Do people try to make you feel bad bc you aren't working?

[angel_in_view]

Hi Everyone. I thought i'd bring up this subject and see if anyone else was going through this or have gone through this before.

I am married and currently, I don't work. In the past few months, I have applied for jobs and have had a couple of interviews that obviously didn't end w/me being chosen. However, I continue to push forward and I'm still applying. Recently, I have had two occasions where i've come in contact w/people who seemed to act like I was 'less than' because I wasn't working.

The first time was a couple of months ago. My husband and I were @ a social function & we ran into a guy we hadn't seen in over 10 yrs. We were catching up on things..which of course included careers. When he asked what I did for a living, I told him @ the moment, I was looking for a job. His demeanor immediately changed. He totally turned his full attention to my husband for the rest of the conversation. I thought, "Wow...are you serious? Just because I don't work doesn't mean I can't offer any meaninful conversation about things." I felt like he thought I was some little Stepford Wife that stayed @ home and had no other purpose in life.

The second time occurred about 3 weeks ago. Hubby and I were @ a music festival and we met up w/some old college friends. There was an older lady there who knew us but hadn't seen us in about a year or so. She hugged me and asked how my job was going. The last time we saw her, I was still @ my previous job. So I caught her up and told her i'd left there & went back to school. I saw the look on her face. That smile instantly went away. I went on to tell her that I graduated in March(2 months ago) and have been applying for positions. She said, "Well, just be patient. Something will come along. But honey, what in the world do you do all day?"

On our way home, I told my husband that I just don't understand people. If someone decides to not work, that's between them and their husband/wife/family, etc. Why do people instantly give you the "look" and think you do nothing? I have family members who don't work BY CHOICE and they don't have a bit of regret. Well, I'm not them. I went to school and am looking for a job. I'm not "Peggy Bundy"(married w/children) sitting on the couch eating and looking @ tv all day. Nor am I some welfare chic sponging off of tax payers bc I don't wanna move my hind end and get a job.

It just really irritates me and I wondered if anyone else has experienced this?

 

[Cavey]

For reasons I'd rather not go into, I haven't had a steady job in years. During this period, I have been belittled and ignored on many occasions by people who mistakenly believe I am either lazy, stupid or both. Like you, I have witnessed the demeanour of others change the second they find out that I am unemployed.

As far as I am concerned, this is their problem, not mine. If they cannot be bothered to judge me on the content of my character, then I can't be bothered to waste my time attempting to change their opinion.

 

[perfanoff]

Maybe it's something about your appearance that can give them that idea?

 

[Sci-Fi]

When I was out of work I felt bad and less than others, so if anyone looked down on me I wouldn't have noticed. I don't look down on people, I know how hard it is to find a job. I only look down on those who don't work because they don't want to and are fully capable of working. Those who look down on people should watch how disrespectful they are, they could easily be in the same position one day.

 

[Cavey]

Maybe it's something about your appearance that can give them that idea?

Nobody seems to feel that way UNTIL they find out that I'm unemployed, regardless of my appearance. It's not everyone by any means, but there's a section of society that seems to think that everyone who is unemployed is a witless layabout.

 

[perfanoff]

That'd be pretty stupid, with the economy being as it is and all...

 

[Cavey]

Oh, I won't argue that it's stupid. That's why I don't bother trying to change their opinion.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Just say that you can't tell them and be all mysterious.

 

[Cavey]

"I'm afraid I can't tell you. It's on a strictly need to know basis..."

That would certainly set the tongues wagging

 

[Hearmenow2012]

In my own experience I have found that it is usually the people that are in jobs and that have been for years that look down their nose at the unemployed. They think that it is so easy to gain employment and that the unemployed are just lazy scroungers living off of benefits. If you feel that they are worth your time and that you want to try to change the way that they think about you then you could explain all the positive stuff that you have been doing in an attempt to gain employment.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I make myself feel bad enough. No one needs to help me with that.

 

[theraab]

Every day my boss tries to make me feel bad about not working.

 

[Edward W]

Every day my boss tries to make me feel bad about not working.

Well I would understand after being made redundant, I was lucky and got a 1 year contract and then into a full time job after, albeit with a pay cut.

But why not sell something on ebay, then you can claim to be running your own business and self employed?

 

[xaero]

I think a lot people look down upon people who are unemployed because they assume they are abusing the system like so many people unfortunately do. Not sure what country you're from, but here in the US, people are incredibly ignorant and are quick to assume and cast judgement on others.

 

[Evil_Genius]

I make myself feel bad enough. No one needs to help me with that.

When I was unemployed I was right there with that one.....

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Yeah most of the time, they ask me how come I'm not working. Feel as if I'm being put on the spot. Things are bad as they are right now, especially in Florida. Most of the jobs around my area are not hiring. Things haven't gotten bad in the last 2 years.

 

[Dissident]

It's not everyone by any means, but there's a section of society that seems to think that everyone who is unemployed is a witless layabout.

The people who believe this are deluded. Simple.

 

[Gutted]

This appears to be common practice where I am from. I live in one of the most deprived parts of the UK. Over the Olympics, there was a huge effort to get people in my part of the UK into work. But it was criticized by many because they didn't want 'deadbeats' running the Olympics. You go to a Job Center here and the staff will probably look down on you like they're better people then you.

 

[angel_in_view]

In my own experience I have found that it is usually the people that are in jobs and that have been for years that look down their nose at the unemployed. They think that it is so easy to gain employment and that the unemployed are just lazy scroungers living off of benefits.

This is very true. The people who usually give me "the look" are the ones who have been in their jobs for 10+ yrs. & they act as if they can't comprehend why in the world I wouldn't be working.

A friend & I were talking about this a few days ago bc she has moved to CA and hasn't been able to find a job in almost 9 months. Gone are the days where there are 10-15 people applying for a position. A couple of yrs ago, my husband applied for better paying job and found out he didn't get it because they wanted to hire someone fresh out of college. Their whole intention was to save money and they knew they'd be able to pay the bare minimum to a new graduate. My husband has his master's, so he didn't have a chance. On top of that, there were 90 applicants and they interviewed 10...all 10 were new graduates.

 

[Tinderleaf]

It's not everyone by any means, but there's a section of society that seems to think that everyone who is unemployed is a witless layabout.

The people who believe this are deluded. Simple.

Agreed. All the more reason society isn't perfect and will never be.