women who are into crypto":

https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/26/investing/crypto-scams-fbi-tips/index.html

 

[user 164061]

Well, guess what.
I did have my date yesterday.
She looked exactly like her profile picture.
A 40 year old beautiful Brazilian woman who lives here in Belgium.
She suggested a table in the cocktail bar she knew and had suggested.
She didn't mind me sitting next to her.
While talking her hands often got close to my body, and even briefly touched it.
I paid her some compliments on her beauty (she really is very pretty), and we spoke Portuguese the whole time.
She then went to the toilet, I paid for the cocktails.
Then we left, and on the street we even French kissed several times.
We were going to have something to eat, but it was a bit late, so we had to drive to find something open.
We then had some lasagne.
After that she asked if she needed to pay for the lasagne.
That is where things went wrong.
I said Yes, and that hurt her feelings.
She said she wasn't used to paying when she went out with a man.
She did pay her part of the food, but then wanted to be taken home immediately, and I could feel that everything had changed.
There was no kiss goodbye, and she said she would think about whether we still would continue.
When I came home, I noticed she had cancelled the match on the bumble app.
I still talked to her a bit on whatsapp, but I think she will not want to see me again.

So I just wonder, am I a cheap ******* by not wanting to pay everything?
The way I see things is:

There used to be a time when women stayed home to take care of the household and the children. The husband would go out to work and because of this situation the women would not have any income and be totally dependent on the husband they are married to.
So in that situation for me it is logical that women would not pay anything when having a date or within a relationship.

Nowadays however, with women having jobs and earning their own money, I don't think it is normal that men simply pay everything to their partner.
Of course, I know that some wages are higher than other, so I don't expect them to pay half of everything, but to me it does not seem fair that in a relationship that the man should pay for everything, while the woman keeps her wage to herself.

I don't know, maybe that makes me a cheap ******* to some.
But how do I know that a woman really wants me for me, and not the money, the car or whatever I have that she would want?

So long story short, I had a great date until I said the wrong thing, and I will probably never see her again.

I've only ever had 1 date in my life and it was in 2019. I literally survive on birthday money and Xmas money, so i need to be very frugal. I cannot work due to anxiety/depression and other problems, but i am 30 and i've been alone romantically only until recently. On my "date" if i can even call it that i paid for it, because it was her birthday days before we met face to face but i also wanted to. That was all my money gone, but i didn't give a damn because i wasn't alone and felt happy. If you've got a job or a steady income and you feel that alone you probably should pay, especially since it was only lasagne and not caviar, lobster, white truffle with a 10k bottle of champagne.

I've been lonely for a very, very long time and also king of the friend zone. The woman i went out with offered to pay half, i said no because it would have been ultra wrong and she was new to my country. I'd have felt mega guilty had i said yes to her paying half. If you feel that alone you should take any attention you get and roll with it, even if they are way older or something else because at least you'll not be lonely. Unless you are waiting for a goddess to come along and the frugality will **** it up? If you are insanely alone you cannot be picky, because i used to be that way and it got me nowhere. Overthinking also is a problem, you've just got to go with it and enjoy it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

So I just wonder, am I a cheap ******* by not wanting to pay everything?

If she didn't ask, would you have paid for it all or would you have asked her to pay her share?

The answer doesn't really matter, I'm just curious, because she shouldn't have asked if she wasn't prepared to pay her share.

Honestly, I think both her asking and you saying yes we're both "tests". Like you said, you wanted to know she liked YOU, instead of just wanting a free meal. And she could have wanted to know if you were going to pay her way. That's just hypothetical, of course. I don't know her, so she could have had the best intentions, but by writing you off because she paid her share, it doesn't seem likely.

But no, you aren't a cheap ******* for wanting her to pay her share, regardless of the cost.