Does loneliness also makes anyone feels insane ?

[ManDss]

To me, have that impact. The silence just kills me. The need to talk with someone else. I miss that. Or being with someone else. I hate to be alone in a room, just by myself.

Sometimes is a nice day, good weather, weekend, and I go to the rooth, I see the open view, feels like a day to do things. But I have no one, so I spend the day looking at a screen searching for people to talk online, hours pass, and I end the day without talking with anyone.

I feel like I have to scratch my head with my nails, and scream. So much loneliness, so much.

Anyway Ive been able to cope with all this, but sometimes its like "c'on, how the hell I have to go through a situation like this, its absolutly insane to live like this".

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why not go out? Just take a walk, do something fun. Maybe you'll meet someone new....

 

[user 188685]

Why not go out? Just take a walk, do something fun. Maybe you'll meet someone new....

I agree,I also find that taking a walk everyday helps a lot,and who knows you might meet someone by taking a walk.

 

[Searcher]

To me, have that impact. The silence just kills me. The need to talk with someone else. I miss that. Or being with someone else. I hate to be alone in a room, just by myself.

Sometimes is a nice day, good weather, weekend, and I go to the rooth, I see the open view, feels like a day to do things. But I have no one, so I spend the day looking at a screen searching for people to talk online, hours pass, and I end the day without talking with anyone.

I feel like I have to scratch my head with my nails, and scream. So much loneliness, so much.

Anyway Ive been able to cope with all this, but sometimes its like "c'on, how the hell I have to go through a situation like this, its absolutly insane to live like this".

Watch this youtube video If you constantly focus on trying to meet someone you are torturing yourself. You are staking all your happiness on something you can't control. I know from expereience that what is in that video really is true. There is nothing wrong with trying to meet people but you need to be secure in your own mind first.

 

[Keep_Going]

How about getting a part time volunteer job which involves human interaction?

 

[Sunless Sky]

How about getting a part time volunteer job which involves human interaction?

Yeah, I second that. Volunteer work is an excellent way to meet and talk to new people while helping out the community.

 

[chasingowls]

I don't really get the replies on this thread. Seems like people are missing the point? "Just go outside" and "maybe you'll meet someone" or "just volunteer and be around people that way" don't solve loneliness. Sometimes they help, but you always have to go back home.

Idk OP but if you're without stable relationships for a long time-- years or even decades-- there is no distraction or surface level interaction that'll help with lacking real friends/family. Knowing someone is there, and will be there tomorrow and next year. That someone knows you and understands you.

I also get how the internet seems like a tool that should make finding people easy. Just go online, there are millions of people all at your finger tips. Just talk, put yourself out there, DM somebody, leave a comment. But that doesn't work. Maybe it did at one point, but nowadays almost all talking you do on public forums or comments sections is throwaway. The only time people are willing to give you their full attention is when they're arguing with you. Either with the intent to troll, or to prove to everyone reading that they're right about something.

You know what's really hard? Finding someone who just wants to talk. With the intent to have a real conversation about something. Or shows interest in you, as an individual, with the implication that they will actually be around in the future to talk again.

I've tried volunteer work & have a job. When you've been alone for long enough, the usual customer service script or fake nice/small talk thing is just tiring. It gets harder to put up with that crap when what you actually want is the kind of friendship that only forms after you've known someone long enough. The security that comes with it.

 

[user 188685]

I don't really get the replies on this thread. Seems like people are missing the point? "Just go outside" and "maybe you'll meet someone" or "just volunteer and be around people that way" don't solve loneliness. Sometimes they help, but you always have to go back home.

Idk OP but if you're without stable relationships for a long time-- years or even decades-- there is no distraction or surface level interaction that'll help with lacking real friends/family. Knowing someone is there, and will be there tomorrow and next year. That someone knows you and understands you.

I also get how the internet seems like a tool that should make finding people easy. Just go online, there are millions of people all at your finger tips. Just talk, put yourself out there, DM somebody, leave a comment. But that doesn't work. Maybe it did at one point, but nowadays almost all talking you do on public forums or comments sections is throwaway. The only time people are willing to give you their full attention is when they're arguing with you. Either with the intent to troll, or to prove to everyone reading that they're right about something.

You know what's really hard? Finding someone who just wants to talk. With the intent to have a real conversation about something. Or shows interest in you, as an individual, with the implication that they will actually be around in the future to talk again.

I've tried volunteer work & have a job. When you've been alone for long enough, the usual customer service script or fake nice/small talk thing is just tiring. It gets harder to put up with that crap when what you actually want is the kind of friendship that only forms after you've known someone long enough. The security that comes with it.

Kudos,very true

 

[non_entity]

but nowadays almost all talking you do on public forums or comments sections is throwaway. The only time people are willing to give you their full attention is when they're arguing with you.

Absolutely, this is so true.

Especially on this forum. There's been times when I've just put myself out there and made a "networking" post with all my interests, and it will get a lot of views, but no actual engagement whatsoever.

Even on a lonely forum, people don't even want to talk to each other and form deep connections, even though its all they complain about. It's like they expect real life to match a fantasy of having some spark within a millisecond of saying "hey" to someone, as if that's even remotely profound or ice-breaking.

 

[user 188685]

I don't really get the replies on this thread. Seems like people are missing the point? "Just go outside" and "maybe you'll meet someone" or "just volunteer and be around people that way" don't solve loneliness. Sometimes they help, but you always have to go back home.

Idk OP but if you're without stable relationships for a long time-- years or even decades-- there is no distraction or surface level interaction that'll help with lacking real friends/family. Knowing someone is there, and will be there tomorrow and next year. That someone knows you and understands you.

I also get how the internet seems like a tool that should make finding people easy. Just go online, there are millions of people all at your finger tips. Just talk, put yourself out there, DM somebody, leave a comment. But that doesn't work. Maybe it did at one point, but nowadays almost all talking you do on public forums or comments sections is throwaway. The only time people are willing to give you their full attention is when they're arguing with you. Either with the intent to troll, or to prove to everyone reading that they're right about something.

You know what's really hard? Finding someone who just wants to talk. With the intent to have a real conversation about something. Or shows interest in you, as an individual, with the implication that they will actually be around in the future to talk again.

I've tried volunteer work & have a job. When you've been alone for long enough, the usual customer service script or fake nice/small talk thing is just tiring. It gets harder to put up with that crap when what you actually want is the kind of friendship that only forms after you've known someone long enough. The security that comes with it.

The thing is people are or are not going to talk to you,no matter what,it is their choice whether they want to talk you or not.

 

[ManDss]

I don't really get the replies on this thread. Seems like people are missing the point? "Just go outside" and "maybe you'll meet someone" or "just volunteer and be around people that way" don't solve loneliness. Sometimes they help, but you always have to go back home.

Idk OP but if you're without stable relationships for a long time-- years or even decades-- there is no distraction or surface level interaction that'll help with lacking real friends/family. Knowing someone is there, and will be there tomorrow and next year. That someone knows you and understands you.

I also get how the internet seems like a tool that should make finding people easy. Just go online, there are millions of people all at your finger tips. Just talk, put yourself out there, DM somebody, leave a comment. But that doesn't work. Maybe it did at one point, but nowadays almost all talking you do on public forums or comments sections is throwaway. The only time people are willing to give you their full attention is when they're arguing with you. Either with the intent to troll, or to prove to everyone reading that they're right about something.

You know what's really hard? Finding someone who just wants to talk. With the intent to have a real conversation about something. Or shows interest in you, as an individual, with the implication that they will actually be around in the future to talk again.

I've tried volunteer work & have a job. When you've been alone for long enough, the usual customer service script or fake nice/small talk thing is just tiring. It gets harder to put up with that crap when what you actually want is the kind of friendship that only forms after you've known someone long enough. The security that comes with it.

Yeap. I also roll my eyes when people say "go out and talk with people outside". Ive got the most silly advices about how to meet people. The worse part, is that Im always never asking for advices. Like with this topic, I didnt ask for any advice, I made a clear question to people here to see if any relates, just that.

By the way, I replied to your topic.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Yeap. I also roll my eyes when people say "go out and talk with people outside". Ive got the most silly advices about how to meet people. The worse part, is that Im always never asking for advices. Like with this topic, I didnt ask for any advice, I made a clear question to people here to see if any relates, just that.

By the way, I replied to your topic.

How exactly do you plan to remedy your situation if you don't meet new people?
It doesn't really matter if you ask for advice or not, you will get it, especially in a place like this.

I've said it before and I'll say it again....you get out of something what you put in. If you aren't making an effort, others won't either.

 

[Searcher]

Kudos,very true

I agree with a lot of what you say but if you are in the position of being on your own it doesn't help to keep focussing on how awful your situation is.

 

[chasingowls]

How exactly do you plan to remedy your situation if you don't meet new people?
It doesn't really matter if you ask for advice or not, you will get it, especially in a place like this.

I've said it before and I'll say it again....you get out of something what you put in. If you aren't making an effort, others won't either.

You are right-- bad advice is given online all the time

 

[mizera]

I watched a few videos today with John Cacioppo. He died a few years ago but was an expert on loneliness. He was a scientist, not a psychologist. For someone like me who is stuck is this cycle of depression and loneliness, I wasn't very happy with what I learned. But I would suggest that everyone who is dealing with loneliness watch the videos.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You are right-- bad advice is given online all the time

Some advice is bad, sure. You'll always find those couple of people, no matter where you are. BUT, for the most part, "bad" is subjective. Maybe you think you it's stupid, maybe you think it'll never work, it's too simple, it's too crazy, etc etc etc.
"Bad" advice is usually just advice you don't want to hear. Not necessarily advice that wouldn't work. Some people say they want advice, but they are really only looking for justification to stay the way they are, to not even try. Some people only want advice that fit into their neat little bubble and they are willing to do...easy, simple, no nonsense, fits perfectly in what they want to do, little effort. Some people are willing to try absolutely anything to get where they want to be in life, so they will at least attempt every single thing people suggest.

People are only going to look at and give credence to the advice that THEY think is good. That doesn't necessarily mean the rest is bad. My advice for everyone is that if you want something, if you've been trying for a very long time and haven't gotten it yet...try EVERYTHING (unless it's illegal or dangerous), because unless you go out of your "comfort zone," unless you put in a lot of effort, you likely aren't going to get what you want.

 

[constant stranger]

Being alone as much as I am accentuates my focus towards the less healthy end of the mental health spectrum.
Social contact (and for me there are only three, relatively structured social venues.....and no real personal relationships) always improves my optimism levels.....or maybe reduces my pessimism levels. And as to the occasional and inevitable toxic people I encounter.........what choice do I have but to take the bad with the good and keep soldiering on?
Callie has it right: we have to make an effort and go out of our comfort zone to get what we want. Or just get closer to what we want. The struggle never ends but let's also focus on getting enough enjoyment that we're rewarded enough to want to keep on keeping on.

 

[chasingowls]

Some advice is bad, sure. You'll always find those couple of people, no matter where you are. BUT, for the most part, "bad" is subjective. Maybe you think you it's stupid, maybe you think it'll never work, it's too simple, it's too crazy, etc etc etc.
"Bad" advice is usually just advice you don't want to hear. Not necessarily advice that wouldn't work. Some people say they want advice, but they are really only looking for justification to stay the way they are, to not even try. Some people only want advice that fit into their neat little bubble and they are willing to do...easy, simple, no nonsense, fits perfectly in what they want to do, little effort. Some people are willing to try absolutely anything to get where they want to be in life, so they will at least attempt every single thing people suggest.

People are only going to look at and give credence to the advice that THEY think is good. That doesn't necessarily mean the rest is bad. My advice for everyone is that if you want something, if you've been trying for a very long time and haven't gotten it yet...try EVERYTHING (unless it's illegal or dangerous), because unless you go out of your "comfort zone," unless you put in a lot of effort, you likely aren't going to get what you want.

Bad advice is that which comes from people who don't listen. They might think they're listening. But ultimately, they just want to hear themselves talk

 

[user 188717]

Bad advice is that which comes from people who don't listen. They might think they're listening. But ultimately, they just want to hear themselves talk

I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Refreshing! Love you!

The same blanket advice said 20x over is still that, blanket advice. To think someone hasn't already tried the obvious, is rather oblivious. Ironically, so. Don't ya think? It makes things WORSE to highly functioning people who don't fit in, already. You feel isolated, unheard.

It's like watching a Checker's player say "King me" while playing Chess. Okay? Thanks? You won? I understood you. I didn't listen only because I didn't validate your advice? Lol wut. You feel better berating your opinion as if it's fact and I never listened to you? Classic Gaslighting 101. When in fact you didn't, me.... and according to you, only I played the victim for not listening or at least "trying". When in FACT I already tried your advice that works fine for you but just doesn't for me. So repeat yourself until I get it?! F**k off.... Lol.

Thank you but no thank you, Captain Obvious'es!

Are we giving out advice or seeking validation when we're upset it's not listened to or reciprocated as we wish it were. Masculine nurturing advice is a oxymoron. Only feminine is nurturing. Let's not play pretend to our benefits when it comes to sensitive topics by approaching them with an Axe instead of a flower. Yeah? Thanks!

 

[TheRealCallie]

Bad advice is that which comes from people who don't listen. They might think they're listening. But ultimately, they just want to hear themselves talk

The same could be said for the people looking for advice...which is what I said. I guess you weren't listening.