Duty Dating

[Alonewith2cats]

Ladies, this sounded really weird to me at first and still kind of does but after watching this video I'm beginning to understand why dating is not happening for me. Because I'm only interested in dating men who I am chemically attracted to and not willing enough to "duty date" men I'm not chemically attracted to in order to give them a chance to see if a chemical reaction will happen from getting to know someone and seeing that hidden beauty within. If you watch the whole video you will see that this is not about leading anyone on or getting into a relationship with someone you have no chemistry with. Because she is only advising you to go on 2-3 dates with someone you have no chemistry with and if it isn't created from that time you spend with him, at that point you will nicely tell him that the romantic sexual chemistry that you need to go further is not happening and move on. It's also a good way to "practice date." The real dating happens when there is mutual attraction. Ladies, if nothing else is working for you would you be willing to try it? I'm thinking about it.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Chemically attracted to?

This doesn't sound like anything but an excuse. If you don't have chemistry with someone, and don't like someone, it's not right to date them.

Are you suggesting that you should date someone you're not attracted to? And if so, would that work, if you don't like them that way?

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Chemically attracted to?

This doesn't sound like anything but an excuse. If you don't have chemistry with someone, and don't like someone, it's not right to date them.

Are you suggesting that you should date someone you're not attracted to? And if so, would that work, if you don't like them that way?

What you just wrote is the way I've been thinking for a long time and it hasn't worked. If you watch the video you might understand the message I'm trying to convey and it's not what you think. The truth is many of us women are not chemically attracted to most men, it's like 2 men out of 100, these select few can be married or not attracted to us the same way. What she is suggesting is a woman give 2-3 dates to a man she does not have chemistry with in order to find out if chemistry will create itself as she gets to know him, that's it. After 3 dates if it's not there she won't continue to date him. This is to encourage women to be open-minded because when they are only willing to date men they feel an instant chemistry for then they are closing off their minds and their hearts, blinding themselves and limiting their options.

 

[Coeur]

I've known of maybe three men in my life who were immediately attractive enough to want to be with, famous authors and celebrities included, but they weren't the ones I winded up liking the most or loving. If you think there's potential then give it another date, but if you're actually put off by them then just leave it be.

I don't relate to my generation's attitude of instant gratification in relationships at all.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'd say the same thing can go for guys. I've actually regretting turning down dates, because I haven't been physically attracted to the woman.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'd say the same thing can go for guys. I've actually regretting turning down dates, because I haven't been physically attracted to the woman.

I thought no one was ever attracted to you? Hmm? :club:

Chemicals or not, I don't see the harm in going out with someone. It's not like it's a marriage proposal. Go out and have some fun in the very least, even if nothing comes about it.

 

[Tiina63]

Being attracted to someone can grow over time so I would definitely go on several dates with someone if there was no immediate chemistry.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'd say the same thing can go for guys. I've actually regretting turning down dates, because I haven't been physically attracted to the woman.

I thought no one was ever attracted to you? Hmm? :club:

Chemicals or not, I don't see the harm in going out with someone. It's not like it's a marriage proposal. Go out and have some fun in the very least, even if nothing comes about it.

Every once in a blue moon, someone will be attracted to me. I'm just never attracted back, so I don't factor it into the equation.

Of course, I'm going to be blasted for my own hypocrisy there, but I've said it before...if you don't see looks OR personality as being attractive, what will you talk about or be attracted to?

 

[VanillaCreme]

I couldn't honestly answer that. I didn't have a typical meet-him-in-the-store thing. Video games were basically my magnet. I would imagine asking about someone would help though, right? Where did you grow up? What do you like to do? What's your favorite food? Do you read? All that type of stuff.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Was that addressed to me or the OP, Vanilla?

If it was addressed to me, I suppose so...but there is usually a reason for rejection. I never realized how hard it was for women to reject men until I started rejecting women myself. It's an extremely hard thing to do.

Nobody is obligated to date you, or for you to date them, but I suppose there are some instances where you should give it a chance.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I'd say the same thing can go for guys. I've actually regretting turning down dates, because I haven't been physically attracted to the woman.

I thought no one was ever attracted to you? Hmm? :club:

Chemicals or not, I don't see the harm in going out with someone. It's not like it's a marriage proposal. Go out and have some fun in the very least, even if nothing comes about it.

Every once in a blue moon, someone will be attracted to me. I'm just never attracted back, so I don't factor it into the equation.

Of course, I'm going to be blasted for my own hypocrisy there, but I've said it before...if you don't see looks OR personality as being attractive, what will you talk about or be attracted to?

I think you have to temporarily take the focus off of the negative and try to find something positive about the person.

---

I may not be able to follow the Live Delicious (the video) lady's advice all the way but her perspective got me thinking a little different. Perhaps I should have given some of these men who messaged me on line a chance, even if I can only do one date. I didn't respond back to a lot of them because they aren't "my type." But I sent out lots of messages to people who appeared to be "my type" dark hair, brown eyes and cute, and they are the ones not interested.

 

[Solivagant]

Being attracted to someone can grow over time so I would definitely go on several dates with someone if there was no immediate chemistry.

Me too.

 

[duff]

I'd say the same thing can go for guys. I've actually regretting turning down dates, because I haven't been physically attracted to the woman.

I thought no one was ever attracted to you? Hmm? :club:

Chemicals or not, I don't see the harm in going out with someone. It's not like it's a marriage proposal. Go out and have some fun in the very least, even if nothing comes about it.

Every once in a blue moon, someone will be attracted to me. I'm just never attracted back, so I don't factor it into the equation.

Of course, I'm going to be blasted for my own hypocrisy there, but I've said it before...if you don't see looks OR personality as being attractive, what will you talk about or be attracted to?

I've had 2 women interested in me. One had learning difficulties and was a ****. The other was crazy. There's this 89 year old now but I think she's losing her marbles so I don't know whether to count her.

When I say 'women don't like me' - I really mean normal women.

---

Being attracted to someone can grow over time so I would definitely go on several dates with someone if there was no immediate chemistry.

chemistry really means looks doesn't it ?

 

[Peaches]

yes, please explain! I never understood the meaning of chemistry: is it the desire to jump a person? is it when the verbal repartee is like a perfect tennis match? mutual understanding? Someone please explain me what is this "chemistry".

 

[Solivagant]

Someone please explain me what is this "chemistry".

I'm not sure. It might be somewhat indefinable or intuitive, and it might mean different things to different people. I used to say that a friend and I had chemistry, by which I meant that we just sort of "clicked", our personalities meshed and complemented each other just right. But that was only after I knew her, so I don't know what "immediate chemistry" could be. Unless it is similar to what motivated me to introduce myself when I first met her, where I just had a "feeling" that she was someone I could be really good friends with, based on small things I noticed about her. I don't think it's something that happens very often. Most people have to grow on you.

 

[Bones]

I thought duty dating was a tax on dating female imports from other countries.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Chemistry means looks AND personality.

However, a personality without looks is a friend. Looks without personality is someone I can't stand to be around.

 

[Sterling]

Meh.....If I don't like them, I don't want to be stuck with them for an hour or two.

 

[Locke]

Giving someone a second date even if you aren't completely attracted to them sounds fair, as long as there's something you like about them. It's possible for chemistry to build up, and some people make bad first impressions (I know I do. I hate first dates and always say something stupid.)

 

[Alienated]

If you do your homework... relationships based on first attraction don't usually work.... It's called lust, not love.

That's why the divorce rate is 60 %, and kids grow up in a single parent home. And end up SCREWED up, all because you want to do what looks good.

Give me a homely, shy, lonely girl any day, because when the make up comes off in the morning. You are stuck with a plastic Barbie Doll, and not a real person.