Friends? Worth it?

[kingsfade]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm better off alone than having friends. Having to deal with the complications of friendships, the feelings of feeling used and abused, the conflicts, the eventual breaking down or drifting of friendships. Granted the time one spends with others can be great but what if issues outweigh the good times despite the good strength of a friendship, i've realized that maintaining friends is hard and for the most part it seems to be more of an effort from my part rather than the "friends". I wonder if having friends should be so **** hard? I was at some point friendless but at peace, now I can't even stand to be alone because I feel the loneliness a lot more than before. Anyone else ever think or feel the same?

 

[DVEUS]

i soooooo know where you are coming from as i have had the same experiences...but don't give up and keep your chin up...seems to me that when one door closes another one opens...my so-called 'best friends' at different stages in my life have been bullshit...i always gave so much more than i received...and people take advantage...but then i met someone that doesn't judge me and is there for me and loves/accepts me for who i am...i treasure that...

 

[ladyforsaken]

Yeah I was once like that, have a hard time keeping friends. They never liked me as I was not the cool type of person. I was a normal kid who just did her own thing. But eventually as I grew older, and I try to socialise as much as I can, even if it's making small talk to people I see at work everyday, it builds up and eventually they ask to hang out and stuff. Sometimes it starts small and takes time to get somewhere.

Well if you're having friends who only look down on you or abuse you, perhaps you're picking the wrong ones. Keep on looking, life is vast and wide and unpredictable. You never know what'll happen till you try and give it a shot. If you don't do anything about it, nothing will happen.

 

[PlasticSpork]

I relate to your post a lot; since I often think if making and maintaining friendships are really worth it. After all, most of the friends you make won't be your friends for life. For someone like me, making friends is difficult and socializing can seem like a chore. I have my fears of being abused and having conflicts rip me open emotionally and am afraid of becoming 'too attached' to someone only to have that person let them go. In the past, I have realized that I prefer being around people who are laid-back, less demanding, accepting, and wouldn't create problems or drag me into theirs. Most of all, I prefer people who are genuine about their like/interest in me. I would recommend this for you; based on your concepts of social relationships and friends being similar to mine. And yes, you're right. Having friends shouldn't be so **** hard. There is no point in having a friend like that. A true friend of yours wouldn't make it so hard to maintain their relationship. Took me quite a long time to realize this, but I've found it to be true.

 

[Stars]

I haven't read all the other posts here, but anyway...

I have mostly acquaintances and it's not too bad...sometimes, it's nice to have company and we'll set up a meeting somewhere fun.
As for someone close that I can rely on; I don't quite have, but this set-up that I have is not too bad.

I find that as people age; it seems that everyone is up in their own world with relationships, family, children, careers etc...to really bother putting their foot down and take the time to truly invest themselves in someone else.

If friendships are too grueling - and anyway, many people will regard it as being disposable - care for yourself first and foremost, and if by chance you stumble across a decent, genuine friend - you will know when that time comes.

Sometimes good things happen when you least suspect it.
Best not to set up a bar and expect anything from anyone these days...

 

[flaneur]

Dealing with abuse and trouble from your friends does not mean friendships are troublesome -- it means you need better friends. Indeed, the types of friends who aren't afflicted with all sorts of personal issues that translate into endless drama, petty jealousies, mind games and so on are hard to come by, but they are not impossible to find (volunteering comes to mind).

 

[kingsfade]

@PlasticSpork You pretty much echo my sentiments. For me socializing is hard, i'm not sure how other people just go about and start talking to people and next thing you know they are really good friends and making plans and whatnot, it's just something that I can't do. There's nothing wrong with me, i'm not awkward, or have some kind of terrible deformity, i'm a nice guy and I just can't really connect with other people. There's just few people that I can really open up to and are laid back and don't drag me into their problems or make me feel less of myself. Like you I fear the feeling of becoming attached to a person, a friend and right now i'm dealing with this current issue with my best friend.

@flaneur Drama-less friends...I wish I could find some people like that but unfortunately i'm not so lucky my friends are full of issues with them ranging to lots of different scenarios. For example i'm always telling my best friend that he carries more than enough bagage for the both of us and then some. I spend so much time having to watch out for this guy and his issues, at time I feel more like his exterior conscience or some kind of nagging mom/personal assistant, he appreciates him doing what I do but fresia it drives me insane and when he doesn't seem to return the favor when I've got my honeysuckle going on its kinda like what gives man show a bit of support. That's what I mean when having friends shouldn't be so **** hard or at least that they are troublesome.

I don't make friends very easily and right now at this stage in life i'm just looking at the few friends that I have and I realize that for the most part every one of these people are expendable, the ones that I considered to be true friends do not seem to be as sincere as I had believed.

 

[PlasticSpork]

@PlasticSpork You pretty much echo my sentiments. For me socializing is hard, i'm not sure how other people just go about and start talking to people and next thing you know they are really good friends and making plans and whatnot, it's just something that I can't do. There's nothing wrong with me, i'm not awkward, or have some kind of terrible deformity, i'm a nice guy and I just can't really connect with other people. There's just few people that I can really open up to and are laid back and don't drag me into their problems or make me feel less of myself. Like you I fear the feeling of becoming attached to a person, a friend and right now i'm dealing with this current issue with my best friend.

I don't understand how people can do that either. I've observed and watched others socialize, but I just can't replicate the behavior of those who somehow manage to easily find a new friend like finding a grain of sand in a beach. I know I don't exactly poop rainbows and sunshine like some of these people that easily find good friends do, but like you, am pretty much normal. What I've realized is that my shyness is a roadblock for me in finding friends and I'm getting the impression that you may be shy too. I'm thinking that its harder to find others to connect to because the types of people that are like us (similar personality, similar interests, etc.) are few in number and people are usually drawn to others who are similar to themselves.

 

[Ashariel]

All of my friendships have been overwhelmingly one-sided too. I don't get a lot out of them, and basically end up feeling used and then tossed aside. I'm okay with just not having friends... Who needs that?! 0.0

 

[Sci-Fi]

I sometimes feel that way now myself. I still somewhat keep in contact with friends from high school and that keeps me happy. But making irl friends seems too much work and I've already put up with enough drama growing up that I don't need anymore. Not now, not when there's enough stress and pressure going on as it is. So I totally get where you are coming from.

 

[whisper543]

I can totally relate 2 all u good ppl here!!

I had known my bestfriend for around 7 years and i thought nothing would affect our friendship, but along comes a boyfriend and then is was........

SEEE YAAA!!!!

I'm not bitter about it cos it happenz 2 a lot of ppl, but it's jst a shame that ppl can be alittle selfish at times xxx

 

[ladyforsaken]

I can totally relate 2 all u good ppl here!!

I had known my bestfriend for around 7 years and i thought nothing would affect our friendship, but along comes a boyfriend and then is was........

SEEE YAAA!!!!

I'm not bitter about it cos it happenz 2 a lot of ppl, but it's jst a shame that ppl can be alittle selfish at times xxx

That's when you realize she's not really a true friend. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I can totally relate 2 all u good ppl here!!

I had known my bestfriend for around 7 years and i thought nothing would affect our friendship, but along comes a boyfriend and then is was........

SEEE YAAA!!!!

I'm not bitter about it cos it happenz 2 a lot of ppl, but it's jst a shame that ppl can be alittle selfish at times xxx

That's when you realize she's not really a true friend. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I was at some point friendless but at peace, now I can't even stand to be alone because I feel the loneliness a lot more than before.

Well do you think it's possible to get that sense of peace back with a bit of work? Maybe you just need to get used to that state of being again?

---

I can totally relate 2 all u good ppl here!!

I had known my bestfriend for around 7 years and i thought nothing would affect our friendship, but along comes a boyfriend and then is was........

See yah!

I'm not bitter about it cos it happenz 2 a lot of ppl, but it's jst a shame that ppl can be alittle selfish at times xxx

That's when you realize she's not really a true friend. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

(sorry i had to edit your font a bit, it was distracting)

I've had this happen to me before and I came to the conclusion they were never really my friend.

honeysuckle ******* happens I guess.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I've had this happen to me before and I came to the conclusion they were never really my friend.

honeysuckle ******* happens I guess.

I'm sorry it happened to you too.

Sucks when it takes a long time for you to realize this really. Makes you feel so cheated. It's why they always say, never trust anyone, not even your best friends. Always have that bit of doubt somewhere. Prevents you from getting too hurt if something shitty happens.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Yep, that's why I don't trust anyone. It's one of the first things I tell people when they start to get too chummy. It's nothing against them.

 

[ladyforsaken]

That's very wise of you, Sci-Fi. Have to protect ourselves first.

 

[Keep On Keeping On]

Hi Kingsfade, I used to wonder if I would be better off alone than being with others - even though I often couldn't really relate to other people.

And then I felt odd at not having any friends because I truly believed that having lots of them would somehow give me a badge of being "ok"

I eventually learned that we can't really manage a large number of friends anyway. Not real friends!

Having a good friend means that i have someone who I am comfortable with, someone I can talk to and who will listen to me. Who i will help when needed - and who will help me too, whenever I need help.

And so I realise now that the people I used to think were my friends were really no more than people who I happened to know.

And now, I think that having a friend (or two, or even three) is well worth while. And I understand that I need to put effort into the relationship by listening to my friend and being there for him or her.

So, if you aren't getting on with the people you know, maybe the truth is that they aren't true friends. But keep your eyes open because when you open yourself up to being receptive of friendship, then you are bound to find your friend(s).

Good luck with it.

In my opinion having a good friend is well worth the effort!

 

[Ashariel]

I'm giving some serious thought lately to letting down my walls, and allowing casual friends the chance to become trusted lifelong friends. I've had so many experiences in the past that I've learned to simply not trust anyone, in order to protect myself... But now I'm thinking it's time to let people in again, even if I might end up getting hurt :/

 

[Barbaloot]

I don't think most people are worth it.

But then I'm not good at the whole having friends thing. I'm too guarded to open up to most people and I'm too intolerant to deal with them acting like they're insane and subjecting me to unnecessary drama. Or what ever other nonsense they want to subject me to.
I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I'll never have a really good, close friend. Every 'friend' so far who has passed through my life has been highly disappointing and very temporary so now I don't even want to bother.