Have Not Yet Figured Out How To Find That Special Somebody

[mikeangelocabz]

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Hey everybody hope your weekend is going great so far![/font]


[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Often times when we're looking for a relationship we know it is love that we want and we will do anything to eventually find that ideal partner to get into our dream relationship with. But whatever it is we've been currently doing has not been working and we eventually become frustrated and maybe go into a bit of depression because we can't seem to figure out what to do to fix it. Why do you think that is? Is anyone currently experiencing this?[/font]

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]Let's discuss! [font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif][img=16x16]https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t51/1/16/1f603.png[/img][/font][/font]

 

[harper]

Please. Stop this ********.

Read through the rest of the forum... the "Issues" posts, for starters. See what sorts of monsters people here are dealing with. See how many are obsessive, depressive and actually contemplating suicide. Plus, a whole spectrum of physical debilities. It's NOT for lack of knowledge or need of coaching. You have no idea how to deal with these issues, and your snake-oil sales pitch is extremely irritating.

Stop.

 

[mikeangelocabz]

Please.   Stop this ********.  

Read through the rest of the forum... the "Issues" posts, for starters.  See what sorts of monsters people here are dealing with.  See how many are obsessive, depressive and actually contemplating suicide.  Plus, a whole spectrum of physical debilities.   It's NOT for lack of knowledge or need of coaching.   You have no idea how to deal with these issues, and your snake-oil sales pitch is extremely irritating.

Stop.

You know this is a forum.. Forums were meant for discussions. I'm not doing anything wrong I'm simply starting a discussion. Just because it has something to do with finding a relationship doesn't necessarily mean I'm selling my coaching. I've made a career of helping men end up in happy relationships and it brings me happiness to shed some light to some people's lives. I don't know what you against me but reading through your bio I guess it does make sense why you're taking such offense to my posts. And I'm sorry for you.

 

[ardour]

Please.   Stop this ********.  

Read through the rest of the forum... the "Issues" posts, for starters.  See what sorts of monsters people here are dealing with.  See how many are obsessive, depressive and actually contemplating suicide.  Plus, a whole spectrum of physical debilities.   It's NOT for lack of knowledge or need of coaching.   You have no idea how to deal with these issues, and your snake-oil sales pitch is extremely irritating.

Stop.

+1 on that. Forum seems like a dead carcass waiting to be picked apart by those trying to exploit the lonely. It's worse than reddit.

This is not the place to flog a PDF guide.

 

[harper]

Thanks, ardour... hopefully, the mods will cack this ***** soon.

 

[Siku]

While I have worries similar to Harper. I have not seen anything to assume any of this is not from a sincere place. He has been constructive, and not necessarily even given advice to anyone yet, and is already receiving cynicism and nitpicking.

Let's not pain a canvas of him so quickly and let the guy speak and contribute. Let time tell rather than purely rely on intuition or impressions. But rather, actions and fairness before a person is wrongfully alienated as someone they actually aren't. He has a right to learn from all of us here just as much as he's doing what makes him happy. The betterment of others.

By the way, native Brooklynite here. Welcome.

Please. Let's not push away a potential great member to the forums because they remind us of someone else. Let's cool off here before things get unnecessarily heated and toxic.

 

[user 115627]

People that fail to establish any kind of emotional intimate relationship with another person after years or even decades of trying become depressed? That just seems like a very mundane observation to me. I don't care if you're a dating coach, a men's coach specifically or just somebody who's chosen this as their purpose. I can't imagine any insight that does not broadly fall into one or more of the following categories:

Don't be mental. Don't have issues. Be confident. Have social skills. Maximize your looks. Don't be low-status. Never stop trying. Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Don't be mental. Don't have issues. Be confident. Have social skills. Maximize your looks. Don't be low-status. Never stop trying. Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.

The "have social skills" part has always seemed vague to me. I'm not quite sure what social skills they mean. All I can think of, would be "witty banter" - the insults and comebacks dominance game, which I've never been fond of. I just don't have the..social prey drive, I guess you could say. I don't feel the innate need or desire to do it, and it doesn't come to me naturally.

I guess there's also smooth-talk - always saying the right words in the right way, usually in a way that exaggerates or overstates one's importance and competence but still gets others to go along with it. Smooth-talk seems to be slightly less obnoxious braggadocio. That's another thing I don't do naturally either cause my mind doesn't think of those things to say.

I just feel like I'm too guileless for dating. I don't have the slyness and cunning that it seems to take.

Either way, I wish someone had told me all of this 20 years ago, instead of the "just be yourself/there's someone for everyone/the right person will like you for you" Hallmark Channel ********. Nobody told me life was still survival of the fittest, I thought that was the bad old days and that the people who were still living like that were just ********. The problem was, if anyone told me all these things then, I wouldn't have believed it. It took a long time for me to realize these things, and to see the patterns around me and realize that it wasn't random.

 

[user 115627]

The "have social skills" part has always seemed vague to me.  I'm not quite sure what social skills they mean.  All I can think of, would be "witty banter" - the insults and comebacks dominance game, which I've never been fond of.  I just don't have the..social prey drive, I guess you could say.  I don't feel the innate need or desire to do it, and it doesn't come to me naturally.

I guess there's also smooth-talk - always saying the right words in the right way, usually in a way that exaggerates or overstates one's importance and competence but still gets others to go along with it.  Smooth-talk seems to be slightly less obnoxious braggadocio.  That's another thing I don't do naturally either cause my mind doesn't think of those things to say.

I just feel like I'm too guileless for dating.  I don't have the slyness and cunning that it seems to take.

Either way, I wish someone had told me all of this 20 years ago, instead of the "just be yourself/there's someone for everyone/the right person will like you for you" Hallmark Channel ********.  Nobody told me life was still survival of the fittest, I thought that was the bad old days and that the people who were still living like that were just ********.  The problem was, if anyone told me all these things then, I wouldn't have believed it.  It took a long time for me to realize these things, and to see the patterns around me and realize that it wasn't random.

Most of these things are vague by design, but you are still hung up on a kind of PUA-esque notion of social game which is not what it's about either. I'm not gonna get into that again.

[youtube]F4_HiJo1P2c[/youtube]

 

[TheSkaFish]

Most of these things are vague by design, but you are still hung up on a kind of PUA-esque notion of social game which is not what it's about either. I'm not gonna get into that again.

(shrugs) fair enough.

 

[ardour]

You might be forgiven for thinking it meant the ability to hold a semi-intelligent conversation, to listen, respond appropriately, to relate and be relatable. But no, you entitled loser, how dare you think it should be that simple. You must demonstrate certain masculine personality characteristics, without which you won't register as a man. And if this isn't you, well that's a dilemma that can be solved with the help of your credit card.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You might be forgiven for thinking it meant the ability to hold a  semi-intelligent conversation, to listen, respond appropriately,  to relate and be relatable. But not, you entitled loser, how dare you think it should be that simple. You must demonstrate certain masculine personality characteristics, without which you won't register as a  man. And if this isn't you, well that's a dilemma that can be solved with the help of your credit card.

Hahahaha.  That actually made me laugh out loud, no lie

[youtube]YXJZBjylYlo[/youtube]

 

[Xpendable]

It is not something you can figure out. Either you are born with it or not. No coach is going to tell you that because they need to sell their programs.

 

[Siku]

I understand the feeling, but indifference paired with significant bitterness is only going to keep you exactly where you're at. Maybe understanding the other side of it and seeing yourself constructively may actually have women see you in a more welcoming light. As some very clearly push away the very thing they are upset for not having. Unable to see past the clouds they've created for themselves.

Fortifying yourself with facts over actually placing yourself in the mindset of the very thing you begin to resent but also long for. To what end? Why are you alienating the very thing you wish you had? To re-fortify the ego? You've only dug yourself a bigger hole with very strong feelings in the guise of thinking. Which will have you mistakenly push it all away. Some self-reflection is key if you want to get out of your personal hell. Forgive, forget, and embrace. You might surprise yourself of what comes out of the ashes if you let go of resentment or a self-fortified mindset.

Most women or men do not fall under the stereo-types. If they do, they just might be trying too hard to be something they are not in order to be seen. It's social non-sense paired with confirmation bias that's fed to the inexperienced or fortified by the unlucky who fail to see they actually attract it with their own fantasies and "types". Ironically brainwashed by society. The end result is people who often fail to be themselves and think they need to be what the world deems and shows as acceptable. And if they do have traits you hate? Then change YOUR type, steer clear, and keep moving.

What is the difference between, "he/she will over look me because I'm ugly and have nothing worth value" between genders? There is none! It's a human trait just with entirely different milestones or expectations. No one is everyone at once. No one seemingly has it easier and to say that boldly only shows how stuck on your feelings and perception you are. Who's going to step out and try to be seen in this situation? Be the change you want in others, don't just expect it to happen suddenly when you yourself are unwilling to do the same. Put the real you out there. Don't let your bitterness or agony be the only thing that voices itself and continue to wonder why no angel who's a bigger person than you magically comes around to lift you out of your slumber and see something that's hidden away. They don't know you because you haven't shown anything other than the worst of you, your hurt, or an ego.

Open your horizons, or stay where you're at. That is your decision. No one is going to save you from yourself unless you extend your own hand in the process.

Show some other vulnerability, show more of yourself in order to be seen. Something warm. Not cold. Then maybe, just maybe, someone will love what they see and look past the surface. Something EVERYONE should be doing too - Looking past the surface and the superficial ******** all the same.... And just see people as people....

 

[Xpendable]

The difference is that men are more willing to go pass looks.

 

[ardour]

I can’t help thinking why I should bother to understand them if they’re ambivalent to my existence. There’s nothing stopping someone from making the effort to know us. But that isn’t happening.

 

[MissBehave]

Some of those that end up going bitter or whatever it is, they feel closed off. Unapproachable. It's very easy to end up like that and I'm not saying it's unjustified... But... They emit this toxicity that keeps people away. Keeping yourself open to the very thing that hurts you is no easy feat though. I guess it's a common sense way of protecting yourself. Don't stand in fire  

I had a friend that turned complete incel. He helps run this website for people like him and they have weekly meetups in Oslo. He was a really nice guy and I miss being his friend.

 

[Xpendable]

What toxicity do serial killers and criminals amit that they are able to attract so many women?

 

[MissBehave]

What toxicity do serial killers and criminals amit that they are able to attract so many women?

They are hiding themselves rather than showing the real hunter that they are. That isn't about toxicity, that is about lies. There is a very real different feeling that they admit. I was approached by this guy that are now serving max penalty in Norway for ****, I think it was 20 women or something that he got his hands on. He got 21 years. Maybe it was because I'm used to that air that they have around themselves that made me see him for what he was. I didn't end up with him because I felt that danger. So many other women didn't and that's cause people like him know exactly what to say in every situation and how to fit with multiple girls. He's not just wearing this 1 jacked up alpha male costume, he's everything at once.

 

[ardour]

Violent criminals getting love letters in jail aren't hiding their true selves.