Have you ever dated someone you didn't like?

[Tealeaf]

Perhaps once you've had more experience, you'll see that sex really isn't as important as you think. It's just a physical connection that you can share with someone based on chemistry.

Let's not try to over-romanticize a simple biological urge to reproduce by calling it "love," or insisting that there's some "deeper" connection with physical intimacy.

If you feel some sort of deep connection with it, it's simply because that's what you've convinced yourself to expect and percieve.

And if you set your requirements by that standard... well, then quite frankly, you're going to miss out on a lot of women while sitting around and waiting for one that "feels right."

You talk as if you know my experience... which you don't.

I'm female, I've had multiple sexual relationships, and I've never even masturbated to simple images - it always needs to be something with psychological appeal or ideas of someone I'm attached to. The physical has almost no appeal to me and I've never been aroused in my entire sexually functional life by normal things, and that includes porn stars and models.

And yes, because of my abnormal function I'm pretty much doomed to be alone. I don't need you to lecture me about how I simply haven't had enough sex or hookups with hot studs I don't like, or the numerous other things that people are supposed to do, think, and feel in order to obtain and enjoy relationships. I'd rather keep my dignity in solitude than try to force myself into that mold.

Again, speak for yourself.

 

[Badjedidude]

'm female, I've had multiple sexual relationships, and I've never even masturbated to simple images - it always needs to be something with psychological appeal or ideas of someone I'm attached to. The physical has almost no appeal to me and I've never been aroused in my entire sexually functional life by normal things, and that includes porn stars and models.

And yes, because of my abnormal function I'm pretty much doomed to be alone. I don't need you to lecture me about how I simply haven't had enough sex or hookups with hot studs I don't like, or the numerous other things that people are supposed to do, think, and feel in order to obtain and enjoy relationships. I'd rather keep my dignity in solitude than try to force myself into that mold.

Again, speak for yourself.

Alright, calm down.

Don't be offended. That's not at all my intention.

Isn't there the slightest possibility that you only feel this way about sex and love because it's what you want to believe? Because that's how you were taught, and now that's the construct by which you live your sex life?

Don't get me wrong -- I never once advocated for people to simply run around ******* any pretty little thing that catches their eye. And I never once said that YOUR way of seeing it is somehow WRONG or INFERIOR. So don't read an insult or attack into this when there is none.

All I'm saying is that sex and love aren't as intertwined as many would have us believe.

 

[Tealeaf]

Alright, calm down.

Don't be offended. That's not at all my intention.

I listen to a lot of **** about why I should desire things other than what I do. I also have immense difficulty finding a potential match who has anything substantial in common with me.

Try to understand my frustration.

Isn't there the slightest possibility that you only feel this way about sex and love because it's what you want to believe? Because that's how you were taught, and now that's the construct by which you live your sex life?

I received no indoctrination growing up. My parents were mostly absent during my early sexual development years so I was free to look at whatever I wanted on the Internet and talk with my female friends, who didn't understand why I wasn't excited over naked movie stars or why I wanted some random classmate instead of a typical heartthrob.

Which is the bigger stretch?

 

[monkeysocks]

I really think that is the great male -female divide

Women are more focused on these things (as mentioned by Tealeaf) as attractive attributes opposed to the physical.

I want to shout out to all the guys on here who worry they are not some 'Adonis' - generally we don't care about that as the same priority as men portray to.

We don't have the 'bull in the field' approach either and why sometimes comments cause offence.

Men seem to be more engaged to the physical - we are not wired the same.

Respecting and understanding each others differences, is what makes it work.

 

[Tealeaf]

Respecting and understanding each others differences, is what makes it work.

I'll respect it but I'll die a spinster before I live with it.

 

[monkeysocks]

Respecting and understanding each others differences, is what makes it work.

I'll respect it but I'll die a spinster before I live with it.

lol

This happens because men and women think each should come to the others way of thinking.

I don't let it anger me unless its offensive - if it does anger me......

I just do this :club: But more often this

 

[Tealeaf]

lol

This happens because men and women think each should come to the others way of thinking.

I don't let it anger me unless its offensive - if it does anger me......

I just do this :club: But more often this

I don't think men should think like me. I think I shouldn't have to (and won't) settle for someone who can't give me an emotionally fulfilling relationship.

 

[Walley]

Women are more focused on these things as attractive attributes opposed to the physical.

men can be too.. we're almost back to that old debate about what all men want or what all women want.
but, the fact is, generally men are aroused more by visual images. I can get a warm feeling just by a sillouette lol. while women tend to be less aroused by visuals. (this was actualy tested in a study i watched a documentary about last year, though i'm afraid i can't give a source reference atm)
this is not to say that no women dont have visual arousement, infact a female friend told me recently that if a girl says she doesnt watch porn at all she is probably lying lol (which i might add is a huge turn-on lol)

that being said..
I have expirienced it in the past, where i dated a girl for a short time that was imo gorgeous. fit, blonde, pretty face.. had all the qualities that would make any red blooded male look twice.. and then look a third time extra long as she walked away.. (guys know what i mean)
but there was no spark. no connection. not real sexual attraction from my point of view.
but why? i know she was hot, and i thought she was too. i can look at a nude pic of a girl that i dont even know (or care is she is photo shopped) and get aroused no problems.. but why when i was sitting beside one that had her hand on my leg was i not?
it's because there is more to it than that. (and i will admit.. she was an idiot)
I think it is human nature for a man to try to spread his seed and be attracted to females that had his desired physical qualities, and a female is attracted to a male that has her desired supportive qualities.. but neither of those are absolute in modern society.
I personally dont care as much about physical and more turned on by attitude and personality.
and ive seen lots of women out there that go for the dumb jocks or shallow fools that have a fit body while they pass over good guys that aren't bad looking either, merely because at that point in time they are looking for fun, not a life mate.

 

[monkeysocks]

To be honest Walley I don't disagree with a word you say.

Of course women like attraction too, In my experience of my own life and the many other women I have known, its more about the whole package and do believe that men feel the same.

But some men (and women) at a certain age don't. I think this is normal, because during sexual prime they are just driven.

For example my son is only 20 he would be totally willing to settle down now and I know if he met the right person he would give his best efforts to remain loyal.

I also know some of his friends who feel that women are just there for their own sexual gratification or talk about them as if they are.

Nothing wrong in not wanting anything serious - it is the offence caused by their manner and those like it that women object to.

 

[Barbaloot]

I have never and would never. And I don't care what justifications you make to yourself for your current FWB situation, BJD, not everyone thinks like you (or is willing to).
I can't even suffer the company of someone I don't like, much less get a lady boner for them and want to have a meaningless sexual relationship with them. If I don't like them, they are worthless to me. Any physical attraction I have for someone dissolves completely when I realize they are an ignoramus/****** nozzle/etc.
For me, love and sex are intertwined. A mental connection, an emotional connection, my interest in and fondness for someone are all required for me to involve myself with them. And I could have it no other way. Especially not because someone online with an accidental girlfriend suggests people who think differently should reconsider their opinion on this topic, and we don't want to end up like you now, do we?


...JK.. don't get mad at me mods, we're frens. :shy:

 

[Sterling]

.

I disagree.

You don't have to like someone to have fun ******* them.

Chemistry, especially physical chemistry, is entirely separate from love/relationship interest.

What do you say then ' hey you don't float my boat - but how about it ?'

I'm not looking for anything serious, but I'm up for some fun OR I just wanna ****, ok? The later usually works better for women lol.

Sterling - point 1 & 2 , I agree with as possible to happen, no 3 is male bravado and any one who would say yes to no 3 has probably said yes to every guy on the planet

The thread question was about 'dating' someone you don't like.

I didn't mean saying it to women works better, the woman actually saying it works better...unless she's just well....very very very unattractive.

EDIT: P.S. - I'm aware of what the thread was about lol.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

Repeatedly.

I'm a very non-sexual being, I basically pursue the opposite sex because I want company.
It ends up being "I just want someone to hang out with and talk to." I've concluded, it's can't just be "someone" it has to be a person I can honestly say "I just wanna hang out and talk to you."

 

[monkeysocks]

Attempting to Socialise with friends you don't really like is actually worse than a bad date (especially if they are the same sex).

STERLING - LOL - I know what you were saying , just can't see a woman saying no.3 at the end of a date, if so she definitely is no lady (thats why I called it bravado) LOL

 

[perfanoff]

It's a trap!

 

[Walley]

Attempting to Socialise with friends you don't really like is actually worse than a bad date

testify!
im starting to think monkeysocks is reading my mind or something.. because she keeps posting my thoughts on here!
i have lived through this.. and let me tell u it isnt fun. infact it almost knocked me right down. i think if i never found this site i may have been heading towards some kind of mental breakdown.
monkeysocks post has just reminded me how important it really is to find people in your life that fit you.
they also have to want to be around you as much as you want to be around them..
or you will be faced with nothing but heartache and pain and increasing insecurities.
i still feel unsure and insecure about whether people really like me or just toterate me (i think more the latter)

it can ruin you and make you feel that rejection is the norm.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I stayed with an abusive guy for three years cause I was scared I wouldn't find anyone else that would truly loved me. So yeah... I loved and hated him all at once. It wasn't a pretty situation at all. There were days I cried myself to sleep, he literally drove me crazy. But lets say lessons are learned and I'll never be with someone I don't love and care for any longer. Cause I know I deserve a lot better.

 

[Sterling]

Attempting to Socialise with friends you don't really like is actually worse than a bad date (especially if they are the same sex).

STERLING - LOL - I know what you were saying , just can't see a woman saying no.3 at the end of a date, if so she definitely is no lady (thats why I called it bravado) LOL

What if she says it before the date? xD

 

[monkeysocks]

Attempting to Socialise with friends you don't really like is actually worse than a bad date (especially if they are the same sex).

STERLING - LOL - I know what you were saying , just can't see a woman saying no.3 at the end of a date, if so she definitely is no lady (thats why I called it bravado) LOL

What if she says it before the date? xD

then you got lucky and have saved yourself a restaurant bill.

 

[JasonM]

I know, it's weird.
But I've never dated anyone so I'm starting to think it would be a good idea. It's quite rare for me to like somebody, I don't know why...
Everybody has dates, so I was wondering: Do most girls date guys they don't like? If they don't, how is it possible that they always find a guy? Is it that I am too picky? XD

Not sure I understand the question. Why would you date someone you didn't like? Sure I've ended up disliking people that I've dated, but that's only after I got to really know them.

 

[monkeysocks]

I know, it's weird.
But I've never dated anyone so I'm starting to think it would be a good idea. It's quite rare for me to like somebody, I don't know why...
Everybody has dates, so I was wondering: Do most girls date guys they don't like? If they don't, how is it possible that they always find a guy? Is it that I am too picky? XD

Not sure I understand the question. Why would you date someone you didn't like? Sure I've ended up disliking people that I've dated, but that's only after I got to really know them.

Hey WALLEY - My real name is 'Mystic Meg' ! LOL

I took the question as 'something about them that you don't like, but they have other qualities that you do '

like: You think they are attractive, but not so fused on some parts of their personality
or visa versa