Do you fall hard really early in romantic relationships?

[Nice But Dim Jim]

I am still in love with my ex too. She once asked me if I would love her, no matter what. I said yes. I meant yes. And unfortunately it turned out to be absolutely true. She is gone and never coming back but she still has my heart. Doesn't seem fair but there isn't much I can do about it.

Had the exact same conversation many times over and said the same thing. It's odd how it's actually the one that asks the question that doesn't actually follow through on their commitment.

I have found it hard coming to terms with not being with someone who I was certain of spending the rest of my life with. There are just some things you don't expect to happen after many happy years with someone.

 

[VeganAtheist]

Had the exact same conversation many times over and said the same thing. It's odd how it's actually the one that asks the question that doesn't actually follow through on their commitment.

I have found it hard coming to terms with not being with someone who I was certain of spending the rest of my life with. There are just some things you don't expect to happen after many happy years with someone.

Yea, it is odd how they didn't follow through but they seemingly expect us to. I wonder what that says about them, if anything.

Some parts of my have accepted. My heart, though... My heart hadn't yet.

 

[Ymir]

The replies suddenly got very sad haha. Makes me happy that I'm far too cynical and emotionally disconnected from people.

Also, let me share something: dealing with people who are still fixated with someone who isn't going to be with them at all can be a little exhausting. I was just friends with a guy who was still in love with his girlfriend he had from ages 16-19 (and he's nearly 21 now) and I couldn't handle his *friendship* because he was so into his ex that he would literally neglect me because of her. I was actually decent and supportive to him, but it got very tiring after a while.

If you guys keep thinking that you won't find anyone else and close yourselves to new experiences and new feelings, they probably won't come. No one ever feels the same way twice about anything, let alone romantic relationships.

 

[VeganAtheist]

The replies suddenly got very sad haha. Makes me happy that I'm far too cynical and emotionally disconnected from people.

Also, let me share something: dealing with people who are still fixated with someone who isn't going to be with them at all can be a little exhausting. I was just friends with a guy who was still in love with his girlfriend he had from ages 16-19 (and he's nearly 21 now) and I couldn't handle his *friendship* because he was so into his ex that he would literally neglect me because of her. I was actually decent and supportive to him, but it got very tiring after a while.

If you guys keep thinking that you won't find anyone else and close yourselves to new experiences and new feelings, they probably won't come. No one ever feels the same way twice about anything, let alone romantic relationships.

I recall reading an article long ago about how being in love - to the brain - is similar to being on drugs. The same parts of the brain light up for love as it does for being on drugs.

If thought of in that way, it kinda makes sense. When you get that first ultimate high, all your efforts afterward are to get that high again. To feel that same feeling. It is similar with love. We chase that ultimate love high we had. We believe that only that original mate/drug can provide that high. Of course it isn't a perfect analogy but it works pretty well.

 

[Ymir]

The replies suddenly got very sad haha. Makes me happy that I'm far too cynical and emotionally disconnected from people.

Also, let me share something: dealing with people who are still fixated with someone who isn't going to be with them at all can be a little exhausting. I was just friends with a guy who was still in love with his girlfriend he had from ages 16-19 (and he's nearly 21 now) and I couldn't handle his *friendship* because he was so into his ex that he would literally neglect me because of her. I was actually decent and supportive to him, but it got very tiring after a while.

If you guys keep thinking that you won't find anyone else and close yourselves to new experiences and new feelings, they probably won't come. No one ever feels the same way twice about anything, let alone romantic relationships.

I recall reading an article long ago about how being in love - to the brain - is similar to being on drugs. The same parts of the brain light up for love as it does for being on drugs.

If thought of in that way, it kinda makes sense. When you get that first ultimate high, all your efforts afterward are to get that high again. To feel that same feeling. It is similar with love. We chase that ultimate love high we had. We believe that only that original mate/drug can provide that high. Of course it isn't a perfect analogy but it works pretty well.

Yeah, exactly. So my point is that maybe you (general you) will never feel that particular high again. Behind every relationship, there's a singular story and singular feelings. Different doesn't mean less good.

Plus no one gets satisfied with a high that is around gone

 

[VeganAtheist]

Yeah, exactly. So my point is that maybe you (general you) will never feel that particular high again. Behind every relationship, there's a singular story and singular feelings. Different doesn't mean less good.

Plus no one gets satisfied with a high that is around gone

I don't disagree with you. It's just difficult getting your heart in the same page as your brain.

 

[Naleena]

I remember that people are always on their best behaviors to begin with. You don't usually see the ******* part until further in. People lie, whether they mean to or not. They will say I love you and perhaps they think they do, but if you want to know if someone loves you, wait until time passes.
Love isn't a spouting of words or an instant attraction, it's action. It's a commitment in spite of difficulties. It's always having the other persons back and their interests at heart, despite wanting to sometimes choke the life out of them because they drive you up the wall. People can't really love who you are until they know you inside and out. And you can't really love someone until you know them inside and out. It's complicated, depressing, enchanting, intoxicating and best left to mystics, gurus and fools......
However, should you choose it, best to remind yourself, it's not real until you're both completely naked in every way (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically) and regardless of the warts and imperfections, you still see the kind of beauty that makes you want to stay forever.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I remember that people are always on their best behaviors to begin with. You don't usually see the ******* part until further in. People lie, whether they mean to or not. They will say I love you and perhaps they think they do, but if you want to know if someone loves you, wait until time passes.
Love isn't a spouting of words or an instant attraction, it's action. It's a commitment in spite of difficulties. It's always having the other persons back and their interests at heart, despite wanting to sometimes choke the life out of them because they drive you up the wall. People can't really love who you are until they know you inside and out. And you can't really love someone until you know them inside and out. It's complicated, depressing, enchanting, intoxicating and best left to mystics, gurus and fools......
However, should you choose it, best to remind yourself, it's not real until you're both completely naked in every way (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically) and regardless of the warts and imperfections, you still see the kind of beauty that makes you want to stay forever.

Beautifully said.

 

[ardour]

If you guys keep thinking that you won't find anyone else and close yourselves to new experiences and new feelings, they probably won't come. No one ever feels the same way twice about anything, let alone romantic relationships.

Guessing it's more a fear that the same thing will happen again with someone else.

 

[barky]

Many brilliant takes and anecdotes here regarding fast feelings. I especially liked Naleena's raw interpretation of love, and feel its optimism could help many of us trying to understand emotions for someone dear. Glad to see this thread - kudos VeganAtheist!

I'm one to fall quickly. Not sure I'll ever overcome that, but I've found one solution is to get busy with other passions or engaging activities.

Understandably, doing so can seem overwhelming or pointless at the outset. Relaxing is more enticing and naturally easier. Daydreaming of that someone seems fulfillment enough. And the first few times preoccupying myself with something else was uncomfortable and draining.

But after a month or so, I wholeheartedly relished the coming commitments and routine. Hawking my phone for the next text or call from a gal became less important. My engagements - for instance, coaching soccer - gradually won my focus and left less time to dwell on "flames".

The real kicker: I've found more great women by getting busy. Plus embracing personal priorities seems to garner more acclaim from women. I've often thought ladies would want guys whom could give them lots of attention & affection. Maybe that's true further into relationships, but I'm thinking otherwise now. And makes sense really: guys with other priorities appear more lively. Who wouldn't want to be around that aura?

Apologies for the read. I feel strongly about the goal of this thread. We may fall for others quickly and wish we didn't, and those whom don't may have it easier, but why not embrace our modus operandi? I choose to see the beauty of our romanticism - must mean we're more passionate lovers, right? - and hope that in time, others that want a boost can too.

Keep fighting the good fight ladies and gentlemen. I'm happy to do alongside all of you .
- Mike