Dating websites

[ladyforsaken]

maybe women hate laughing... hmmm....

Maybe the women you meet hate laughing. I know I don't.

 

[theraab]

no, desperate is not how I would come off on a first date. We normally end up talking about funny things in life or about events. Just spend the time laughing about things.
maybe women hate laughing... hmmm....

I think part of it may be what you're laughing about - do you use a lot of self-effacing humor? That's a turnoff to some women (an occasional joke at your own expense is one thing, but after a bunch of such jokes, you start to project a confidence problem).

Also, if you spend the whole night laughing, and have no "real" conversation, you might end up looking more like a friend than a potential lover.

 

[blackdot]

maybe women hate laughing... hmmm....

Maybe the women you meet hate laughing. I know I don't.

I was just joking about that. Just I'm like Pavlov's dog. If I don't get a treat for something, then it must have been wrong. *laughs*

---

I think part of it may be what you're laughing about - do you use a lot of self-effacing humor? That's a turnoff to some women (an occasional joke at your own expense is one thing, but after a bunch of such jokes, you start to project a confidence problem).

Also, if you spend the whole night laughing, and have no "real" conversation, you might end up looking more like a friend than a potential lover.

No self-effacing humor used.

The 2nd part makes sense. Unfortunately since I don't know how to talk like a "lover", I guess I should just give this whole thing up.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Personally, I've never thought for a moment that blackdot comes off as looking or sounding desperate. Resigned and a bit jaded maybe, but not desperate.
Also, "resigned and a bit jaded" is meant in no way as any kind of insult. Also, I seriously doubt the resigned and a bit jaded thing is something that he projects on the first dates he goes on either.

 

[duff]

Personally, I've never thought for a moment that blackdot comes off as looking or sounding desperate. Resigned and a bit jaded maybe, but not desperate.
Also, "resigned and a bit jaded" is meant in no way as any kind of insult. Also, I seriously doubt the resigned and a bit jaded thing is something that he projects on the first dates he goes on either.

but they must be something wrong if he never gets a second date.
I've only had 2 first dates in my life, both women wanted to see me again.

He can't be just 'unlucky'

---

Blackdot... I can't say why the lady wasn't up for a second date, but I've heard that for every second date you get, you likely went through about 30 or 40 "first" dates. Hopefully it's just statistics and you will get that second date sometime soon.

Well, since most of my 1st dates last about 3 hours, I guess I date each woman an entire lifetime in one night. ha ha ha!

I would take a guess and say you act too desperate. but that's only a guess based on your posts on here. Your doing something wrong and it's definitely not acting too nice.

no, desperate is not how I would come off on a first date. We normally end up talking about funny things in life or about events. Just spend the time laughing about things.
maybe women hate laughing... hmmm....

maybe too serious then. I've no idea. You can't be just unlucky.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Well...I don't know him and I can't say why he doesn't get second dates. Im just saying that he doesn't come across as "desperate" to me, that's all.

 

[theraab]

No self-effacing humor used.

The 2nd part makes sense. Unfortunately since I don't know how to talk like a "lover", I guess I should just give this whole thing up.

I'm assuming this is a woman you met off a dating site. It wouldn't hurt to ask her what she's looking for and what she's hoping to get out of the site (though, I would ask this before the date, when you are still emailing back and forth) - it would show that you have a serious side.

You can also talk to her about things like hopes and dreams - both hers and yours, in that order; it makes the whole thing a little bit more personal. You both have to be a little bit vulnerable emotionally to build trust.

 

[blackdot]

The only woman I have dated is one like me who had no clue how to date. We were just made for each other I guess since in 2 years of "dating" we never could even figure out how kissing worked.
True, it didn't help that she was bi-polar and couldn't handle physical contact.

I have become jaded over the years due to nothing but failure. Hard not to get jaded by that. For some reason for me everything works in some opposite universe. Like if a woman gives me her phone number, she doesn't want me to call it. At least that's what I figure since the last 4 that gave me their number refused to answer the phone. One even gave it to me after the first date so we could meet again... or so I thought.

I am very desperate. I just don't come off that way on a date. No need in being desperate for a date when I am on a date. *laughs*

 

[duff]

The only woman I have dated is one like me who had no clue how to date. We were just made for each other I guess since in 2 years of "dating" we never could even figure out how kissing worked.
True, it didn't help that she was bi-polar and couldn't handle physical contact.

I have become jaded over the years due to nothing but failure. Hard not to get jaded by that. For some reason for me everything works in some opposite universe. Like if a woman gives me her phone number, she doesn't want me to call it. At least that's what I figure since the last 4 that gave me their number refused to answer the phone. One even gave it to me after the first date so we could meet again... or so I thought.

I am very desperate. I just don't come off that way on a date. No need in being desperate for a date when I am on a date. *laughs*

if it's making you that unhappy then jack it in. Forget women and embrace your freedom !

 

[blackdot]

jack it in? I don't know that phrase.

Forget women? well, since I'm not gay and I'm not into animals, I'm stuck with wanting to date a woman.

 

[Runciter]

jack it in? I don't know that phrase.

Forget women? well, since I'm not gay and I'm not into animals, I'm stuck with wanting to date a woman.

Jack it in - give it up.

I'm sure Duff didn't mean to change your sexuality, just learn to be happy alone before you look for love. If you are desperate it will come across one way or another, subconscious vocal and body language often communicate things you didn't intend. Learning to be happy on your own will put you in a much better mindset and you'll probably have more success on your dates. Whatever you decide, I hope things work out for you and that you can find happiness in yourself and with someone else.

 

[blackdot]

That's the thing. I'm tired of being alone. I used to be happy being alone. I'm not anymore which is why I have been trying for years to find someone. Unfortunately since I'm hitting the upper limit in age for finding a date, it just makes it even worse.

 

[duff]

jack it in? I don't know that phrase.

Forget women? well, since I'm not gay and I'm not into animals, I'm stuck with wanting to date a woman.

Jack it in - give it up.

I'm sure Duff didn't mean to change your sexuality, just learn to be happy alone before you look for love. If you are desperate it will come across one way or another, subconscious vocal and body language often communicate things you didn't intend. Learning to be happy on your own will put you in a much better mindset and you'll probably have more success on your dates. Whatever you decide, I hope things work out for you and that you can find happiness in yourself and with someone else.

yes, thanks. That's what I meant and your exactly right about Blackdot.

---

That's the thing. I'm tired of being alone. I used to be happy being alone. I'm not anymore which is why I have been trying for years to find someone. Unfortunately since I'm hitting the upper limit in age for finding a date, it just makes it even worse.

there is no upper limit in finding someone.

 

[theglasscell]

@Blackdot.

Don't dwell too much on the no second date thing. The person who said you aren't getting second dates because you are doing something wrong is way off base.

Dating is a numbers game. Online dating, where you met the person online first always increases the chances of a rejection.

I can say personally for me in the last year I've gone on close to 30 dates from online sites. Five of those led to future dates and the rest were either me not wanting to see the person again or the girl not wanting to see me again.

That's just how it is. I've met girls and the second I've seen then I know I want nothing to do with them, but I'm too nice to just walk out on the date. I might be polite and buy them dinner and talk for hours and even laugh. But I can't wait to get away from them the second the dinner is over.

And the same thing happened to me plenty of times. You never know what it's gonna be. I had a girl walk out on our date after ten minutes.

I don't worry about it.

You build up a lot of expectations online and most things don't live up to it in person.

Runciter is right about being happy with yourself. Because if you aren't then even if you meet a great girl who wants to be with you, you'll be unhappy when she isn't around or you might become too clingy or try to jeopardize all her time.

Sometimes when I get fed up with trying online dating I just delete my profile and take a month to focus on myself, pursue my interests.

You need to have a thick skin with dating, just like with anything else.

This might seem like a silly example but Katy Perry is one of the biggest pop stars in history. She has more hit songs than any other artist, even Michael Jackson. The thing is before her first successful album she had a failed career as a gospel singer and then two pop albums that were dropped by their labels and never released. She spent the first 6 years of her music career as a total failure on every level. That didn't mean she wasn't talented or not meant to be a pop star. She never let that discourage her.

 

[duff]

@Blackdot.

Don't dwell too much on the no second date thing. The person who said you aren't getting second dates because you are doing something wrong is way off base.

Dating is a numbers game. Online dating, where you met the person online first always increases the chances of a rejection.

I can say personally for me in the last year I've gone on close to 30 dates from online sites. Five of those led to future dates and the rest were either me not wanting to see the person again or the girl not wanting to see me again.

That's just how it is. I've met girls and the second I've seen then I know I want nothing to do with them, but I'm too nice to just walk out on the date. I might be polite and buy them dinner and talk for hours and even laugh. But I can't wait to get away from them the second the dinner is over.

And the same thing happened to me plenty of times. You never know what it's gonna be. I had a girl walk out on our date after ten minutes.

I don't worry about it.

You build up a lot of expectations online and most things don't live up to it in person.

Runciter is right about being happy with yourself. Because if you aren't then even if you meet a great girl who wants to be with you, you'll be unhappy when she isn't around or you might become too clingy or try to jeopardize all her time.

Sometimes when I get fed up with trying online dating I just delete my profile and take a month to focus on myself, pursue my interests.

You need to have a thick skin with dating, just like with anything else.

This might seem like a silly example but Katy Perry is one of the biggest pop stars in history. She has more hit songs than any other artist, even Michael Jackson. The thing is before her first successful album she had a failed career as a gospel singer and then two pop albums that were dropped by their labels and never released. She spent the first 6 years of her music career as a total failure on every level. That didn't mean she wasn't talented or not meant to be a pop star. She never let that discourage her.

if that's correct then Blackdot can't handle the 'numbers game' of online dating.

I think your right though. My brother said you need the thick skin of an elephant to cope with online dating. I simply can't be bothered.

 

[blackdot]

there is no upper limit in finding someone.

when you are hitting 40, there is an upper limit. There aren't many people left that want to date at that age. It's pretty much the same women that were on there a couple of years ago. Plus it's harder to have a kid once you get too old.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

@Blackdot.

Don't dwell too much on the no second date thing. The person who said you aren't getting second dates because you are doing something wrong is way off base.

Dating is a numbers game. Online dating, where you met the person online first always increases the chances of a rejection.

I can say personally for me in the last year I've gone on close to 30 dates from online sites. Five of those led to future dates and the rest were either me not wanting to see the person again or the girl not wanting to see me again.

That's just how it is. I've met girls and the second I've seen then I know I want nothing to do with them, but I'm too nice to just walk out on the date. I might be polite and buy them dinner and talk for hours and even laugh. But I can't wait to get away from them the second the dinner is over.

And the same thing happened to me plenty of times. You never know what it's gonna be. I had a girl walk out on our date after ten minutes.

I don't worry about it.

You build up a lot of expectations online and most things don't live up to it in person.

Runciter is right about being happy with yourself. Because if you aren't then even if you meet a great girl who wants to be with you, you'll be unhappy when she isn't around or you might become too clingy or try to jeopardize all her time.

Sometimes when I get fed up with trying online dating I just delete my profile and take a month to focus on myself, pursue my interests.

You need to have a thick skin with dating, just like with anything else.

This might seem like a silly example but Katy Perry is one of the biggest pop stars in history. She has more hit songs than any other artist, even Michael Jackson. The thing is before her first successful album she had a failed career as a gospel singer and then two pop albums that were dropped by their labels and never released. She spent the first 6 years of her music career as a total failure on every level. That didn't mean she wasn't talented or not meant to be a pop star. She never let that discourage her.

The funny thing is, her Christian album is actually very good. As is her unreleased two albums, as they are out there now, in some form or another.

If I viewed relationships the way I view everything else, I'd be better off, because I am just now getting my college degree and everything is coming together. But being 30 and never having kissed IS a problem, anybody who tells you differently is lying.

And the sad thing is, I don't want to be 40 and kissing a 40 year old as my first kiss. I want to be young. I want to turn back the clock. But the only possible way I could do that is if I was thrown into a younger body...I suppose that is the only reason I would be suicidal.

 

[theglasscell]

Her Christian album is really good, I actually have been listening to it a lot lately. And so is all her unreleased stuff, I am a big fan of hers so I have everything she's recorded. It's not hard to find it online. She is very underrated as an artist I think.

It's not easy to be single and it's not easy to date. I have the same issues. Having been married in the past doesn't make it easier. I was 21 when I met a grew woman. And then I had all the possibilities of the future to offer a girl and it was just different.

Now I'm divorced 7 years with a ten year old kid and a lot of other baggage.

I work the graveyard shift, and have for the last three years. I don't have much chance of getting off that any time soon. I'll be 34 pretty soon.

Since 2010 I've only been with two women. I have tried dating on and off but it never seems to work out well besides those two times. And one of those times was so random it was pretty much just pure luck.

I don't have much confidence with meeting anyone, and I hate getting all psyched up for a date only to have the girl tell me she'd want to hang out again but just as friends or even worse, just walk out ten minutes into the date with some crazy excuse. I mean with online dating this is a risk.

I have gotten suicidal recently over this same thing. I ride the subway into Times Square every night for work, when people are all going out to clubs and going on dates. I see so many beautiful women out with men and I just sit there alone on the train feeling like the loneliest person in the world.

After I got divorced I went through a really bad period of mental illness and I used to cut myself badly with razors, I have a lot of obvious scars and it's hard to lie about where they came from. Especially when a long one runs right down your artery. I have had that come up during dates.

You're not alone in worrying about all the relationship stuff. I try to be positive but it is painful.

My ex-wife has been in a relationship for over five years and she met the guy only a few months after leaving me. He lives with my son and gets to be a bigger part of his life than I do.

It's not easy. I'm very shy for the most part.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Sounds very similar to a good friend of mine, who is turning 30 this year, and had a failed marriage. He married young, and realized soon afterwards that his wife was crazy. Batshit insane.

He's super smart, an intellectual, so it's not necessarily a case of intelligence. Dating, like I've said before, relies more on emotion than logic, and you can ignore someone's bad habits if they give you the right feeling...that is, until it's to the point where you have to back out, or you'll go crazy yourself.

I think that is one of the main reasons I've been so grounded. I am bitter somewhat, but I'm grounded, because I don't have bad experiences to make me fear relationships. Dating is like an unknown...it basically is a mystery to me. In that sense, I don't have low expectations if I meet someone, and we click, but since I've been rejected A LOT, I have a low expectation of us clicking in the first place.

 

[theglasscell]

Rejection is difficult.

You always wonder what it was that put them off. It could be so many things and you'd probably never get an honest answer. The worst thing for me about them is that I remember all of them clearly so sometimes I will randomly think about it. I know it's better not to dwell but I can't take those memories out of my head.

So that also makes me reluctant to date more. I don't want another one of those memories weighing me down.

If I had to choose between getting my ass kicked by some random guys and getting mugged or getting rejected by a girl I like I'd choose the first. I can look back on times I was beaten up and kind of laugh about it, the rejections still hurt.