Dating websites

[LonelyLola]

I think one thing everyone forgets is that as women, even as men, we don't owe anyone anything.

I have used dating sites before, and find that IF I get a one or two line introduction that has no specific information I assume the guy has probably sent a mass email to everyone he was matched with. These sites hand you a list of matches, where's eharmony or pof or match.com- and many PUA advice sites encourage an informal, sometimes negative introduction to as many women as you can.

So maybe, stop blaming the women. Maybe you should also blame the pick up artists that give you men a bad name. Many of us ladies are just looking for proof that you actually DID read our profile and chose us specifically, not just cast out a wide net to see if you catch anything.

I know when I contact men I have been matched with, I usually only send a sentence or two but I always make sure it includes something specific that interested me on their profile.

 

[blackdot]

I always write messages based entirely on what the women write in their profile. I like to put some creative detail in the message.
That becomes a problem when the women don't put anything in their profile in the first place.

 

[LonelyLola]

Blackdot: I never understood the point of paying for a service and not filling out all the info to get the most out of said service! But there are always going to be women who are there for an ego boost, women who are browsing what's out there like a "real estate market", but I think most women who do fill out their profile just want sincere, interested men.

There isn't as much difference between lonely men and lonely women as most people think.

 

[nerdygirl]

If I took the time to find you, look at your profile, and write two sentences that relate somehow to your profile, it's still more than the zero you have done that far, it would be at least a courtesy to look at their profile. But if you expect somebody to take 15 minutes on you writing a witty message in addition to the time taken for finding you and reading your profile, well.. you must think you're a very special grape.

Here's what you're not understanding. Just saying that you read the profile and enjoyed it does not actually relate to the woman's profile. It doesn't prove that you read the profile. It doesn't show that you've looked at her pictures. It doesn't demonstrate that you've done anything more than land on the woman's profile and click the button to send a message. There's no reason you shouldn't be able to say a few lines in response to specific things in her profile- and not take 15 minutes doing so.

As for the length of time spent "finding" this person, you did not spend this time specifically seeking out this particular profile. You have probably leisurely read other profiles and written other notes. You're probably going to continue reading and writing. If you spent 5 hours Christmas shopping for twenty people, would you really say that you spent 5 hours shopping for one person?

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I always write messages based entirely on what the women write in their profile. I like to put some creative detail in the message.
That becomes a problem when the women don't put anything in their profile in the first place.

Why write the women who don't put anything in their profiles?

---

And today I learned a new word, deigning.

You just keep getting hotter.

 

[blackdot]

I always write messages based entirely on what the women write in their profile. I like to put some creative detail in the message.
That becomes a problem when the women don't put anything in their profile in the first place.

Why write the women who don't put anything in their profiles?

---

---

I don't. But it does limit the options since a lot of women that don't put much effort into creating a profile and the ones that do put effort into it don't date.

 

[perfanoff]

If I took the time to find you, look at your profile, and write two sentences that relate somehow to your profile, it's still more than the zero you have done that far, it would be at least a courtesy to look at their profile. But if you expect somebody to take 15 minutes on you writing a witty message in addition to the time taken for finding you and reading your profile, well.. you must think you're a very special grape.

Here's what you're not understanding. Just saying that you read the profile and enjoyed it does not actually relate to the woman's profile. It doesn't prove that you read the profile. It doesn't show that you've looked at her pictures. It doesn't demonstrate that you've done anything more than land on the woman's profile and click the button to send a message. There's no reason you shouldn't be able to say a few lines in response to specific things in her profile- and not take 15 minutes doing so.

As for the length of time spent "finding" this person, you did not spend this time specifically seeking out this particular profile. You have probably leisurely read other profiles and written other notes. You're probably going to continue reading and writing. If you spent 5 hours Christmas shopping for twenty people, would you really say that you spent 5 hours shopping for one person?

---

I always write messages based entirely on what the women write in their profile. I like to put some creative detail in the message.
That becomes a problem when the women don't put anything in their profile in the first place.

Why write the women who don't put anything in their profiles?

---

And today I learned a new word, deigning.

You just keep getting hotter.

---

---

We're arguing over two different things - forget it

 

[nerdygirl]

I don't. But it does limit the options since a lot of women that don't put much effort into creating a profile and the ones that do put effort into it don't date.

Sorry, but I'm not positive I understood what you just said. Are you saying that the women who write out profiles don't date, and that women who fill out their profiles do?

 

[Edward W]

And today I learned a new word, deigning.

You just keep getting hotter.

Don't encourage him for goodness sake!

Luv u Limlim (not like that)

 

[Limlim]

now now, there is plenty of limlim to go around. I am a sharing individual.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

Well my profile on Okcupid isn't nearly as colorful as the guy on page 2 of this thread, but I'm hoping for positive results nonetheless.

 

[Dear-_-Tragedy]

I have been talking to someone on okcupid! but we are running out of things to talk about :/ what are some good topics? I can talk better in real life than online..

 

[theraab]

I have been talking to someone on okcupid! but we are running out of things to talk about :/ what are some good topics? I can talk better in real life than online..

It sort of depends on what you've already talked about - can you go any more in depth about the things you've already discussed (like, "what made you study _____ in college?" or "Why did you decide to move to ____?")

Some general topics that are good are:
Travel (where have you been/favorite place/where would you like to go)

Profession/school (what got you interested in _____/or, what do you want to do with this education/profession)

Family (how close are you with your siblings, etc./if she is Italian, I would ask if she has a family meatball recipe, because almost every Italian woman I have ever met does)

Music/Movies/TV (this should be obvious, but you can always use this to tease her just a little bit - "you like Jersey Shore? I can't believe I'm still chatting with you)

Things you're looking forward to, like a vacation

Cuisines you like (including beers and wines)

Hobbies

Since you don't know her, there are countless other things you can talk to her about.

 

[nerdygirl]

And today I learned a new word, deigning.

You just keep getting hotter.

Don't encourage him for goodness sake!

Luv u Limlim (not like that)

I've said much worse/ better to Limlim in the past, so... I believe it's too late for that.

 

[smarty24]

I have sent messages to soo many women but with no replies I'm starting to lose hope I know I have to be a bit patient but..

patience and non-giving up is a key when it comes to women (online or in real world)

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I have been talking to someone on okcupid! but we are running out of things to talk about :/ what are some good topics? I can talk better in real life than online..

You're better at talking in real life than on line. I think you should address this in your next message and set up a date. One problem with online dating is when people who supposedly are looking to date beat around the bush having pen pals.

 

[Case]

I once had an OKC account, but I suspended it because I became tired of the "dance."

Here's the "dance" that I have performed all too many times, and that some of you may have performed yourself:

Send email to promising profile.
Hope for reply.
Get reply. (Wee!)
Respond to reply email.
Get second reply. (Double Wee!) Things must be going well so far.
Reply enough times to build a nice rapport.
Things are going well, so we take it off the site.
We talk on the phone one or twice to arrange a F2F meeting.
Anticipate meeting.
Finally meet.
It goes well, but no sparks. Maybe they will spark next time.
Arrange a second meeting.
Second meeting also goes well, but still no sparks.
Send (or receive) the "not feeling it" text, VM, or email.
Start all over again.

I'm at a point where I don't want to guess anymore. I wish I could walk up to a woman, say "I like you more than words can say. Let's go out." And she'd say, "I like you, too. Let's do it!" No BS. No wondering. No hidden agendas.

Anyway, I have given up for now. I've also given up on all dating. I'm just not interested in playing the guessing game anymore. (Does she like me? Will she go out with me? What if she finds out about that thing I like? Will she dump me? What if I don't like that thing she likes? Will I dump her? ARRGGHH!!)

It's all nonsense to me now. I still long for a relationship, but I'm more focused on my normal social life than my love life, if that makes any sense.

~Case

 

[EveWasFramed]

I wonder if talking TOO MUCH on line before meeting actually dooms the "dating process" and removes the wonders of actually getting to know someone from actual face to face conversations. I know that getting to know someone on line can at least provide some basic stuff, such as general likes and dislikes, but there's just something to be said about spending time with someone in real life and getting to know them. *shrug*

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What is frustrating is when you spend time writing out an email, and then nobody responds. I've had that issue.

 

[Case]

I wonder if talking TOO MUCH on line before meeting actually dooms the "dating process" and removes the wonders of actually getting to know someone from actual face to face conversations. I know that getting to know someone on line can at least provide some basic stuff, such as general likes and dislikes, but there's just something to be said about spending time with someone in real life and getting to know them. *shrug*

I honestly feel there's a natural moment I've hit the point of "REAL LIFE CONVERSATION," when I simply call them on the phone. Or, at least this is my experience. I had a relationship with a woman online that went to the phone part and it was awesome. We talked for hours. It would have worked if we didn't live 3000 miles away from each other, but them's the brakes.

 

[blackdot]

I wonder if talking TOO MUCH on line before meeting actually dooms the "dating process" and removes the wonders of actually getting to know someone from actual face to face conversations. I know that getting to know someone on line can at least provide some basic stuff, such as general likes and dislikes, but there's just something to be said about spending time with someone in real life and getting to know them. *shrug*

Since dates never go past the first face-to-face meeting, I don't mind talking too much online before hand. *laughs*