Have you

[perfanoff]

Had a day when have just wished someone would ask you how you are?

Do you keep putting yourself out there and letting others know, when you do know you don't have the strength but to behave toxicly? Or do you go selfless and wallow in your own misery till it passes? What do you do about it? Is there another way?

 

[Felix]

Had a day when have just wished someone would ask you how you are?

Yes. Someone who isn't a relative, so I could get a different perspective.

Do you keep putting yourself out there and letting others know, when you do know you don't have the strength but to behave toxicly? or do you go selfless and wallow in your own misery till it passes? What do you do about it? Is there another way?

I have ceased to put myself through situations I cannot handle. That went on for too long. I just do what I can now, and try to prepare myself for the future.

If I were to push myself harder, I know enough about myself now to be sure couldn't take it.

 

[perfanoff]

What if you CAN take it but it would come at a cost of ******* up people around you? Who not necessarily even signed up for this.

It's just... argh.!!!

 

[el Jay]

Yes, I have plenty of days like that. What hurts even more is I'm the type to always ask if other people are alright if I notice something off, and let them know I'm there for them if they need it. But pretty much no one ever returns the favor.

I also tend to go for the "selfless wallow in misery" thing, although I usually look outwardly fine and even happy out in public, so no one even thinks of trying to help me.

 

[Lady X]

I hate when people ask me how I am.

There is nobody who asks me that and genuinely wants to know how I actually feel; its always said as a nicety, a greeting that isn't meant as it is worded, that you then have to lie the same thing you do every time:

"I'm fine".

And that just reminds you that you're not fine.

 

[9006]

Kind of, but mostly I can cope on my own. It's a nice courtesy you & I have never exchanged.

 

[BrokenInside]

Keep it to myself most of the time.

 

[xaero]

All the time. The only time I get asked how I'm doing is in the hallways at work by people I barely know, as a listless formality. When most people ask you how you're doing or what's wrong, they don't expect a negative answer. I think people have forgotten what those questions even mean.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Depends on the person, but usually I don't like being asked how I am. I get that from customers all the time, but of course I'm not going to unload my problems on them. I just try very hard to hide it and wallow in my own misery. There is one person IRL that notices this every time and tries to get me to talk about what is bothering me, then try and cheer me up. Unfortunately I don't have access to that person right now.

 

[Aihpames]

Had a day when have just wished someone would ask you how you are?

Do you keep putting yourself out there and letting others know, when you do know you don't have the strength but to behave toxicly? Or do you go selfless and wallow in your own misery till it passes? What do you do about it? Is there another way?

Most of the time, I do the latter... Wallow alone. Today, I did the opposite, and joined here - not that I'm after anyone to ask how I am though really... Just after someone who says hello once in a while.

 

[Cavey]

The problem with people asking "How are you?" is that they almost never want a truthful answer; they just want you to say "I'm fine, thanks".

I tend to keep my problems to myself, but I focus on them so much that I can't stand to be around anyone else. I can't really communicate, because my brain is putting all it's energy into thinking through whatever is causing me turmoil.

 

[Bones]

No because my colleagues are great even though the majority of us are introverts - we tend to take care of each other and this is probably why i do not have lonely feelings a lot - in fact, sometimes while on vacations, i miss work bc i know someone would be there for me if i was more open with my feelings.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

I only get asked that question as a polite formality. I don't expect they actually care how I am.

 

[ladyforsaken]

All the time. The only time I get asked how I'm doing is in the hallways at work by people I barely know, as a listless formality. When most people ask you how you're doing or what's wrong, they don't expect a negative answer. I think people have forgotten what those questions even mean.

I only get asked that question as a polite formality. I don't expect they actually care how I am.

It's sad that the question "How are you?" has lost its meaning. People abuse it way too much by asking and not actually meaning it or even responding to it. It makes me angry and sad at the same time.

Whenever I ask someone how they are doing, I actually mean it. And if they are feeling down, I would really like to hear them say it, and I will tend to ask them about it. I don't ask as just as form of greeting, but I ask because I care to know. And I always respond to what they say, even if it's "I'm good", I'll always say something to it and not just leave it unanswered. Makes it seem like the asker wasn't listening or something.

Now, some people might think that it's too commonly asked or said. Well, how else can you ask someone how they are feeling or doing if not in that way?

Sorry for the little rant here. It's frustrating.

 

[ardour]

As soon as you expect it they'll be less likely to ask. Expectation affects your aura, there may as well be a "in the needy zone - stay away" sign above your head.

Very true lady, I hate insincere "how are you?"s , especially from total strangers. Tell them how you really are, that will get the point across.

 

[Case]

I echo the sentiment here saying that most people who ask "How are you?" are simply uttering a pleasantry and do not want to hear about my bull. That's why I (occasionally) do something different.

Sometimes, when I am helped by a cashier in a store, I ask them about their day, like "Is this the beginning or end of your shift?" This often lowers their natural defensive shield, and for just a moment, I am not a customer and she or he is not a cashier but a human being. I love these fleeting moments of connection because I'm essentially saying to them, "You are not invisible to me." (Fortunately, I have not yet met the one who wants to remain invisible.)

I just would love for someone to do that to me every now and then.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Perhaps not asking how they are, but tell them you hope they are fine. Example..

Good afternoon - I hope you're doing well today.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

Perhaps not asking how they are, but tell them you hope they are fine. Example..

Good afternoon - I hope you're doing well today.

I like this. If I was to hear this when working retail, I could see myself feeling warm feelings toward that person.


When I'm in one of my moods and doing my groceries, I dislike hearing the obligatory "hey how are you doin?" I think "ughhh now I have to say that now or else I'm just that weirdo mute b*tch who just says "FINE" and leaves it at that. Sometimes I say what everyone else says and then the customer service person says the obligatory "good thank you" and we both don't like it and it's weird. Then sometimes it's just a nice social lubricant so that it conceals the robotic nature of the transaction.

I've mostly stopped wallowing and waiting for someone to genuinely ask me, because I could be waiting a long time. I've learned to directly say, "I am sad because. . . . and I need . . . " it gets the job done quicker. But I only do this with safe people or people I trust.

 

[Naleena]

bump

 

[Cucuboth]

I think, more than having someone ask how I am, I just wish there was someone who wouldn't say a thing, look me in the eyes, hug me, and stay ...