Do people become less interested in making friends with age?

[ojtwtn]

I don't think people have less interest as they age.
They get more responsibilities as they age.  
e.g. Insurance payments, mortgage payments, family and aging parents, a demanding full-time job...

 

[Redone]

All my collegues have boyfriends and girlfriends,someone with children,no time for one like me.
I don't have skills for relationship,i know i never wed,i just want a friend for talk and maybe for travell!

 

[Cleanairfilter]

Yeah, I think this is true. I notice the younger people where I work seem to make friends with each other instantly, whereas the older people are not really interested in socialising, I guess because they all have their own lives and families already. I think also it's because when you are young you are likely to have things in common with other people of your own age. Maybe another reason is that the older you get the more things you have in your past to be ashamed of and so you are less willing to just open up to a complete stranger. Or maybe I'm just talking about myself, lol.

 

[MikeyLE80]

I would definitely like a few RL friends. I'm neither young nor particularly old at 37.

 

[morrowrd]

Am I the only one who notices this? Making friends in high school wasn't easy, but it seemed like everyone wanted them. Everyone wanted people to spend weekends with, to go out with, to talk to on the phone or see face to face over a good meal. No one had "too many friends" or "not enough time".

Now I'm almost 30 and I'm left scratching my head. I've tried the workplace, I've tried volunteer work, and I've tried online services. Work and volunteer settings have nice people but they're mostly 20+ years older than me and quite busy, both with work and with family. Online I only get contacted by single, heterosexual men wanting something else - oftentimes from other continents.

If so many people in the world deal with loneliness, as articles and studies keep suggesting, why do so few seek actual, physical friends? I live just outside of a big city. Where are all the lonely introverts who just want a nice cup of coffee and some chat?

It's something I live with. Something I feel people like me need to LEARN to accept... I find it easier to make enemies than make friends, which is why I have such solid ******* boundaries with people.  And sometimes even that isn't enough. What's wrong with me...a question I've asked since childhood.  

Friends are luxuries that other people enjoy. I'm 53 - and some of these social problems are no different than when I was 20.

 

[harper]

From my perspective, I think social types may indeed remain socially inclined, but Life has a way of keeping your dance card full with all sorts of other responsibilities.  And relationships of all types require a certain amount of energy to maintain.

 

[SingletonUK]

This quandary always reminds me of a quote from the late Great dead pan UK Comic Les Dawson. it goes "A friend in need is a pest get rid of em"


Of course its more difficult.....For one, you have to get permission from her in doors to allow you out, With some pocket money.

Older singles have realised long ago the future is futile so save their energy on thinking where to die. Or planning an exciting evening clipping their toe nails...Providing they can get their leg up and over their belly

 

[Paul Bauman]

When I was 18 making friends was easy. And I had many friends.
But the older I become the harder to make friends.
Now I am 28 and I hardly have a few friends. My old friends became too busy or have gone away from my town.
People around me are busy with work or with family and not interested in communication.
And I myself became too disappointed and too tired of betrayals, lies, hypocrisy and cruelty of people. I am too used to be alone.
During past ten years I have lost many parts of my inner self.

Age really matters.

 

[svisionguy]

I'm 42 and I got rid of all my friends after they basically turned their back on me. I have no desire to make new friends due to the fact that people are just ******** and only care for themselves.

AMEN

I just don't care much these days (I'm 43) plus I am moving to Kentucky in like 7-8 months (I hope) so anytime I think about meeting people I just say "Whats the point?" maybe once I get to Kentucky, but I doubt it...

 

[Helloworld]

It's deeply depressing. I spent several years improving myself, improving my life, all while telling myself and being told that if I got better I could just make new friends. And now it's too late. I missed my chance and all I have to show for those years of hard work is that I feel okay while sitting alone at my PC night after night instead of self-loathing and mildly suicidal.

I work, I volunteer, I reach out, and it's still not enough.

* gasp * You know, I'm talking the route you took. I'm trying to improve myself and aliened myself from people. So basically I don't have friends and I don't have a problem with that.

 

[user 150037]

My efforts to improve myself are to embrace my solo activities.

 

[Joturbo]

Yea maybe it's my age but can't be arsed now quite happy with who I've got .I am a bit annoyed with myself that I waisted time bemoaning my lack of friends.Often wonder though if I had been single if I would have made more effort.
Thinking about it though this website has really helped in getting where I am today.The little interactions and conversations I've had and the excellent information on dealing with lonliness have helped me except who I am compared to when I started a year ago.I think when I finally cut the cord and don't lean on it so much when feeling down it will be interesting how I cope...but stuff seems to replace stuff in my life so far so looking forward to the next chapter.

 

[ardour]

People would rather spend energy maintaining the friendships they have.

As for why lonely introverts aren't reaching out - well I find a lot of people who might describe themselves as such are oversensitve, are dealing with their own issues or have an obvious superiority complex where I'd rather keep my distance. The thing with building a frienship with unstable people is the smallest thing and it's over, so it's just not worth the effort. More 'average' people are usually easier to get along with, but as said they already have established social circles.

 

[IncolaVacui]

Where are all the lonely introverts who just want a nice cup of coffee and some chat?

On the rare occasion I'm actually out and about, I hang out at the library, or in indie bookstores or coffee shops. Somewhere that you wouldn't think to find a crowd of people. I tend to avoid night clubs, bars, malls, and most "main street" areas if I can.

I'm more inclined to make new friends, and more excited about making new friends, than I am of the notion to try to keep up with whatever my friends are doing because chances are typically pretty likely that I won't be able to afford it. Though, I'm also blessed with the ability of being pretty easily entertained, which keeps me simply satisfied with little to no cost. That's sort of how I'm able to get by having grown up in a welfare family. Likewise, I'm really not all that spontaneous...or if I am, it's within a budgeted limit. I can work out budgets to hang out with my friends if need be, but they have to be something I can tie down.

 

[Know One]

Hello all!
On the question of the initial post, I would tend to say yes. I'm getting older - I'm an old 52 year old geezer - and, I feel such is the case. But, the question is why?
I think that in my early teens, if I wasn't friends with certain people - my life was over. I was not living for others.
The more I aged, the more I became a "guest" of my own life - I observed.
Then, I got to a point where I didn't really care much for others' drama. Today, I feel that I live for myself. I understand that no matter what happens from, greeting a new neighbor to...lol...alien invasions, I can only live life thru my own perception. If a close relative or favorite actor dies...I still breathe - my life goes on...until...it doesn't.
It's a little sad (but there's also a little gust of hope in there too) but, I suppose it's only reality.
Because of tv, net, all medias, we have come to make ourselves believe that some people are just super-people. But, all this hype is only dressing. We are all the same in the inside. A lot of people in here would'be suprised that some of the people they idolize are...in worse shape than them!

 

[clover4you]

I think that you are right, Tealeaf. I am 30 and most of my friends are much younger than I am. I think that most people my age are at a different stage in their life where they are more focused on their spouses and children and worry more about the social interaction of said children than of themselves. It has really been awhile since I hung out with a friend my own age and i don't even really know how to talk to them anymore, what with me being single and all. It does get tougher when you get older because I think that people tend to keep to their own social circles and are less inclined to reach out, while people in their early 20s are much more likely to be open to be friends with someone who does not share a common background with them. But that's just my view.

completely agree. they are in relationships and don't have any need for friends. For the  few friends they do have, they don't want to invite anyone in cause they are comfortable with the situation the way it is and in the end, people don't like change. They also don't want to have to worry about any competition and being replaced with the "new" friend.

 

[clover4you]

If so many people in the world deal with loneliness, as articles and studies keep suggesting, why do so few seek actual, physical friends? I live just outside of a big city. Where are all the lonely introverts who just want a nice cup of coffee and some chat?

I personally feel that the majority of people are in relationships and don't have many friends because their partner is their primary focus.

 

[clover4you]

I'm 42 and I got rid of all my friends after they basically turned their back on me. I have no desire to make new friends due to the fact that people are just ******** and only care for themselves.

I feel that way too about others. But aren't we supposed to accept people for who they are? 
Do you accept yourself? 
Chances are you've done similar things as the people you refer to ******** because you're human too.

 

[humourless]

in my case yes. But if I were to suddenly lose my partner, I would be a mess. My life in chaos. Suddenly I would have to have a busy hectic social life to fill the void. I notice my single brother who is 57. He goes out 3 or 4 nights a week. Mostly to Pentecostal Christian related events. Being and living alone for more than a month sounds scary to me. I would need new courage.

 

[Enpatsu No Shakugan]

For me personally, it's been the exact opposite. And I want to kick my younger self for not getting to it sooner.


But for other people, it's been pretty consistent too. At least if they're in mostly the same boat as me. If they've already had that kind of life, then by this time in life, generally they'd be winding down, but for others who feel behind the times, they seem very eager and even hopeful to meet someone new.

Surely a lot of people here relate more to this scenario than the others, and it's typically a more introverted notion. But really, I don't think it'll ever change in my life; it's just not the kind of person I am. I love finding new people, new opportunities, new things and no matter how old I get, I don't see that changing. Especially interest wise.
I personally think it's more of a mindset thing than an age thing.