fuhloizle
Member
Been reading here for a while. The people on here seem nice. Stuff has happened to me that I need to rant about and maybe get advice about, and I couldn't think of a better place than here to do it.
The situation, summarized:
Met a girl in high school, we date and are each others' first kiss, first time, practically first everything.
Three happy years pass.
Moved in with her family
Her parents divorced
Moved out
Broke up - basically we didn't communicate about our feelings enough
She dated a guy she had been seeing on the side
He had depression, anxiety issues, and a history of drug abuse. She can't handle his mood swings. They break up.
She wants to come back to me. I say she can try, but we can't 'officially' date again until I can trust her again, which will take time. She says she's willing to wait, she made a mistake.
I trust her enough to date her again. We officially date.
A couple months later, we're happy. Then she wants to put me as her boyfriend on facebook. In a moment of relapsing into fear of being hurt, I say no.
She tells me she feels like I don't trust her fully again, and that she needs a break to 'find herself' (she's an artist and drew and painted all the time, but doesn't anymore. She thinks maybe she's not the same person)
She dates the guy she dated last time. She was seeing him on the side again - but only for a couple days or so before she dumped me.
She dumped me late september. She moved in with him early october.
Time passes, I go through mourning and depression and the usual break up stuff.
All this while, her parents have been having post divorce court battles. Custody, alimony, etc. The mom is a deadbeat. Hasn't held a real job in her life - literally. Doesn't pay bills or anything. She's currently living without utilities of any kind because she's broke. But she gets spousal support from the dad. The dad is stressed and on edge all the time. Divorce, being lonely, paying support and stressing about whether or not he can keep his youngest daughter (my ex is 19, a legal adult, but her younger sister is 13).
The dad suffers a heart attack, presumably brought on by stress, yesterday. He dies.
The little sister is staying with the dad's girlfriend.
The mom tries to break into the house. My ex calls a relation of hers to watch the house for future break ins.
The relation gets drunk and doesn't watch the house.
I offer to watch the house.
So, here I am, watching The Search for Spock in her house, surrounded by memories of a dead man and a dead relationship and waiting for burglars.
A couple days ago I talked to my ex, the subject of marriage came up and she said she didn't want marriage now, but did want marriage soon after college.
Today, she tells me she's marrying the other guy. This decision must have been made the day of the dad's death. I really don't think that's a good time to decide to marry a guy, especially one you've only dated a total of 3.5 months, and even that not all in one stretch.
I'm not hoping to get her back. I know things are over between us. She can't be happy with me, as much as it hurts to admit it. But I'm not sure she can be really, truly happy with him either.
So, my question is: Is this marriage thing just her searching for some kind of security in a topsy-turvy world where everything's going the wrong way for her?
Can she really be happy with him, when she tried before and it didn't work?
Should I be supportive of her while she deals with the death of her father, or am I overstepping my bounds as a recent ex?
The situation, summarized:
Met a girl in high school, we date and are each others' first kiss, first time, practically first everything.
Three happy years pass.
Moved in with her family
Her parents divorced
Moved out
Broke up - basically we didn't communicate about our feelings enough
She dated a guy she had been seeing on the side
He had depression, anxiety issues, and a history of drug abuse. She can't handle his mood swings. They break up.
She wants to come back to me. I say she can try, but we can't 'officially' date again until I can trust her again, which will take time. She says she's willing to wait, she made a mistake.
I trust her enough to date her again. We officially date.
A couple months later, we're happy. Then she wants to put me as her boyfriend on facebook. In a moment of relapsing into fear of being hurt, I say no.
She tells me she feels like I don't trust her fully again, and that she needs a break to 'find herself' (she's an artist and drew and painted all the time, but doesn't anymore. She thinks maybe she's not the same person)
She dates the guy she dated last time. She was seeing him on the side again - but only for a couple days or so before she dumped me.
She dumped me late september. She moved in with him early october.
Time passes, I go through mourning and depression and the usual break up stuff.
All this while, her parents have been having post divorce court battles. Custody, alimony, etc. The mom is a deadbeat. Hasn't held a real job in her life - literally. Doesn't pay bills or anything. She's currently living without utilities of any kind because she's broke. But she gets spousal support from the dad. The dad is stressed and on edge all the time. Divorce, being lonely, paying support and stressing about whether or not he can keep his youngest daughter (my ex is 19, a legal adult, but her younger sister is 13).
The dad suffers a heart attack, presumably brought on by stress, yesterday. He dies.
The little sister is staying with the dad's girlfriend.
The mom tries to break into the house. My ex calls a relation of hers to watch the house for future break ins.
The relation gets drunk and doesn't watch the house.
I offer to watch the house.
So, here I am, watching The Search for Spock in her house, surrounded by memories of a dead man and a dead relationship and waiting for burglars.
A couple days ago I talked to my ex, the subject of marriage came up and she said she didn't want marriage now, but did want marriage soon after college.
Today, she tells me she's marrying the other guy. This decision must have been made the day of the dad's death. I really don't think that's a good time to decide to marry a guy, especially one you've only dated a total of 3.5 months, and even that not all in one stretch.
I'm not hoping to get her back. I know things are over between us. She can't be happy with me, as much as it hurts to admit it. But I'm not sure she can be really, truly happy with him either.
So, my question is: Is this marriage thing just her searching for some kind of security in a topsy-turvy world where everything's going the wrong way for her?
Can she really be happy with him, when she tried before and it didn't work?
Should I be supportive of her while she deals with the death of her father, or am I overstepping my bounds as a recent ex?
