Gifted? More like cursed.

[IgnoredOne]

He is not that bad really, just know how to make it hurt when he gets mad.

Well, the fact that he is getting mad at all for no sensible reason isn't a good thing. Ultimately, he's adding tons of stress to you when you already have a lot to deal with and that's not very fair to you.

 

[Lonely Anon]

My mother is the one who stresses me... leaving like that for no apparent reason.

 

[IgnoredOne]

My mother is the one who stresses me... leaving like that for no apparent reason.

I think she's leaving because she doesn't want to deal with his anger. That seems like a reason to me, no? It doesn't help your situation very much, I know.

 

[Lonely Anon]

She is an adult. She should think about the effect it has on me. right?

 

[IgnoredOne]

She is an adult. She should think about the effect it has on me. right?

Sure, she should. But you know, people don't always behave rationally. You might be more adult than the adults in your life, unfortunately; sometimes you just have to forgive them for behaving like children. It does suck to be in your position, because you're kinda in the vortex of insanity and trying to stay sane.

 

[Lonely Anon]

you're kinda in the vortex of insanity and trying to stay sane.

QTF

Still don't know what I should do though.

 

[IgnoredOne]

QTF

Still don't know what I should do though.

The best option is to get away, but I don't know how you can do so safely. I mentioned libraries and so on because they're good places to find shelter from people and be allowed to do your own thing.

If you have to stay inside, you should at least have a recourse of some sort - someone on the phone to call, maybe, if you need sympathy and support? And a mental place to realize that you're sane, but your world is insane; and then yes, try to find a way to again, get out.

Could you talk to one of your therapists and see what he suggests? I know you feel responsible for your dad...I would too...and I often still do. But in the end, you can best help him only after you're fully able to stand on your own ground. This madness isn't helping.

 

[Lonely Anon]

The best option is to get away, but I don't know how you can do so safely. I mentioned libraries and so on because they're good places to find shelter from people and be allowed to do your own thing.

That would be my computer. Here I am in my own little bubble relaxing, untill someone tries to pop it...

If you have to stay inside, you should at least have a recourse of some sort - someone on the phone to call, maybe, if you need sympathy and support? And a mental place to realize that you're sane, but your world is insane; and then yes, try to find a way to again, get out.

That would be you guys here and ALL.

Could you talk to one of your therapists and see what he suggests? I know you feel responsible for your dad...I would too...and I often still do. But in the end, you can best help him only after you're fully able to stand on your own ground. This madness isn't helping.

I could try.


At the moment I have one therapist and one teacher. I go to the therapist twice a week and the teacher comes home to me twice a week (monday-thursday), both are stressing the hell out of me. I really like my therapist, he is helpfull, smart (in opposit to everyone else in the system) and I usually leave with a smile after an interesting conversation. I dislike my teacher though, he quickly understood that just the word "school" stresses me. All he does now is playing video games and taking me out to eat, which is fine in itself, but I feel like I am stressed unnecessarily as he does not help with my problems.


Getting stressed so badly 4/7 days a week is wearing me out, thus I don't have the energy to help in the house, thus my mother gets even more tired.


And I can't do anything about it either, I am supposedly able to sue the school if they don't send someone to 'help' me... Hurray for a system that dosen't work (as it should)!

 

[Lonely Anon]

Another sleepless night...

 

[blackdot]

Reading the initial post, I can understand how you feel.
As a kid starting out in school, I kept passing tests to go to the academically gifted school but since I was both hyperactive and was bored in class, the teachers refused to allow me to go. (This was later changed to keep teachers from holding kids back but that didn't help me then.) Since I was hyper, i was not allowed to be around other kids. In kindergarten, I was not allowed to have recess since I couldn't sit still in class. Then after recess we had nap time and I was made to sit away from everyone because I wasn't tired. Who would have known that not allowing a kid to run around during recess would keep a kid from getting tired. After nap time I was made to stand in the corner as punishment because I couldn't sit still at the desk I was stuck at while the kids were sleeping. 1st grade was just as bad.

Then my mom put me in a private school hoping to solve the problem. But private school gives a worse education so my mom had to bring me back to public school in 7th grade. Right in the middle of Middle School. Unfortunately the school bully lived 2 houses up the street from me. He was 1 year older. He hated everything about me. So he turned the school against me. Even teachers would call me names or lock me in a closet. I was shot once (luckily it was a BB gun but as a kid, a gun is a gun and it scares the Hell out of you when you get shot and don't know what just happened). The kids would also try to set my clothes on fire on the school bus.

I never felt like I belonged until late in high school and in college because kids had finally matured enough. But the damage was already done.

My mom suffers from depression so she always worried and wanted to help me but was always afraid to get involved in my life as she knew it would depress her more. I did my best to hide as much from my parents so they wouldn't have to worry about things.

I have no idea what my IQ is. I was always a math/science kid who couldn't do the other subjects well (since I wasn't interested in them). I know I was smart as a kid but I think my brain doesn't work so well these days. *laughs*


So I understand how you feel, Lonely Anon. It sucks to be different.

 

[Lonely Anon]

Ugh... My life just keep getting worse. I just keep getting more and more depressed. I am typing this at 4am so my insomnia is still my best friend. My hate, which I have had toward society and people in general for a few years, is also, sadly, still growing. I often have to fight the urge to punch someone, or otherwise make them suffer. Blowing up bombs and such things are also thought I enjoy playing around with when I am at depression spikes. Suicidal thoughts are also appearing rather commonly.

But don't worry; all of the above are just thoughts I like to play with in my head, and thank god for that. There is this weird feeling inside me when half of me enjoy such thoughts while the other half thinks I am a monster.

This is stuff I have never shared with anyone before. Mostly because I am scared of peoples reactions. I am also slighty afraid of it myself.

I wish I had someone to talk to. Too bad I hate psycho-whatever from bad experience.

I am wondering if I will ever see a light in the end of this tunnel of darkness.