Hello

[popsfloripa]

Hello there

I guess I'm able to be self-absorbed right now so here goes...

It's 2am on Halloween Saturday. My husband's traveling. I know there's a party going on in the village where I live and if the only friends I did have had invited me to go I would be there, but they didn't. So I'm here on this site.

I have felt intense loneliness for the last year.. Quick facts:
- 30 years old
- followed boyfriend to Brazil 5 years ago (after a year together), got married for convenience (because we knew the love was there), lived in big city for 4 years where I was lonely for home, but not so conscious because of buzz of big city, good job in office with other people, many "superficial level" friends and some family
- moved to idyllic island, bought a house got a dog... BUT... I am so utterly lonely
- this time last year felt really positive and felt like I had made real friends for the first time in Brazil... we talked every day, did stuff together, helped each other out... then, after I moved into my new house once the initial wonder-dream-come-true stuff wore off I started to freak out... It was the first time I actually realized I had made a decision to stay in Brazil and I suddenly started to doubt that choice (before it was like a dream... house, beach, dog, babies would follow...). I guess I got down and those friends weren't there for me... didn't try to pick me up, didn't ask what was wrong, they just started ignoring me, and subtly called me needy (fair enough, no one likes a needy person, but in UK genuine friends would try to help...).
- I work at home so have very little social contact even though I'm a social person when I'm in the situation but have a lot of trouble initiating contact, making new friends etc
- I am so lonely every single day I just want to scream, but instead I cry
- we talk about moving back to the UK and we probably will, but I really wanted to be able to give everything my best shot here, but the loneliness is crippling me... it just gets worse... the lonelier I am, the harder I find it to even go out to the supermarket... I know I need to be proactive but I've always been a follower; a good friend who does stuff, just not the one that necessarily initiates it...
This is affecting every part of my life and I'm just looking for a little support and maybe some not so gentle kicks up the butt to change the situation.

Sorry to go on... and on... and on.. I know I'm a moaner, but I guess that's why I'm here. I really want to change. Don't want to be negative and complaining and shrinking.. I want to be a go-getter, but it's just so hard...

Thanks in advance
x

 

[Tex Is Lost]

Hello and welcome!
This is a great place, and you will find many people willing and eager to talk, both about what's bothering you, and just about everything else.

Hello there

I guess I'm able to be self-absorbed right now so here goes...

...Sorry to go on... and on... and on.. I know I'm a moaner, but I guess that's why I'm here. I really want to change. Don't want to be negative and complaining and shrinking.. I want to be a go-getter, but it's just so hard...

Thanks in advance
x

By self absorbed do you mean because you've posted what you're feeling?
That's what this place is for, among other things.

 

[PurpleDays]

Not at all selfish, that's what introductions are all about.

You didn't mention many friends - have you tried joining groups or social events or just going to the library or anything to make some friends? what about your husband's friends? are you close to any of them.

You've gotta do things to make you happy

Welcome to the site

 

[popsfloripa]

Thanks for the replies..

I don't really have friends here. That's what I was saying. I find it really hard... especially because even though I speak the language there is always going to be a cultural barrier, I am always going to be different. I thought I had broken through it with these two friends I made... but they abandoned me when i needed them and now I am trying to resurrect the friendship but it's not really working and I kind of feel pissed at them for not being 'nicer'... First time anybody has ever rejected me as a friend and it's really weird and hard for me to take. Plus they have absolutely loads of friends and I feel like they are purposefully leaving me out now. I am normally a likeable person, but I just feel myself become weirder and weirder and more and more self-conscious... I over-think and over-analyze everything. I want to just not care what people think and just be confident and free, but my negative mind just takes over.
I know I need to make other friends but it's really hard for me and I live in a really small village. My husband doesn't have friends either.. but he doesn't mind as much as me. He works 6 days a week so he doesn't even have time.. How do you make friends at a library? I can chit chat to people but find it hard to follow through. Also feel like everyone here is established with their groups of friends and they don't need some whiney foreign girl cramping their style.

I plan on joining some acting courses (i did theatre at uni and it's something I really love but had abandoned). I tihnk that could really be a solution. Kicks up the bum very welcome.

Thanks for allowing me to voice my feelings

x

 

[Punisher]

Hi popsfloripa. Welcome to ALL

 

[SherryGee]

hey popsfloripa