Haunted by Homelessness

[Jerasmussen]

In 2013 I posted here about my fear of becoming homeless after my wife abandoned me.  That happened.

Now it's 2017, I'm working again, have a rented place, no longer homeless, etc.

The problem is, I can't stop remembering.  I look in my closet at my clothes & I remember the clothes that were taken from me when I was thrown onto the street.  I look at food and think, "I have to eat this all before someone takes it from me."  The thought of going somewhere, even to work, frightens me, what if my place isn't there when i get back.  I see people and think, "they're going to hurt me."

I want to start a new life, but how do you do that when you know it can all be taken?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, so of course it can all be taken away. BUT, you are working, you are EARNING what you have. As long as you continue to do that, it is very unlikely to be taken from you.

I don't know what happened before without going back to look it up, as I didn't come back until after you joined, but you just have to believe in yourself. Believe that you can do it. You know what can happen, so you know what you need to do to not let it happen again. Try not to focus so much on what has happened in the past and instead focus on what is happening now.

 

[constant stranger]

The traumas you experienced will probably always be with you. I personally think that the past is always still here in the present of our memories. I encourage you to turn what you perceive as liabilities into strengths: Homelessness didn't kill you, you overcame it and now you not only have learned survival skills from it, you also know how to avoid it, because unlike almost everybody else, you know how we could lose everything....knowing a peril is there is essential to proactively steering away from it.

And by the way, I lived on the street myself for awhile, about 30 years ago.

 

[lifestream]

Have you considered trauma counselling?

I'm not sure what country you're in but where I live, there are quite a few charities that offer support to help former homeless people re-acclimate to mainstream life. You've gone through a prolonged trauma so I'm not surprised that you're still living in the shadow of it but the main thing is that you came out the other side.

I don't know what to say about it all being taken away. I guess, like a lot of things in life, it's just a case of quieting those fears and trying to move beyond them.

 

[Jerasmussen]

I could try counseling I suppose: god knows I have a lot to talk about.

People at my work talk about life, politics, etc. and are so oblivious to the reality of it. They seriously believe their fantasy world of cars, clothes, vacations and beautiful homes is a guarantee. Now here I am trying to re-enter that world and it paralyzes me with fear. I bought a bed last month and it still scares me, knowing I'm once again responsible for something I can't carry. My God what do I do with it when I'm thrown out again!? Why didn't I just keep sleeping on the floor....

 

[TheRealCallie]

I could try counseling I suppose: god knows I have a lot to talk about.  

People at my work talk about life, politics, etc. and are so oblivious to the reality of it.  They seriously believe their fantasy world of cars, clothes, vacations and beautiful homes is a guarantee.  Now here I am trying to re-enter that world and it paralyzes me with fear.  I bought a bed last month and it still scares me, knowing I'm once again responsible for something I can't carry.  My God what do I do with it when I'm thrown out again!? Why didn't I just keep sleeping on the floor....

lol, I have always had problem buying things for myself, even if it's something small.  And I tend to freak out for a bit if it's a big purchase.  Of course, I'm talking about necessities, not wants here. 
But a bed is important.  You can't continue sleeping on the floor like you're still homeless.  I know it's scary, but you need to get back into the world.  You need to overcome your fear of homelessness.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you have to forget or ever completely overcome it, but you can't continue to keep letting it paralyze you so much that you can't enjoy life.
Yes, nothing is guaranteed, but nothing is given freely either.  You have to work for it and that includes enjoyment.  You deserve some enjoyment from life too.

 

[TheSkaFish]

The problem is, I can't stop remembering.  I look in my closet at my clothes & I remember the clothes that were taken from me when I was thrown onto the street.  I look at food and think, "I have to eat this all before someone takes it from me."  The thought of going somewhere, even to work, frightens me, what if my place isn't there when i get back.  I see people and think, "they're going to hurt me."

I want to start a new life, but how do you do that when you know it can all be taken?

I can understand how someone might feel this way. I am not homeless but have a similar problem with how I feel sometimes - instead of "I have to eat this all before someone takes it from me" I feel like "what's the point in trying to do anything because even if I succeed, someone could still take everything from me later". It really frustrates me that we call ourselves civilized, and yet, homelessness is still a thing. It's kind of a weapon used by those who own everything, to keep everyone else in line - "you have to do this, or be thrown out on the street!"

I don't know. I really feel like homelessness should be done away with, like various diseases or outdated ideas like putting people on trial for witchcraft. We have the technology now to produce enough basic stuff for everybody, and still, so much stuff gets thrown away and so many homes sit vacant because they can't be profited off of. We might not have had the technology to do it before, but now we do and I think we could provide a better bare minimum than we currently do. Maybe we can't and shouldn't make free Ferraris and Lamborghinis, iPhones and McMansions for everyone, but I don't think it's too much to ask for everyone to at least have a home where they can live free of fear for their life and possessions. Some might say that makes me a hippie or a communist, but I think we are supposed to become more understanding and less adversarial as time goes on. I think it's progress.

But I guess we're not quite there yet. I don't really know how I would start a new life after what you experienced. I guess I would just continue because I'd have to. It could all be taken again, but maybe it won't. I just think that life is not meant to be lived in fear, and I hope you can push past it eventually.

 

[Gerard75]

In 2013 I posted here about my fear of becoming homeless after my wife abandoned me.  That happened.

Now it's 2017, I'm working again, have a rented place, no longer homeless, etc.

The problem is, I can't stop remembering.  I look in my closet at my clothes & I remember the clothes that were taken from me when I was thrown onto the street.  I look at food and think, "I have to eat this all before someone takes it from me."  The thought of going somewhere, even to work, frightens me, what if my place isn't there when i get back.  I see people and think, "they're going to hurt me."

I want to start a new life, but how do you do that when you know it can all be taken?

Hi... I totally understand.... I was homeless twice... first time was of my doing and a terrible mistake in life that cost me 8 years of real hard change.  The second time was ending my previous marriage.  That last time re-establishing a new life was way shorter... 3 months... and though I'm am lonely at times most in my life now... which some one here had suggested re inventing my life, I know what puts that fear away... setting a big goal.  The first time my goal was to get back a life.. see my son... grow in my job, expand my knowledge of what I was interested in... and push to work at my job the best way ... My second time... the goals are bigger... and no longer a fear is there... a goal that is in motion... planning each step and learning what it takes to reach that goal ... I am not fearing homelessness ... I am establishing process, routines and written out details plans of my goals... and working extra hard to make it happen... though I know I am lonely and often stressed out... lol.. homelessness is not part of the equation any more.... 

Hope that makes sense...

 

[morrowrd]

I'm old...school. You're a man, be a man. That means adapt and improvise! So what she left, make it work with less. Whining about being homeless and without food is what children worry about, not an adult man.

Want some advice, stand up and be a man. Where there's a will, there's a way! Honestly, with go-it-aloners like us that way of thinking is the only way. It's a man's world, take advantage of it. I have a saying "shut up and work" - means to keep moving and stop talking.

 

[ditakelly]

Hi. I totally understand your post, I'm homeless myself right now living in my car and staying sometimes with an ex when things get bad in the car (which is aweful, but he's minding my cats so at least I get to see them). I know that when this situation is over it will take time to re-adjust. Being homeless really messes with your head, a home is more than practical shelter, its a place to feel safe and escape from the crazy world we live in. I find it interesting that they call it 'home' less not 'property-less' or 'house-less' or 'shelter-less', this is because home is where the heart is. You have found yourself shelter, now make yourself a home. Maybe add a plant, radio, posters, lampshade etc. Its ok to live again.

 

[Jerasmussen]

Thanks to everyone for all the positive feedback.

To those of you who said you were once homeless, was there something particular you did, some practice or technique, that helped you to reintegrate? Also, how do you approach co-workers when they speak about homelessness from a position of ignorance?

Regards,
James Rasmussen

 

[constant stranger]

Back in the day I kept it a secret what I'd been through as much as I could. Doing that meant I had to minimize my contact with people whom I knew before, because they all knew I'd been on the street. Some of them had even helped by taking phone messages for me, or occasionally letting me use their shower.....one let me use his address as a place I could have mail delivered.

When I paid back the money that I owed to the dangerous bloodsuckers I was in arrears to, I dropped my benefactors. I did it as a defense mechanism....I was hiding something I was ashamed of. I'm sorry I did that. As time went by I became less sensitive about what I'd had to do: sleeping in odd places, staying warm in laundromats and public libraries, pretending to be a browsing shopper in the mall when I just needed to get out of the rain. Eventually, if the subject of homelessness came up in conversation I could contribute some actual homeless survival strategies......

"And how would you know this?" They might ask......"Oh didn't I mention it? I was on the street myself for awhile...." By then my discomfort with it had turned somehow into an odd sort of pride. I hadn't just survived....I had prevailed over a difficult set of circumstances.

 

[Lonelytoday]

In 2013 I posted here about my fear of becoming homeless after my wife abandoned me.  That happened.

Now it's 2017, I'm working again, have a rented place, no longer homeless, etc.

The problem is, I can't stop remembering.  I look in my closet at my clothes & I remember the clothes that were taken from me when I was thrown onto the street.  I look at food and think, "I have to eat this all before someone takes it from me."  The thought of going somewhere, even to work, frightens me, what if my place isn't there when i get back.  I see people and think, "they're going to hurt me."

I want to start a new life, but how do you do that when you know it can all be taken?

I do not react to change like this I make lemonade...
My boyfriend kept getting mad at me and threatening to kick me out ...i bought a house at auction...
He later threw me out..and he owed me $11000
I planned on being debt free in five years..i will probably be debt free in 3 years...
I don't let other people control my moods they don't deserve too.

Bad stuff happening gives you an opportunity  to rise like a Phoenix...i always beat the odds and I am not successful by sone people standards but that is ok because I am ok...

It is ok to plan for the worst but it is not always going to happen.  Cheer up buckeroo..your alive..and if you like yourself sometimes it is ok to be alone ..

Your wife left you...well thank God you didn't waste more time on that ingrate..

I have wasted time in relationships and thank God they are gone...
Btw they screwed me..i am better off and they are worse off...
Only one of them is in a decent place in life..and he beat me and has anger issues...so he is not missed

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

The hardest thing to come to terms with when you deal with trauma is the fact that it isn't going to just go away gracefully. It can take some time for memories of horrific events to ease their way out of your mind- the biggest thing is to find ways to distract yourself rather than allowing yourself the opportunity to dwell on history. We can't control what has already happened, but we can take positive steps going forward to allow ourselves to move on.

 

[Meaw]

Congratulations to getting out of it!
I have never been is such a dire situation as you have, so I might not have much good advice on how to get back (I have as a small child been leaving all stuff twice and had to rebuild, but there were places to go, so still not the same) so best I can say is to have things even if you fear losing them, and (to help your own mind) figure out a few things you'd bring in case you'd have to leave quickly. Maybe the feeling will disappear, but if not, I think it will be weaker.
Take care and rock! XD
(I know it might be a bit late reply, but I go MIA every now and then)

 

[Incognita]

In 2013 I posted here about my fear of becoming homeless after my wife abandoned me.  That happened.

Now it's 2017, I'm working again, have a rented place, no longer homeless, etc.

The problem is, I can't stop remembering.  I look in my closet at my clothes & I remember the clothes that were taken from me when I was thrown onto the street.  I look at food and think, "I have to eat this all before someone takes it from me."  The thought of going somewhere, even to work, frightens me, what if my place isn't there when i get back.  I see people and think, "they're going to hurt me."

I want to start a new life, but how do you do that when you know it can all be taken?

do you believe in god?
no matter how many times you might be homeless again...each time you will be back.

 

[Desperado]

"Haunted" isn't even close to an accurate description for what happens to people like me who have been homeless many times. Eventually fear turns into blind murderous rage, and you're ready to kill anyone who even remotely suggests they have the power to render you homeless helpless all alone and scared out on those dark streets. You may also become extremely (overly?) protective of others who face the same horrible fate you have in the past.

 

[NillaWiggs]

I was homeless for many years. & it was very hard for me to integrate into normal society. Not because of a fear that the stability wouldn't last. It was hard because I wanted to be back out there. My advice to you (you're not gonna like it though, but it worked for me)... Let it go. The past is the past. 

After my divorce, I also had to live on the streets. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to visit your daughter in full hobo gear? Even now, I'm living in a motel & working two jobs & still can't manage to get together moving expenses for an apartment. Fortunately my tax return should be here soon (tomorrow actually). In the mean time, I just make the best of what I have. believe me when I say life can be much worse. Homelessness is only bad because we are surrounded by luxury these days. We've had them for so long,  that we now see these luxuries as necessities.

 

[Desperado]

"Homelessness is only bad because we are surrounded by luxury these days" LOL what a ridiculous statement. No bro, homelessness is bad because good people suffer and DIE in horrible ******* ways alone on the streets.

"We've had them for so long,  that we now see these luxuries as necessities. "

Had what luxuries for so long?
Food? Water? Shelter?
I don't think you've ever gone long without anything critical to your survival.

 

[NillaWiggs]

"Homelessness is only bad because we are surrounded by luxury these days" LOL what a ridiculous statement. No bro, homelessness is bad because good people suffer and DIE in horrible ******* ways alone on the streets.

"We've had them for so long,  that we now see these luxuries as necessities. "

Had what luxuries for so long?
Food? Water? Shelter?
I don't think you've ever gone long without anything critical to your survival.

Food, water & shelter are very easy to obtain when you are homeless. But you have to work for it. Need money?  You can spange (panhandle). Flying a sign on the highway ramp makes money very fast. Need food? Sit outside of a restaurant & all people of they can help out. People are far more willing to give you instead of money. Need water? That's the easiest since most fast food places will let you get water for free. Also libraries have water fountains. Ever wonder why there's always homeless people at the library, because it has many resources. Need shelter? I'm just going to skip past actual homeless shelters, since everybody knows they exist. At least I hope you do. Be creative. Underpasses. Tents (can't afford one? Back to panhandling.).  I stayed in a flood channel. (if your able to do this find wooden pallets behind any store such as Home Depot or Lowes. This will keep you stuff off the ground in case of rain. That way your things won't wash away. ) Some people in New York live in the abandoned subway tunnels. They even have built little shacks & have managed access to electricity. Oh & back to food. You can also dumpster dive. (beggars can't be choosers) Health food stores have a good yield. Spange for a hot plate. You can find outlets to plug it up outside of most businesses. plus you can always get food assistance from the government & church pantries. 

But I'm sure I'm just making **** up. So you'll just ignore all that. After all, I've never had to survive. I just enjoy lying to people.