Dating sites are depressing

[Forgottendanfan]

I've never tried a dating site. They strike me as rather superficial and looks-based, plus if I got no matches from it I'd be even more depressed than I am by default.

 

[Finished]

^ Smart! Stay the hell away from them! Ha! ha!

 

[FFurry]

^ Ha! ha! Many people, including me, have had their profiles reviewed by friends and by professionals. It's all about the pic. I did much experimenting with profiles and pics. I got nowhere until I used pics of other people. Then I got responses. I even used all the classic DO NOT use profiles with male model pics and still got tons of responses. I even write extremely negative stuff. It didn't matter. It's all about the pic. Yeah it's really that simple.

Yes, but there are multiple stories of people falling in love by only chatting online without seeing pics. It used to happen on IRC and the like, back when that was a thing. (Maybe it still is to the ancient among us.) At least this would seem to create some hope.

Of course, there's that story of a couple falling in love and finally meeting in a cafe. She was 500 lbs., and after seeing her, he walked out without a word. I've always thought we should share at least a rudimentary description of ourselves, if not pics, to prevent something like this. Other than that, I don't think appearance matters all that much (as long as it fits within a "standard" profile), especially as one gets older.

 

[Finished]

^ Yes. Different generations have different requirements in a mate. The older generations didn't care so much about appearances. But, it's gotten progressively worse. A young unattractive person now has very little chance of mating up unless they can find a really messed person to do it with.

Also when women get over the ability to date men younger then 40 appearances don't mean as much. They are concerned about other things.

 

[lily_b]

My problem with online dating is that my life has taken a downward spiral and I can't imagine anyone wanting to date a loser like me.  I've been married and I had a four year relationship after that.  When I met my ex-husband I was 22, I had friends, my family was intact, I felt great about myself.  In the intervening 19 years, I've lost all my friends, I no longer speak to my parents and have zero relationship with my brothers, and I feel so unlovable from being used and thrown away in the relationship following my divorce.  Who in the hell would be interested in a 41 year old divorced woman with two kids, who has really no friends and no family? Most of the profiles I see mention that family and friends are important.  I know my situation will be seen as me having lots of baggage and issues, which is only partially true. Yes, I've lived through a lot but I have so much to offer and still take care of myself, have a job I enjoy, have tons of interests and hobbies.  When I told one guy that my two main friends were a woman I stayed in touch with after she retired and another coworker who was male and twelve years younger (who I'm not in contact with anymore), his response was "don't you have any friends your own age?" He ghosted me after that.  I've never been one to have friends for the sake of not feeling alone and to have a collection of people who are "friends" just to impress someone is not appealing.  And when you tell someone that the reason you no longer talk to your parents is because of childhood abuse, they automatically see red flags.  I'm not damaged goods. I'm often called sweet with a heart of gold.  But with so many women to choose from who do have friends and family, I really think it plays negatively against me. And I really like the way my life is. And I've never had a need for a gaggle of girlfriends.  I just want to meet someone who is in a similar situation and mostly prefers his own company, save for that one special person.  My long term relationship partners tend to become my best friend and their company and connection is all I really need to feel fulfilled.  Sure, I have social interactions with work acquaintances, cashiers, other parents picking up their kids from school and quite frankly I need to recharge after a day out. But having that special connection with someone I can come home to and who never feels too much and who sees me the same way is what I really want.  I'm different and I know it and I feel like I can't compete with "normal" women so I've given up. If the universe wants to send me someone I'm totally open but I think that's really just a silly dream I tell myself to keep from becoming completely hopeless.

 

[Finished]

My problem with online dating is that my life has taken a downward spiral and I can't imagine anyone wanting to date a loser like me.  I've been married and I had a four year relationship after that.  When I met my ex-husband I was 22, I had friends, my family was intact, I felt great about myself.  In the intervening 19 years, I've lost all my friends, I no longer speak to my parents and have zero relationship with my brothers, and I feel so unlovable from being used and thrown away in the relationship following my divorce.  Who in the hell would be interested in a 41 year old divorced woman with two kids, who has really no friends and no family? Most of the profiles I see mention that family and friends are important.  I know my situation will be seen as me having lots of baggage and issues, which is only partially true. Yes, I've lived through a lot but I have so much to offer and still take care of myself, have a job I enjoy, have tons of interests and hobbies.  When I told one guy that my two main friends were a woman I stayed in touch with after she retired and another coworker who was male and twelve years younger (who I'm not in contact with anymore), his response was "don't you have any friends your own age?" He ghosted me after that.  I've never been one to have friends for the sake of not feeling alone and to have a collection of people who are "friends" just to impress someone is not appealing.  And when you tell someone that the reason you no longer talk to your parents is because of childhood abuse, they automatically see red flags.  I'm not damaged goods. I'm often called sweet with a heart of gold.  But with so many women to choose from who do have friends and family, I really think it plays negatively against me. And I really like the way my life is. And I've never had a need for a gaggle of girlfriends.  I just want to meet someone who is in a similar situation and mostly prefers his own company, save for that one special person.  My long term relationship partners tend to become my best friend and their company and connection is all I really need to feel fulfilled.  Sure, I have social interactions with work acquaintances, cashiers, other parents picking up their kids from school and quite frankly I need to recharge after a day out. But having that special connection with someone I can come home to and who never feels too much and who sees me the same way is what I really want.  I'm different and I know it and I feel like I can't compete with "normal" women so I've given up. If the universe wants to send me someone I'm totally open but I think that's really just a silly dream I tell myself to keep from becoming completely hopeless.

Wow! You sound perfect to me! My last girl friend, over a decade ago, had lots of family and friends. She looked down on me because I didn't. It was so draining on me. Whenever any one in her family so much as farted everybody had to get together. Then she would want to go hang out with her friends to unwind. I would tell her that she needs her space. But, we also need our alone time together. She would say, we just spent half a day together a couple days ago while she was reading a novel and I was working on the house. She would say that we only needed to be close to each other because our love was so strong. WTF? Really? I just call that being roommates.

 

[lily_b]

My problem with online dating is that my life has taken a downward spiral and I can't imagine anyone wanting to date a loser like me.  I've been married and I had a four year relationship after that.  When I met my ex-husband I was 22, I had friends, my family was intact, I felt great about myself.  In the intervening 19 years, I've lost all my friends, I no longer speak to my parents and have zero relationship with my brothers, and I feel so unlovable from being used and thrown away in the relationship following my divorce.  Who in the hell would be interested in a 41 year old divorced woman with two kids, who has really no friends and no family? Most of the profiles I see mention that family and friends are important.  I know my situation will be seen as me having lots of baggage and issues, which is only partially true. Yes, I've lived through a lot but I have so much to offer and still take care of myself, have a job I enjoy, have tons of interests and hobbies.  When I told one guy that my two main friends were a woman I stayed in touch with after she retired and another coworker who was male and twelve years younger (who I'm not in contact with anymore), his response was "don't you have any friends your own age?" He ghosted me after that.  I've never been one to have friends for the sake of not feeling alone and to have a collection of people who are "friends" just to impress someone is not appealing.  And when you tell someone that the reason you no longer talk to your parents is because of childhood abuse, they automatically see red flags.  I'm not damaged goods. I'm often called sweet with a heart of gold.  But with so many women to choose from who do have friends and family, I really think it plays negatively against me. And I really like the way my life is. And I've never had a need for a gaggle of girlfriends.  I just want to meet someone who is in a similar situation and mostly prefers his own company, save for that one special person.  My long term relationship partners tend to become my best friend and their company and connection is all I really need to feel fulfilled.  Sure, I have social interactions with work acquaintances, cashiers, other parents picking up their kids from school and quite frankly I need to recharge after a day out. But having that special connection with someone I can come home to and who never feels too much and who sees me the same way is what I really want.  I'm different and I know it and I feel like I can't compete with "normal" women so I've given up. If the universe wants to send me someone I'm totally open but I think that's really just a silly dream I tell myself to keep from becoming completely hopeless.

Wow! You sound perfect to me! My last girl friend, over a decade ago, had lots of family and friends. She looked down on me because I didn't. It was so draining on me. Whenever any one in her family so much as farted everybody had to get together. Then she would want to go hang out with her friends to unwind. I would tell her that she needs her space. But, we also need our alone time together. She would say, we just spent half a day together a couple days ago while she was reading a novel and I was working on the house. She would say that we only needed to be close to each other because our love was so strong. WTF? Really? I just call that being roommates.

Oh, haha, roommates! Sounds so familiar.  The bf after the divorce suggested we live together after just two weeks of knowing each other. He said he would pay me rent and take the room downstairs for him and his dogs and cats.  What?? I didn't want to be his landlord!
Then he decided to move to his camper over two hours away in the country every summer, ensuring we wouldn't see each other very often at all.  A relationship more in theory than in practice.  At least he had the whole loner thing going on.  I just didn't want him to be a loner toward me.
If only more men were like you and appreciated us typical introvert women with very limited friends and family.  Or maybe there are but they've given up too.

 

[Finished]

Oh, haha, roommates! Sounds so familiar.  The bf after the divorce suggested we live together after just two weeks of knowing each other. He said he would pay me rent and take the room downstairs for him and his dogs and cats.  What?? I didn't want to be his landlord!
Then he decided to move to his camper over two hours away in the country every summer, ensuring we wouldn't see each other very often at all.  A relationship more in theory than in practice.  At least he had the whole loner thing going on.  I just didn't want him to be a loner toward me.
If only more men were like you and appreciated us typical introvert women with very limited friends and family.  Or maybe there are but they've given up too.

Well, I've spent a TON of time on dating sites and in dating forums. I've found that there are a lot of introverted women mated up to extroverted men. Typically they have very little in common with them. They would complain and explain how their BFs would constantly criticize them for being home bodies instead of going out. I messaged a couple of them and asked why they didn't search for a introverted man. They said they couldn't find any normal ones. Ha! Ha! Um, well, yeah I think being extrovert is normal.

I never found any introverted women that were in my dating pool. Introverted people are well, introverted. So, how the hell do they find each other? I even put up an add on Match dot com with the heading, Introvert seeks Introvert for a stay at home romance. Then in the comments I wrote, obviously you're not an introvert because you're here seeking someone else. But, maybe you have a friend that doesn't really want to leave the house. Please forward my contact information to her or give me hers. Ha! ha! I got nothing back as expected. But, I had to try it. I did get some laughs out of it.

There are a some introverted women on this forum hooked up with extroverted men. They talk about how lonely they are. Have you ever tried to find an introverted man? I image there are plenty of extroverted men pretending to me introverted to catch a stray. It's all so damn frustrating.

 

[Myra]

https://www.eharmony.com/dating-adv...o-doesnt-have-close-friends-good-or-bad-idea/
Points mentioned in this dating site article by a psychologist:

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends typically won’t be able to have a smooth and lasting romantic relationship."

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends may depend on you too much or become codependent."

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends may not blend well with your friends and family."

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends may not need people in their life the way you do."

 

[Finished]

https://www.eharmony.com/dating-adv...o-doesnt-have-close-friends-good-or-bad-idea/
Points mentioned in this dating site article by a psychologist:

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends typically won’t be able to have a smooth and lasting romantic relationship."

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends may depend on you too much or become codependent."

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends may not blend well with your friends and family."

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends may not need people in their life the way you do."

So, should everybody who is friendless just off themselves? Maybe we should start a new movement called...

Alone Lives Matter! ALM

We'll need to burn down some buildings and police cars in order to get attention though.

Well, I guess if I ever join eHarmony I'll have to lie about that too and say I have a few close friends and enjoy spending time with all the wonderful people around me. Oh, and that I have just the right amount of closeness with my family too.

 

[lily_b]

Oh, haha, roommates! Sounds so familiar.  The bf after the divorce suggested we live together after just two weeks of knowing each other. He said he would pay me rent and take the room downstairs for him and his dogs and cats.  What?? I didn't want to be his landlord!
Then he decided to move to his camper over two hours away in the country every summer, ensuring we wouldn't see each other very often at all.  A relationship more in theory than in practice.  At least he had the whole loner thing going on.  I just didn't want him to be a loner toward me.
If only more men were like you and appreciated us typical introvert women with very limited friends and family.  Or maybe there are but they've given up too.

Well, I've spent a TON of time on dating sites and in dating forums. I've found that there are a lot of introverted women mated up to extroverted men. Typically they have very little in common with them. They would complain and explain how their BFs would constantly criticize them for being home bodies instead of going out. I messaged a couple of them and asked why they didn't search for a introverted man. They said they couldn't find any normal ones. Ha! Ha! Um, well, yeah I think being extrovert is normal.

I never found any introverted women that were in my dating pool. Introverted people are well, introverted. So, how the hell do they find each other? I even put up an add on Match dot com with the heading, Introvert seeks Introvert for a stay at home romance. Then in the comments I wrote, obviously you're not an introvert because you're here seeking someone else. But, maybe you have a friend that doesn't really want to leave the house. Please forward my contact information to her or give me hers. Ha! ha! I got nothing back as expected. But, I had to try it. I did get some laughs out of it.

There are a some introverted women on this forum hooked up with extroverted men. They talk about how lonely they are. Have you ever tried to find an introverted man? I image there are plenty of extroverted men pretending to me introverted to catch a stray. It's all so damn frustrating.

ha! I would have responded to that ad if for no other reason than you have a great sense of humour!

all of my most significant relationships were with introverted men, some with a few more friends and family and some with none.  finding someone who's on the same page in that respect, to me, is important but yes, they are few and far between and probably not hanging around dating sites. makes sense, I would rather spend my Friday night immersed in a good book or watching tv and they are probably doing the same thing!  haha we're doomed!

 

[lily_b]

https://www.eharmony.com/dating-adv...o-doesnt-have-close-friends-good-or-bad-idea/
Points mentioned in this dating site article by a psychologist:

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends typically won’t be able to have a smooth and lasting romantic relationship."

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends may depend on you too much or become codependent."

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends may not blend well with your friends and family."

"Someone who doesn’t have close friends may not need people in their life the way you do."

So, should everybody who is friendless just off themselves? Maybe we should start a new movement called...

Alone Lives Matter! ALM

We'll need to burn down some buildings and police cars in order to get attention though.

Well, I guess if I ever join eHarmony I'll have to lie about that too and say I have a few close friends and enjoy spending time with all the wonderful people around me. Oh, and that I have just the right amount of closeness with my family too.

what an introvert-hating piece of disparaging garbage! I've always had just a few close friends and I loved them wholeheartedly. introverts are great mates and I think it's the best when your partner becomes your best friend. blech, pop psychology

 

[Myra]

So, should everybody who is friendless just off themselves? Maybe we should start a new movement called...

Alone Lives Matter! ALM

We'll need to burn down some buildings and police cars in order to get attention though.

Well, I guess if I ever join eHarmony I'll have to lie about that too and say I have a few close friends and enjoy spending time with all the wonderful people around me. Oh, and that I have just the right amount of closeness with my family too.

When I tried a dating site I had a phone call once with an extroverted guy I met on there, and he was talking about his friends and then asked me: "Do you also have a nice circle of friends?" I felt really put on spot and decided to do what was easiest in the moment and just say "yes". Then he proceeded to ask me if I think they'd like him. I felt so uncomfortable and I just said "yes, I think they would" but that was really the turning point and I dropped him.

I also chatted with an introvert on there who lied about having pets on his profile so that women who have pets themselves would be more inclined to message him (he told me when I questioned him).  And I  saw the profile of a man I knew in real life who lied about his age by many years which was really funny. He didn't even care when I pointed it out to him hahaha. 

I wouldn't expect anybody on a dating site to be honest haha.

 

[Finished]

I had a guy co-worker who was damn good looking in his 20's. I didn't like admitting it but the pictures of him were real and quite impressive. Then he lost most of his hair, all his muscles turned to fat, and he basically fell apart by age 32. However, he would use the pictures of when he was in his 20's on all the dating sites. He looked like a completely different guy. Anyway, he was still really confident. In his mind he was still that guy that the girls drooled over. So, he got many responses. He met up with many of them too. He had balls. I couldn't do that. I went with him several times to see what would happen. Usually they looked shocked and angry and would leave when he identified himself. But, once in awhile the girl would have used a completely different photo too. So, it was kind of a good match. They were both complete frauds. Ha! ha! Oh, yeah, two ended up being prostitutes. Yeah, sure, dating sites work great.

 

[Myra]

How did he feel and react when they got mad and left? Probably he didn't care?

 

[Finished]

Nope. He felt just as confident as always. Rejection didn't bother him at all. I was amazed and impressed. He would just say something like, that stupid C..T. Then he and I would both laugh and drink another beer. He showed me that hooking up requires a huge pool of people. You have to just keep plowing along. Eventually, hopefully, you find one that gives in for whatever reason and then pounce. Ha! Ha!