WHERE'SMYJUMPER
New member
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2011
- Messages
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Hello, i had to find somewhere to vent because I could go crazy if I sit here in silence anymore.
Hello again, deep breath....
I am 50 and alone it seems to have crept up on me. i don't sit at home, i am active, go skiing, hiking, go on holiday, BUT I DO EVERYTHING ON MY OWN. Not from not making any attempts, i have joined groups, networking sites and spent ten years on a chat site.....
So how did i get to the miserable state ? very long story but an attempt.
i grew up in a rural village knowing I was gay from a young age, probably 11 and knew i was different. It made me wary of people, wary of being honest about myself so had few close friends.
At 17 I came out, lost a few friends and horrified my parents who rather than being the liberal people I thought were judgmental, told me i was sick and rarely spoke about my sexuality ever again. I was never what they wanted me to be.
So moves away to the big city, has lots of acquaintances , enjoyed the scene, partying, bars, lots of good time friends. Moved several times for work, moved again for a relationship to another part of the country. knew nobody apart from partner who left me after 8 weeks for another!
Moved back to care for Father for a year, why ? Good grief i didn't like him much at all. Duty perhaps...so a lonely year caring for a horrid nasty old man. gave up my job to care for the old bugger.
The few friends i did have, probably 6 really good friends from school, early adult life are no dispersed and i am at least 150 miles from nearest. family, judgemental parents deceased, siblings again scattered, own issues problems. So the 'scene' pubs clubs, no longer enjoy pubs clubs, few mates there have drifted. the only thing we had in common really was beer, dancing, the 'scene'.
They glaze over when I now talk about travel, photography, novels, hiking, camping. I do all of these, am learning to ski but i am alone, completely so. I am at the point where i can not be bothered to do things I dont like just to fit in. i spent years doing that. Rambling on TOO MUCH.....
it is so difficult to make new friends at 50 but the silence is driving me crazy. it doesn't help being unemployed now for 18 months and the savings are dwindling fast.
Thanks for reading.
Hello again, deep breath....
I am 50 and alone it seems to have crept up on me. i don't sit at home, i am active, go skiing, hiking, go on holiday, BUT I DO EVERYTHING ON MY OWN. Not from not making any attempts, i have joined groups, networking sites and spent ten years on a chat site.....
So how did i get to the miserable state ? very long story but an attempt.
i grew up in a rural village knowing I was gay from a young age, probably 11 and knew i was different. It made me wary of people, wary of being honest about myself so had few close friends.
At 17 I came out, lost a few friends and horrified my parents who rather than being the liberal people I thought were judgmental, told me i was sick and rarely spoke about my sexuality ever again. I was never what they wanted me to be.
So moves away to the big city, has lots of acquaintances , enjoyed the scene, partying, bars, lots of good time friends. Moved several times for work, moved again for a relationship to another part of the country. knew nobody apart from partner who left me after 8 weeks for another!
Moved back to care for Father for a year, why ? Good grief i didn't like him much at all. Duty perhaps...so a lonely year caring for a horrid nasty old man. gave up my job to care for the old bugger.
The few friends i did have, probably 6 really good friends from school, early adult life are no dispersed and i am at least 150 miles from nearest. family, judgemental parents deceased, siblings again scattered, own issues problems. So the 'scene' pubs clubs, no longer enjoy pubs clubs, few mates there have drifted. the only thing we had in common really was beer, dancing, the 'scene'.
They glaze over when I now talk about travel, photography, novels, hiking, camping. I do all of these, am learning to ski but i am alone, completely so. I am at the point where i can not be bothered to do things I dont like just to fit in. i spent years doing that. Rambling on TOO MUCH.....
it is so difficult to make new friends at 50 but the silence is driving me crazy. it doesn't help being unemployed now for 18 months and the savings are dwindling fast.
Thanks for reading.
