Dating Sites

[juggiekins]

I'm connected to a dating site right now, but I hardly ever get responses back when I message people (I can't say I'm very eye pleasing and my profile might not appeal to everyone either). I've only met one person, since I've been affiliated with the site. I do think dating sites can work, albeit this all depends on how aggressive you are on messaging people, how appealing you make your profile to be and how open minded you are if and when you get a response from people.

 

[Anten]

Pretty much the same happens to me too, juggiekins.

I have heard from a girl that guys can be real creeps on those sites and she had to block a guy twice.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

I have heard from a girl that guys can be real creeps on those sites and she had to block a guy twice.

Totally true. Personally I had to block alot more people than just 2, and the many pointless dates with as many pointless people (either not serious, either very repulsive) lead me to give them up completely. For life. I am not going back. Whenever I met someone from that site, they were ALL completely surprised that I was not a professional-ho, not ugly, and not after a living-wallet. Apparently most women there are one or the other. Or either they're fresh out of a breakup, unable to move on, still half in love with their ex. Not. Good.

 

[jjam]

I've never tried a dating site. I think someone here put it very well when they stated it as being "window shopping for romance that doesn't suit my character".

 

[DudeIAm]

Dating sites are a waste of time, in my opinion anyways.

 

[WhiteTiger Lily]

I've tried one on a bored whim, Plenty of Fish and discovered it wasn't for me. Didn't really work out. The guys that messaged me were either after sex [and stopped responding when it was clear they were barking up the wrong tree] or not interested in anything solid [friends with benefits- casual stuff].

Oh, and the guy that wanted to marry me for a visa, but that's a story for another day

 

[Lonely in BC]

Hmmmm, wonder if I'd get matched with that mute, built, nympo who's Daddy owns the biggest liquor store in town...........

 

[DudeIAm]

Hmmmm, wonder if I'd get matched with that mute, built, nympo who's Daddy owns the biggest liquor store in town...........

You never know on those sites.

 

[Lonely in BC]

My luck- a yappy liquor pig who puts it out everywhere- daddy dying from a defective liver earned by supporting the local liquor store.

Yep.

 

[tusk]

It seems I'm a small exception to the bad luck you guys have been having, or maybe it was just a fluke. I found my ex girlfriend on OkCupid (or she found me), and it was a great relationship. Though now it seems OkC is a bit lacking in interesting girls in my area.
I'm a late bloomer (first relationship in early-mid 20's) and haven't got much experience with girls, so I got a bit desperate and became a paying member on match.com and similar sites for a while, they got me dates but I never found anyone interesting enough/someone that liked me. I've also met some girls from less relationship-y sites. So I think it's possible; without those sites I'd never meet any girls at all.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

I still think the best is to meet people who are outside of the dating context and get to know them as "just friends" first. If they can't like you as a friend, and if your company in a non-romantic context isn't enjoyable in itself, how could a day-to-day thing have any hope of passing the test of time?

Most candidates on these types of websites arrive there with instant-romance expectations, most of them don't want to take the time to befriend anyone, and to me this skips a natural, essential step for long-term connections.

 

[Anten]

Many girls say they want a friendship first but they usually end up dating and sleeping with a guy they meet a few weeks ago. Now the guy that is trying to be her guy friend has to hear about this new guy.

 

[firebird85]

I send messages and get no responses.

 

[blackdot]

I still think the best is to meet people who are outside of the dating context and get to know them as "just friends" first. If they can't like you as a friend, and if your company in a non-romantic context isn't enjoyable in itself, how could a day-to-day thing have any hope of passing the test of time?

Most candidates on these types of websites arrive there with instant-romance expectations, most of them don't want to take the time to befriend anyone, and to me this skips a natural, essential step for long-term connections.

I have noticed that too. That women on dating websites demand to have instant "Chemistry" when they meet someone on dating sites. They absolutely refuse to get to know someone. They had to talk much before meeting. So when you do meet you know so little about each other that it's hard to find a common topic to talk about. They then naturally have no instant chemistry so they don't want to talk again.

I have yet to figure out how people are supposed to get to know each other if they don't communicate but women on dating websites abhor communication.

Meeting people outside of the dating context though is impossible since the only place I can find single people is on the dating websites. There are a lot in the volunteer group I am in but they pretty much all drink alcohol which I'm not fond of being around. And I'm not into the idea of going to a church to find someone since I am not interested in religion anymore.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Yeah, this thread seems to be summarising quite neatly why I don't like the concept of online-based or site-based dating.

To me it seems really artificial to meet someone specifically to "date".

I find I'll meet a girl in real life, get to know her over a few weeks/months and she'll possibly show signs of attraction to me during that time once we've become friends.

Not that I've ever made anything of that of course, it's just an observation that attraction seems to naturally work that way. Sometimes you'll find someone physically attractive immediately, but it's the friendship and rapport you build up that seems to work to expand the attraction.

By contrast, if I were to just walk up to a girl I met five minutes ago and say "let's date?", it's going to be an answer based purely on the shallowest desires of the girl in question, without either of us knowing if we're a good choice for the other.

Dating online essentially forces that kind of interaction in my view, and I can't see that being good for any sort of meaningful relationship.

It puts an enormous strain of expectation on two people to simply meet immediately to date I think.

Then again, it apparently works out long term for some people and I have 0 experience of actually dating, so maybe my judgements are not always correct.

Blackdot, what puts you off being near alcohol? I don't drink much at all myself, never been drunk, but at the same time I find it's usually okay to be around those who drink in most circumstances.

Most people shouldn't pressure you or be awkward if they have an ounce of maturity about them. You might have some more success just attending events like that and chatting to women there, as opposed to taking the online route. My 2 pennies anyway

 

[blackdot]

TheSolitaryMan:
I just can't stand being around the stuff. A lot of it makes people have horrendous breath. It turns people into someone completely different too. Plus I feel like an outsider as they are drinking and I am not.
I just don't see any purpose to it other than to waste money while acting like a fool.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

TheSolitaryMan:
I just can't stand being around the stuff. A lot of it makes people have horrendous breath. It turns people into someone completely different too. Plus I feel like an outsider as they are drinking and I am not.
I just don't see any purpose to it other than to waste money while acting like a fool.

Same here really. I'd far rather spend £30 on a new videogame, DVD or something practical and fun/useful than just liquid to vomit up one night

However, providing people don't get violent or obnoxious, I find that the majority of casual drinkers are quite easy to get along with. People tend to open up more too, which can be good when establishing a genuine emotional connection.

I get around the outsider thing by either drinking one beer slowly throughout an evening, or drinking orange juice or something. Most people don't even notice, those who do usually don't care.

 

[Arsenic Queen]

I send messages and get no responses.

It's usually a 10% ratio. You send 10 messages, you get 1 response.

Meeting people outside of the dating context though is impossible since the only place I can find single people is on the dating websites.

Not true. There's a lot of single people on the dating websites, but not necessarily of great quality. There's other ways to meet single people. Through family or friends, at work or school, by attending to groups.

Yeah, this thread seems to be summarising quite neatly why I don't like the concept of online-based or site-based dating.

To me it seems really artificial to meet someone specifically to "date".

I find I'll meet a girl in real life, get to know her over a few weeks/months and she'll possibly show signs of attraction to me during that time once we've become friends.

Not that I've ever made anything of that of course, it's just an observation that attraction seems to naturally work that way. Sometimes you'll find someone physically attractive immediately, but it's the friendship and rapport you build up that seems to work to expand the attraction.

By contrast, if I were to just walk up to a girl I met five minutes ago and say "let's date?", it's going to be an answer based purely on the shallowest desires of the girl in question, without either of us knowing if we're a good choice for the other.

Dating online essentially forces that kind of interaction in my view, and I can't see that being good for any sort of meaningful relationship.

It puts an enormous strain of expectation on two people to simply meet immediately to date I think.

Then again, it apparently works out long term for some people and I have 0 experience of actually dating, so maybe my judgements are not always correct.

Blackdot, what puts you off being near alcohol? I don't drink much at all myself, never been drunk, but at the same time I find it's usually okay to be around those who drink in most circumstances.

Most people shouldn't pressure you or be awkward if they have an ounce of maturity about them. You might have some more success just attending events like that and chatting to women there, as opposed to taking the online route. My 2 pennies anyway

Well, for someone with little experience, there's a lot of wisdom in many points you brought. And me and most of the other people I know who tried dating websites rather confirm what you say.

The few exceptions who do find true relationships probably find their exact fit right away, by pure luck. Truly serious people open for a genuine commitment are extremely rare on these sites. There's so many options, why stop on just one? Most people get trapped by the number of apparent "better" opportunities.

 

[blackdot]

Not true. There's a lot of single people on the dating websites, but not necessarily of great quality. There's other ways to meet single people. Through family or friends, at work or school, by attending to groups.

See, I haven't figured that trick out though. I haven't yet figured out where the women are hiding out.
I'm not going to meet any via family.
What are friends?
There are no single women (unless you count very old women) where I work who sit out back smoking all day.
I don't go to school anymore. I graduated from college in '95.
I'm in a large group... well was large but the problem with volunteer groups is that they are dying out these days. I'm not compatible with any of them. Actually there is 1 that I might be and I'm trying to get up the nerve to ask her out but based on info I have been dissecting from extremely short e-mails, the odds are she is already dating someone. Plus, I hate to try asking out people in groups I am already in cause when they turn me down, I'll shun the entire group and it's right now my only social outlet other than work.

 

[Lost Drifter]

I find dating sites to be soulless for the most part. First you’re expected to define your entire existence in 200 words or less (and you better make those words good because they decide your future too) and then you’re expected to tick all the right boxes on some stranger’s inane perfection list in a desperate bid for them to notice you.

The few dates I’ve been on were a mixed bag from bad to worse. Married women who want affairs, spoilt brats who want someone to buy them things or the religious zealots who want to show you the error of your ways after you’ve fixed their plumbing – make of that what you will. Not to mention the ones who profess their love for you on the first date because they want your babies!

Not a single woman, at least in my experience, had anything to offer. It was as if their logic was “You’re single so entertain me” for the most part. Thanks but no thanks.