Alonewith2cats
Well-known member
VanillaCreme said:Alonewith2cats said:VanillaCreme said:Alonewith2cats said:Anyone who is lonely has a gap or hole in their heart or life. An isolated chimpanzee has this same gap. You can't put it in an enclosure by itself, it's a social animal. People need other people and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Of course this message of people having an issue for needing another person gets repeated over and over in our world. Be happy alone is the message being conveyed to people who naturally are hardwired to connect with other human beings. This doesn't mean we should be overly dependent on others. We should not be independent or dependent, we should be interdependent, that combines both independence and dependence and of course there has to be reciprocation on both sides. It's a balance. We are responsible to a large extent for our own well-being, this is true, but I dislike the message of making people feel wrong for needing others. No offense. Honestly, no matter how pathetic this makes me as a human being or if it makes anyone think I have issues if I have to live alone and be single for the rest of my life I'm not going to like it. Here is an example. I enjoy cooking. I cook for myself. I take care of myself but it would give me so much more pleasure and happiness if I was cooking for more than one, if someone needed me too. I would feel more of a sense of purpose and connection and yes, I know in my heart this would make me happier. Living for just myself really gets old after a while.
But you can't say that about everyone. Who's to say that being lonely or alone is a bad thing for everyone? It's not. Some people prefer to be loners. Some people have no problem, no second thoughts about being by themselves. I've always been like that myself. I don't mind being alone. I never said there was anything wrong with people feeling like they want to be around others, or to be needed. There's no shame in being social or wanting to be social. But not everyone needs that.
I'm not saying this about everyone. I just don't want anyone to tell me that I have an issue just because I am not content with the idea of my single status being a permanent condition, temporarily I can deal with it but not forever, and because I feel that for me something is missing. I can't change how I feel about it.
You're free to feel how you wish. I didn't mean to generalize, and I apologize if it seemed that way. That's why I said personally because I can only speak for myself.
This is not how I wish to feel. It's simply how I feel. IMHO there is nothing wrong with wanting validation. However this is not my reason for wanting to be in a relationship and eventually get married. For me it's all about wanting the opposite of isolation, human contact, love, companionship, intimacy, physical closeness, connection. I have to find it and have many years of it before I die. That's it. Plain and simple. After all we only have one life. Besides I can't help it if I feel deprived of hugs, kisses, hand-holding, cuddling, sex and would feel even more deprived if I went without this my whole life.
I recently saw a face book post. It was one of those cliches that gets dished out to single people all the time. It has it's truth but I find it annoying. It said "Learn to be happy alone, that way being with a partner will be out of choice, not need." My point is not all of us single people who are not happy alone are this stupid. One reason I'll stay single for as long as I have to is because I'm not going to be with someone I don't really want to be with out of need. Of course I'm going to choose someone out of love and I'll wait for it no matter how long it takes. This is how these kind of cliches can be insulting to single people.
I'm thinking about leaving the forum. I think my posts come across to people as needy and desperate which is not how I would describe myself but I can't help but feel people here may be thinking that about me which is embarrassing for me. And I disagree a lot. Besides I've decided I don't want to waste my time complaining about loneliness on a chat forum. I should spend that time taking action doing whatever I can to fight against loneliness, pursue what I want and make life as wonderful is possible. It was nice meeting everyone here. Ciao.