Duty Dating

[Alonewith2cats]

I don't define chemistry as looks because there are good looking people out there who you don't have chemistry with but if you have chemistry with someone that person looks good to you. Someone can also have an awesome personality and you still don't have chemistry with the person but if you have chemistry with someone you will enjoy that personality a lot. I define chemistry as brain and body based chemical reactions between two individuals who are taking each other in through the 5 senses, sight, touch, smell, sound (taste too, chemistry can be in the kiss) and may also include interactions that go beyond this such as knowing their personality and are consequently having a strong attraction to one another. It's animal magnetism and a desire to get close, wanting to touch each other. It can be shallow, purely physical lust chemistry or it can be on a deeper level.

 

[blackdot]

Which chemicals are you attracted to?
You could make it much easier on yourself by just letting people know ahead of time. Like if you are attracted to salt and bleach, then let them know so they can bring some to the first date.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

No, Chemistry is not looks, but looks AND personality.

People that say they don't want one or the other are fooling themselves.

 

[theraab]

Which chemicals are you attracted to?
You could make it much easier on yourself by just letting people know ahead of time. Like if you are attracted to salt and bleach, then let them know so they can bring some to the first date.

In my dating experience, the only chemical you need is chloroform.

 

[blackdot]

Which chemicals are you attracted to?
You could make it much easier on yourself by just letting people know ahead of time. Like if you are attracted to salt and bleach, then let them know so they can bring some to the first date.

In my dating experience, the only chemical you need is chloroform.

Thanks, I needed the laugh this morning.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Which chemicals are you attracted to?
You could make it much easier on yourself by just letting people know ahead of time. Like if you are attracted to salt and bleach, then let them know so they can bring some to the first date.

In my dating experience, the only chemical you need is chloroform.

^^ LMAO!

As for the OP:
I went out with this guy once. He didn't think anyone would want to go out with him because he was overweight, but it didnt bother me any.
The first date was BAD. Really bad. However, I know that first dates can sometimes be awkward so I agreed to a second date, to see how it would go. I guess that was my way of making sure I gave the guy a fair chance.
Second date wasn't any better. Not only was there no "chemistry" but the guy drove me NUTS. I didnt agree to any more dates.

 

[nerdygirl]

Chemistry is the thing that attracts you to somebody. It's the sort of thing that develops crushes, but not the sort of thing on which you base serious relationships.

It can- and often does- include looks. Anybody who says chemistry always requires good looks is is completely dismissing the fact that even blind people can feel chemistry with others. There are also times that sighted people feel chemistry with somebody they've met online, but never seen in pictures or on cam. It also happens for people who call phone party lines (if those still exist?).

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't think it has to require looks. Maybe for some. But I think it's just a thing you feel. I know a lot of people may believe that everyone thinks looks is important in some way, but they're really not to me, and I know there are other people who think the same I do.

 

[Sterling]

If you do your homework... relationships based on first attraction don't usually work.... It's called lust, not love.

That's why the divorce rate is 60 %, and kids grow up in a single parent home. And end up SCREWED up, all because you want to do what looks good.

Give me a homely, shy, lonely girl any day, because when the make up comes off in the morning. You are stuck with a plastic Barbie Doll, and not a real person.

This post somewhat irritates me. I suppose I understand where you're coming from with the 'barbie doll' label. We see it everywhere...movies, tv shows, books, magazines, the internet.

'Homely', as in unattractive in appearance, is what I'm going to assume you meant. Unattractive does not mean nice, nor does shy. Someone who is considered 'attractive' does not mean their an extrovert, mean, etc either. Just because she wears make-up does not mean she's 'not a person' or a 'plastic barbie doll'. There is more to people than what is seen.

Give me a man with common interests and a sense of humor that I find attractive. Yes, I said that "I find attractive". I'm not saying everyone, but some people need to have a physical, as well as an emotioanl attraction in order to become intimate with someone.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

This kind of thread usually goes this way.

A.) Talking about how looks aren't important to you, or how personality should be more important.
B.) Blasting women and men who are conventionally attractive, as if good looks equals a bad personality
C.) Throwing people who date based on looks into the "shallow pile", as if it's unreasonable to be sexually attracted to someone.

A. Personality is important, but what are you supposed to do if you don't see yourself getting naked with that person? A relationship involves sex, unless you are a nun or priest.
B. Some of the ugliest people inside I've ever met have also been ugly on the outside, and vice versa.
C. This is silly. See A.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I wasn't attracted to my first girl friend at all. As time went by, she grew on me to say the least. My tastes completely changed and let's just say we became more than sexually compatible. ^.^

I do think it's important to find your partner attractive, though, whatever that means to you personally.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Which chemicals are you attracted to?
You could make it much easier on yourself by just letting people know ahead of time. Like if you are attracted to salt and bleach, then let them know so they can bring some to the first date.

I love your joke.

 

[ardour]

As long as you like what you know of them and appear to have things in common, it sounds like a good idea.
If there's no spark then at least you could end up with another pal.

 

[blackdot]

As long as you like what you know of them and appear to have things in common, it sounds like a good idea.
If there's no spark then at least you could end up with another pal.

ugh... I don't want pals. I keep getting dates with women who just want to be pals. I always have to say no.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Uh oh, blackdot uttered the horrendous words...prepare for flaming!

 

[blackdot]

Uh oh, blackdot uttered the horrendous words...prepare for flaming!

which words?
"dates" or "women"?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

The words "I don't want friends, I want a girlfriend."

I have been attacked for those very same words.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I wasn't attracted to my first girl friend at all. As time went by, she grew on me to say the least. My tastes completely changed and let's just say we became more than sexually compatible. ^.^

I do think it's important to find your partner attractive, though, whatever that means to you personally.

That's awesome. I like to hear of other experiences where looks weren't always the first role, and of experiences where attraction comes later on. It doesn't always have to be instant.

The words "I don't want friends, I want a girlfriend."

I have been attacked for those very same words.

You weren't attacked for saying that, so cut the drama. What some of us didn't understand was that you complain about not having friends, and not having a girlfriend, yet you don't want friends who are girls. Or that you "had enough of those."

I don't know, not targeting you now about it, because it means diddley-squat to me, but things like that... I don't know, man. An open mind could get a person far in life.

 

[ardour]

To be fair, when women say "I'd rather be friends" it usually means they don't want a relationship or friendship, they're just being polite.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

You weren't attacked for saying that, so cut the drama. What some of us didn't understand was that you complain about not having friends, and not having a girlfriend, yet you don't want friends who are girls. Or that you "had enough of those."

I don't know, not targeting you now about it, because it means diddley-squat to me, but things like that... I don't know, man. An open mind could get a person far in life.

Actually, I believe that I was misquoted, because I said that I have lots of female friends, and I don't need any more friends. Not that it's bad to have another friend, but when I look at you with googley eyes (as in, I want to date you), it's pretty terrible to hear over and over that you just want to be friends with me.

That's all I said.