gf upset I make to little
- Thread starter Vallis
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T
Trent
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she's lucky i'm not her boyfriend.
once somebody pulled that **** on me, i would systematically destroy her soul.
once somebody pulled that **** on me, i would systematically destroy her soul.
L
Lost Soul
Guest
Trent said:
I can't stand people who take things for granted like that. She should be happy to have you. Maybe me and he can trade lives for a day and she'll she how lucky she is.
T
Trent
Guest
Lost Soul said:
she'll never know how lucky she is.
she's a product of her environment.
me thinks our OP believes in true love.
the problem is love means different things to different people.
love is an anomaly.
a placeholder to fill those uncomfortable gaps in our human experience...death...aloneness...fear.
love is security (emotional and physical) to a woman.
love is a fidelity to a man (in words and deeds).
it's far too difficult.
seek spiritual enlightenment and personal growth.
have a path in life.
never make another person your path.
1)Wtf do you need a 2 bedroom apartment for if you are a couple?????????????????????????????????
2) How old are you two? This is really important, because there is a big differnece if you two are in your 20's, or 30's or teens...etc
3) You really seem to have a codependency problem. Not eating a whole day because you two haven't contacted each other for 1 day is a problem, a very serious one.
4) Maybe the person you fell in love with is no longer that same person.
You really haven't given enough information for any of us to make a clear assessment.
2) How old are you two? This is really important, because there is a big differnece if you two are in your 20's, or 30's or teens...etc
3) You really seem to have a codependency problem. Not eating a whole day because you two haven't contacted each other for 1 day is a problem, a very serious one.
4) Maybe the person you fell in love with is no longer that same person.
You really haven't given enough information for any of us to make a clear assessment.
Trent said:
She feels very secure with me, she's told me many, many times. She says she needs to feel secure.
passage said:
1) She says its because we may have a baby soon. and her mom might come over sometimes. I think we should worry about space for the baby later (and hence get a smaller, more affordable place first).
2) we're in our late 20's, both of us
3) I didn't eat because I am sad and upset today. Last night I got skewered over the phone by the person I love most, for not making enough money, and not being able to 'afford' her.
4)She was overjoyed and very sweet 3 days ago. The suddenly change of mood scares me.
how should I talk to her in person?
I don't feel like counting out how lucky she is, it makes me seem petty and needy ... but I do want her to know I have done, and am doing everything I can. I don't want her to give up on our relationship, these financial kinks seem like small problem that we can compromise on and solve.
Ok, that information is helpful. First of all, if you can't even afford a 2 bedroom apartment how do you expect to support a child and a 2 bedroom apartment (or how does your gf expect that)? Don't you want the best for your child(ren)? Therefore you have a few options IMO, some that take more time and effort than others
1) Go back to school in order to complete a degree in a field where you get paid more (and she should do the same thing since she has no right to complain about you making little money if she makes less)
2) Budget better and cut out needless crap like cigarettes, $50 dinners, eating out, Xbox 360 live time wasting crap...etc
3) Status quo, while saving money for an apartment, however you'd probably have to combine this with option #2.
4) Look really hard inside yourself and decide whether this relationship is working for you, and whether you can continue it given that your gf comes off as a bit of a spoiled brat IMO, and I'm sure there are probably a plethora of other problems as well.
Look at these options and come up with your own as well, weigh the feasibility of each, the pros and cons, the time and effort..etc
As an aside, school does pay off, I learnt this crap from business consultations, and I tend to apply it quite often (although most people do anyway subconsciously, but not as thoroughly)
Having said this all, this is just my opinion. I'm not a psychologist or family financial consultant.
1) Go back to school in order to complete a degree in a field where you get paid more (and she should do the same thing since she has no right to complain about you making little money if she makes less)
2) Budget better and cut out needless crap like cigarettes, $50 dinners, eating out, Xbox 360 live time wasting crap...etc
3) Status quo, while saving money for an apartment, however you'd probably have to combine this with option #2.
4) Look really hard inside yourself and decide whether this relationship is working for you, and whether you can continue it given that your gf comes off as a bit of a spoiled brat IMO, and I'm sure there are probably a plethora of other problems as well.
Look at these options and come up with your own as well, weigh the feasibility of each, the pros and cons, the time and effort..etc
As an aside, school does pay off, I learnt this crap from business consultations, and I tend to apply it quite often (although most people do anyway subconsciously, but not as thoroughly)
Having said this all, this is just my opinion. I'm not a psychologist or family financial consultant.
Lonesome Crow
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The second room is for the baby.
She might be pregnant...you never know. A pregnant woman has craaaaazy mood swings.
She's family centered..she wants a family of her own.
In her late 20's...phycologically she feels her clock is ticking.
Her boby also tells her this.
So you cant tell her ...she cant have a baby just yet or you dont want
one or cant afford one.
Obvioiusly she cant work while she's pregnant and while trying
to raise and bond with her baby.
Yes...in this current day and age...women are expected to work
during pregnantcy and return back to work within weeks after giving birth.
Child needs speacial bonding especailly in early childhood...The begining
of blueprints that will effect the rest of thier lives.
Then we wonder why ....we're all ****** up and dysfunctional.
Society at large today, dosnt allow that bonding between mother and child...
as more and more women are part of the work force and became more career centered.
Co dependency...where and how do you think that happens?
That neediness for love and clingieness,,that a person nevered fulley recieved or gotten
from early childhood.....
Logically she is looking at it from a bussiness piont of view and being realistic.
Medical expense and the cost of having children aint cheap.
If you dont have good medical coverage at the very least...you'll be headed
for the poor house quick. If you cant even afford a second room which
is only $100 -$200 more per month.
You'll probalby have a hell of a time buying diapers, baby food, clothing..ect never mind
toys. Baby aint cheap...Guys that's never had children have no mother fucken clue.
Couples fight over finances all the time.
Couples fight all the time.
marriage isnt all fun and games.
You cant afford a serious relationship, to get married...ect at the moment
from a finacial point of view.
And of course it's just as expensive banging younger chicks that just
wanna **** and dont want babies at the moment of thier lives.
Yes,it's all sentimetal...A woman should love you for you and not your money.
Being a provider and head of household wasnt an easy task for me...
I had to look for better jobs....hustle for pay raises...ect so that I can
provide for my children and that's that....
Trust me. Those 5 women i was dating at the sametime...knew I had more than
enough money to provide for a family and then some, just becuase I didnt flont it.
Im able to date younger women half my age for many reasons...
One of them is that Im more finacially stable and can get better paying jobs
becuase of my work experinces...than guys in thier early 20's...and that's that.
Plus I know how to make the women gust like a fountain of youth.LOL
Half of the chicks i meet are co dependent as ****...just give them some love and effection
and they wanna hang on to me for dear life...as if Im thier fucken daddy they nevered had.
She might be pregnant...you never know. A pregnant woman has craaaaazy mood swings.
She's family centered..she wants a family of her own.
In her late 20's...phycologically she feels her clock is ticking.
Her boby also tells her this.
So you cant tell her ...she cant have a baby just yet or you dont want
one or cant afford one.
Obvioiusly she cant work while she's pregnant and while trying
to raise and bond with her baby.
Yes...in this current day and age...women are expected to work
during pregnantcy and return back to work within weeks after giving birth.
Child needs speacial bonding especailly in early childhood...The begining
of blueprints that will effect the rest of thier lives.
Then we wonder why ....we're all ****** up and dysfunctional.
Society at large today, dosnt allow that bonding between mother and child...
as more and more women are part of the work force and became more career centered.
Co dependency...where and how do you think that happens?
That neediness for love and clingieness,,that a person nevered fulley recieved or gotten
from early childhood.....
Logically she is looking at it from a bussiness piont of view and being realistic.
Medical expense and the cost of having children aint cheap.
If you dont have good medical coverage at the very least...you'll be headed
for the poor house quick. If you cant even afford a second room which
is only $100 -$200 more per month.
You'll probalby have a hell of a time buying diapers, baby food, clothing..ect never mind
toys. Baby aint cheap...Guys that's never had children have no mother fucken clue.
Couples fight over finances all the time.
Couples fight all the time.
marriage isnt all fun and games.
You cant afford a serious relationship, to get married...ect at the moment
from a finacial point of view.
And of course it's just as expensive banging younger chicks that just
wanna **** and dont want babies at the moment of thier lives.
Yes,it's all sentimetal...A woman should love you for you and not your money.
Being a provider and head of household wasnt an easy task for me...
I had to look for better jobs....hustle for pay raises...ect so that I can
provide for my children and that's that....
Trust me. Those 5 women i was dating at the sametime...knew I had more than
enough money to provide for a family and then some, just becuase I didnt flont it.
Im able to date younger women half my age for many reasons...
One of them is that Im more finacially stable and can get better paying jobs
becuase of my work experinces...than guys in thier early 20's...and that's that.
Plus I know how to make the women gust like a fountain of youth.LOL
Half of the chicks i meet are co dependent as ****...just give them some love and effection
and they wanna hang on to me for dear life...as if Im thier fucken daddy they nevered had.
I'm kinda surprised that money manners weren't discussed a long time ago. You would think if she was all about money (like I sorta suspicioned at first, she would have asked you the exact amount of paychecks a long time ago.)
If she is pregnant, well I can see why she would be disappointed about not getting a two bedroom as that's what you'd need. Otherwise, if she isn't pregnant yet, I do think if she wants to be with you and compromise and be realistic... get the 1 bedroom or she should get a job to help pay for a 2 bedroom. Getting a marriage license where I live is like 30 dollars. It is not expensive to get married unless you want to go all out with a huge wedding.
Perhaps some things just need to be put on hold if money is a problem and you cannot be blamed for this. Things don't just fall from the sky and jobs certainly do not...
If she is pregnant, well I can see why she would be disappointed about not getting a two bedroom as that's what you'd need. Otherwise, if she isn't pregnant yet, I do think if she wants to be with you and compromise and be realistic... get the 1 bedroom or she should get a job to help pay for a 2 bedroom. Getting a marriage license where I live is like 30 dollars. It is not expensive to get married unless you want to go all out with a huge wedding.
Perhaps some things just need to be put on hold if money is a problem and you cannot be blamed for this. Things don't just fall from the sky and jobs certainly do not...
S
Stars
Guest
With marriage, children etc...it's important to discuss financial matters.
Finances cause A LOT OF STRESS on relationships and everyone has different spending habits, priorities etc.
Exactly.
A lot of people may suggest (I'm not talking about anyone specific here, just in general) that one has kids when one has kids and goes with the flow. If anything, to me - that's just simply doing so because you were left with no other choice since you have the child now.
My aunt and uncle WORKED HARD to build up a fund before they had a child; and now, their child is flourishing and able to participate in countless activities like group swimming, sports, music etc...and he is only 6! He's had so much more opportunities than others because of my aunt and uncle's hard work! He's damn incredible in swimming, skating and is just incredibly confident and happy. Because my aunt and uncle saved up so much; they don't have to work as much and spend soooo much time with their child.
It'll be a cold day in hell before I become pregnant at the wrong time...this may be TMI, but uhh...I had some sexy times last night that didn't go as well - and I ASAPed on getting Plan B.
Even though the fella might have not minded me becoming pregnant; the opportunities that I would have for my child would be limited because sometimes; there's only so much you can do and I'm no way in hell able to give the best that I can give to my child without much struggling.
My family is very typical of what my aunt and uncle did...before I came into this world; my parent's built up an education fund etc. As she isn't pregnant now (I'm assuming); work hard for your future. I wouldn't knowingly bring in additional responsibility (a child) when I can't give the best that I can give.
Sometimes, you just have to delay the things that you want in life and go for it when you're in better circumstances.
However, I agree with all the points that passage shared.
Finances cause A LOT OF STRESS on relationships and everyone has different spending habits, priorities etc.
Exactly.
A lot of people may suggest (I'm not talking about anyone specific here, just in general) that one has kids when one has kids and goes with the flow. If anything, to me - that's just simply doing so because you were left with no other choice since you have the child now.
My aunt and uncle WORKED HARD to build up a fund before they had a child; and now, their child is flourishing and able to participate in countless activities like group swimming, sports, music etc...and he is only 6! He's had so much more opportunities than others because of my aunt and uncle's hard work! He's damn incredible in swimming, skating and is just incredibly confident and happy. Because my aunt and uncle saved up so much; they don't have to work as much and spend soooo much time with their child.
It'll be a cold day in hell before I become pregnant at the wrong time...this may be TMI, but uhh...I had some sexy times last night that didn't go as well - and I ASAPed on getting Plan B.
Even though the fella might have not minded me becoming pregnant; the opportunities that I would have for my child would be limited because sometimes; there's only so much you can do and I'm no way in hell able to give the best that I can give to my child without much struggling.
My family is very typical of what my aunt and uncle did...before I came into this world; my parent's built up an education fund etc. As she isn't pregnant now (I'm assuming); work hard for your future. I wouldn't knowingly bring in additional responsibility (a child) when I can't give the best that I can give.
Sometimes, you just have to delay the things that you want in life and go for it when you're in better circumstances.
However, I agree with all the points that passage shared.
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
I think everyone is over-reacting. She asked for a 2 bedroom apartment, not the taj mahal.
Geez.
Geez.
C
Callie
Guest
SophiaGrace said:
What she asks for isn't really the point, her reaction is
nerdygirl
Well-known member
Wow. Yea... I don't understand the reaction people are having. This chick is making sure she doesn't rush into something with somebody who cannot afford it. That doesn't make her a gold digger. It sounds like her dreams were getting ahead of her, and she has to rewind and take a look at reality. I think a few days of being more quiet and expressing how/ why she feels as she does is perfectly reasonable.
kamya
Well-known member
I just feel like a normal person would talk about it and decide what to do and how they plan to work together to reach their goals. Getting upset and withdrawing from the guy does nothing but make him feel guilty.
And we've already confirmed he makes more than she does. She's probably not a gold digger, but the way she reacted and her lack of communication is a bit of a concern imo. I hope things work out though.
And we've already confirmed he makes more than she does. She's probably not a gold digger, but the way she reacted and her lack of communication is a bit of a concern imo. I hope things work out though.
F
floffyschneeman
Guest
Vallis, from talking to you a bit on xat about your problem, what I can say is that I am sorry for what you are going through. But you can't expect people to just be all on your side cos there's always two sides of the story. Your GF clearly has her faults and she needs a dose of reality to wake her up from what she also needs to do to achieve hers and your dreams...together. But, you also should learn to man up and also share what you would want for your future, with her. Tell her your plans on achieving those so she could also do her part. To be honest, I can't help but think that you are both using each other for what you think you lack... Her in her delusions that you will provide to her every demand without her doing anything, her illusion for having a sense of security and also you for your emotional dependency of having her by your side. You have to establish a partnership with her as you are both adults and capable of working for the things you want in life. Don't enable her to be your parasite just cos of you need her to feel good about yourself. make her realize what she can do. Unless you want a 50's housewife-working man set up.
I hope I didn't sound too harsh. Best of luck
I hope I didn't sound too harsh. Best of luck
Lonesome Crow
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SophiaGrace said:
Well, building a mansion for her after she's dead is totaly rediculous.
What do they mean...... better late than never????LMAO
The second room is to store all her fucken gold she's been diggin.
Hey, girls are emotional. Maybe she was full of dreams and hopes, and living in a cheap one-bedroom apartment is unbearably depressing for her, especially since she is comfortable in her parents' house, which is also her childhood home. Personally, I wouldn't move to a smaller place either, unless I had some problems with the parents.
Maybe she didn't choose the right words to say this, but the point is that both people should be better off in a relationship than alone. If only one person benefits from a relationship, it WILL fail. Men are still expected to be the main bread-winners, especially since the gender wage gap is real and huge. For example, in Canada, women earn only 70% of men's earnings in the same occupations. However, you don't necessarily have to provide for her financially if you can make her life better in other ways. Are you a good mentor? A dedicated friend to provide emotional support and do activities with? A good cook? There must be something you can do for her, and there also must be something she can do for you.
This could also be a sign that she is not in love with you, but in reality intense love doesn't last long anyway - successful couples quickly evolve to being "in love" to developing a partnership that's more similar to being extra-committed best friends for life. If you've been dating for over two years, you have probably moved past that phase anyway. Watch for more signs, and talk to her a lot to find out what's really going on!
Vallis said:
Maybe she didn't choose the right words to say this, but the point is that both people should be better off in a relationship than alone. If only one person benefits from a relationship, it WILL fail. Men are still expected to be the main bread-winners, especially since the gender wage gap is real and huge. For example, in Canada, women earn only 70% of men's earnings in the same occupations. However, you don't necessarily have to provide for her financially if you can make her life better in other ways. Are you a good mentor? A dedicated friend to provide emotional support and do activities with? A good cook? There must be something you can do for her, and there also must be something she can do for you.
This could also be a sign that she is not in love with you, but in reality intense love doesn't last long anyway - successful couples quickly evolve to being "in love" to developing a partnership that's more similar to being extra-committed best friends for life. If you've been dating for over two years, you have probably moved past that phase anyway. Watch for more signs, and talk to her a lot to find out what's really going on!
Lonesome Crow
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Stranger said:
actaullly ...there's many ways you can look at it.
When couple fight...it's actually bonding. Because it gets all intense
like that too...depending on the couple.
You both can look back at it and say. Holy ****...man, that was
a narly ass twist...wheather you need space,i need space or
whatever the hell. I still love you always....through the fire and the flames.
I hate my fucken freinds sometime. Dont you???
i think people that expect relationships or life in general to be calm with
pot holes here and there....without a rainy day or even a narly ass light storm are delusional living in fantacy land.
Sucessful couples...will when you get fucken old...you move a little slower, get lazy, you forget ****, **** the fighting,
If you can have sex without a heart attack..that would be a good thing
but here gose...
when a man loves a woman.....He's gonna love her no matter what. Couples face many, many challenges.
He's not going stop loving her just becuase some people on a forum thinks she's stupid bitch...especially
people that dosnt know anything about her. If he stopped loving her for whatever reasons. He nevered loved
her to begin with. It flies both ways like that too....
Behind every great man...there's a an amazing woman.
Some women draws the best out of him. She'll push him beyound his limits..sometimes do amazing things
that he never thought he could do. Sometimes she'll push him to believe in himself...becuase she believes him
and see things in him that he never saw for himself.
When she gets honest and direct. She speaks her mind and heart. She kept it really really simple.
She wasnt beating around the bush, dancing around it or playing games with him.
She's not his mommy. No sugar coating....If you cant respect her for that, then you'll never respect her.
And she's not a bitch bitch or comtroll freak...Giving him fucken space to figure the **** out.
Make his decisions...Do something about it or not. Dose he truely loves her or not.
S
SophiaGrace
Guest
Stranger said:
+1
Lonesome Crow
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i dont think so....
One time I was unemployed. My exGF and I lived in a 2 bdrm apt.
She didnt want to live there anymore. Even though we were both attending school.
The aptment complex wasnt a healthy place to raise our children.
We were only suppost to live there for only 6 months.
She worked too...but me collecting unemployment wasnt going to get us out of there.
She didnt give a ****....She locked my ass out of the apt from 8-5 everyday.
She didnt give a **** wheather I sat at the park bench or picked my ass....
Do whatever the **** i had to do to generate more income so that we can move.
She still had sex with me everyday and stuff like that. But locked my ass out of
the house from 8-5...lmao Look for fucken work dude...a good fucken job too.
And hell yes...another chick I knew only live down the street from us.
We got into that **** too....that's why my gf still had sex with me.
She's not stupid.
Never the less. She was striaght up and blunt with me pretaining
to our finacial matters and living conditions....becuase i was
just going to sit on my ass for another 6 months on unemployment
playing vedio games getting all comfortiable and ****....
6 months later we lived in a 3 bedroom house out in the country.
It was great for our girls. We had pets and really friendly nighbours.
Our girls had friends they could play with..ect
We moved into the house that summer.I barely turned 24.
It was good for me too. i hated living in that 2bdrm apt. Loud nighbours
blasting music...ect
Ww had 2 sport cars and a truck too. My Gf bought me a Ninja and a quad.
I love riding my Ninja after work. I loved playing with our girls in their 3 story play house.
I love coming home to a house. I love sitting on the swing set with my girls and watching the sunset out in the country.
I love taking Kelsie to Gymnastic becuase we could afford to do so.
I love buying my girls any toys they wanted.
I love buying my girls new clothe so they dont have to wear worn out clothing.
I love having sex with my gf on our own washing machine.
I love inviting our friends over for a BBQ or to watch a football game on our big screen TV.
i love my refrigg being filled with food...not just any food to get us by..but food we enjoy.
I love taking my family out to dinner a couple of times per week so that my gf didnt have to cook.
I love taking family vacations cuz we can affrod to travel and visit many many nice places.
The many, many rewards and benifits.
My GF had to push me to get me off of my ass to do something about our lives and that was that.
She also used to bring me home a couple packages of colltor's cards from her tip money.
Simple things she would do for me.
She knew most of my income was going towards providing for our household. Thats why
she save up money to purchase me the Ninja. She also purchased my truck for me.
Gold digger???...I dont think so. She ****** me like a rock star every night....
Thats becuase we lived in a big ass house and the girls bedroom was on the other side of the house.
mmmm..in the 2 bdrm apt...we were like...shhhhhhhh honey the children might hear. lmao
One time I was unemployed. My exGF and I lived in a 2 bdrm apt.
She didnt want to live there anymore. Even though we were both attending school.
The aptment complex wasnt a healthy place to raise our children.
We were only suppost to live there for only 6 months.
She worked too...but me collecting unemployment wasnt going to get us out of there.
She didnt give a ****....She locked my ass out of the apt from 8-5 everyday.
She didnt give a **** wheather I sat at the park bench or picked my ass....
Do whatever the **** i had to do to generate more income so that we can move.
She still had sex with me everyday and stuff like that. But locked my ass out of
the house from 8-5...lmao Look for fucken work dude...a good fucken job too.
And hell yes...another chick I knew only live down the street from us.
We got into that **** too....that's why my gf still had sex with me.
She's not stupid.
Never the less. She was striaght up and blunt with me pretaining
to our finacial matters and living conditions....becuase i was
just going to sit on my ass for another 6 months on unemployment
playing vedio games getting all comfortiable and ****....
6 months later we lived in a 3 bedroom house out in the country.
It was great for our girls. We had pets and really friendly nighbours.
Our girls had friends they could play with..ect
We moved into the house that summer.I barely turned 24.
It was good for me too. i hated living in that 2bdrm apt. Loud nighbours
blasting music...ect
Ww had 2 sport cars and a truck too. My Gf bought me a Ninja and a quad.
I love riding my Ninja after work. I loved playing with our girls in their 3 story play house.
I love coming home to a house. I love sitting on the swing set with my girls and watching the sunset out in the country.
I love taking Kelsie to Gymnastic becuase we could afford to do so.
I love buying my girls any toys they wanted.
I love buying my girls new clothe so they dont have to wear worn out clothing.
I love having sex with my gf on our own washing machine.
I love inviting our friends over for a BBQ or to watch a football game on our big screen TV.
i love my refrigg being filled with food...not just any food to get us by..but food we enjoy.
I love taking my family out to dinner a couple of times per week so that my gf didnt have to cook.
I love taking family vacations cuz we can affrod to travel and visit many many nice places.
The many, many rewards and benifits.
My GF had to push me to get me off of my ass to do something about our lives and that was that.
She also used to bring me home a couple packages of colltor's cards from her tip money.
Simple things she would do for me.
She knew most of my income was going towards providing for our household. Thats why
she save up money to purchase me the Ninja. She also purchased my truck for me.
Gold digger???...I dont think so. She ****** me like a rock star every night....
Thats becuase we lived in a big ass house and the girls bedroom was on the other side of the house.
mmmm..in the 2 bdrm apt...we were like...shhhhhhhh honey the children might hear. lmao
