Everyone keeps reinforcing my self hate

[Fvantom]

theres no ********, if you had half a brain youd have figured that out by now.

but if you must know, Ill repeat everything I just said.
I grew up hating myself, I now am starting to like myself, even though Im depressed, I still like who I am, I go out seeking friends because thats really what I want out of life, yet whenever I reach out for help, instead of getting a friend, I get people telling me that I have to change, they tell me what they think is best for me, well Im not going to pretend to be happy when Im not, Im not going to hold everything in and act like everythings okay when Im really dying inside. If you cant handle me when Im depressed, you dont deserve me when Im happy.

and I didnt block you because Im "in denial" I blocked you because all youve posted on this thread is nonsensical judgement

 

[ardour]

if you like who you are then why ask for help?
If they're not willing to give you a chance then just move on.

 

[Fvantom]

if you like who you are then why ask for help?
If they're not willing to give you a chance then just move on.

Im working on liking who I am, the whole point of this thread is that when Im actually feeling good about myself, I still end up getting ignored or left out and that kills my self worth

 

[ardour]

if you like who you are then why ask for help?
If they're not willing to give you a chance then just move on.

Im working on liking who I am, the whole point of this thread is that when Im actually feeling good about myself, I still end up getting ignored or left out and that kills my self worth

If you actually ask for HELP then the advice you get will inevitably focus you changing you... what else are they going to say, do you think they can change the world for you?
If however you're just trying to be friendly, and they won't give you a shot, then forget them. Move on.

 

[Fvantom]

I reach out to connect with people, to become friends, thats what would help me, Im not asking anyone to "change the world" for me, I just want someone who will be there to listen, help me through my problems, and just be a friend, but the second I reveal that Im not happy with my life, people try to change me. It like saying "well I could be your friend, and honestly care about you, but instead, Im just going to tell you that youre doing everything wrong and need to change"

 

[Lonesome Crow]

wtf ....I thoght you blocked me.lol


The judgementaL....BS.
You made a big ass leap that came out of left field..man.

That's what some people call seeing world throught rose colure glasses.

But thats how people are being your friend.
They're Telling you something that they also have to do themselves.
Happiness is an inside job...man

---

Maybe if you see change as a positive thing
or understand it differently..as in EVOLVING/EXPANDING.

The so call "normal" people or healthy people constantly
go through reconstructions or rebuilding themselves.

example...I used to be a kid too. Then I grew a little bit into a teenager.
Then when I like girls...I learned how to be a BF.

When I was single..I learned how to date becuase I was no longer in a relationship.
This required changing in my part.

When I got married..I became a husband.
It required that I changed my behaviors. The way I think...ect..ect.

It's kind da like...if I paly baseball...I play baseball.
But if im the field of playing a game of football...I have to put down the fucken bat and gloves
and put on helmets and learn how to throw that funcky shaped pig skin.

There's always a part of me that's never going to change.
The part that knows how to change and adapt.

---

If you are unhappy with your life...
Obviously you want some kind of changes.

But you cant expect a different results by doing the same old **** over and over again.

Somewhere alone the line I comprehend that as......
I need to change the way I think, believe, how I sholve problems, how I live..ect..ect
The same old me doing the same old ****...aint going to change a freaken thing.

 

[Callie]

for the record I DO like myself, I grew up hating myself due to being put down my whole life, Im not some self loathing miserable ass, Im just having trouble seeing myself as positive, but I cant just sit there and pretend to be happy because that makes everything worse

Im working on liking who I am, the whole point of this thread is that when Im actually feeling good about myself, I still end up getting ignored or left out and that kills my self worth

Pick one and stick with it.....You can hardly ask for help and accept it if you don't know.

 

[Tiina63]

I reach out to connect with people, to become friends, thats what would help me, Im not asking anyone to "change the world" for me, I just want someone who will be there to listen, help me through my problems, and just be a friend, but the second I reveal that Im not happy with my life, people try to change me. It like saying "well I could be your friend, and honestly care about you, but instead, Im just going to tell you that youre doing everything wrong and need to change"

I think that generally people will try to come with solutions/possible changes when someone is depressed because they think that they are being helpful and that this is what you want. But you don't need this. You just want to be listened to, to be 'held,' to be able to say who you are and how you are feeling. I can understand this. You want to find your own way through the maze, with someone at your side letting you just be yourself and find your own way. Maybe you could tell people that you just need to be listened to.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Haven't had to say this in awhile, name calling/insulting is not allowed. Just because someone says something you don't like is no reason to say they have half a brain. Be a bit more respectful of others.

Honestly have you ever stopped to think that it is you who reinforces your self hate? Seriously, go take a look back at your own threads. You say you have a good time with people and fun when you are out, yet then you sit here and say people reinforce your self hate. Not everyone knows how to deal with peoples emotions, and from what you've posted here on the site you seem like a person who is always up and down with your emotions. Human beings can only take so much, and when you are down on yourself these people probably think "here we go again". I bet if you asked these people and had them be brutally honest with you they would tell you that. They'll probably tell you they like you when you are happier too. People like being around others who aren't always down on themselves or depressed. They don't have to make you feel good about yourself or constantly reinforce you positively. The fact that people actually take time out of their lives to be around you should be enough. Stop beating yourself up so much.

I honestly do not get it, you actually have people who hang out with you, who you say like you and you like them and are good people, yet you sit here and bitch about it.

 

[Fvantom]

I reach out to connect with people, to become friends, thats what would help me, Im not asking anyone to "change the world" for me, I just want someone who will be there to listen, help me through my problems, and just be a friend, but the second I reveal that Im not happy with my life, people try to change me. It like saying "well I could be your friend, and honestly care about you, but instead, Im just going to tell you that youre doing everything wrong and need to change"

I think that generally people will try to come with solutions/possible changes when someone is depressed because they think that they are being helpful and that this is what you want. But you don't need this. You just want to be listened to, to be 'held,' to be able to say who you are and how you are feeling. I can understand this. You want to find your own way through the maze, with someone at your side letting you just be yourself and find your own way. Maybe you could tell people that you just need to be listened to.

Thank you!!!! Finally someone gets it! This is what Ive been trying to say all along but all I get is people judging me because they THINK they understand what Im trying to say

 

[Lonesome Crow]

If simply wanted to vent: and let things out
then say so.

You must also undeestand it can be every emotionally
taxing or drainning if the listener dosnt know how to
emotionally detacth from ypur problems.
They can drown in it with you.

Thats why theres counselor, therapist or support groups.
Thats why some people journal...to let go of mental and
emotional baggages...

Thats why some people believing in GOD or
or a HP.....
They build a pwrsonal relationship with there HP.
Tell God all their troubles....ect ect....

Some call this.....
Dont **** where you eat.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I dont think so....when youve had nobody to turn to for years and nobody seems to care, its not so easy to just up and love yourself

I disagree. When you don't like yourself, when you don't love yourself, when you don't accept yourself....you project that onto others even without being aware of doing it. Therefore, with those projections, no one else is going to love you either.

I understand what both of you are saying. However, I have to agree with Callie. Not in the sense that you're wrong, Fvantom, because you're not. And you're completely entitled to feel how you feel. However, you have to look at it this way. If no one else is there for you, who is? Yourself. You have to stand up for yourself, because no one else really will. You have to care for you. You have to accept you, because when you do, then no one else can question you. When you accept yourself, it doesn't matter that others put you down. Their negative attitude towards you is brushed off when you realize that certain things they just don't have control over. And they shouldn't have control over how you feel.

Also, people only do to you what you allow them to do. You allow them to dictate your emotions and how you feel for yourself, they will control it. If you feel sad, it's not them who's feeling it, so they don't really care.

 

[Fvantom]

I dont think so....when youve had nobody to turn to for years and nobody seems to care, its not so easy to just up and love yourself

I disagree. When you don't like yourself, when you don't love yourself, when you don't accept yourself....you project that onto others even without being aware of doing it. Therefore, with those projections, no one else is going to love you either.

I understand what both of you are saying. However, I have to agree with Callie. Not in the sense that you're wrong, Fvantom, because you're not. And you're completely entitled to feel how you feel. However, you have to look at it this way. If no one else is there for you, who is? Yourself. You have to stand up for yourself, because no one else really will. You have to care for you. You have to accept you, because when you do, then no one else can question you. When you accept yourself, it doesn't matter that others put you down. Their negative attitude towards you is brushed off when you realize that certain things they just don't have control over. And they shouldn't have control over how you feel.

Also, people only do to you what you allow them to do. You allow them to dictate your emotions and how you feel for yourself, they will control it. If you feel sad, it's not them who's feeling it, so they don't really care.

its never really black and white people putting me down, because they dont do that, all of the negative emotions I get from people stems from this, Ill be hanging out with some people, initially having a good time, but then itll start making itself obvious that these people are all really good friends with each other but Im simply an acquaintance to them.

by "reinforcing self hate" I guess I worded that wrong, I meant self worth because those situations make me feel like Im not worthy of having real friends, like Ill be stuck as just that guy people talk to every now and then. Most of these people never bother to make the first move and talk to me, Im always the one jumping through hoops for them.

 

[ajdass1]

Thank you!!!! Finally someone gets it! This is what Ive been trying to say all along but all I get is people judging me because they THINK they understand what Im trying to say

So you get frustrated when you just want to vent, but people instead think you're asking for advice and try to help.

That's perfectly fair.

However, like Tiina says, please tell people that, otherwise it gets frustrating for everybody (as this thread demonstrates). After all, we can't read your mind and from our perspective it seems like you're being ungrateful and lashing out at us when we try to help.

 

[kaetic]

I feel like that too sometimes, like the third wheel.
Friendships have to start somewhere. Just give it time.
And I know you don't want advice, but try to stay positive. I don't mean fake your personality. I mean try to stay in a positive frame of mind. Give these potential friends the benefit of the doubt. Just because they have close friends already, doesn't mean that they don't want anymore or that they don't have social fears of their own. Some one I admire said once, We spend so much time worrying about what other people think of us, and all the while they are doing the same worrying about what we think of them. Just give it time, and don't let self doubt bring you down.

 

[Fvantom]

Thank you!!!! Finally someone gets it! This is what Ive been trying to say all along but all I get is people judging me because they THINK they understand what Im trying to say

So you get frustrated when you just want to vent, but people instead think you're asking for advice and try to help.

That's perfectly fair.

However, like Tiina says, please tell people that, otherwise it gets frustrating for everybody (as this thread demonstrates). After all, we can't read your mind and from our perspective it seems like you're being ungrateful and lashing out at us when we try to help.

it seems like you werent paying much attention to the thread if thats what youre seeing. There are some people on here who gave good advice and insight, and I responded well to those people, I only lashed out to the ones who seemed to pass judgement.

I feel like that too sometimes, like the third wheel.
Friendships have to start somewhere. Just give it time.
And I know you don't want advice, but try to stay positive. I don't mean fake your personality. I mean try to stay in a positive frame of mind. Give these potential friends the benefit of the doubt. Just because they have close friends already, doesn't mean that they don't want anymore or that they don't have social fears of their own. Some one I admire said once, We spend so much time worrying about what other people think of us, and all the while they are doing the same worrying about what we think of them. Just give it time, and don't let self doubt bring you down.

thank you, thats the kind of advice Im looking for, I have been trying to be more positive though, its hard when youre in such a slump, I feel like if I had a few good friends, who are happy to see me, I can become positive again.

 

[VanillaCreme]

its never really black and white people putting me down, because they dont do that, all of the negative emotions I get from people stems from this, Ill be hanging out with some people, initially having a good time, but then itll start making itself obvious that these people are all really good friends with each other but Im simply an acquaintance to them.

by "reinforcing self hate" I guess I worded that wrong, I meant self worth because those situations make me feel like Im not worthy of having real friends, like Ill be stuck as just that guy people talk to every now and then. Most of these people never bother to make the first move and talk to me, Im always the one jumping through hoops for them.

I used to feel the same. When I was younger and didn't really know myself, in school, I'd always have a group of friends, but I always seemed to be the oddball out. I use the term "oddball" loosely, because looking back, I don't think I was odd. I just realized that somewhere along the line, I fell into a line of people that were more suited to be my friends. Sarcastic, witty people is the type I personally get along with better than those I had earlier on. Not that I hand-pick friends, because certain things just happen. But the group I had earlier on just didn't fit me.

Perhaps you'll find those people you won't feel that way with. Took me well into high school before I found people where I didn't feel like I was the one not involved in any way.

 

[Fvantom]

its never really black and white people putting me down, because they dont do that, all of the negative emotions I get from people stems from this, Ill be hanging out with some people, initially having a good time, but then itll start making itself obvious that these people are all really good friends with each other but Im simply an acquaintance to them.

by "reinforcing self hate" I guess I worded that wrong, I meant self worth because those situations make me feel like Im not worthy of having real friends, like Ill be stuck as just that guy people talk to every now and then. Most of these people never bother to make the first move and talk to me, Im always the one jumping through hoops for them.

I used to feel the same. When I was younger and didn't really know myself, in school, I'd always have a group of friends, but I always seemed to be the oddball out. I use the term "oddball" loosely, because looking back, I don't think I was odd. I just realized that somewhere along the line, I fell into a line of people that were more suited to be my friends. Sarcastic, witty people is the type I personally get along with better than those I had earlier on. Not that I hand-pick friends, because certain things just happen. But the group I had earlier on just didn't fit me.

Perhaps you'll find those people you won't feel that way with. Took me well into high school before I found people where I didn't feel like I was the one not involved in any way.

I will eventually, I started going to college, Im going back in the fall probably, going to be taking more classes that Im happier with, hopefully then I can meet people.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and you weep alone.

Bingo.

---

Lots of people get uncomfortable with pain, so they tell you they're uncomfortable or that they don't like you by telling you that you need to change.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Happiness is an inside job.

Yes, it would be nice if things go my way.
People and situations gose my way.

But Im giving to much power over to
people if i depend on them act in accprdance
to how think ought tp be..

By default ive given up my freedom
and power when i depend on others
for my happiness.

Trust me.. If you dont grasp the basic
Youll experince a lot of heartaches, abusive
relationships or toxic relationships.

Its basic co dependentcy.
Youre depending on others to make you happy.