Do you blame yourself?

[Finished]

Absolutely! I think I should be able to force myself to interact better with people. I know that I'm smart. But, I just can't out think myself. I think I should be stronger, smarter, better looking, and way more successful. Other people seem to be able to do it. But, I can't. So, it's my fault. For years any time I made a mistake I would tell myself I was a piece of ****. I still do. It's a hard habit to stop. I tell myself I should just keep trying hard to improve myself. But, I'm so exhausted, so defeated, I'm just Finished. So again I tell myself that I'm a piece of **** because I quit. Then if I force myself to try again and I fail. So again, I tell myself, see you failed again you are a worthless piece of ****.

But, then I look at the things that I'm good at and the things that I've accomplished and I think that I'm pretty damn amazing. Then I think maybe I can fix my flaws. But I fail again and it all becomes a cycle.

So, my compromise is to only do the things I'm good at or have a high probability of accomplishing. That means staying clear of other people and working on my various projects. But, staying clear of other people is getting harder and harder to do. I continue to have bad interactions with others.

 

[Loner_Wolf]

I still do but not as much as I used to. I have recently adopted a mantra that goes like this: “You did nothing wrong, it wasn’t your fault”. My main problem right now is that I still compare myself to other peope, men especially, and then I feel like a failure.

 

[Finished]

I still do but not as much as I used to. I have recently adopted a mantra that goes like this: “You did nothing wrong, it wasn’t your fault”. My main problem right now is that I still compare myself to other peope, men especially, and then I feel like a failure.

I like your mantra. Having positive self talk is a good thing. I should do that more often. Also keep in mind that so many things and people are faux successful. Many are sad and just trying to appear happy and successful. Maybe we are just more honest with ourselves.

 

[Loner_Wolf]

I like your mantra. Having positive self talk is a good thing. I should do that more often. Also keep in mind that so many things and people are faux successful. Many are sad and just trying to appear happy and successful. Maybe we are just more honest with ourselves.

Thanks, it’s helped ease the self-hatred off but it’s still a work in progress. But yeah, it’s sometimes easy to forget that just about everyone has their own problems when you’re seemingly drowning in your own. For example, while a part of me still envies those in romantic relationships, I see so many people that are in toxic relationships that I have begun to see the benefits of being single.

 

[ManDss]

Not so much. Its long to explain, but I dont blame my self a lot.

 

[Finished]

For example, while a part of me still envies those in romantic relationships, I see so many people that are in toxic relationships that I have begun to see the benefits of being single.

OMG! Almost every time I'm go out in public I think, WOW! I'm so glad I'm not married to that. Ha! ha!

Over the years I've run into two of my ex-girlfriends and I think Holly ****! I'm super happy I didn't stick with them.

My next door neighbor is married to a total nut job. She was having an affair with another neighbor because she is bored, can't sleep, and is very neurotic. Years ago so tried to lour me in. But, I never wanted any part of that mess. She's also extremely loud. She's always in the backyard make various kinds of noises. Everything she does is super annoying. I hear her inside my house when she's talking on her phone outside in her yard. And, she drinks like a fish. She has aged very poorly. There's no way in hell I could live with her let alone be married to her. Her husband, although we don't get along, seems like a nice enough guy. But, he's kind of trapped with their home and three kids. I don't know how he can stay with her though.

So, I think quite a few times a month that I'm super happy that I'm single. The last girlfriend I had was more then a decade ago. She always needed to have drama in her life. She had a good sense of humor and we got along pretty well. But, damn, she was a basket case. Everything she did or that happened to her was a crisis. I felt such an amazing sense of relief when we broke up.

 

[okidoke]

Do you blame yourself for your loneliness/depression/relationship problems/lack of relationship?

Do you feel fundamentally flawed and like it must be your own fault?

I was out today (hospital) and just felt so awkward and different. I made a real effort to talk and join in so I'm happy enough about that but when I saw my reflection in the mirror in the lift I just thought what an oddball I look. I don't judge others the way I judge myself. I dunno, I'm having a crisis this week, arguing with my husband and feeling really horrible (insecure, fed up, suicidal).

Anyway, do you blame yourself?

We are all flawed to some degree. Blame to me is something that never ceases, it’s always there, but responsibility can be accepted and you can move on from it. I carry blame for some things I can’t overcome, but other things I have forgiven myself for. In the mirror I don’t recognise who is looking back a lot of the time. It’s like seeing the person whom you’ve only heard on the radio and realising they don’t match how you pictured them.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

I don't blame myself for depression, or for the times I experienced loneliness, but I do regret not learning assertiveness earlier or seeking help for depression right when it started. I am about to start seeing a new therapist tomorrow. The past few have been underwhelming, to say the least, so I have fairly low expectations about this new one.

 

[okidoke]

I don't blame myself for depression, or for the times I experienced loneliness, but I do regret not learning assertiveness earlier or seeking help for depression right when it started. I am about to start seeing a new therapist tomorrow. The past few have been underwhelming, to say the least, so I have fairly low expectations about this new one.

I didn’t get diagnosed until I was in my 40’s, which then answered some things for me, but the therapists I saw were less than adequate and in the end I pretty much healed myself for the most part. What is left is unhealable but certainly I am managing much better than I ever did before. I was looking at therapists and thinking to myself, “shouldn’t you be exploring this or that, or delving here or there?” I don’t feel like they helped me at all. I wish you better luck.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

I didn’t get diagnosed until I was in my 40’s, which then answered some things for me, but the therapists I saw were less than adequate and in the end I pretty much healed myself for the most part. What is left is unhealable but certainly I am managing much better than I ever did before. I was looking at therapists and thinking to myself, “shouldn’t you be exploring this or that, or delving here or there?” I don’t feel like they helped me at all. I wish you better luck.

You raise an interesting point. At times I wonder if I already "did the work", so to speak, on my own, with anything else being unfixable. At the same time, I know I have a LONG way to go to obtain the life I need/want, and since I haven't been able to figure things out on my own, I haven't fully given up on therapy yet. It's not that I expect the therapist to wave a magic wand and do everything for me, but a new voice and new ideas could come in handy.

 

[okidoke]

You raise an interesting point. At times I wonder if I already "did the work", so to speak, on my own, with anything else being unfixable. At the same time, I know I have a LONG way to go to obtain the life I need/want, and since I haven't been able to figure things out on my own, I haven't fully given up on therapy yet. It's not that I expect the therapist to wave a magic wand and do everything for me, but a new voice and new ideas could come in handy.

Oh for sure mate, don't discount that the next therapist can't help, as they very well might. I wish you well.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Oh for sure mate, don't discount that the next therapist can't help, as they very well might. I wish you well.

Well, that definitely wasn't the case.
::sighs:: On to the next, I guess...

 

[okidoke]

Well, that definitely wasn't the case.
::sighs:: On to the next, I guess...

Oh you’ve already seen the new one? And you only give them one visit to see if you gel with them? I was a little more generous.

 

[Unsigned]

- I blame myself for losing the genetic lottery - not being a square jawed mesomorph
- I also blame myself for not trying to overcome the genetic lottery
- I wish I was born 30 years later so that I would benefit from the advice old guys like me on the internet, telling younger guys how to avoid these issues
- But mostly...I BLAME MY PARENTS! They let me DROWN. It's so obvious if a boy is struggling. Staying silent. Taking it like a man. Being difficult and anti-social. And they did NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!!
- But yeah...I reveled in my misery. Drank like no tomorrow and banged literally thousands of prostitutes (both of the street and "high class" variety), so ultimately, the blame lies with myself.
- I only hope I have the luxury of a quick death. A massive heart attack at 63 or something. And that the next life is slightly better than this one.

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Oh you’ve already seen the new one? And you only give them one visit to see if you gel with them? I was a little more generous.

I usually give 4-6 visits before making a decision. The therapist I spoke to yesterday gave off negative energy from the get-go and was too abrasive. That's *not* the type of therapist I'm going to trust with my most serious secrets/issues/what have you.

 

[Walnut]

I took no responsibility at all when I was younger. Looking back I still agree with that. I was oblivious to why I struggled so much. Believing I was normal and everyone had the same struggles as me. Today I realize the kids I grew up with had emotional support; I did not.

Throughout my life I have seen several different therapists. I’m not saying this to be mean but they don’t know as much as they think they know. (But I would say most people don’t know as much as they think they know). That doesn’t mean the mental health system has not helped me. I’ve learned many things to help me where I am today. But they were far from solving my problem. And in a few ways have done significant damage. Sadly there is no point in complaining about the damage they caused because they refuse to acknowledge any shortcomings they have.

Today I do blame myself for my situation. I choose to not see it as blame but instead taking responsibility for getting out. I’ve spent enough time mad about how I got here. I don’t care anymore about the journey here. It’s up to me to find a way out and live my best life.

 

[Walnut]

Lots of times I do blame myself. Mad at myself. Hate myself. In the last 24 hours the struggle is very real for me. My attitude sucks. My mood is depressed. I’m in a shame spiral getting exponentially worse. Hating myself is comforting because I’m so good at it. I need to change my thinking. The sun is shining, I need to go appreciate that.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I don't think I really, 'blame,' myself. I suppose one could behave in certain ways that might cause them to loose important connections; but, I don't think I really fit into that category.

A lot of my circumstance most likely has to do with improper upbringing. The rest of it, a mix of genetics mixed with poor decision making in my youth, in some respects at least. (not unhappy with said genetics, mind you, just that they all tend to have their weak-points and strong-points).

Now, I just see it as karma and fortune/misfortune/circumstance (not karma in the 'you reap what you sow,' sense, but more the, 'it is of your doing,' sense).

I look back and, there isn't really anything I can see, where I could have done this or that better. I mean the hindsight of, 'I wish I didn't do that,' or, 'I wish I had done such and such differently;' I don't really think about stuff like that too much. The past has a bit of an immutable, unchanging nature to it. So, no point in pondering such things. Sometimes I think to myself, 'man, I wish I had done X instead of Y.' Sometimes. But, I don't think I tend to, 'take up residence,' in that place. I just stop there, every now and then, briefly.

I think most importantly for myself is, I don't blame others, ultimately. There is a decent bit of blame to rest upon others, but, I don't engage with it in that manner too much (fortunately). It's my life, I'm living it. It's not the function of some other people's decisions. There may have been and may be forces beyond my control, sure; but...

In another sense I think I do tend to blame myself for things, in general. Or I have been known to do so in the past: be upset with myself, unhappy with myself, dislike this or that of myself, even hate myself, maybe.

But, at this particular moment, I don't feel like I blame myself, for my lonliness or my circumstances. Is it my own doing? Probably in some respects. Perhaps in others not.

It just is. Sometimes it's miserable. Other times, it's delightful.

 

[user 139760]

Damn right I blame myself. All the time. For a lot of things, including things that aren't my fault.
But, does that phase anyone? Hell no. They'll just keep pilling it on.