Does it turn people off when you are slow to reply

[coffeeaddict]

It depends. If it's just a friend, I don't mind. If it's something that I need a quick answer to (like asking a question), or a guy I like... then yeah it drives me crazy when they are slow to reply.

I wouldn't worry too much though. Once they know your messaging habits and if they care about you as a friend, they will not mind very much.

 

[user 108508]

When it comes to online dating or just trying to make friends in general,
do people get put off when you have not messaged them in a few days?

It doesn't bother me, I do not keep score of how long it takes someone to respond to me.

I stay pretty busy and do my best to return emails/texts/calls as soon as I can/when it's convenient. Most of my friends and family know that I am also very ditzy and have a bad habit of leaving the phone on vibrate or not checking email for several days at a time. I rarely, if ever, ignore someone's communication. If I don't want to talk to them, I have no problem telling him/her flat out.

Be patient. Those that are worth your time, will respond.

I'm not saying it's the right thing to do but it's how I feel. Someone taking a few days to write half a dozen lines that takes a minute ?

Established friends I treat differently.

I understand and can only speak for myself. Anyone who knows me realizes that I will respond if/when I can. I do not intentionally ignore messages/calls.

But, if I had a friend that was effectively 'monitoring' my response time, that relationship would be terminated quickly.

Again, that's just me.

 

[Alone By Faults]

if it is a regular pattern I just terminate it.....world is a big pond with lots of people....there are some in it that share the same viewpoint as others.....

I find those like minded people and stick with them in regards to response time that way if they drop off the face of the Earth I suspect they have a valid reason. If it is just anybody I default to they are ignoring me

but I am really flawed

 

[ThatZealousOne]

An interesting question, but I think it depends on the person. I've known some people who want to talk constantly, and message constantly. I found them quite... draining? Shall we say? After all, you can't keep messaging one person non stop. I had other people I wanted to talk to after all, not that I didn't want to talk to them or anything.

Still, I think giving a week to reply is fine, if you have problems for longer maybe letting people know. Nobody can sit around and send messages to everyone they know constantly, heh. Everyone is busy. If someone was irritated that they can't message you constantly, that's probably their problem. Heh.

 

[lonelypanda]

I would love to log on here as an example and read a pm it just makes my day. But I am so afraid if I reply too fast they might flee. Once bitten twice shy.

Oh, that makes me sad
I always get excited when I get a PM, even just short ones. I almost always respond right away when I see a PM unless it's part of a conversation that's reached it's course.

Most of the time, if someone doesn't respond within a day or so to a message out in the real world, I do wonder what is going on. Almost every one I know has a smartphone and not only do they have smartphones but they are also on those smartphones from the time they wake up to the time they go to sleep. If someone can't be bothered to press a few buttons to respond yet they can play Candy Crush all day - that says it all right there.

I have a friend who is like a sister and a few years ago she stopped responding to my texts. We had plans to go somewhere but she didn't answer any of my messages. I was very upset and thought our friendship might be over. She later emailed me and told me about the place we were going to and how much fun it was - she went anyway without me. I told her somewhat sarcastically that her phone must be broken because I texted her with no answers. Turns out her iPhone messages were messed up and she wasn't getting some texts during the time I was trying to text her. (Side note - her husband went to an Apple store and ripped them a new one )
So that was a lesson that if someone doesn't respond - yes, they probably aren't interested but there could be another reason in the background.

I have some friends and family (like my elderly parents for instance) who I know aren't that interested in messaging or even email for that matter. So I don't take it personally when they take a few days or weeks to respond to a message

-Teresa

Yes good points.

My Brother takes ages to reply to my texts but I accept it because he's family.

---

I would love to log on here as an example and read a pm it just makes my day. But I am so afraid if I reply too fast they might flee. Once bitten twice shy.

Oh, that makes me sad
I always get excited when I get a PM, even just short ones. I almost always respond right away when I see a PM unless it's part of a conversation that's reached it's course.

Most of the time, if someone doesn't respond within a day or so to a message out in the real world, I do wonder what is going on. Almost every one I know has a smartphone and not only do they have smartphones but they are also on those smartphones from the time they wake up to the time they go to sleep. If someone can't be bothered to press a few buttons to respond yet they can play Candy Crush all day - that says it all right there.

I have a friend who is like a sister and a few years ago she stopped responding to my texts. We had plans to go somewhere but she didn't answer any of my messages. I was very upset and thought our friendship might be over. She later emailed me and told me about the place we were going to and how much fun it was - she went anyway without me. I told her somewhat sarcastically that her phone must be broken because I texted her with no answers. Turns out her iPhone messages were messed up and she wasn't getting some texts during the time I was trying to text her. (Side note - her husband went to an Apple store and ripped them a new one )
So that was a lesson that if someone doesn't respond - yes, they probably aren't interested but there could be another reason in the background.

I have some friends and family (like my elderly parents for instance) who I know aren't that interested in messaging or even email for that matter. So I don't take it personally when they take a few days or weeks to respond to a message

-Teresa

You know now that you bring up texting, I think different types of communication have different expectations. For instance, on here the replies would be slower if someone doesn't log in everyday, but for texting since it goes directly to your hand there really isn't much reason to ignore for days.

All these could be boiled down to better communication, like someone who's got a busy schedule letting the person their communicating with know.

yes but here you can see if somebody has seen your message. And on facebook you can. You can see if somebody reads your message and instead of replying just ignores it and leaves it a few days.

I have even had people on here not even read my message. I leave it a few days, I can tell they have logged on a few times and they don't even read it. Can't be bothered, busy typing messages to people they are bothered about.

---

Yeah and if they're posting away on the site but don't answer you, you know somethings up. Lol you can see on here when someone reads your message ?

 

[Solivagant]

My only problem is when the other person has a different set of standards but doesn't follow their own. Like if they expect you to message back right away but they don't and get mad or sends more messages because you haven't replied in their set amount of time.

^ Ugh, yes.

So in this case I guess I'm screwed because I take time to reply not because I'm not interested, I take time because I got to work myself up for it and then feel like I need time to recover from the stress of it.

^ This is me exactly. I try to communicate this when I start talking with someone, but it doesn't seem to help anything ultimately. It's only in the last few years that I've realized how much it bothers most people. Since I don't have any friends now, these days I just block avenues of communication so new people can't message me, because I don't want to frustrate them or hurt their feelings by being a slow correspondent, and I don't want to be hurt or frustrated by having people mad at me all the time.

I've also been in the position where I responded to someone quickly and eagerly, having been encouraged by that person to do so, only to have them tell me I "came on way too strong" and cut me off. People do odd things.

Personally it doesn't matter to me whether someone responds right away or not; I don't take offence, and I no longer care to accommodate people who do. That may sound cold, but there came a point where I burnt out on making allowances for crappy behavior and kowtowing to insecurities and ego. It's never enough for some people, they can't handle when you don't operate on their terms.

As for texting, I only recently got a smartphone, so there's a learning curve, and I'm still a little out of the loop. If I don't reply to a text in a timely manner, it's usually because I saw the text while I was in bed, fell back to sleep and forgot about it. Only two people text me anyway.

It's a little annoying to me that people just assume everyone has a smartphone. I have no one to talk to, no stable income, and very little interest in mobile technology; why would I have a smartphone? I had a professor who taught a class I needed based on that assumption. The way it was set up, we couldn't do our work without one. I had to withdraw from the course and take it the next semester with a different professor. I lost over $800 for that, because there were no refunds after the first day, and my professor made no mention of needing a smartphone before the class began. She just assumed everyone had one. When I explained to her that I didn't, she told me to borrow one from a friend or family member when I needed to do my work. But I don't have friends or family around to borrow from, except my father, and he doesn't have a smartphone either. She seemed a little suspicious of me. It was aggravating.

 

[ABrokenMan]

MissGuided and I are on the same wavelength

 

[TheSkaFish]

This is one of my faults. I can be very, very slow to reply. Sometimes to the degree of months. It's not something I like about myself, because the person was nice enough to send me a message and I worry that I am making them feel like I don't care about them. That's not it at all though. It's just that sometimes I feel rushed and don't like replying when I'm in a hurry, because I always forget something or I say something in a bad way, like I'll repeat words really close together and I feel like I am not giving the message the full attention it deserves.

I also tend not to reply when I'm feeling angry, sad, irritable, or anxious about something, because I don't want any of it to come out in my message and make a bad impression of myself, or to bring down the recipient of my message with my troubles. I tell myself to wait until I'm composed, but unfortunately, sometimes that can be a while.

On the other hand, I get very worried when someone doesn't answer my messages right away. I worry that they saw my message and just don't want to reply to me because I worry that they don't really care about me. I feel guilty about my double standard.

Of course it varies with the person. When it's a friend, I'm less prone to jump to conclusions. It's easier for me to say they were just busy and that they forgot or will get back to me later. But when it's a crush, I start to worry that it's because they don't really value me. My mind goes into overdrive and I have to remind myself to just relax, they probably don't mean anything by it and would talk to me again later. I've gotten better about that sort of worrying over the years, but every now and then something like that will happen and I'll worry they think I'm not interesting anymore.

I try to just relax and not get paranoid and message something I know I'll only regret. I just say it was probably an honest mistake, and try again after a couple days.

 

[TheSkaFish]

This is one of my faults. I can be very, very slow to reply. Sometimes to the degree of months. It's not something I like about myself, because the person was nice enough to send me a message and I worry that I am making them feel like I don't care about them. That's not it at all though. It's just that sometimes I feel rushed and don't like replying when I'm in a hurry, because I always forget something or I say something in a bad way, like I'll repeat words really close together and I feel like I am not giving the message the full attention it deserves.

I also tend not to reply when I'm feeling angry, sad, irritable, or anxious about something, because I don't want any of it to come out in my message and make a bad impression of myself, or to bring down the recipient of my message with my troubles. I tell myself to wait until I'm composed, but unfortunately, sometimes that can be a while.

On the other hand, I get very worried when someone doesn't answer my messages right away. I worry that they saw my message and just don't want to reply to me because I worry that they don't really care about me. I feel guilty about my double standard.

Of course it varies with the person. When it's a friend, I'm less prone to jump to conclusions. It's easier for me to say they were just busy and that they forgot or will get back to me later. But when it's a crush, I start to worry that it's because they don't really value me. My mind goes into overdrive and I have to remind myself to just relax, they probably don't mean anything by it and would talk to me again later. I've gotten better about that sort of worrying over the years, but every now and then something like that will happen and I'll worry they think I'm not interesting anymore.

I try to just relax and not get paranoid and message something I know I'll only regret. I just say it was probably an honest mistake, and try again after a couple days.

Still like this. Trying to get better though. I made a list. I just need to sit down and get it done.

 

[okidoke]

I'm never slow to reply. I make an effort.

 

[user 150037]

I respond as soon as i see the message. But i know not everyone is like that - i just send the message and give it time - if its been more than a week i simply conclude that the person doesnt care about me that much and leave it at that.

 

[fruitbug]

similar with me. If somebody doesn't answer me straight away I tend to think they aren't much bothered so I stop sending messages.

I hate to think I am getting on somebodies nerves or I mean nothing to them. I even look at any replies I get. A few words or a few lines - I tend to think the person is just been polite.

And also if it's me sending the message first all the time then after awhile I stop because I think it's clear the other person isn't interested.

I feel the same way!

But I reply late all the time so I understand late replies. If they are engaging in their response after a week, I know they're interested. If they give short replies with nothing to continue the conversation and it feels forced, I will not continue anymore lol, that's my sign to go away.

 

[fruitbug]

I'm never slow to reply. I make an effort.

You are great, don't change that.

 

[okidoke]

You are great, don't change that.

Thanks. Haven't seen you around here before even though you've been here a lot longer than me. Nice to meet you

 

[user 150037]

I second that. You been taking a break from the forum?

 

[fruitbug]

Thanks. Haven't seen you around here before even though you've been here a lot longer than me. Nice to meet you

Nice to meet you too!

 

[fruitbug]

I second that. You been taking a break from the forum?

I come back time to time. I had an older account but I forgot the password