Hi SophiaGrace ~ "Tough Love" is not MY theory (I didn't formulate it), but I and others think it is a useful method in certain cases. IMO "not enabling" is a passive element of "tough love" whereas "tough love" is much more proactive. Here are some viewpoints on "Tough Love". There are also criticisms as well, but you can easily research the pros and cons on the internet. Drug abuse and addiction are problems that destroy lives and affect the quality of our society, and we all suffer the consequences. LGH
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TOUGH LOVE: BUT IF I KICK HIM OUT, WHAT IF I NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN?
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Tough love can be a scary concept to a family, but once you grasp the true nature, it can be one of the most effective approaches you have in getting your loved one to embrace recovery. Basically,
tough love is where we draw a line in the sand with a using alcoholic or addict. It is an acknowledgement that if he wishes to continue on a path of his own destruction, we will no longer participate, be negatively affected or dragged down with them any longer. It is potentially the final statement in any addiction intervention.
Tough love should never be delivered out of anger or spite. Effectively delivered,
tough love can be a message of love. It is actually just a setting of healthy boundaries. If your loved one decides that he wants to continue using drugs or alcohol, then your intervention counselor will help guide you and your family through determining what aspects of their lives need to be changed so that you can be free from the addiction of your loved one."
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TOUGH LOVE: IT WORKS!
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"I am posting this here... If it can help ONE person I'll be happy.. If it doesn't help ANYONE I still will be happy; because I am getting this stuff out of my system.. I'll try to keep it short; it probably won't be though. Alcoholism and drug addiction run all over my mother and fathers side of the family. My sister who is 35 spent years panhandling on the streets of NYC for Heroin. She now has 9 years clean. What helped her get her act together was losing her son to CPS. She fought her butt off to get him back.. and she did.. But I am not going to get into her story I am going to get into MY story! I never got into the heavy drugs; I am a prescription drug addict.. I also tend to overdo it with alcohol.. but I like Vicodin, Tramadol and Valium alot better than alcohol. When I was 16 years old I suffered my first panic attack while walking down one of the hallways of my highschool. It was so bad that I was rushed to the ER. My Heartrate was skyrocketing.. I kept getting these panic attacks.. tests were done (for adrenal, thyroid, you name it) they all came back negative.. My parents brought me to a psychiatrist and I was prescribed Ativan. It worked; the panic attacks went away. I was switched from Ativan, to Xanax, Klonopin, Valium through the years.. and then started to abuse those precriptions. After I got married in 2000 I moved from my hometown of NY to Florida. I guess I was in a bit of "culture shock" so I started drinking 24/7. I was in unfamiliar territory, away from family and lonely. I started drinking 24/7.. I wound up in detox twice in 2 months..I stopped drinking.. My daughter was born in 2004.. When she was 6 months old.. I developed peripheral neuropathy in my feet. (my feet were numb and I felt pain).. I saw a dr. maybe 7-8 months later; and he prescribed me Tramadol AKA Ultram (it's a synthetic opiate).. I loved it.. It took the pain in my feet away and left me feeling high as a kite.. I remember my daughter was 14 months old.. I would get high on it while taking care of a 1.5 yr old. Not a very good mother.. not a mother FIT to take care of an almost 2 year old... when I ran out of it I would abuse the Valium my psychiatrist was prescribing. I can get into more; but I don't want this to end up being a really long post (I friggin hate long posts).. In May 2007 I WAY overdid it with Valium.. I am lucky to be alive today. I told my husband what I did and I checked myself into rehab.. The first 7-10 days were a complete and total blurr. I remember distinctly On day 11 I asked my husband if he would come and pick me up.. He said he would; and I could stay in the house long enough untill the divorce papers were final.. He had allready talked to lawyers.. He wanted to petition the courts to take away my rights as a mother, he wanted to take my name off the house.. and wanted a divorce. If I had left rehab against medical advice I would have LOST everything!!! He wanted me to stay the duration of the program.. 28 days.. I did..... It was very hard to focus on the program.. I was scared I was going to get served with divorce papers in there.. I am angry at my husband for not giving me much support while I was in rehab but looking back; maybe I didn't deserve it.. I will say one thing though.. I know he loved me and still does.. he did come to family therapy sessions, brought me clothes, my cigarettes.. you name it.. I needed those threats.. I know if I am to relapse today and he is to find out about it I WILL LOSE EVERYTHING!!! Getting high on Vicodin and Tramadol isn't worth losing my daughter, my house, my husband.. I have posted about forgiveness on the boards.. I am finding it hard to forgive my husband for the threats.. but he did what he had to do to protect himself and my daughter.. because of it I am clean today.. I am also clean because I want to be clean..
He played tough love.. You are all friends and family members of substance abusers.. You all love an addict.. But coming from an addict, we lie, cheat.. we love our drugs; and alot of the time we put them ahead of our family.. If you have an addict in your life who is still in active addiction, it may be time to put some "threats" in place.. It may help your loved one get his/her act in order.. It sure as hell helped me get my act in order.. I hate to say this but rehab statistics are grim.. They say that over 90% of people that walk out of rehab WILL use again in their lifetime..
Tough love is probably MORE successfull than rehab!!! It's less expensive, too "wink". My insurance denied my rehabilitation stay.. I hope this post helps at least one person, I know we have loads of lurkers too.. people who don't post at all.. It helped me too write it too..I wish you all lots of love and luck.. and for some people it may be time to look after yourself.. and not your friend or family member that may tend to put their drug of choice in front of you."
