lonewolf 101
New member
- Joined
- Dec 1, 2014
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Hi I guess, not sure if this is going to do any good but I am sat here contemplating my life and was going to write it all down and read it back so I might aswell hide behind the anonymity of the net to get some feed back, and if I am honest just to bloody communicate with somebody!!! Lol
Ok here it goes!
I was born an only child to the best and most loving parents anybody could ever wish for, they had trouble in conceiving a child and eventually had me but they were in their forties by then, I always struggled to make friends and the only reason kids would play at my house was because I had the good toys, I was rarely invited to the other kids parties and felt isolated for as long as I can remember. By the age of eight things were getting bad at school and they moved me to another school which was the same problem, I was isolated and frustrated and lashed out! I just wanted to fit in but I just never did! Things calmed down but by high school I was already singled out as a loner and this led to five years of really unpleasant bullying from a few kids which made me introverted and as such I never really had a girlfriend or anything like what most teenagers go through (this has left me with no idea how to be in a relationship). I was 15 when my dad whom i absolutly worshiped died suddenly from a heart attack! I went into freefall internally but had to keep it together for my mum!I went through my 20s basically drifting between groups of acquaintances (can't really describe them as friends). Liasons with women would last no more than a couple of months before the standard rejection would kick in and I would find myself alone and looking again! As I hit my late 20s my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed after a thankfully short illness but that left me with completely nobody! I did eventually find someone to settle down with and we had a son together!!! Finally I thought I have my boy and that's all I will ever need! With my history it was a double blessing because he looks so much like my dad its beautifully frightening! The relationship was marred by firstly my insecurities and my ex partner has bipolar issues and after she cheated on me four times I finally had enough and left only for her to tell me she was only with me because she was desperate and needed someone/anyone to take care of her!!! Two years prior to this we had moved town so when the break up happened I was truelly alone and its been a real struggle just to get life to a livable standard again!!! The kicker is I am an optimist and every time I meet people I am genuinely hopefully but every time I end up feeling let down and hurt!!! I don't know what good this will do other than rescue a little sanity by getting this out there!!! I am really sorry to bother you folk with this depressing tale
Ok here it goes!
I was born an only child to the best and most loving parents anybody could ever wish for, they had trouble in conceiving a child and eventually had me but they were in their forties by then, I always struggled to make friends and the only reason kids would play at my house was because I had the good toys, I was rarely invited to the other kids parties and felt isolated for as long as I can remember. By the age of eight things were getting bad at school and they moved me to another school which was the same problem, I was isolated and frustrated and lashed out! I just wanted to fit in but I just never did! Things calmed down but by high school I was already singled out as a loner and this led to five years of really unpleasant bullying from a few kids which made me introverted and as such I never really had a girlfriend or anything like what most teenagers go through (this has left me with no idea how to be in a relationship). I was 15 when my dad whom i absolutly worshiped died suddenly from a heart attack! I went into freefall internally but had to keep it together for my mum!I went through my 20s basically drifting between groups of acquaintances (can't really describe them as friends). Liasons with women would last no more than a couple of months before the standard rejection would kick in and I would find myself alone and looking again! As I hit my late 20s my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed after a thankfully short illness but that left me with completely nobody! I did eventually find someone to settle down with and we had a son together!!! Finally I thought I have my boy and that's all I will ever need! With my history it was a double blessing because he looks so much like my dad its beautifully frightening! The relationship was marred by firstly my insecurities and my ex partner has bipolar issues and after she cheated on me four times I finally had enough and left only for her to tell me she was only with me because she was desperate and needed someone/anyone to take care of her!!! Two years prior to this we had moved town so when the break up happened I was truelly alone and its been a real struggle just to get life to a livable standard again!!! The kicker is I am an optimist and every time I meet people I am genuinely hopefully but every time I end up feeling let down and hurt!!! I don't know what good this will do other than rescue a little sanity by getting this out there!!! I am really sorry to bother you folk with this depressing tale
Take care.. + this place is welcome for everybody and it is never a burden to have people on board.. always happy to help people around..
