For the Losers

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Yes, simplicity is underrated. I've slowly come to something close to this path over the years... the shiny pretty things fade, the expensive stuff keeps you poor, the higher you go the less you really own of yourself... who are the real losers? One of my favorite Cynic maxims is "he doesn't own a fortune, a fortune owns him." They had a lot of it figured out some 1,600 years ago.
 
I fit that dictionary definition perfectly. Here's the thing, I'm so socially anxious and outside the realm of being normal that I am virtually invisible. My problem isn't about what I'm afraid that others may think about me being incompetent and an enormous failure, it's that nothing matters one way or another. Everyone else has their own lives to live, relating with family, friends, and acquaintances, and I do not fall into anywhere that matters.

I'm 60, I've been single my whole life (my one exception being a short relationship with a woman that ended BADLY), I've lost all hope for building relationships with anyone (due to my complete lack of knowledge about anything interesting that people like talking about, my crippling social anxiety, and my inability to simply relate to anyone), I've never been able to make it as an artist in the field of artistry I'd hoped for, I've lost all desire to simply DO artistic things anymore (I don't even doodle, haven't for over a decade, and feel like any ability I might have had is gone completely), the one thing that anyone could hope to achieve in life, a legacy is hopelessly out of reach, and when I add all of this up, I don't get any sense that I have EVER had a purpose to fulfill. I'm simply a loser and a complete and utter misfit. There isn't any point in my existence.

(Now, there's one exception to what I've said above, where I am living with my mother (who is in her 80s), and I help out around the house and do things for her. I'm sure she appreciates my being around for her, but she's never really understood me, the same as others. We rarely converse, so I still lack any sense of purpose. And, again, most of the time I'm essentially alone.)

If there can possibly be a more complete definition of what "a loser" is, than the description I've compiled above about myself, then someone let me know where it is. People say "God made everyone for a purpose, and he wants us to fulfill it," but there's just no way that can possibly be--not now anyway. Far too much time has passed, I cannot deal with being around others when I'm essentially alone anyway, my tank is completely empty, and sometimes I wish that I'd simply vanish without a trace.
 
(Now, there's one exception to what I've said above, where I am living with my mother (who is in her 80s), and I help out around the house and do things for her. I'm sure she appreciates my being around for her, but she's never really understood me, the same as others. We rarely converse, so I still lack any sense of purpose. And, again, most of the time I'm essentially alone.)
I'm sorry life has been hard on you. The purpose in my life was to be the peacekeeper in the family and then take care of my parents and grandparents while the other siblings caused me grief. My parents and grandparents have long passed away and I've disowned the rest of my family. I rarely see or speak to anyone. But, it's still too many people as far as I'm concerned. I want to sell my house and hit the road. That way if I end up some where I don't want to be I'll just start up my truck and go somewhere else perferrable where people aren't. However, I'm very used to being alone and comfortable with it. I don't think a purpose really matters for everybody. I think it's more about taking care of your responsibilities and then trying to enjoy whatever you can out of life.
 
I fit that dictionary definition perfectly. Here's the thing, I'm so socially anxious and outside the realm of being normal that I am virtually invisible. My problem isn't about what I'm afraid that others may think about me being incompetent and an enormous failure, it's that nothing matters one way or another. Everyone else has their own lives to live, relating with family, friends, and acquaintances, and I do not fall into anywhere that matters.

I'm 60, I've been single my whole life (my one exception being a short relationship with a woman that ended BADLY), I've lost all hope for building relationships with anyone (due to my complete lack of knowledge about anything interesting that people like talking about, my crippling social anxiety, and my inability to simply relate to anyone), I've never been able to make it as an artist in the field of artistry I'd hoped for, I've lost all desire to simply DO artistic things anymore (I don't even doodle, haven't for over a decade, and feel like any ability I might have had is gone completely), the one thing that anyone could hope to achieve in life, a legacy is hopelessly out of reach, and when I add all of this up, I don't get any sense that I have EVER had a purpose to fulfill. I'm simply a loser and a complete and utter misfit. There isn't any point in my existence.

(Now, there's one exception to what I've said above, where I am living with my mother (who is in her 80s), and I help out around the house and do things for her. I'm sure she appreciates my being around for her, but she's never really understood me, the same as others. We rarely converse, so I still lack any sense of purpose. And, again, most of the time I'm essentially alone.)

If there can possibly be a more complete definition of what "a loser" is, than the description I've compiled above about myself, then someone let me know where it is. People say "God made everyone for a purpose, and he wants us to fulfill it," but there's just no way that can possibly be--not now anyway. Far too much time has passed, I cannot deal with being around others when I'm essentially alone anyway, my tank is completely empty, and sometimes I wish that I'd simply vanish without a trace.
People think too deeply sometimes for various reasons. I opine that we don’t have a purpose for being, that there isn’t a point to our existence - we just ARE. And since we just ARE, we may as well make our existence as pleasurable as possible, and people do that in many ways. Some people want or feel they need to have a reason to go on, to being here on Earth, and for some that works. Some need direction, from others or supreme beings, to get through like in a way that makes sense. But how about just accepting that we were each just created and now that we’re here, let’s just make the most of being here. Make our lives the least sufferable at possible, keep occupied, gain knowledge to make life better and easier to navigate. Most of us can look back on our lives and come to the conclusion that we’ve wasted time and opportunity to improve our lot, but while we’re still here, we can improve on what we still have. Doing is the hard part. It’s not called “effort” for no reason.
 
Just another cope to try and make those of us who are unfortunate feel better about our miserable circumstances. Sometimes one is a loser simply because they have lost in life despite having put in tremendous effort & self improvement. The best anyone can do is to make the most of what they have but if they have very little to work with they are never going to get very far. Those who have great potential due to their excellent genetics are winners from birth and have to work hard to screw it up. It's natural to be very envious of the people who have what you never will due only to sheer chance and about how much better life would be if you were blessed with better inherent attributes.
 
Yes, we know. You are the most vile, ugliest, shortest person on the planet and no women (who are all evil and horribly shallow liars) will ever want you. You have the worst life of anyone on the planet and NO ONE will ever understand. It's not at all your fault and nothing will ever change that. WE KNOW, pick a different story now, that one's getting old.
 
The wealthy can never relate to the impoverished; the well fed will never understand the chronically hungry.
Some wealthy were once impoverished and some well fed were once chronically hungry. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes. The only person you know is YOURSELF, stop speaking for other people.
 
By society definition I am classed as a loser. For years I was chasing for the affection of these certain type of females that are called "High maintenance". Then I noticed that they were" too busy to talk to me but not busy to talk with others in their lane".

So I changed my way of thinking. I now avoid and i found it humorous when my upstairs neighbor told me that this one "high maintenance" woman was asking if I was around. Its funny because when I did speak with her, it was only for 10 minutes. She gave me her cell number but I never called her. The only time my phone was used to call her number was by her boyfriend when he got locked out one time while she was away.

I am glad this other young woman who is "high maintenance" allowed me in her life. Its platonic and I view her as an adopted daughter.

I am getting used to handling my own medical appointment's that require someone to drive me home. I just make sure I have money ready.

It feels good not to care for those that dont care
 
I am getting used to handling my own medical appointment's that require someone to drive me home. I just make sure I have money ready.
I did the same on my last surgery.
I had an Uber driver pick me up. I prepaid him a nice amount to pretend he was my neighbor, as I had to give the nurse a contact info for them to OK the surgery.

This was AFTER I had asked my "high maintenance" girl (who I had taken care of financially for 2.5 years at the time) to pick me up and she told me she could not because she had already "made plans with friends". Her friends...were not the ones paying her rent and living expenses...
 
"losers" implies "winners" which implies "competition" which implies "beasthood" ... I'm a human
 
I did the same on my last surgery.
I had an Uber driver pick me up. I prepaid him a nice amount to pretend he was my neighbor, as I had to give the nurse a contact info for them to OK the surgery.

This was AFTER I had asked my "high maintenance" girl (who I had taken care of financially for 2.5 years at the time) to pick me up and she told me she could not because she had already "made plans with friends". Her friends...were not the ones paying her rent and living expenses...

I would have been gone.

This adopted daughter. She helped me through an emotional time I was having and I had no money. We started to get to know each other December 2021 and when I got a good job I dropped $800 on her in May 2022 with my first paycheck. Then in October 2022 I started helping her with her University expenses at $560 a month and my last payment was May. She is working now and we chat on Instagram and WhatsApp.

These so called friends I chat with were laughing at me when I was paying but as soon as I tell them whats going on then "Deer eyes" will come on and I wont care.

I hope your situation improved after that.
 
I guess you got out of it in a good way. When I got into nurses aide in 1990 I met a guy a fellow nurse aide who put his wife through nursing program and when she became an RN making good $$$ she kicked him to the curb. So I am glad you are not owner to the $50K debt.

What I learned is always outearn your mate. Dont pay for her to go through something that going to out earn you. Had that happen to a friend of mine. He used his parents life insurance money to put his wife to Master degree. Once she started earning she kicked him to the couch. No alimony for him. Least he connected to his grown kids.

I learned of a firefighter who adopted his wifes kids. Then she went back to the kids dad and he is stuck paying child support and doesnt get to see them.

Got a funny one. Back in 1988 I was attending this church and this "high maintenance" woman's husband died and they had 9 kids. One day I was riding the bus and she got on and started making moves on me saying "What a strong man you are". I kept wondering 2 things.

Why wasnt she making a pass at my friend who was better looking than I was and how did her husband die?

I told her how much I made and never seen her again.

Just glad you are not paying the $50K
 

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