Frustrating Friendship

[HellsLittleAngel]

@okidoke Let me ask you something else. Is he good to you? Does he listen to you? Is he there for you no matter what? Or, is it always the opposite?

 

[okidoke]

... Is he good to you?

I'm not sure I know how to read that. Good to me? I mean, he's not abusive. As I've said, he doesn't mock, ridicule and degrade me. If he's done something I don't like, I've told him, and for the most part he's remembered not to repeat the behaviour.

Does he listen to you?

He'll listen, but I often get the impression that he either doesn't know what to say back or maybe doesn't want to hear it. I can't recall him ever giving any advice of a practical nature, just sort of "don't let it worry you" comments. He's not good with that sort of deep personal conversation, with anyone. He was a cop too for nearly 40 years, and so I know the "pissing in a pocket" sort of comments when I hear them.

Is he there for you no matter what?

If he's available and I need him he would be, but too often in the past he just hasn't been available. But then, nobody else was either.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

I'm not sure I know how to read that. Good to me? I mean, he's not abusive. As I've said, he doesn't mock, ridicule and degrade me. If he's done something I don't like, I've told him, and for the most part he's remembered not to repeat the behaviour.


He'll listen, but I often get the impression that he either doesn't know what to say back or maybe doesn't want to hear it. I can't recall him ever giving any advice of a practical nature, just sort of "don't let it worry you" comments. He's not good with that sort of deep personal conversation, with anyone. He was a cop too for nearly 40 years, and so I know the "pissing in a pocket" sort of comments when I hear them.


If he's available and I need him he would be, but too often in the past he just hasn't been available. But then, nobody else was either.

Okay, I understand. He's not really that bad of a friend from how you explain it here, but may not know how to deal with certain things on either an emotional level or similar. I have a friend who is like this, but has never been dismissive or rude to me.

 

[okidoke]

I did spend a bit of time drafting a message to him since your original question, but after outlining my struggles with loneliness and how his company is important and a bunch of other things, I felt it just ended up being a guilt trip and I don't want him spending time with me out of guilt. I want it to be sincere. It's like what's been said on this forum plenty of times before; you can't make people be how you want them to be. You either tolerate it, make compromises, or just call it quits. Maybe one day I might have to make a decision.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

I did spend a bit of time drafting a message to him since your original question, but after outlining my struggles with loneliness and how his company is important and a bunch of other things, I felt it just ended up being a guilt trip and I don't want him spending time with me out of guilt. I want it to be sincere. It's like what's been said on this forum plenty of times before; you can't make people be how you want them to be. You either tolerate it, make compromises, or just call it quits. Maybe one day I might have to make a decision.

I just hope whatever decision you choose, is the best in your favor.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

Okay, after reading the backstory on this, because I didn't see it originally, this sounds like an all-the-way-around toxic friendship. But, that's your decision if you continue to stay.

 

[okidoke]

Yep. Just like the living arrangements I’m enduring. It’s my choice, which I feel is justified for the time being.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

Yep. Just like the living arrangements I’m enduring. It’s my choice, which I feel is justified for the time being.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

@okidoke It's true, but, that's your choice in friendships.

 

[okidoke]

@okidoke It's true, but, that's your choice in friendships.

Was Yvette Aloe a sufferer of loneliness? Depression? Anxiety? Was she ever without friends? I haven't seen anything about her pre life coaching days. I don't have a choice in friendships; I either have this one or none. As I've said before about it, I still get something from it, enjoyment, laughs, etc, but it's just not to my wanted level of reciprocation. And yes, I'm well aware that it's my choice, you don't have to keep telling me. I'm not just going to cut ties with my friend or walk out of my household because you share some quotes with me.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

Was Yvette Aloe a sufferer of loneliness? Depression? Anxiety? Was she ever without friends? I haven't seen anything about her pre life coaching days. I don't have a choice in friendships; I either have this one or none. As I've said before about it, I still get something from it, enjoyment, laughs, etc, but it's just not to my wanted level of reciprocation. And yes, I'm well aware that it's my choice, you don't have to keep telling me. I'm not just going to cut ties with my friend or walk out of my household because you share some quotes with me.

That's on you.

 

[okidoke]

That's on you.

YEAH I KNOW.