Got addicted to escorts to ward off my loneliness

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OMG! Ive been having exact the same problem lately!

Im 33 and in my teenage years seeing no girls liked me and some were down right mean to, i decided to live a celibate life. However i knew I was just basically not getting any even if i wanted too. So deciding to be celibate was a bit of a mental cover for not loosing faith in myself.

But untill year ago i was sick of everything in my life for having no friends and getting no love from anyone. So i went for the booze, got drunk and ordered an escort...

I felt like **** for betraying my teenage vow as it was the few source of pride i had. Many ppl found it admirable i was still virgin to my 30's and now even that has lost.
I have been calling several escorts ever since but the last one, couple days ago i fell in love with one. And a sudden implosion of silenced emotions buried beneath my scarred heart happend!

I had been longing for a girlfriend for so long and i felt she could be the one. I wanted to call her again to pour my feelings i had fo her, so firstly I bought flowers and wine and wanted no sex, as i wanted commitment and love, not sex.
So then I called the agency but they had fired her and she moved to another country, i was heartbroken and felt like my apocalypse as the bitter taste of a dying dream. But it did shine a light on my illusions.
That will probably been my only change for a shot at love and now its me returning to the ashes of my miserable lonely life.

But im making a new vow from new year never having sex or masturbation again, so a "born again virgin" so to speak!
At least unless i by some miracle and wonder of nature and gift from the gods they send me a pretty women who falls madly in love with me for some reason! But thats really impossible.

So ill die alone, leaving no legacy behind this world of injustice and pain and love! The world dont need more freaks like me anyway.
 
Hawx79 said:
...unless i by some miracle and wonder of nature and gift from the gods they send me a pretty women who falls madly in love with me for some reason! But thats really impossible.

So if the gods sent a plain woman or an ugly woman? What then?
 
Hawx79 said:
OMG! Ive been having exact the same problem lately!

Im 33 and in my teenage years seeing no girls liked me and some were down right mean to, i decided to live a celibate life. However i knew I was just basically not getting any even if i wanted too. So deciding to be celibate was a bit of a mental cover for not loosing faith in myself.

But untill year ago i was sick of everything in my life for having no friends and getting no love from anyone. So i went for the booze, got drunk and ordered an escort...

I felt like **** for betraying my teenage vow as it was the few source of pride i had. Many ppl found it admirable i was still virgin to my 30's and now even that has lost.
I have been calling several escorts ever since but the last one, couple days ago i fell in love with one. And a sudden implosion of silenced emotions buried beneath my scarred heart happend!

I had been longing for a girlfriend for so long and i felt she could be the one. I wanted to call her again to pour my feelings i had fo her, so firstly I bought flowers and wine and wanted no sex, as i wanted commitment and love, not sex.
So then I called the agency but they had fired her and she moved to another country, i was heartbroken and felt like my apocalypse as the bitter taste of a dying dream. But it did shine a light on my illusions.
That will probably been my only change for a shot at love and now its me returning to the ashes of my miserable lonely life.
But im making a new vow from new year never having sex or masturbation again, so a "born again virgin" so to speak!
At least unless i by some miracle and wonder of nature and gift from the gods they send me a pretty women who falls madly in love with me for some reason! But thats really impossible.

So ill die alone, leaving no legacy behind this world of injustice and pain and love! The world dont need more freaks like me anyway.

Well, first off, for someone who claims to have had little success with women, you sure are expecting a whole lot to be just handed to you...

Which brings me to my question, and this is completely sincere: what have you done in your life to make yourself more desirable to women?
 
I have done alot to improve myself over the last years. Ive been working out 6 days a week, being a good person form within, loving myself and enjoying life by myself. I Almost have a 6 pack, though no girl can see it anyway when im out! Dont smoke or drink.
I still eat healthy. Ive read many articles about getting women.
I have my own house, car and a pet.
Man...Im just really to do anything! It makes me so tired of all this ********!

Why cant life be as easy as in the ice age where all you had to do was club a women on her head for taking her!!!
 
^ Joke or not, your mentality is scary. Women owe you nothing and you deserve no one just because you think you're doing well for yourself, or that you have something to offer them.
 
Hawx79 said:
Why cant life be as easy as in the ice age where all you had to do was club a women on her head for taking her!!!

I sense sarcasm here for some reason.
 
Barbaloot said:
^ Joke or not, your mentality is scary. Women owe you nothing and you deserve no one just because you think you're doing well for yourself, or that you have something to offer them.

I deserve no one? Yes your right, im a monster and no woman with a right mind would choose me.
I hope you all will find happiness and love, cause you do all deserve one.
Except me ofcourse, i deserve to be alone cause im a horrible man!
Goodbye to everyone on this forum.
 
Hawx79 said:
Ive read many articles about getting women.

I've read many articles about physical wellness. But, for some reason when I tried to obtain a medical license, they laughed at me and had the security guard escort me out of the building. :p
 
Hawx79 said:
I have done alot to improve myself over the last years. Ive been working out 6 days a week, being a good person form within, loving myself and enjoying life by myself. I Almost have a 6 pack, though no girl can see it anyway when im out! Dont smoke or drink.
I still eat healthy. Ive read many articles about getting women.
I have my own house, car and a pet.
Man...Im just really to do anything! It makes me so tired of all this ********!

Why cant life be as easy as in the ice age where all you had to do was club a women on her head for taking her!!!

Well, it sounds like you're doing alot to improve yourself, so I'll give you that. But, and this is a big but, all the self-improvement in the world, while it might help lift your mood, won't do much unless it's directed outward. That is, even if you're funny, creative, nice, loyal, etc... people can't see inside your head, they can only see what you do. Just like your six-pack: you probably worked really hard on it, but women don't see it, so it doesn't directly help you.

Just to be clear, this isn't a knock on physical fitness, as its something to be proud of regardless; however, the way you phrased it suggests that a primary motivation was to attract women.

A similar point is this: I'm sure you would just love to find a woman who would love you for you. However, based on what you have posted here, and how you keep knocking yourself down, it seems that even you don't love yourself for you. I'm not saying it's your fault (because it does seem that you have taken steps in the right direction), but it is something to realize.
 
To the OP. Thanks for your honesty and I won't be judging you.

Sex, sex, sex, sex,......we guys are never satisfied but I wonder how much we really need sex and how often.
How much are we influenced by movies, media and what our friends are supposedly up to? In my 20's I imagined everyone else was getting "it", except me. If I thought the whole world weren't "getting it", would I feel better? Defintely . So it's the envy or the curiosity. The imagination does the damage.
Some say."it's a biological need"..yeah of course some truth in that but what about monks who can go without for years ?
I'll go out on a limb (like a monkey?)....and say sex is better in our imagination than in reality. Therefore we build up an expectation no woman could live up to.
Problem is if you aren't "getting it", your mind runs riot.

To the OP.
When i was young and virginal, I think I gave off an aura . An aura of inexperience, awkwardness and lack of sensitivity to women as human beings. By being preoccupied with sex, I wasn't relating to women with sensitivity or confidence. I think once sex is not such a big deal,then it magically becomes more possible. Having that nonchalant, take it or leave it approach works much better.
 
Hawx79 said:
Barbaloot said:
^ Joke or not, your mentality is scary. Women owe you nothing and you deserve no one just because you think you're doing well for yourself, or that you have something to offer them.

I deserve no one? Yes your right, im a monster and no woman with a right mind would choose me.
I hope you all will find happiness and love, cause you do all deserve one.
Except me ofcourse, i deserve to be alone cause im a horrible man!
Goodbye to everyone on this forum.

Woah bro, chill. I didn't say you deserve no one, period. What my statement meant was that you don't deserve someone based on your belief that you possess qualities that you think they should want. Meaning, just because you have a 6 pack and a house and a car doesn't mean a woman would choose that, or that you were more deserving of a woman, over someone who just worked on being a genuinely likeable, thoroughly decent and realistic fellow who was simply comfortable with himself.
 
Hawx79 said:
So ill die alone, leaving no legacy behind this world of injustice and pain and love! The world dont need more freaks like me anyway.
We always could do with another freak.
Join the freak club!
 
TC, I'm in my early 20s and I'd like to say that I sympathize with you and just felt like I read the story of my life. Just last year like yourself, I too found myself addicted to escorts after getting a casual job with good pay, which happened to get me into the curiosity and need for sex. As a result of such addiction, there were certainly more negatives to be had out of the activity than positives, from financial issues of not saving enough money for long term prospects, social to self isolation to lastly further procrastination towards failure at university. As such, I'm most certainly afraid to speak of the issue here till your topic showed up so if anything, 2013 is going to be a new year for me to change all that and be more committed to my future prospects.

Speaking about how I got addicted, over the last few years at first, I was a frequent masturbator, doing it every night on a daily basis, particularly towards Porn and Hentai. As masturbation soon became not enough to satisfy my sexual desire as well as porn igniting my needs to do it with a real women, I manage to stumble upon the escort scene and made a vow only to visit an escort just to see what sex actually feels like. Going through that first time with an escort, I have to admit, it certainly felt great on all accounts as well as satisfying the urge as to what sex feels like. After getting a taste of the sex experience, the vow of only visiting an escort once in my lifetime just for curiosity's sake began hard to keep up with as once every week passes, the urge to have sex with an escort became strong again and the urge to frequent escorts on a weekly basis happened, which resulted in such negatives stated beforehand in my life from again, failure at University to loss of social life and financial issues. It also didn't help that I was masturbating quite a bit during those weekly periods, waiting for the time to see another escort as it certainly got in the way of my most important priorities in life to deal with. As far as STDs are concerned, I played it safe on all encounters but I did go to see a sexual health clinic just to see if I was clear which was certainly a relief.

It was only till I saw a sexual therapist like yourself where unlike yourself, the urge to have sex with more escorts began to leave as I was convinced that there was more to life out there than just Sex with potential areas of varying interests like the IT, music and arts industry to succeed into alongside potential relationships and new people to be met and had along the way. Not to mention, there being little difference in the physical feelings of sex from escort to escort aside from their appearances as well as being nothing more than just **** for bucks or instant gratification so to speak. Also, it helps having another hobby of interest to focus on such as Graphics Design or working out at the Gym so to speak, just to get your mind off the urge of sex. Lastly, in regards to masturbation, I have to say it's fine as long as you don't overly do it but after reducing masturbating sessions down from once a night to a few times a week or fortnight, I managed to keep it under control to not only handle my sexual desires but also to not let it get in the way of my long term commitments and priorities.

Otherwise, seeing a sexual therapist certainly helped me get the mindset off escorts to focus on future goals as well as to become more independent and committed with not just how I spend my money but also to be able to try and succeed towards where I'd like to be with my life. I understand just how hard it is to give up the destructive hobby with escorts but it seems to me that a change of mindset to other interesting, healthy hobbies as well as a persistence to long term future goals you'd like accomplished is the best way to get off from the "activity".

Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck to give up seeing escorts and as far as masturbation goes, don't overly do it and let it distract you from your important priorities and long term goals you'd like to accomplish.
 
isthatso said:
To the OP. Thanks for your honesty and I won't be judging you.

Sex, sex, sex, sex,......we guys are never satisfied but I wonder how much we really need sex and how often.
How much are we influenced by movies, media and what our friends are supposedly up to? In my 20's I imagined everyone else was getting "it", except me. If I thought the whole world weren't "getting it", would I feel better? Defintely . So it's the envy or the curiosity. The imagination does the damage.
Some say."it's a biological need"..yeah of course some truth in that but what about monks who can go without for years ?
I'll go out on a limb (like a monkey?)....and say sex is better in our imagination than in reality. Therefore we build up an expectation no woman could live up to.
Problem is if you aren't "getting it", your mind runs riot.

To the OP.
When i was young and virginal, I think I gave off an aura . An aura of inexperience, awkwardness and lack of sensitivity to women as human beings. By being preoccupied with sex, I wasn't relating to women with sensitivity or confidence. I think once sex is not such a big deal,then it magically becomes more possible. Having that nonchalant, take it or leave it approach works much better.
 
All this talk about sex is making me want to have sex.

Eve, Barb, Bunny, Missguided. I need all of you to come over to my place. There will be punch and pie.
 
Wait - you're not gonna put your penis in the pie again before we get there, are you? (wary)
 
I promise nothing about the pie.

Also, it is apple... And I will be putting my penis in it.
 
Aw, man...does that mean we will get that 'secret recipe' whipped cream topping on the pie again? Last time that gave me hives. :/
 

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