Don't know what to think of this..

[drake90001]

So, I have been in a relationship for 5 months. One day when I was going to meet her somewhere, my mom was talking about how my dad got in a lot of trouble with drugs and stuff. That was about 15 minutes before I saw my girlfriend. Well she has decided to try weed that night, and so she was high the same night I found out about my dad and stuff. That just made me really upset, for about a week and a half. A few weeks later I tried weed, because...I don't know why..but I had told my girlfriend not to smoke, and after I tried it, I decided to let her smoke again. Well this past week, I told her to stop and that I would stop. She says she will, but then that night she says she wants to try Ecstasy. I was really upset, and annoyed because I don't want her doing any drugs at all, that's why I had her stop. She kept saying "I wanna be happy" and stuff. So I talked to my friend that same night about it, and he tells me how much he knows she likes me and stuff, and to just tell her "If you do anything, your gonna loose me". So I did say that, and she said she didn't wanna loose me so she wouldn't do anything. Last night I was thinking about that night, which happened a 5 days before, and thought about the cuts on my girlfriends arm and it made me really sad, and I didn't know why she had them. I tried to cut myself last night, but I couldn't find the strength in myself to fully cut myself, and my girlfriend found out and got upset with me. I don't know, I just wanted to explain this to people, and here what people think about it.

Another thing: My girlfriend recently got caught with the cuts on her arm, and had to be accessed if she is a danger to herself. They said she wasn't and that she was fine, but it still bothers my that she has cuts on her arm and wanted to try hard drugs. If they did say she was a danger to herself, she would have gone to a hospital for a few weeks or something, I don't recall what it's called, if someone could remind me. But I only see her once a week, so that doesn't help either.

 

[fuzzybutt]

I don't know how old you two are but you could try just having a real long talk about these things. It's troubling though that you only see her once a week.

 

[Avaron]

Yeah, I would recommend a mature talk about it. Face to face, not over text or chat or anything like that, so that it can be very personal. Explain to her the things that have happened with your family, the discomfort that you feel, and most of all, be sure to clarify that she still means a lot to you (if that's the case, of course).

 

[drake90001]

Yeah, I would recommend a mature talk about it. Face to face, not over text or chat or anything like that, so that it can be very personal. Explain to her the things that have happened with your family, the discomfort that you feel, and most of all, be sure to clarify that she still means a lot to you (if that's the case, of course).

She does mean a lot, and she stopped smoking, and doing other things because I told her, doing that means loosing me. I'll try talking to her tomorrow about it, as I see that's when I see her, but for some reason I don't feel I will have the strength to be able to. I am an emotinal person, on top of it, seeing as how I grew up with my mom and a sister.

 

[Ak5]

I'd see her more often and talk about these things. Yeah, encourage her to drop the drugs. If she's cutting, it's important she gets the help she needs; and it's good that you didn't do it yourself. Both drugs and cutting are not good signs, she should talk to a professional, and it's imperative that you remind her that you care about her and are there for whenever she needs you.

Good luck talking to her tomorrow.

 

[drake90001]

Thanks guys, I know I am new on the forums, but I do intend on staying. I spent a good hour last night trying to find a forum like this, were I could just explain whats going on in my life. I try to make her feel as good as possible, that way there isn't these bad thoughts crossing her mind. And thanks for the good luck, I'm gonna need it.

 

[Avaron]

Go for it! I know that you said that you might not have the strength to do it, but I have faith that you'll be able to do it for the sole reason that you need to! I'm new too, and I think that I'm most likely going to stay too.

 

[drake90001]

Go for it! I know that you said that you might not have the strength to do it, but I have faith that you'll be able to do it for the sole reason that you need to! I'm new too, and I think that I'm most likely going to stay too.

Thanks! I'm just going to explain to her, that what she is doing to herself is not only going to hurt her, but me too, because I care and doesn't deserve to have scars because she was upset or something silly like that, because that moment will pass.

 

[Ak5]

^Exactly.

I'm glad both of you are staying, it's good to get new members.

 

[passage]

You can't really control what other people do. I really don't suggest giving her ultimatums. Drug use, like all things is a personal choice. You can tell her you don't like it...etc whatever, but you shouldn't tell her to choose either you or a joint. As for the cutting, well I really can't offer any insight.

If other aspects of the relationship aren't going well either, you might want to consider breaking it off. And remember to look after yourself first and foremost.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I do a lot of art from pics of someone i love very very much.
People dont understand me. I dont understand her a lot of times.
She's the love of my life. She was also my HS sweetie. I met her when I was a teenager.
The drugs, alcohol, the cutting, the dramma, the trauma, the many visit to the ER, the ambelance
The cops, the courts...ect.
From my experince. I say...RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!
Hundreds of people had told me to RUN LIKE HELL!
Obviously I dont listen for reasons. I tried and tried again for reasons.

See...there's plenty of things I cant even tell our daughter.

Idk what to think or what to do either. Poeple see what they wanna see.

If you wish to talk to me about my experince. i can tell you my experince.
I can tell you what I think AND what I feel...
What my head tell me and what my heart say are always in conflict.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I agree with the majority here, talk to her. In the end though you are human and can only do so much. You can only help those who want help.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I think you need to pull apart the issues here as there are several;

1 The fact that your Dads in trouble with drugs.
2 The fact your girlfriend is starting to experiment with drugs and cutting.
3 The effect all this has had on you by trying drugs and cutting yourself.


As you're the one asking for advice my response is with you in mind first and foremost.

I wouldn't underestimate the effect the information about your dad had on you, I know your girlfriend will seem to be more often in your thoughts and probably bring out stronger surface emotions but regardless of how much you think of her, things happening in your parent's lives can have a deeper emotional effect on you and not so easy to process. I say this as your dad's problems were mentioned as an aside and it seems to be your girlfriend your thread was mainly about. So you are worrying about her but what about yourself? I think if you want to be there for your girlfriend you need to first work out how you feel about your dad. Consider why you tried drugs and cutting, it seems you are trying to relate to the things happening to those you care about and make some sense of it but you need to make sure you are in a good place yourself and I don't think thats the best way to do it.

How have things turned out with your dad, have you talked to him about it? I don't know the details so don't know how easy that is but I think if you can make sense of why what happened with your dad happened, it might put you in a better place to then help your girlfriend. You seem to naturally put other's problems first and it’s to your credit you do that but you need to make sure you help yourself first.

 

[drake90001]

I think you need to pull apart the issues here as there are several;

1 The fact that your Dads in trouble with drugs.
2 The fact your girlfriend is starting to experiment with drugs and cutting.
3 The effect all this has had on you by trying drugs and cutting yourself.


As you're the one asking for advice my response is with you in mind first and foremost.

I wouldn't underestimate the effect the information about your dad had on you, I know your girlfriend will seem to be more often in your thoughts and probably bring out stronger surface emotions but regardless of how much you think of her, things happening in your parent's lives can have a deeper emotional effect on you and not so easy to process. I say this as your dad's problems were mentioned as an aside and it seems to be your girlfriend your thread was mainly about. So you are worrying about her but what about yourself? I think if you want to be there for your girlfriend you need to first work out how you feel about your dad. Consider why you tried drugs and cutting, it seems you are trying to relate to the things happening to those you care about and make some sense of it but you need to make sure you are in a good place yourself and I don't think thats the best way to do it.

How have things turned out with your dad, have you talked to him about it? I don't know the details so don't know how easy that is but I think if you can make sense of why what happened with your dad happened, it might put you in a better place to then help your girlfriend. You seem to naturally put other's problems first and it’s to your credit you do that but you need to make sure you help yourself first.

I havn't seen my dad since I was 2 years of age. I don't know anything about it, so it doesn't really bother me right away, only when I learn something new about it, but that is rare. Me, I feel better now, I've read everything you guys have said, and just felt better overall. I talk to my girlfriend today, so I'll see how I feel after that.