DON'T want to Shack Up

[August Campbell]

Why can my girlfriend not understand that I don't want to shack up with her? While I of course value her companionship, I also at the same time value my solitude. That is, I don't want any roommate. Whenever I come home, I want to be by myself so I can relax. To me, relaxation comes from solitude. She cannot understand that.

Also I stopped going swimming with her, because her outfit is too skimpy. She should wear a one piece suit, but she doesn't. So we do only tennis nowadays.

But my main point is that shacking up is Not necessary for a relationship. In fact I believe that shacking up can even hurt a relationship because we would see too much of each other and so get tired of each other pretty fast. In fact there is a quotation that goes "Familiarity breeds contempt." And to further bolster that point, there is the other quotation "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Is there a way to compromise with her??

 

[Finished]

Probably not. Some women would love the not shacking up part. But, you get what you get. Everything is about compromise. Maybe let her stay over a few times a week. Or hold your ground firm! Maybe she'll realize you won't budge and just accept it.

 

[Butterfly 2]

Did you tell her you don't really care for how skimpy her bathing suit is? If not, she might not realize that it offends you.

Have you been dating for a while and do you think there is a chance you may want to spend your life with her?

A few decades ago, they released a few of their infamous studies and said that shacking up before marriage gives you a higher risk of divorce. I don't know the statistics, but I can tell you from experience it isn't true if that's something you're concerned about.

But naturally, you do have 50% say so on how your relationship progresses.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

It could be the introvert/extrovert slope dynamic.


Dating at all when you're introverted is kinda complicated.
Dating an extrovert when you're an introvert is challenging because it can be tiring. Not that you're tired of your partner, but that socializing at all when you're an introvert, even among people you love and enjoy being around, weighs on your regular daily energy. And I know that, because I dated and lived with an extrovert for 8 years.

Neither one is set in stone, both are kind of on a slope graph with each individual varying on where they're at on the introvert-extrovert slope.

The two CAN compliment each other nicely in some ways, which is part of why it's so common. The other reason it's common is that most off the time people don't really think about that as a factor when they're falling in love with someone.

Nobody connecting on all of the same interests, hobbies, and/or worldview is going to stop the excitement of that connectivity to question rather their interest/lover is more introverted or more extroverted because it feels like it shouldn't be a factor even though it kind of is, it's just a subtle factor rather than a prominent factor.

It comes out in things like daily routine or lack thereof, where leisurely time is preferably spent, and most aspects of general or relative social governance.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Not such terrible problems to have to live with, I think, lol. Especially if it's Sheila

In my observations, it sounds like she compliments you, by the way she dresses. It can be very difficult to accept such a compliment, however. However, it can also be quite... Disappointing to have a compliment rejected.

Sadly (from a certain perspective), that's what all the great teachings tell us; the treasure often lies beyond one's comfort zone...

As for the love shack situation...

Compromise with, I'd say, sharing living space occasionally. A couple nights a week, or every 2 weeks or something.

Absence can make the heart grow fonder; but, it also makes for forgetting. A fire will go out, if not tended to occasionally.

That's The Tao...

The Middle Way..

Balance..

Only a fool claims to know of The Way...

 

[user 135671]

I shacked up with a stripper once, I saw more of her at work than I did at home.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I shacked up with a stripper once, I saw more of her at work than I did at home.

I've yet to meet anybody in the adult entertainment industry that is anymore stable than those not in the industry. It's more like the difference between whiskey and vodka: You're going to be drunk either way, so it's all a matter of preference and you picking your poison.

And also like whiskey and vodka, it kicks your ass a lot more as you get older, and even though we know water is healthier for us, most people are like:
..."**** water" and dig their heels into their convictions as their subjective reality gets brutally slapped to the pavement or brick wall (hitting the wall) of their objective reality.

Much of life is like that, actually.
The impoverished who think that money will bring them stability fail to realize that it will only bring them security and mistake that security for stability, and then later wonder why they aren't happier in life.
And the nepotism of the wealthy effectively does not give them the tools necessary in life for them to efficiently carve their way through their own mental struggles because they are used to comfort and having everything done for them, so even though they have money and security, they have absolutely no idea how to manage their anxiety and depression.
And so, the cycle continues. Life 101.

 

[Butterfly 2]

Interesting thoughts.

Evidently she cares a lot about you or she would be hurt and insulted for the fact that you don't want to move forward in the relationship. If she didn't care about you, her thoughts might be something like "Out of sight. Out of mind" and she would move on.

 

[TheRealCallie]

The OP doesn't want a girlfriend. He wants someone to use for his own personal reasons. Someone who will do what he says and not dare do anything outside what he believes. I don't believe he's been honest with this person and is just stringing her along. Judging her and shaming her because he can't control his own emotions is wrong and quite honestly abusive.

Be honest with her so she knows full well that you never intend to give her anything like a typical relationship outside of friendship, but only on YOUR terms. Stop using her.


ETA:
For those of you who may want to bitch at me and say I'm being harsh or whatever, take a look at his past posts first.

 

[user 135671]

The OP doesn't want a girlfriend. He wants someone to use for his own personal reasons. Someone who will do what he says and not dare do anything outside what he believes. I don't believe he's been honest with this person and is just stringing her along. Judging her and shaming her because he can't control his own emotions is wrong and quite honestly abusive.

Be honest with her so she knows full well that you never intend to give her anything like a typical relationship outside of friendship, but only on YOUR terms. Stop using her.


ETA:
For those of you who may want to bitch at me and say I'm being harsh or whatever, take a look at his past posts first.

Welcome back Callie, I choose not to share my true thoughts as it's the season of good will and all that ********.

You've bigger balls than me girl ... you've been missed

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome back Callie, I choose not to share my true thoughts as it's the season of good will and all that ********.

You've bigger balls than me girl ... you've been missed

It is the season of good will. But, she is also in need of good will. She clearly thinks this is a typical romantic relationship and the OP has no intention of giving that to her and it's also clear that OP has no intention of telling her it's not going to happen. He's being selfish here.

 

[Black Rose]

But my main point is that shacking up is Not necessary for a relationship. In fact I believe that shacking up can even hurt a relationship because we would see too much of each other and so get tired of each other pretty fast. In fact there is a quotation that goes "Familiarity breeds contempt." And to further bolster that point, there is the other quotation "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Is there a way to compromise with her??

Your gf isn't very wise because she hasn't picked up on what a truly selfish and self-centered man you are. I agree with Callie. This post isn't about seeking compromise, it's about gleaning new ideas on how to get your way. After reading your other posts, I can't help but wonder why you are so truly desperate for "recreational activities" that you must use deceit to get your way? You act all high and mighty by disapproving of her bathing suit and using derogatory words like "shacking up," when all along you are the snake in the grass using another human being without a thought for what it will do to her. You have no honor, sir. Here's some advice. Be a better man.

 

[Hazed]

I agree with you, distance is good for any relationship. I encourage you to go all the way, break up with her and move to a nice shack across the globe. Heart will be bursting with fondness in no time.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I agree with you, distance is good for any relationship. I encourage you to go all the way, break up with her and move to a nice shack across the globe. Heart will be bursting with fondness in no time.

Better yet, take a can of gasoline and a match, and burn the shack to the ground.

You can't shack up, if you have no shack

 

[TheSkaFish]

Not to laugh at anyone's problems or anything, but I just find this whole situation odd.

Most guys on here are asking how to get a girlfriend.
This thread is about how to NOT have one, and how to NOT have one that wears skimpy bathing suits at that.

This would be right up there with someone saying "I have too much money!"

 

[Rohini]

Every time I see this thread, I hear the B-52's ringing in my head.

 

[August Campbell]

The OP doesn't want a girlfriend. He wants someone to use for his own personal reasons. Someone who will do what he says and not dare do anything outside what he believes. I don't believe he's been honest with this person and is just stringing her along. Judging her and shaming her because he can't control his own emotions is wrong and quite honestly abusive.

Be honest with her so she knows full well that you never intend to give her anything like a typical relationship outside of friendship, but only on YOUR terms. Stop using her.


ETA:
For those of you who may want to bitch at me and say I'm being harsh or whatever, take a look at his past posts first.

When I consulted with my Church Pastor, he actually praised me for Not shacking up. He agreed emphatically that a couple that's Unmarried are Not to reside under the same roof. In fact it is one of the main lessons that are sermonized from his pulpit. In fact, that is the lesson from many pastors.

 

[TheRealCallie]

When I consulted with my Church Pastor, he actually praised me for Not shacking up. He agreed emphatically that a couple that's Unmarried are Not to reside under the same roof. In fact it is one of the main lessons that are sermonized from his pulpit. In fact, that is the lesson from many pastors.

And if that's the ONLY reason you won't "shack up" RIGHT NOW and have plans to one day get married and share a home and give her everything that goes with a typical relationship....okay, fine, I concede.
BUT....I don't think that's the case. If it were, you would simply tell her that you don't believe in living together before married. Easy, peasy, good reason. But if you actually say the word marriage to her, you probably assume she will try to trap you. I mean, my God, just look at the clothes she wears

So yeah, nice try. I'm sure your Pastor would have a lot more to say if he knew the whole story and how you use/manipulate women.

 

[August Campbell]

And if that's the ONLY reason you won't "shack up" RIGHT NOW and have plans to one day get married and share a home and give her everything that goes with a typical relationship....okay, fine, I concede.
BUT....I don't think that's the case. If it were, you would simply tell her that you don't believe in living together before married. Easy, peasy, good reason. But if you actually say the word marriage to her, you probably assume she will try to trap you. I mean, my God, just look at the clothes she wears

So yeah, nice try. I'm sure your Pastor would have a lot more to say if he knew the whole story and how you use/manipulate women.

In your last sentence, you mentioned manipulation. If by that you mean her apparel, then even the Pastor agreed with me that her suit's skimpiness is Immodest and should be avoided. Not only for me but also for Other men who might look at her. My Pastor occasionally sermonizes about it. No manipulation at all.

Regarding your insistence on marriage--a relationship does not obligate a couple to marry at all. A couple can continue a relationship for years, even decades, without the slightest expectation of marriage. Quite common.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Your gf isn't very wise because she hasn't picked up on what a truly selfish and self-centered man you are. I agree with Callie. This post isn't about seeking compromise, it's about gleaning new ideas on how to get your way. After reading your other posts, I can't help but wonder why you are so truly desperate for "recreational activities" that you must use deceit to get your way? You act all high and mighty by disapproving of her bathing suit and using derogatory words like "shacking up," when all along you are the snake in the grass using another human being without a thought for what it will do to her. You have no honor, sir. Here's some advice. Be a better man.

I don't mean to antagonize OP but props to you for using the phrase "snake in the grass"

It brought me a chuckle, in spite of the situation. I feel like that phrase doesn't see enough action these days!